进军美利坚
〖後知後覺作文贴

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

记录一下备考的写作历程，11月14号武汉考，希望各位大牛们多提宝贵的意见！

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

进军美利坚10月15日作文
Title：老师是否应该获得和doctors,lawyers,bussiness leaders一样的工资？

Essay：
With the development of sicence and economy, all various of careers reseceive large improvement on their earings. However, salaries for teachers have remained at a stagnated level for a long time. It has been a focus discussion about whether it is necessary to pay more to teachers. In my opinion, teachers should be paid as the same as some other careers  like doctors, lawyers,bussiness leader,etc.
    First, it is universally acknowledged that, most teachers spare no effect to undertake the significant resonsibility of enabling us not only to obtain more knowledge, but aslo to get mature point to the real world as well. That's why teachers often present hard-working figtures in our minds.Second, teachers indeed proide an underlying increasing of the fortune for society.There is no doubt that the success of every doctor, lawyer or bussiness leader attributes to a considerable teacher. In another word, teachers determinate the future of most people and the society.So why could not they gain the resemble pays as the others? Furthermore, an expending number of teachers leave schoole to earn more for improving their lives, which leads to devoid of high-educated people to teach the following generation.It is conceivable that how important it is to exalt pays of teachers to deliver the situation of our education.
    In conclusion, teachers play more and more important role in modern life, but their treatments do not macth with the values they actually create.Perhaps, the controversy about escalating teacher's salary will incte the specific action all over the world.

Summary：第一次作文，花了四十多分钟的时间，远远超过了ibt的要求。中间还有几个表达查了以前摘抄的资料，相当于是半开卷的形式。问题：拼写错误太多，加强电脑打字练习，另外字数不够，论证不够充分。要加强句意的表达和单词的灵活运用程度。加油加油加油。

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

进军美利坚1月16日作文：
Title：Do you agree or not ,years from now, people have more leisure time.

Essay:
In recent years, it is universally acknowledged that, with the development of science and technology, dramatic changes have been taken in human beings' daily life. Whether people will have more leisure time or not has become a focus controversy. I agree with the opinion that people will own more spare time to share with their families and to do anything they want than any other time from now before.


First of all, our fantastic prospects positively attribute to the development of traffic tools and traffic system, which shortens the interval between each two persons. We may cite a single example of airplanes. About half a century ago, when plans were not widely used, we can only travel from Asia to South America by ship. That may take several weeks which is much more boring than several hours by plane. Furthermore, a modern traffic system greatly exalts the efficiency of traveling which leaves us more excess time to arrange.


Second, inventions of mechanic us to solve various of puzzled problems which surely accelerate tempo of our lives. Mobile phone provides a concrete instance of modern machines make our lives easier than before. Instead of covering a large distance to meet with each other, business man can wherever take conversations or oral contracts by cell phone. And this story is not rare, but typical of dozens we have encountered.


Another significant reason why I reckon that people will have more leisure time is the expending number of people in the world. However, in the future, most fortune of society will be created by sophisticated machines. Conflicts are formed between increasing number of people and machines, which enable more time for human beings to share with their families and do anything they want.


In a word, I believe that people tend to have more leisure time when science and technology arrive at a preeminent level. How to arrange and make use of so much time will be a primary issue we should discuss then.

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

In recent years, it is universally acknowledged that, with the development of science and technology, dramatic changes have been taken in human beings' daily life这里貌似跟主题关系不大. Whether people will have more leisure time or not has become a focus controversy. I agree with the opinion that people好的 will own more spare time to share with their families and to do anything they want than any other time from now before.开头很简短精干

First of all, our fantastic prospects positively attribute to the development of traffic tools and traffic system, which shortens the interval between each two persons. We may cite a single example of airplanes. About half a century ago, when plans were not widely used, we can only travel from Asia to South America by ship. That may take several weeks which is much more boring than several hours by plane. Furthermore, a modern traffic system greatly exalts the efficiency of traveling which leaves us more excess time to arrange.这里写的是交通..跟主题有什么关系..?如果想加关系最好写出来.

Second, inventions of mechanic us to solve various of puzzled problems which surely accelerate tempo of our lives. Mobile phone provides a concrete instance of modern machines make our lives easier than before. Instead of covering a large distance to meet with each other, business man can wherever take conversations or oral contracts by cell phone. And this story is not rare, but typical of dozens we have encountered.
这里写的是通讯

Another significant reason why I reckon that people will have more leisure time is the expending number of people in the world. However, in the future, most fortune of->in society will be created by sophisticated machines. Conflicts are formed between increasing number of people and machines, which enable more time for human beings to share with their families and do anything they want.逻辑不通顺, 人类和机器设备发生冲突...?致使人类有更多的时间与家人在一起...科幻小说么..???

In a word, I believe that people tend to have more leisure time when science and technology arrive at a preeminent level. How to arrange and make use of so much time will be a primary issue we should discuss then. 这文章也没说现代化设备是怎么帮助人们减少时间的, 全篇逻辑对不上, 不知道你在说什么, 完全断层. 首段不错.

heqiang_1001UID: 2607349

这是我昨天给你改的哈，贴过来。
In recent years, it is universally acknowledged that, with the development of science and technology, dramatic changes have been taken in human beings' daily life. Whether people will have more leisure time or not has become a focus（focusing，focus是动词哈。和昨天的一样） controversy. I agree with the opinion that people will own（学了，我老是have have 的） more spare time to share with their families and to do anything they want than any other time from now before（没懂，from now before?）.

First of all, our fantastic prospects positively attribute to the development of traffic tools and traffic system, which shortens the interval between each two persons. (好句子，学习)We may cite a single example of airplanes. About half a century ago, when plans were not widely used, we can only travel from Asia to South America by ship. That may take several weeks which is much more boring than several hours by plane. Furthermore, a modern traffic system greatly exalts the efficiency of traveling which leaves us more excess time to arrange.

Second,（secondly） inventions of mechanic us to solve various of puzzled problems which surely accelerate tempo of our lives. Mobile phone provides a concrete instance of modern machines make(making) our lives easier than before. Instead of covering a large distance to meet with each other, business man can wherever take conversations or oral contracts by cell phone. And this story is not rare, but typical of dozens we have encountered.

Another significant reason why I reckon that people will have more leisure time is the expending(expanding,估计这个单词你记错了吧，两次都错的一样恩) number of people in the world. However, in the future, most fortune of society will be created by sophisticated machines. Conflicts are formed between increasing number of people and machines, which enable more time for human beings to share with their families and do anything they want.

In a word, I believe that people tend to have more leisure time when science and technology arrive at a preeminent level. How to arrange and make use of so much time will be a primary issue we should discuss then.

哥啊，我算是明白了，我还属于没有能力给你改作文的呢……你看，蓝笔都是我学习的，呵呵。第三个论点里再加个例子就好了，有点空。别的OK,很不错呢！加油。

还有，你以后把作文都放在一个帖子里吧，比如都在这个后面接着贴，这样我就不用每次都去找你的帖子了哈。

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

10月28日作文
title：The only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of
gasoline and electricity. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, with the rapid development of science and technology, human beings are encountering tremendous trouble which far more excels our prospect. Though a plenty of people believe that increasing prices of gasoline and electricity will be an effective way to encourage energy conservation, I oppose to the opinion. Various of cases below bolster my point in a concrete way.


For one reason, I should say lifting the prices will, of course, tend to unfair resource consumption in our society. We cite an simple example in our daily life. To a millionaire , who owns a dozen of cars, higher prices just mean a group of apathetic statistics. However, students from pool families can only read books in stark atmosphere attributing to the exaggerated price of electricity. This unfairness may lead to fierce conflicts which will badly harm our progressing.


Secondly, exalting prices in an unlimited way can not unravel the primary puzzle. In another word, quantity of gasoline and electricity surely becomes less and less, in spite of how high the prices climbs. For last two decades,  prices of gasoline escalate to a unexpected level, while, an expending number of exclaim about crisis of energy. It provides a vivid instance of my statement. Increasing prices will be never equal to solve resource problem root and branch.


Furthermore, excavating new types of energy has more advantages than promoting prices of traditional energy. For example, hydrogen is a notable new types of energy which is vividly received for its no pollution, and easily obtaining. It will contribute to energy conservation with no doubt.


In a conclusion, though increasing prices of gasoline and electricity will help to avoid the crisis for a short while, it can never be an effective way to encourage energy conservation.

helen85UID: 2312103

title：The only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing prices of
" y) e) k5 S8 o4 ^4 y, f8 A" Ngasoline and electricity. Do you agree or disagree?5 q5 G& D, f3 ~  y! T& _; ^2 t
6 y, W; X# v  l  E" G- ~2 V
Nowadays, with the rapid development of science and technology, human beings are encountering tremendous 好trouble which far more excels （胜于，我觉得用超出比较好）our prospect. Though a plenty of people believe that increasing prices of gasoline and electricity will be an effective way to encourage energy conservation, I oppose to the opinion. Various of cases below bolster my point in a concrete 好way.
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, {9 H, s9 w* P3 q
1 ^; n; g. g. I7 e$ cFor one reason, I should say lifting the prices will, of course, tend to unfair resource consumption in our society. We cite an simple example in our daily life. To a millionaire , who owns a dozen of cars, higher prices just mean a group of apathetic statistics. However, students from pool families can only read books in stark atmosphere attributing to the exaggerated price of electricity. This unfairness may lead to fierce conflicts which will badly harm our progressing（progress）.; x4 s+ ?# N" R$ i+ |
7 I, [( y4 I7 P- I7 d# ]6 z" O7 \
9 ~9 q- F; Q0 w* f# M
Secondly, exalting prices in an unlimited way can not unravel the primary puzzle. In another word, quantity of gasoline and electricity surely becomes less and less, in spite of how high the prices climbs. For last two decades,  prices of gasoline escalate to a unexpected level, while, an expending number of exclaim about crisis of energy. It provides a vivid instance of my statement. Increasing prices will be never nerver be equal to solve resource problem root and branch.5 }3 |- `$ u- E+ G- E+ B* l; }% O

- Z  r6 k$ f! N+ h( T+ A" H; B& M2 i) d
- o# u3 [! j, T0 q6 u8 B& {Furthermore, excavating new types of energy has more advantages than promoting prices of traditional energy. For example, hydrogen is a notable new types of energy which is vividly received for its no pollution, and easily obtaining. It will contribute to energy conservation with no doubt." I3 s4 K% B4 f: |

1 H9 w0 \# {( C$ y8 m
/ j/ I' Q& z$ Y" L3 q9 IIn a conclusion, though increasing prices of gasoline and electricity will help to avoid the crisis for a short while, it can never be an effective way to encourage energy conservation.

有比较标准的，语言，用词也好，就是再想办法丰富一下每一点的论据 。比如furthermore ，例子是有了，好像不丰富。

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

10.29 Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to

have the ability to plan and organize.


Outline：Agree

---  daily life speeds up, all various challenges emerge
---  complex society leads to more choices, distinguishing kinds of temptation
---  contribute to personal development

Essay:

With the burgeoning of science and technology, there is a general controversy about whether it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. I agree with the point that we can never emphasize the importance of progressing the two significant capabilities too much, and the reasons are as follows.

First of all, as it is universally acknowledged, our daily lives steps up so rapidly that we have to encounter all various of challenges which have never emerged before. We cite a simple example of career crisis for youths. As the expanding number of artificial devices widely used in social production, to planning or organizing a preeminent scheme a is necessary attained by a job hunter for corresponding vocation. Without the excellent ability to plan and organize, one definitely can not dominate in millions of competitors per year.


Secondly, sophisticated atmosphere of society leads to more confusions, and meanwhile, all distinguish kinds of temptation seige us severely. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and deceive, trap, betray and so on, which incite our insight to the world in a heterodox way. To cop with so many events, how to organize our action, how to make a plan to form a good habit and repel bad behaviors is the first thing we should take care of.

Furthermore, the ability of planning and organizing indeed contribute to personal development. For instance, a chief leader will be very glad to find his employee can convene an meeting successfully, or plan a schedule which helps to profit the enterprise effectively. There is no doubt that the employee will play an unique role in company's future. It provides a typical example in our surroundings which bolsters my opinion in a concrete case.


In a conclusion, since the drastic changes are around the corner, we are obliged to exalt our personality to a well organizer and planner for ourselves, which enables us a health and bright prospects.

helen85UID: 2312103

With the burgeoning （adj.explosion）of science and technology, there is a general controversy about whether it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. I agree with the point that we can never emphasize on the importance of progressing the two significant capabilities too much, and the reasons are as follows as follows 是副词.
5 f$ w  E8 p3 _' j5 }. Q/ e. W( B+ K# t  [  h
First of all, as it is universally acknowledged, our daily lives steps step up （step up 使增加使加速，提高 可以提高生活吗？）so rapidly that we have to encounter all various of challenges which have never emerged before. We cite a simple example of career crisis for youths. As the expanding number of artificial devices widely used in social production, to planning or organizing （to 后面加动词原形）a preeminent scheme a （a 在is 后估计打错了）is necessary  attained by a job hunter for corresponding vocation. Without the excellent ability to plan and organize, one definitely can not dominate in millions of competitors per year.
, Q/ O8 y! T7 E* H2 Y9 k3 ^( t1 U$ Y2 U. x1 I2 ~7 E* K  w- ^

2 w/ W9 ]! `6 v' \' p7 DSecondly, sophisticated atmosphere of society leads to more confusions, and meanwhile, all distinguish kinds of temptation  seige us severely. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and deceive v, trap, betray v and so on, which incite our insight to the world in a heterodox way. To cop with so many events, how to organize our action, how to make a plan to form a good habit and repel bad behaviors is the first thing we should take care of.
# t0 V6 v5 S' N0 L
9 Z3 O8 t6 ?) o: l+ w. r5 AFurthermore, the ability of planning and organizing indeed contribute to personal development. For instance, a chief leader will be very glad to find his employee can convene an meeting successfully, or plan a schedule which helps to profit the enterprise effectively. There is no doubt that the employee will play an unique role in company's future. It provides a typical example in our surroundings which bolsters my opinion in a concrete case.
2 q  U* B/ U: y' h7 b  I# x
% c! m: L9 @+ U3 ?' ?% H
& t6 {* c1 M. O+ s$ NIn a conclusion, since the drastic changes are around the corner（在拐角处）, we are obliged to exalt our personality to a well organizer and planner for ourselves, which enables us a health and bright prospects.
结构有的，每点都有展开，句型可以改进一下，单词的选择还需加强。

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

注释一下，中间那个to 是配在attain to 后面做介词，介词后面跟名词性短语。
另外，around the corner是即将到来的意思。
其他的问题感谢指导，让我受益匪浅。 9# helen85

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

10.30 A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your recommendation.

Outline:
Business
--- China: a giant of agriculture but a teenager of business
--- China need more opportunities to exalts its economic capability through more business        research
--- trade, promote spirits and culture convection, help to be received and acknowledged  

Nowadays, various of research centers, which are sustained by universities and colleges in technology, are establishing all over the world. In my motherland, republic people of china, government bolsters the tendency, and there emerges an divergent controversy. Some people believe that focusing on agriculture is more considerable than on business. And the others, including me, disprove this point. In another word, I reckon business exploiting is the just thing we lack of in my country.


For one reason, it is universally acknowledged that china is a noble giant for his agriculture but a humble teenager for his business. We can consider this simple case. China's high developed farming enables more than three billion citizens to subsist, in contrast, the profits produced in business are even much less than Japan. Economy is the primary factor of everything, and we can never emphasis on it too much especially in nowadays.


Secondly, china needs more opportunities to exalt its economic capability and the most effective way is to build more research center in business. For example, economic professors can help employees in local enterprise to specialize their vocational events, knowledge, attitude, and so on. This is the preeminent model for cooperation between universities and enterprises, which contributes to a rapid prosperous prospect.


Furthermore, attributing to establishing business center, an expanding number of trades will be occured, which indeed leads to promote spirits and culture convection with the other countries. It provides significant chances for china to be received and acknowledged. We cite a typical example of my surroundings. My college develops a business center in the city, which brings a lot of changes in our daily lives. There is an annual international business conference convened in the center which absorbs professor and successful business man all over the world. It distinctly offers a corridor for local citizens to go out, and aliens to come in.


To sum up, though both of these two kinds of research centers have their own advantages, I prefer the opinion of business which can escalate our lives in a substantial way. Tortuous as the way of struggle in business, our prospects are bright.

ice--breakerUID: 2717367

语言非常精炼但又很有说服了，红色为写的很好的句子，划线为修改的地方，
语言华丽，有些例证不足。
Nowadays, various of research centers, which are sustained by universities and colleges in technology, are establishing all over the world. In my motherland, republic people of china（得大写）, government bolsters the tendency, and there emerges an divergent controversy. Some people believe that focusing on agriculture is more considerable than on business. And the others, including me, disprove this point. In another word, I reckon business exploiting is the just thing we lack of in my country.
% ]; S, G; K% `# B9 w: G# W* D8 f) w) Y- h2 [: l7 I
) q) i9 @$ _$ `. \/ W; R, c
For one reason, it is universally acknowledged that china is a noble giant for his agriculture but a humble teenager for his business. We can consider this simple case（貌似有点多余）. China's high developed farming enables more than three billion citizens to subsist, in contrast, the profits produced in business are even much less than Japan. Economy is the primary factor of everything, and we can never emphasis on it too much especially in nowadays.! （这段有点简单了）

7 m7 s  K4 b* X4 R- p# ?! @: a; u$ w" x: J3 k. S! r, k
Secondly, china needs more opportunities to exalt its economic capability and the most effective way is to build more research center in business. For example, economic professors can help employees in local enterprise to specialize their vocational events, knowledge, attitude, and so on. This is the preeminent model for cooperation between universities and enterprises, which contributes to a rapid prosperous prospect.（这段没有中心句）
/ R3 v. I4 x) R! N& j7 Q5 o$ u1 z% R7 B  n$ ?
# |; L5 |- Z: H' j1 d
Furthermore, attributing to establishing business center, an expanding number of trades will be occured, which indeed leads to promote spirits and culture convection with the other countries. It provides significant chances for china to be received and acknowledged. We cite a typical example of my surroundings. My college develops a business center in the city, which brings a lot of changes in our daily lives. There is an annual international business conference convened in the center which absorbs professor and successful business man all over the world. It distinctly offers a corridor for local citizens to go out, and aliens to come in.
) q4 u3 S7 M- D) ], y9 d. ~9 J' ~! X*这段很好，语言华丽又内容充实）
+ M1 R2 k8 C1 ?( LTo sum up, though both of these two kinds of research centers have their own advantages,（前面没有谈到吧） I prefer the opinion of business which can escalate our lives in a substantial way. Tortuous as the way of struggle in business, our prospects are bright。
11# eeqkchen

ice--breakerUID: 2717367

这个字体大点


语言非常精炼但又很有说服了，红色为写的很好的句子，划线为修改的地方，
语言华丽，有些例证不足。


Nowadays, various of research centers, which are sustained by universities and colleges in technology, are establishing all over the world. In my motherland, republic people of china（得大写）, government bolsters the tendency, and there emerges an divergent controversy. Some people believe that focusing on agriculture is more considerable than on business. And the others, including me, disprove this point. In another word, I reckon business exploiting is the just thing we lack of in my country.
% ]; S, G; K% `# B9 w: G# W* D8 f) w) Y- h2 [: l7 I
) q) i9 @$ _$ `. \/ W; R, c
For one reason, it is universally acknowledged that china is a noble giant for his agriculture but a humble teenager for his business. We can consider this simple case（貌似有点多余）. China's high developed farming enables more than three billion citizens to subsist, in contrast, the profits produced in business are even much less than Japan. Economy is the primary factor of everything, and we can never emphasis on it too much especially in nowadays.! （这段有点简单了）

7 m7 s  K4 b* X4 R- p# ?! @: a; u$ w" x: J3 k. S! r, k
Secondly, china needs more opportunities to exalt its economic capability and the most effective way is to build more research center in business. For example, economic professors can help employees in local enterprise to specialize their vocational events, knowledge, attitude, and so on. This is the preeminent model for cooperation between universities and enterprises, which contributes to a rapid prosperous prospect.（这段没有中心句）
/ R3 v. I4 x) R! N& j7 Q5 o$ u1 z% R7 B  n$ ?
# |; L5 |- Z: H' j1 d
Furthermore, attributing to establishing business center, an expanding number of trades will be occured, which indeed leads to promote spirits and culture convection with the other countries. It provides significant chances for china to be received and acknowledged. We cite a typical example of my surroundings. My college develops a business center in the city, which brings a lot of changes in our daily lives. There is an annual international business conference convened in the center which absorbs professor and successful business man all over the world. It distinctly offers a corridor for local citizens to go out, and aliens to come in.
) q4 u3 S7 M- D) ], y9 d. ~9 J' ~! X*这段很好，语言华丽又内容充实）

+ M1 R2 k8 C1 ?( LTo sum up, though both of these two kinds of research centers have their own advantages,（前面没有谈到吧） I prefer the opinion of business which can escalate our lives in a substantial way. Tortuous as the way of struggle in business, our prospects are bright。

eeqkchenUID: 2644469

10.30 A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your recommendation.

Outline:
Business
--- China: a giant of agriculture but a teenager of business
--- China need more opportunities to exalts its economic capability through more business        research
--- trade, promote spitits and culture convection, help to be received and acknowledged  

Nowadays, various of research centers, which are sustained by universities and colleges in technology, are establishing all over the world. In my motherland, republic people of china, government bolsters the tendency, and there emerges an divergent controversy. Some people believe that focusing on agriculture is more considerable than on business. And the others, including me, disprove this point. In another word, I reckon business exploiting is the just thing we lack of in my country.


For one reason, it is universally acknowledged that china is a noble giant for his agriculture but a humble teenager for his business. We can consider this simple case. China's high developed farming enables more than three billion citizens to subsist, in contrast, the profits produced in business are even much less than Japan. Economy is the primary factor of everything, and we can never emphasis on it too much especially in nowadays.


Secondly, china needs more opportunities to exalt its economic capability and the most effective way is to build more research center in business. For example, economic professors can help employees in local enterprise to specialize their vocational events, knowledge, attitude, and so on. This is the preeminent model for cooperation between universities and enterprises, which contributes to a rapid prosperous prospect.


Furthermore, attributing to establishing business center, an expanding number of trades will be occured, which indeed leads to promote spirits and culture convection with the other countries. It provides significant chances for china to be received and acknowledged. We cite a typical example of my surroundings. My college develops a business center in the city, which brings a lot of changes in our daily lives. There is an annual international business conference convened in the center which absorbs professor and successful business man all over the world. It distinctly offers a corridor for local citizens to go out, and aliens to come in.


To sum up, though both of these two kinds of research centers have their own advantages, I prefer the opinion of business which can escalate our lives in a substantial way. Tortuous as the way of struggle in business, our prospects are bright.

melody106UID: 2559573

Nowadays, various of（去掉of） research centers, which are sustained by universities and colleges in technology, are establishing all over the world. In my motherland, republic people of china（People Republic of China）, government bolsters the tendency, and there emerges an divergent controversy前两个词语义重复. Some people believe that focusing on agriculture is more considerable than on business. And（But） the others, including me, disprove this point. In another word, I reckon business exploiting is the just thing we lack of in my country.6 a( Y# ~0 @7 Z' f# @


For one reason, it is universally acknowledged that china is a noble giant for his agriculture but a humble teenager for his business. We can consider this simple case. China's high developed farming enables more than three billion citizens to subsist, in contrast, the profits produced in business are even （这个even用这里不合适呀，Japan和中国不是一个发展阶段没有可比性，）much less than Japan. Economy is the primary factor of everything, and we can never emphasis on it too much especially in nowadays.


Secondly, china needs more opportunities to exalt its economic capability and the most effective way is to build more research center in business. For example, economic professors can help employees in local enterprise to specialize their vocational events, knowledge, attitude, and so on. This is the preeminent model for cooperation between universities and enterprises, which contributes to a rapid prosperous prospect.
# K9 ^+ g2 J5 Z0 [' j

Furthermore, attributing to establishing business center, an expanding number of trades will be occurred（occur这个词不能用被动吧，被发生？）,  which indeed leads to promote spirits and culture convection with the other countries. It provides significant chances for china to be received and acknowledged. We cite a typical example of my surroundings. My college develops a business center in the city, which brings a lot of changes in our daily lives. There is an annual international business conference convened in the center which absorbs professor and successful business man all over the world. It distinctly offers a corridor for local citizens to go out, and aliens to come in.
& O+ a4 u% K2 \4 \: O

To sum up, though both of these two kinds of research centers have their own advantages, I prefer the opinion of business which can escalate our lives in a substantial way. Tortuous as the way of struggle in business, our prospects are bright.
尝试了很多高级词汇，但有些运用的不大合适。结构完整规范。注意细节。加油！