进军美利坚作文10.16

cindynanaUID：2630679

12.10 孩子应该是玩和学习还是做家务household chores？% P8 o, i- ?; C* n! W1 n% g/ w

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Many people believe that children should realize the hard aspect of their lives as early as possible by doing (the) household chores. However, considering the instinctive nature( 私以为有点重复，还是有固定搭配？)of children and increasing competence in the future, I hold（good） that children should prefer to(weird a little) play for fun and study in order to prepare well for the future.; }. X/ y& |$ V/ y  N4 Z. i
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When I was a child several years before, the most excited-exciting thing attracts me is to play with my friends. Childhood is regarded to be a happy and airy(又学会了一个小词) time in our life, because child is so young to figure out the running rules（pretty） of the world, not mention to worry about some （fact] problems like wearing and eating--surviving. They are just getting start to touch the world, before the time they have to work-strive for life, they deserve enjoying themselves. And an appropriate way for children to have fun is playing. In contrast, doing household chores is possible to make children feel tired and break their beautiful expects or imaginations of life. In addition, never account on children to do the household chores well, that means parents should spend more time to redo the works.

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Nevertheless, accompanying with the increasing fierce competence—建议换词有重复, the future life will become harder and harder. Many parents have realize this point now, so they work industriously to give their children a better circumstance in order to—建议换句型，重复 make them starting at/with a higher level. For instance, they carefully choose the educational place for children from kindergarten to primitive-primary school, and also some special classes like piano-teaching which is also on the list. A better school always means a heavy burden and more learning tasks. In order to—第三次出现 finish the assignment, children would spare more time to study. Furthermore, doing household chores will definitely occupy the studying time, leading to low efficiency in learning knowledge. After all, learning earlier benefits children in accumulating knowledge which will play an important role in the future competence.& n* c% v+ }0 d1 _0 P  F& b( J9 y8 g


Finally, playing in childhood will make-create a wonderful memory, in the other hand, studying when we were little children may provide us an elevated starting stage. So, I deem that playing and studying should be children's first choice instead of household chores

总的来说，给人的印象很好，尤其是语感，相当严谨。几乎没有语法错误，词用得很恰当，但是希望能再大胆一点。楼主的词汇量不少，可以多用一些可以替换的词避免重复。
在结构上，楼主同意玩和学习反对做家务。第一BODY段，从正面说，第二个从逻辑的思维上给与一定的矫正，这个非常好。但我认为说理的成分有点多，加些其他的论证方法会更好。

谢谢楼主的点评，很入骨~~我也觉得我第一段那句话说的很纠结。智力的那个例子是因为写着写着就写high了，忘了。。。要是像楼主一样严谨就好了。。

shirley072UID：2712200

Take a look at our courses in college, basic science is considered as an important part constituted to the whole learning schedule.For nearly every college regards these basic science related courses as the compulsive ones and makes us to learn them before our professional courses, I believe and approve that it is necessary for us to learn the basic science ahead of ourspecialty knowledge.


First and foremost, basic science courses act as the basis for our better appreciation of specialty. Accompanying with the development of science and technology, brand new skills or breakthrough request intense cooperation of different fields. Take my major, biology, as an example,in the past years, people have done a great assignment of unveiling the life secrets, like the mechanism of cell division. However, for most people who converge on the micro-scale level, traditional biological methods are not sufficient any more, they turn to a new way by merge merits of chemistry and biology, and found a fresh subject: biochemistry. The major characteristic of biochemistry is applying some chemical methods to investigate cell division, like injecting small chemical molecular into cells. If we never had chemistry, a basic science course, we would have no idea about the common sense of this new conception of biochemistry, not mention to apply the chemical method. Then our research might probably stall. Since the cross-discipline become a main trend nowadays, owinga basic knowledge of science is crucial. And learning the basic science courses in the college is a appropriate way for us the command the knowledge.


Additionally, our development is not limited in the relative field by choosing our specialty, that means, we should prepare fully for the future job. As we all know, numerous people's work are not the extent of their research in college. For instance, most large corporations provide with lots of jobs without major limitation. They favor people with logical and critical thinking, integrated skills. As for us, solely focusing on our specialty seems not to be a good idea to suit for the request of these corporations.Since we can't avoid the situation of working in another field several years after, the realistic solution is that learning every course well, and we can't neglect the basic science courses. Besides, basic science courses assist to constitute our logical capacity.


I hold that basic science courses are important. We can't neglect them.

shirley072UID：2712200

12.23 Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?It’s better to watch serious movies that help people think than towatch movies that couldamuse and entertain people.

Frankly speaking, both types of  movies attract me. Which one will be my first choice dependson my moods that moment. So, I probably select a comedic movie just for fun,and the other side, pick up a meaningful one to see through the world or humanity.

Along with the development of modern society, people geteven harder work task, that means they opt easily to be tired. Worry, anxiety,tension influence people and torture their nerves. Then, what's a perfect wayto release these pressure? Nowadays, most people prefer to go to movies toamuse themselves. In this situation, a movie which designed only for entertainis a wonderful choice. The key point is that the funny movie makes you laugh,and forget all the troublesome things even for a little while.

In the other word, movie is considered as an art work whichoriginates from our life, and reflect our behavior. Watching a serious moviewill make us concentrate, and provoke our similar or potential feelings. Takethe movie, Crash, as an example. The main two characters with color bias performtwo different ways in treating various emergency. This make us think about thedeeper level of the personalities, and teach us that a man who superficiallybeing kind is not always be a good guy when getting in trouble. Looking intothe human history, thinking make us grow up and better in handling problems.

Finally, I want to emphasis that both movie are necessarybecause funny movies make us for free, and serious ones make us see throughourselves. I will choose to see either one suiting my feelings.

yuminjiaUID：2659628

48# shirley072
12.23 Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?It’s better to watch serious movies that help people think than towatch movies that couldamuse and entertain people.3 x8 V) v3 k5 z) A

Frankly speaking, both types of  movies attract me. Which one will be my first choice depends on my moods that moment. So, I probably select a comedic movie just for fun, on the other side, and pick up a meaningful one to see through the world or humanity.

`Along with the development of modern society, people get even harder work task, which means they opt easily to be tired. Worry, anxiety, tension influence people and torture their nerves. Then, what's a perfect way to release these pressures? Nowadays, most people prefer to go to movies to amuse themselves. In this situation, a movie designed only for entertainment is a wonderful choice. The key point is that the funny movie makes you laugh and forget all the troublesome things even for a little while.

In the other word, movie is considered as an art work which originates from our life, and reflect our behavior. Watching a serious movie will make us concentrate, and provoke our similar or potential feelings. Take the movie, Crash, as an example. The main two characters with color bias perform two different ways in treating various emergencies. This make us think about the deeper level of the personalities, and teach us that a man who is a superficially being kind is not always (be) a good guy while getting in trouble. Looking into the human history, thinking makes us grow up faster and better in handling problems.# B% z. I, ~7 j# X

Finally, I want to emphasis that both movies are necessary because funny movies make us for free, and serious ones make us see through ourselves. I will choose to see either one suiting my feelings.

楼主底子不错,写的时候注意些小的语法错误,单复数一致

shiwei83UID：2680950

Frankly speaking, both types of  movies attract me. Which one will be my first choice depends on my moods （最好删去that moment）. So, I probably select a comedic movie just for fun, and 删去the other side, may pick up a meaningful one to see through the world or humanity.（用词意思不清楚），

Along with the development of modern society, people get even harder work task, that means they opt easily to(同义重复) be tired. Worry, anxiety, tension influence people and torture their nerves. Then, what's a perfect way to release these pressure? Nowadays, most people prefer to go to movies to amuse themselves. In this situation, a movie which designed only for entertain is a wonderful choice. The key point is that the funny movie makes you laugh, and forget all the troublesome things even for a little while.

In the other word, movie is considered as an art work which originates from our life, and reflect our behavior. Watching a serious movie will make us concentrate, and provoke our similar or potential feelings. Take the movie, Crash, as an example. The main two characters with color bias perform two different ways in treating various emergency. This make us think about the deeper level of the personalities, and teach us that a man who superficially being kind is not always be a good guy when getting in trouble. Looking into the human history, thinking make us grow up and better in handling problems.

Finally, I want to emphasis that both movie are necessary because funny movies make us for free, and serious ones make us see throughourselves. I will choose to see either one suiting my feelings.

主要问题：
1.文章篇幅有些短，最好能300词以上
2.一般情况下，最好不要用折中的观点，因为这样会使你的写作重点不突出，可以参考一下范文，多用“一边倒”的写法。
3.你的文章结构不错，但是简单句居多，单词和句式还缺少变化。