进军美利坚作文10.16

soarer0474UID：2665789

The world keeps progressing every day, and we shall keep learning all the way to adjust to the challenging environment. It seems that allocating our limited time reasonably becomes a crucial question. Imaging that 20 years later, how do we arrange our life expended（spent？）
on works, dinners and leisure hours? As far as I am concerned, less time will be wasted（感觉用waste有点不恰当） in cooking and preparing food. Here come my reasons.
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First and foremost, accompanying with the development of science and technology, the innovations will be made everywhere, which means that we should spend more time and study harder to get a quick command of them, especially that related to our work fields. Subsequently, the time for preparing food may be spared to learn some new terms. And, do not undermine the length of time in preparing food. Let's take a detail perception of how to make a dinner. First, you should think about the recipes, then get the materials from the（这里的the要慎重使用） supermarkets, after washing them carefully or slice them in shapes, you could embark on the most important step to make them eatable. Have you ever counted the time through the whole process? According to my experience, that will cost you more than one hour, and that is one eighth of your normal work time. You have a better choice to use this hour studying new things. 1 ?2 }; A& J; R, y" I- }
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Secondly, 20 years later, the promoted life quality provides us with even more forms of entertainment. Everyone will have fun on his interests such as going to movies, doing sports, taking a trip and so on. Just as I mentioned（have you mentioned？）, movies has their start times you should obey or you will miss the beginning or some parts, then you have no chance to make a meal to cater the appropriate timing; sports have their fixed place you should go for, thus you can't prepare a meal outside; and the trip, you should never imagine making a dinner during your wonderful journey. If you insist on cooking, you will lose the time enjoying the life.
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% J/ E) T' B. ALast but not the least, more instant foods with delicious tastes will be expected 20 years later, I believe most of us apt to choose this convenient and easier way to fill ourselves instead of making a dinner by our own. The surplus time for the original food preparing could be adopted to (adopted to do /adapted to doing请区分
)studying, relaxing, and anything (else) you want. In conclusion, I hold that people will spend less time in cooking 20 years later.(是不是总结应该放在最后另起一段？)

总体感觉语句写的用词和语法很好
只是是不是应该每段多用些总结句？
另外关于我文章中你谈到偏题的问题，我想进一步请教一下，加我qq(进军美利坚群里有我)

shirley072UID：2712200

10.22 The parents do not understand their children as well today asparents understood their children 50 years ago


With the development of the modern society, people get extremely busingin their careers. For most of people, more time spending on work means lesstime caring their children. Nowadays, I hold that parents don't understandtheir children as well as 50 years ago. Here come my reasons.


    First andforemost, according to the advancement of technology and fiercer competitionthan ever before, people have to learn more skills to secure their positions incompany. Generally speaking, they should spend more time recognizing andcommanding new trends related to their work field. That is to say, less timewill be allotted to their children. As we known, communication is the mostimportant way to understand the children, but if the parents can't spare anytime to do this, then how can they get closer to their children? Back to thoseold days, such as 50 years ago, even we can't deny the posterity of thetechnology, but work-related stress was comparative small because of the slowpace of the renewed skills. People could take a relative permanent job withoutlearning new things from time to time, so they had much time to play with theirchildren and understand them.


    Secondly, abundantmaterial conditions provide the new generation with various high-tech productsthat parents never imagined. Consequentially, a gap is generated betweenparents and children for the different perceptions of the same thing. Forexample, many children indulge in the computer games, and parents feel its hardto understand because they think sitting before a machine for a whole day seemsto be boring. Plus, children like to play electrical products such as iPod andiTouch, and I bet most parents have no idea what they are supposed to be. Ifparents can't get a full appreciation of the new things, they can't understandtheir children's thought neither. However, limited by the economical andtechnology elements, you can't find computer or iPod 50 years before. So theanterior life could be simpler and easier, and parents have no need to learnmuch new information to understand their children.


   In conclusion, progress in the technology brings us a new problem. Inone side, parents need to spend more time learning new skills instead ofcommunicating with their children, in the other side, children have gottentheir distinctive fun ways that parents can't approach. Thus, parents do notunderstand their children as well today as 50 years ago.

liuguaguaUID：2569375

17# shirley072

10.22 The parents do not understand their children as well today asparents understood their children 50 years ago* ?/ O( ], h$ I4 ]: C6 v8 J* K4 s

With the development of the modern society, people get extremely busyingin their careers. For most of people, more time spending on work means lesstime caring their children. Nowadays, I hold that parents don't understandtheir children as well as 50 years ago. Here comes my reasons.

" W0 |
    First andforemost, according to the advancement of technology and fiercer competitionthan ever before, people have to learn more skills to secure their positions incompany. Generally speaking, they should->have to 表明不得不 spend more time recognizing andcommanding new trends related to their work field. That is to say, less timewill be allotted to their children. As we known, communication is the mostimportant way to understand the children, but if the parents can't spare anytime to do this, then how can they get closer to their children? Back to thoseold days, such as 50 years ago, even we can't deny the posterity of thetechnology, but work-related stress was comparative small because of the slowpace of the renewed skills. People could take a relative permanent job withoutlearning new things from time to time, so they had much time to play with theirchildren and understand them.- u9 ^& L, F4 z0 D- z+ q

?
    Secondly, abundantmaterial conditions provide the new generation with various high-tech productsthat parents never imagined. Consequentially, a gap is generated betweenparents and children for the different perceptions of the same thing. Forexample, many children indulge in the computer games, and parents feel its hardto understand because they think sitting before a machine for a whole day seemsto be boring. Plus, children like to play electrical products such as iPod andiTouch, and I bet most parents have no idea what they are supposed to be. Ifparents can't get a full appreciation of the new things, they can't understandtheir children's thought neither. However, limited by the economical andtechnology elements, you can't find computer or iPod 50 years before. So theanterior life could be simpler and easier, and parents have no need to learnmuch new information to understand their children.( P5 x7 i9 L1 \
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   In conclusion, progress in the technology brings us a new problem. Inone side, parents need to spend more time learning new skills instead ofcommunicating with their children, in the other side, children have gottentheir distinctive fun ways that parents can't approach. Thus, parents do notunderstand their children as well today as 50 years ago.

备注：你的思路跟我一样，但是不论文章的结构，还是语言都高出我很多！思路很清晰，结构很清楚，句式变化也很多。词语变化也很多。
从你文章里边收了很多过渡词。谢谢了

shirley072UID：2712200

10.23 大学应不应该要求所有的学生都学习除了本国文化以外的文化？


According to the development of the modern world, relationship between countries becomes tighter than ever before, which inspires us to know more about other countries.Basically, I hold that college students should learn the foreign cultures besides our own culture. Here come my reasons.


    First and foremost,learning the foreign cultures helps us to understand the foreigner's behaviors.Avoiding to be left behind, we should always keep informed with the world events. However, we can't get a full appreciation about what we've seen, like wars those triggered by the culture disputes in other countries. Without culture knowledge, we are only appalled by these presentative disasters via the suffering people and the collapse of the city, but can't reach the essence of the fight.In addition, watching foreign movies needs your primary culture background whichassist you to understand different customs.


    Secondly, learning other cultures will help us to expand our psychiatric world, assimilate the merits of others' and reflect on ourselves more often. As proved by the history of China,cutting the links to the outside world brought to a blink economic and material conditions compared to the other countries. This situation changes because of the innovation and "open to world" policies. As far as I am concerned, culture discrepancy is a first obstacle we should cross in order to learn ideas or technologies in developed countries. Some people may argue that why is culture? Ok, try to imagine if you don't know how to be polite in their ways, it is possible that they are reluctant to corporate with you for your unconscious "rudeness".


    In conclusion, learning different cultures can make good to our understanding of the other countries,improve countries' communication and relationships. Thus, I reckon that adding the foreign cultures into the compulsory courses in college is necessary.

beangtUID：2691375

With the development of the modern society, people get extremely busing(busy) in their careers. For most of people, more time spending on work means less time caring their children. Nowadays, I hold that parents don't understand their children as well as 50 years ago. Here come my reasons.

First and foremost, according to the advancement of technology and fiercer competition than ever before, people have to learn more skills to secure their positions in company. Generally speaking, they should spend more time recognizing and commanding new trends related to their work field. That is to say, less time will be allotted to their children. As we known, communication is the most important way to understand the children, but if the parents can't spare anytime to do this, then how can they get closer to their children? Back to those old days, such as 50 years ago, even we can't deny the posterity of the technology, but work-related stress was comparatively small because of the slow pace of the renewed skills. People could take a relatively permanent job without learning new things from time to time, so they had much time to play with their children and understand them.


; P& m/ E! R' O. Y! i0 E" M    Secondly, abundant material conditions provide the new generation with various high-tech products that parents never imagined. Consequentially, a gap is generated between parents and children for the different perceptions of the same thing. For example, many children indulge in the computer games, and parents feel it’s hard to understand because they think sitting before a machine for a whole day seems to be boring. Plus, children like to play electrical products such as iPod and iTouch, and I bet most parents have no idea what they are supposed to be. If parents can't get a full appreciation of the new things, they can't understand their children's thought neither. However, limited by the economical and technology elements, you can't find computer or iPod 50 years before. So the anterior life could be simpler and easier, and parents have no need to learn much new information to understand their children.  n( T! Z6 V" `) {* R& N* i

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   In conclusion, progress in the technology brings us a new problem. In one side, parents need to spend more time learning new skills instead of communicating with their children, in the other side, children have gotten(got) their distinctive fun ways that parents can't approach. Thus, parents do not understand their children as well today as 50 years ago.
读了楼主的文章足足20min，学了不少词和用法。对不起，结构和内容上始终挑不出什么毛病。
在这回复你上次说的我的问题吧。戴云老师推荐5段结构文章。第四段可以写写反面的minor advantages，但要在最后一段及时转回来，我的那篇可能转的不太好。
当然，也推荐楼主看一下5段的文章。

shirley072UID：2712200

10.29 Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for theyoung people to have the ability to plan and organize.


With the development of modern society, situation seems to be more complex than ever before. What we need is not just expanding our knowledge related to the innovated technology, but to command the ability to plan and organize.


Once you set a goal, you'd better figure out a plan to achieve it. Plan acts as a guide composed of processions which should be done step by step. An efficient plan will assist you to succeed. For example,if you want to be a biological scientist years after, obviously, you may choose to learn more subjects of biology in your college, in addition, you could schedule an appropriate time to enter a lab since biology is a practical science which requires you to test your ideas with experiments. Sequentially,combining your own advantages with the outside conditions, you might consider about continuing your career in a college or a company. Unless you have the ability to make a plan and organize it well, you will lose because of not knowing what to do.


A good plan can always help you out when you get stuck. With the advent of the explosive information nowadays, environments keep changing from time to time, thus we can't make sure the conditions depicted on our plan retains the same after several days or years. We must often check the details with our right now experiences. If the things deviate our expectations,we should set another plan or change to make up the errors. My point is,commanding an ability to plan and organize play an important part in our roads to success.


There goes a saying, everything begins with tremendous hardness. However in my opinion, a better plan will make it easy. And that is why an ability to plan and organize seems to be extraordinary important.

paddyhyUID：202095

With the development of modern society, situation seems to be more complex than ever before. What we need is not just expanding our knowledge related to the innovated technology, but to command the ability to plan and organize.
Command用得好
Once you set a goal, you'd better figure out a plan to achieve it. Plan acts as a guide composed of processions which should be done step by step.这两句写得太好啦 An efficient plan will assist you to succeed. For example,if you want to be a biological scientist years after, obviously, you may choose to learn more subjects of biology in your college, in addition, you could schedule an appropriate time to enter a lab since biology is a practical science which requires you to test your ideas with experiments. Sequentially, combining your own advantages with the outside conditions, you might consider about continuing your career in a college or a company. Unless you have the ability to make a plan and organize it well, you will lose because of not knowing what to do.7 [#这一段写得 ]' S% \! Q; Y
这一段写得好啊。。我看了好几遍。。
A good plan can always help you out when you get stuck. With the advent of the explosive information nowadays, environments keep changing from time to time, thus we can't make sure the conditions depicted on our plan retains the same after several days or years. We must often check the details with our right now（current） experiences. If the things deviate our expectations,we should set another plan or change to make up the errors. My point is,commanding an ability to plan and organize play an important part in our roads to success.
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There goes a saying, everything begins with tremendous hardness. However in my opinion, a better plan will make it easy. And that is why an ability to plan and organize seems to be extraordinary important.
写得相当好了。。语言功底很深啊。。佩服。。

heqiang_1001UID：2607349

With the development of modern society, situation seems to be more complex than ever before. What we need is not just expanding our knowledge related to the innovated technology, but to command（？我没有查到command ability.不太确定） the ability to plan and organize."

Once you set a goal, you'd better figure out a plan to achieve it. Plan acts as a guide composed of processions which should be done step by step. An efficient plan will assist you to succeed. For example,if you want to be a biological scientist years after, obviously, you may choose to learn more subjects of biology in your college, in addition, you could schedule an appropriate time to enter a lab since biology is a practical science which requires you to test your ideas with experiments. Sequentially,combining your own advantages with the outside conditions, you might consider about continuing your career in a college or a company. Unless you have the ability to make a plan and organize it well, you will lose because of not knowing what to do

A good plan can always help you out when you get stuck. With the advent of the explosive information nowadays, environments keep changing from time to time, thus we can't make sure the conditions on our plan retains the same after several days or years. We must often check the details with our right now experiences. If the things deviate our expectations,we should set another plan or change to make up the errors. My point is,commanding an ability to plan and organize play an important part in our roads to success.这一段观点句说能够帮我们走出困境，后面的论证却说我们应该根据环境的变化时刻调整计划……有点跑了恩

There goes a saying, everything begins with tremendous hardness. However in my opinion, a better plan will make it easy. And that is why an ability to plan and organize seems to be extraordinary important.

很强大恩！第二段论证的很好，很严密，例子也很贴切。第三段稍微有点跑题。学习了很多用法。感谢。

shirley072UID：2712200

10.30 A university plans to develop a new researchcenter in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Otherpeople want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these twokinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specificreasons in your recommendation.


If a university plans to develop a new research center in my country, I feel like wanting a center for research in agriculture.Obviously, my country, China, has redundant natural resources which contribute to the basis for the development of farming instead of business. And combining our realistic conditions, I reckon that we should explore our agriculture technology as our priority task.
First and foremost, our vast territory range provides us with more possible cultivated actions. In the other side, we haven't used it totally because of the limited technology.  For example, huge deserts exist in the northwest areas, and they expand year after year, turn the soil unavailable. Aswe all known, there is no immediate therapies to this problem, however at least, we may figure out how to decrease the its turning speed as long as we have a relative research center focusing on the farming problems. In addition,accompanied by the advance of agriculture technology, more farmers will be released to other fields, like service or high-tech concentrated career, I believe this will help us win the future competition in the world.
Secondly, we need to change the patter of export.Historically, China was considered as a big country with maximum raw material exporting. This characteristic made us unable to gain more trading revenue, and finally led to a low increase pace of our national economy. So, I think aagriculture research center is more attractive because it is expected raised the measures to solve such those questions. Detailedly, scientists in this center may design an innovated technology to make the raw materials transit to various goods favored by other countries, improving our economic development.
As far as Iam concerned, China has its unique advantage on agriculture, which we should take a reasonable use of. Thus, I prefer to construct a farming research centerin my country.

Amber0926UID：2555355

If a university plans to develop a new research center in my country, I feel like wanting（没听说wanting啊，seting up） a center for research in agriculture.Obviously, my country, China, has redundant natural resources which contribute to the basis for（of） the development of farming instead of business. And combining our realistic conditions, I reckon that we should explore our agriculture technology as our priority task.

: T/ |+ f: Q& j& Q7 P% Z0 l2 }First and foremost, our vast territory range provides us with more possible cultivated actions. In the other side, we haven't used it totally because of the limited technology.  For example, huge deserts exist in the northwest areas, and they expand year after year, turn the soil unavailable. Aswe all known, there is no immediate therapies to （cure）this problem, however at least, we may figure out how to decrease the its turning speed as long as we have a relative research center focusing on the farming problems. In addition,accompanied by the advance of agriculture technology, more farmers will be released to other fields, like service or high-tech concentrated career, I believe this will help us win the future competition in the world.（最后一句思维好跳跃啊，并且句子真的好长）

1 w3 C/ V9 C6 r" S$ Q) o+ U% FSecondly, we need to change the patter of export.Historically, China was considered as a big country with maximum raw material exporting（去掉）. This characteristic made us unable to gain more trading revenue, and finally led to a low increase pace of our national economy. So, I think aagriculture research center is more attractive because it is expected raised the measures to solve such those questions.（这个理由没看懂如何支持论点） Detailedly, scientists in this center may design an innovated technology to make the raw materials transit to various goods favored by other countries, improving our economic development.

+ _6 `& z0 r$ d$ CAs far as Iam concerned, China has its unique advantage on agriculture, which we should take a reasonable use of. Thus, I prefer to construct a farming research centerin my country.

太晚了，大致看了下，首先你太爱写长句了，每一段都有好几个。适当的一两个就够了。要知道咱们没足够能力写出perfect的长句，写得多错的多。根据考试经验哪怕你语言平实单词不华丽，只要结构明朗逻辑合理，分数都不低。另外感觉你某些句子会乱加词，就是按中国话来描述加的词。其他没发现什么问题。至于优点我就不多少了，其实楼主功底还可以的，适当改正下定会有好成绩！

scutgongUID：2564275

If a university plans to develop a new research center in my country, I feel like wanting（feel like 本来就有情感意思，建议这里选择其他的词语，如constructing） a center for research in agriculture. Obviously, my country, China, has redundant natural resources which contribute to the basis for the development of farming instead of business. And combining our realistic conditions, I reckon that we should explore our agriculture technology as our priority task.

First and foremost, our vast territory range provides us with more possible cultivated（cultivable） actions. In the other side, （Unfortunately更好吧）we haven't used it totally because of the limited technology.  For example, huge deserts exist in the northwest areas, and they expand year after year, turn the soil unavailable. As we all known, there is no immediate therapies （therapies是不是与前面is有点矛盾）to this problem, however at least, we may figure out how to decrease the its turning speed as long as we have a relative research center focusing on the farming problems. In addition, accompanied by the advance of agriculture technology, more farmers will be released to other fields, like service or high-tech concentrated career, I believe this will help us win the future competition in the world.

Secondly, we need to change the patter of export. Historically, China was considered as a big country with maximum raw material exporting. This characteristic made us unable to gain more trading revenue, and finally led to a low increase pace of our national economy. So, I think agriculture research center is more attractive because it is expected raised the measures to solve such those questions. Detailedly, scientists in this center may design an innovated technology to make the raw materials transit to various goods favored by other countries, improving our economic development.

As far as I am concerned, China has its unique advantage on agriculture, which we should take a reasonable use of. Thus, I prefer to construct a farming research center in my country.

总体来说，我觉得作者写的不错的。从两个角度分别说了agriculture center的重要性。在遣词方面，需要注意些，详见以上的注释。

shirley072UID：2712200

11.4 It has been said, "Not everything that islearned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained fromexperience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source ismore important? Why？




Actually, knowledge can be gained either from books or from experience. As far as I am concerned, I reckon that gaining knowledge from experience is more important. Here come my reasons.


First and foremost, theories learned from books are not sufficient to solve all the practical problems. Take biology research as anexample. I have heard a tutor commented one of his students as a thoughtful person, who got fundamental basis through reading a large number of books and articles but at the same time didn't like to do experiments. Lack of feedback knowledge from experiences in experiment, he will never figure out the truth behind the surface. Just as we know, practice is crucial and necessary to research. By doing experiments, we accumulate information and knowledge to continuously verify our ideas, finally we can lead a way out.


Secondly, the book will not tell you every solution when you need help, comparatively, the guide attained from experience would offer you assistance immediately. Back to our college life, why should practice considered as an important part of our education course? Because, we must learn more knowledge directly from experience. Like communicating with people, we'd better rely on ourselves instead of finding out the exact words originating in books  when we have a chat. Once you screw it up, never mind, the fail experience you gained will remind you of what should be done when you encounter the similar problems. These things are never contained in books.


There goes a saying, Learn in Action. I believe the adage encourages us to learn in experiences. Obviously to most of people, reciting the principles in books is kind of difficult compared to acquiring the first-hand feedback knowledge in experience. So, in my opinion, knowledge gained from experience is more important.

paddyhyUID：202095

Actually, knowledge can be gained either from books or from experience. As far as I am concerned, I reckon that gaining knowledge from experience is more important. Here come my reasons.开头简洁，好！

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First and foremost, theories learned from books are not sufficient to solve all the practical problems. Take biology research as anexample. I have heard a tutor commented one of his students as a thoughtful person, who got fundamental basis through reading a large number of books and articles but at the same time didn't like to do experiments. Lack of feedback knowledge from experiences in experiment, he will never figure out the truth behind the surface. 这个例子开头引的时候很突然感觉Just as we know, practice is crucial and necessary to research. By doing experiments, we accumulate information and knowledge to continuously verify our ideas, finally we can lead a way out.这段写得不是正常水平啊。。觉得有点空呢。。

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Secondly, the book will not tell you every solution when you need help, comparatively, the guide这里用guide合适吗 attained from experience would offer you assistance immediately. Back to our college life, why should practice considered as an important part of our education course? Because, we must learn more knowledge directly from experience. Like communicating with people, we'd better rely on ourselves instead of finding out the exact words originating in books  when we have a chat. Once you screw it up, never mind, the fail experience you gained will remind you of what should这里按作者的意思是不是应该是shouldnot be done啊 be done when you encounter the similar problems. These things are never contained in books.


There goes a saying, Learn in Action. I believe the adage encourages us to learn in experiences. Obviously to most of people, reciting the principles in books is kind of difficult compared to acquiring the first-hand feedback knowledge in experience. So, in my opinion, knowledge gained from experience is more important.
看完觉得没有你以前写的好呢。。最然没什么语法错误但是好像词汇用得有点太突兀的感觉不是那种简单有确切的词汇。。论证还可以。。加油吧。。我也不会写啊。。

shirley072UID：2712200

11.5 Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have ateacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.


As far as I am concerned, correct methods and work efficiency play a crucial role in the procession of achieving success. Some people insist learning by themselves for the free arrangement of the studying time, however,we've no idea if they command efficient learning skills that help. Therefore, I hold that it is always better to have a teacher. Here come my reasons.


First and foremost, we could acquire some better systematical learning methods provided by teachers. This is an important point especially in our first contacting with unfamiliar fields. We could not even know where to begin, or which part seems to represent the main idea. All these obstacles may let you down, or force you to give up. However, if we get a teacher, situation will completely change. First, teacher is considered as a specialist in his field, that is to say, he owns a large amount of knowledge or experience to share with us. Second, we can also get a full appreciation depicted by the teacher of how to commence on this subject or which part should be focused on. There goes a saying, everything begins with tremendous hardness.Fortunately, our teachers will help to make it easy for us to overcome this problem, and furthermore, accompany us along with his brilliant intelligence.


Secondly, according to the favor made by teachers,we could easily promote our work efficiency. For example, we always confront with some difficult concepts that seem hard to understand, not mention to apply these complicated terms in our actual life. Then you turn to a dictionary or internet in order to figure out what these mean, but as I see, the most quick way is to ask a teacher, there are some reasons. First, the dictionary only offers the simplest explanation about the terms which may not sufficient to help you understand, in the other side, internet is filled with explosive information which need you to go though and pick up some useful description which is obviously a time-consuming stuff. If we have a better choice, why not use it. Just bring our puzzle to teachers, they can give an answer immediately, besides, they'd like to provide more background and relative material at the same time to assist you to digest. Sometimes, you can learn more things based on their own experience which you can't find anywhere else and which may sever as an impossible measure to advance your work efficiency.


Industrious work is necessary but not enough to attain success. Thanks to the assistance from our teacher, we may get a chance to learn better, and in my opinion, this will make our road to success comparatively easier.

karen_0315UID：2590040

As far as I am concerned, correct methods and work efficiency play a crucial role in the procession of achieving success. Some people insist learning by themselves for the free arrangement of the studying time, however,we've no idea if they command efficient learning skills that help. Therefore(为什么要说因此，这里没有什么因果关系链接), I hold that it is always better to have a teacher. Here come（s） my reasons.


First and foremost, we could acquire some better systematical learning methods provided by teachers. This is an important point especially in our first contacting with unfamiliar fields. We could not even know where to begin, or which part seems to represent the main idea. All these obstacles may let you down, or force you to give up. However, if we get a teacher, situation will completely change. First, teacher is considered as a specialist in his field, that is to say, he owns a large amount of knowledge or（and） experience to share with us. Second, we can also get a full appreciation depicted by the teacher of how to commence on this subject or which part should be focused on.这句话我有点puzzle，appreciation是赞扬，欣赏的意思，depict是描绘的意思，commence是及物动词可以直接接宾语，commence 和subject我查了一下好像也不太合适 There goes a saying, everything begins with tremendous hardness.Fortunately, our teachers will help to make it easy for us to overcome this problem, and furthermore, accompany us along with his brilliant intelligence.


Secondly, according to the favor made by teachers,we could easily promote our work efficiency. For example, we always confront with some difficult concepts that seem hard to understand, not mention to apply these complicated terms in our actual life. Then you turn to a dictionary or internet in order to figure out what these mean, but as I see, the most quick （quickest）way is to ask a teacher, and there are some reasons. First, the dictionary only offers the simplest explanation about the terms which may not sufficient to help you understand, in the other side, internet is filled with explosive information which need you to go though and pick up some useful description which is obviously a time-consuming stuff. If we have a better choice, why not use it. Just bring our puzzle to teachers, they can give an answer immediately, besides, they'd like to provide more background and relative material at the same time to assist you to digest. Sometimes, you can learn more things based on their own experience which you can't find anywhere else and which may sever as an impossible measure to advance your work efficiency.

Industrious work is necessary but not enough to attain success. Thanks to the assistance from our teacher, we may get a chance to learn better, and in my opinion, this will make our road to success comparatively easier.

第一个主体段落的TS是老师交给我们的好的方法，但是段落里面的论证没有针对这个TS进行。第二个主体段落的TS是让我们工作的更有效率，可是第二段一直在说老师给我解答问题很方便。
语言基本是中译英，但是词往往的搭配不当。这个多看一些文章提高的很快的
内容逻辑问题比较大，总体比较混乱。一段定了主题句就要根据它来写。