进军美利坚作文10.16

shirley072UID：2712200

11.11 Governments should focus more on naturalenvironment problems and less on economic developments.


Accompanying with the increasing development of economic, lots of environment problems become apparent in various aspects ofsociety. Some people, especially those engaged in environment protection, argue that government should focus more on natural environment problems and less oneconomic developments, however, I hold a contrast idea that more attention should be pay on the latter one. Here come my reasons.


Thank to the economic development, our lives turn to be better than ever before, filled with abundant material resources. However at the same time, more and more environment problems emerge as byproduct of this development which threaten our health directly or indirectly. As to me, a best solution is to solve these problems thoroughly without decelerating the speed of economic development. Why is that? Because, we need more fund invested in solving the environment problems. For these problems should not be considered as piece of cake, like greenhouse effect, we must contemplate seriously, better make a plan with several steps to take chronologically, and arrange appropriate researchers to trace every little changes or feedbacks to our measures. All of these need suppose of money. And essentially and importantly, economic development could bring us more money to apply our solutions reserving the environment.


On the other hand, with the development of economic,the number of environment  problems seem to decline. Let's take China, my country, as an example. Years before,continuously suffering starvation, we have no energy or conscious to concern the environment pollution. My country at that time was filled with unprocessed waste gas from heavy
industry or poisonous water incorrectly drained out by factories and so on. I can never image how much hazards these dangerous elements made to our settings, not mention to ourselves. However, this situation extinguished because of our developed economic. Take a look at our present days, promotion of material condition strives us to concentrate on our life quality, as well as our conferences. Then, more and more environment problems are avoided artificially along with the developed economic. Follow the historical trace, we can expect more advance society with less environment problems.


In conclusion, more available fund will be offered ascribe to the development of economic. With theses money, we could figure out the solutions to protect environment better. Besides, we are able to avoid making the silly mistakes on settings. All in all, I believe government should focus more on economic developments and less on economic developments.

DriftKingUID：2664045

11.11 Governments should focus more on naturalenvironment problems and less on economic developments.% y3 h2 x9 c: e# G+ `, J

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Accompanying with the increasing development of economic, lots of environment problems become apparent in various aspects ofsociety. Some people, especially those engaged in environment protection, argue that government should focus more on natural environment problems and less on economic developments, however, I hold a contrast idea that more attention should be pay on the latter one. Here come my reasons我觉得这句没必要
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Thank to the economic development, our lives turn to be better than ever before, filled with abundant material resources. However【,】 at the same time, more and more environment problems emerge byproduct of this development【是不是were emerged会好点？】 which threaten our health directly or indirectly. As to me, a best solution is to solve these problems thoroughly without decelerating the speed of economic development. Why is that? Because, we need more fund invested in solving the environment problems. For these problems should not be considered as piece of cake, like greenhouse effect, we must contemplate seriously, better make a plan with several steps to take chronologically, and arrange appropriate researchers to trace every little changes or feedbacks to our measures. All of these need suppose of【/】 money. And essentially and importantly,【that is to say是不是好点】 economic development could bring us more money to apply our solutions reserving the environment.我觉得这一段后边的表达有些绕口，其他都非常的好

On the other hand, with the development of economic,the number of environment  problems seem to decline. Let's take China, my country, as an example. Years before可以这么用吗？,continuously suffering starvation, we have no energy or conscious【这个是形容词吧】 to concern the environment pollution. My country at that time was filled with unprocessed waste gas from heavy! industry or poisonous water incorrectly drained out by factories and so on. I can never image how much hazards these dangerous elements made to our settings, not mention to ourselves. However, this situation extinguished because of our developed economic. Take a look at our present days, promotion of material condition strives us to concentrate on our life quality, as well as our conferences. Then, more and more environment problems are avoided artificially along with the developed economic. Follow the historical trace, we can expect more advance society with less environment problems感觉和上一个观点差不多啊

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In conclusion, more available fund will be offered ascribe to the development of economic. With theses money, we could figure out the solutions to protect environment better. Besides, we are able to avoid making the silly mistakes on settings. All in all, I believe government should focus more on economic developments and less on economic developments.

卷卷同学的优点是很明显的，观点明确，结构紧凑，细节新颖
不过我觉得还需要注意一下问题
因为我觉得你两个观点比较相近，所以建议在想一个吧
还有就是表达有些缺少变换
当然了 即便这样 你还是做的比我好多了 向你学习！

我是chineseladyUID：2662783

Accompanying with the increasing development of economic, lots of environment problems become apparent in various aspects ofsociety. Some people, especially those (who are) engaged in environmental protection, argue that government should focus more on natural environment problems and less oneconomic developments, however, I hold a contrast idea that more attention should be pay->时态 on the latter one. Here come my reasons.开头写的很好简洁又清晰

Thank to the economic development, our lives turn to be better than ever before, filled-->觉得filling做伴随比较好 with abundant material resources. However at the same time, more and more environmental problems emerge as byproduct of this development which threaten our health directly or indirectly. As to me, a best solution is to solve these problems thoroughly without decelerating the speed of economic development--> the best solution to solve these problems is to decelerate speed of economic development. Why is that? Because, we need more fund invested-->to invest in solving the environment problems. For these problems should not be considered as (a) piece of cake, like greenhouse effect 建议从起一句, we must contemplate seriously, better make a plan with several steps to take chronologically, and arrange appropriate researchers to trace every little changes or feedbacks to our measures.前一句子貌似很长但是实际都是简单句子拼一起.建议分开 All of these need suppose of money. And essentially and importantly个人认为用一个就好, economic development could bring us more money to apply our solutions reserving the environment.

n the other hand, with the development of economic,the number of environment  problems seem to decline. Let's take China, my country, as an example. Years before,continuously suffering (from) starvation, we have no energy or conscious..?? to concern the environment pollution. My country--China at that time was filled with unprocessed..?? waste gas from heav industry or poisonous water incorrectly drained out by factories and so on. 那个时候很穷...好像没有什么工业可谈的吧..工业农业都不怎么占优势.饥饿跟工业正好相反...有工业了还怕没饭吃? I can never image how much hazards these dangerous elements made to our settings, not mention to ourselves. However, this situation extinguished because of our developed economic. Take a look at our present days, promotion of material condition strives us to concentrate on our life quality, as well as our conferences. Then, more and more environment problems are avoided artificially along with the developed economic. Follow the historical trace, we can expect more advance society with less environment problems
可以说下哪方面污染得到了提高. 例子不恰当, 不符合历史和逻辑

In conclusion, more available fund will-->用should有建议的含义 be offered ascribe to the development of economic. With theses money, we could figure out the solutions to protect environment better. Besides, we are able to avoid making the silly mistakes on settings. All in all, I believe government should focus more on economic developments and less on economic developments. 语法还好了. 内容再丰富些

shirley072UID：2712200

12.2 It is more fun to see a movie in the cinema with other people than see a movie at home.

Going to movies become a most popular way to release our pressure and enjoy our lives. Then, where would you like to choose to spend your movie time, going to the cinema or just staying at home? As for me, I prefer to see a movie in the cinema, for I could get more fun with other people.

First, cinema offers a larger place where can easily hold numerous people, anyone of you has the opportunity to communicate with other people. With bigger screen and better sound apparatus, astonishing visual and sound effect are provided, leading us to an sensitive level with occasional emotion eruption. At this time, we always feel like to talk to others about particular pictures or words emerged seconds before. However, if you stay at home, especially alone, you may find no one to share. In the other case, you are not sure that your father or other family members besides you would get the same appreciation as you. For instance, some days before, I invited my friends to see Harry Potter in the cinema, when you arrive, you will find most of people talk excitedly about clues related to Harry Potter. It's amazing! Here, we behave as funs congregating together in the cinema to share our communal eager and comments. Such a big fun cannot be gained at home.

Additionally, emotions exaggerate much easier according to people's concentration and fully devotion, like sobbing and laughing. When movie goes to a sad section, some people shed the tears incontrollably. And the grieve conference will spread, most common people will feel even sad if they hear someone cried. The same rule can be applied to the laughter. I believe most of us have the experience that when sitting in the cinema, we often laugh louder or happier at the humorous plot. In my opinion that is because we laugh together, and our happy index increases. Then we achieve evaluated emotional level and obviously get more fun.

Besides, most people have a habit to eat popcorn and drink beverage when going to movies, it is tedious and complex to make pop-corn home. Then they would like to choose a cinema to watch movie. However, the most important reason for me to go to the cinema is that I can get more fun there than stay at home.

林霄麟UID：2645553

Going to movies becomes a most popular way to release our pressure and enjoy our lives.[我觉得这里主语有问题啦，我想这样好些吧：helps us to enjoy our life] Then, where would you like to choose to spend your movie time, going to the cinema or just staying at home? As for me, I prefer to see a movie in the cinema, for I could get more fun with other people.

First, cinema offers a larger place where can easily hold numerous people, anyone of you[everyone] has the opportunity to communicate with other people. With bigger screen and better sound apparatus, astonishing visual and sound effect are[is] provided, leading us to an sensitive level with occasional emotion eruption. At this time, we always feel like to talk to others about particular pictures or words emerged seconds before[ago]. However, if you stay at home, especially alone, you may find no one to share. In the other case, you are not sure that your father or other family members[这里是不是有些累赘…个人建议啊] besides you would get the same appreciation as you. For instance, some days before[ago], I invited my friends to see Harry Potter in the cinema, when you arrive, you will find most of people talk excitedly about clues related to Harry Potter.[这里主语出现问题了，讲的是“我”的经历，要保持都用第一人称哦] It's amazing! Here, we behave as funs congregating together in the cinema to share our communal eager and comments. Such a big fun cannot be gained at home.

Additionally, emotions exaggerate much easier according to people's concentration and fully devotion, like sobbing and laughing. When movie goes to a sad section, some people shed the tears incontrollably. And the grieve conference will spread, most common people[这里我觉得用the majority of people好些吧] will feel even sad[even + 比较级] if they hear someone cried[crying]. The same rule can be applied to the laughter. I believe most of us have the experience that when sitting in the cinema, we often laugh louder or happier at the humorous plot. In my opinion that is because we laugh together, and our happy index increases. Then we achieve evaluated emotional level and obviously get more fun.

Besides, most people have a habit to eat popcorn and drink beverage when going to movies, it is tedious and complex to make pop-corn home. Then they would like to choose a cinema to watch movie. However, the most important reason for me to go to the cinema is that I can get more fun there than stay at home.

我觉得楼主的作文有好多很好的细节，这是优点。个人觉得还是该有个小型的结尾吧。另外要注意细节咯。
PS：谢谢你的批改哦~

hualazimiUID：2707120

12.2 It is more fun to see a movie in the cinema with other people than see a movie at home./ z! ^5 F* x8 q  @" o
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Going to movies become a most popular way to release our pressure and enjoy our lives. Then, where would you like to choose to spend your movie time, going to the cinema or just staying at home? As for me, I prefer to see a movie in the cinema, for I could get more fun with other people.( t6 h. x()3 `7 v
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First, cinema offers a larger place where can easily hold numerous people, anyone of you(us) has the opportunity to communicate with other people. With bigger screen and better sound apparatus, astonishing visual and sound effect are provided, leading us to an sensitive level with occasional emotion eruption. At this time, we always feel like to talk to others about particular pictures or words emerged seconds before. However, if you stay at home, especially alone, you may find no one to share with. In the other case, you are not sure that your father or other family members besides you would get the same appreciation as you. For instance, some days before, I invited my friends to see Harry Potter in the cinema, when you arrive, you will find most of people talk excitedly about clues related to Harry Potter. It's amazing! Here, we behave as funs congregating together in the cinema to share our communal eager and comments. Such a big fun cannot be gained at home.
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& z! e; r7 I2 [- K9 X9 j4 eAdditionally, emotions exaggerate much easier according to people's concentration and fully devotion, like sobbing and laughing. When movie goes to a sad section, some people shed the tears incontrollably. And the grieve conference will spread, most common people will feel even sad if they hear someone cried. The same rule can be applied to the laughter. I believe most of us have the experience that when sitting in the cinema, we often laugh louder or happier at the humorous plot. In my opinion that is because we laugh together, and our happy index increases. Then we achieve evaluated emotional level and obviously get more fun./ G" ~+ d+ g( }; z( s

: J/ C* J% n" O5 nBesides, most people have a habit to eat popcorn and drink beverage when going to movies, it is tedious and complex to make pop-corn home. Then they would like to choose a cinema to watch movie. However, the most important reason for me to go to the cinema is that I can get more fun there than stay at home.
童鞋的文字驾驭能力很强，语言生动流畅，值得我学习，结尾再多阐述一下就更好了！赞一个~~

shirley072UID：2712200

12.7 Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, youshould be more like others than be different from everyone else.


Generally speaking, those people who make a great assignment and overweigh the others in a particular field are defined assuccessful men. Thus, in my opinion, only being different from everyone else will provide the chance for us to achieve success.


In order to succeed, we should study better than everyone else no matter which method we choose. For example, most of us will prefer to go to school attaining educations. There, we learned the knowledge for the first time, in a sense, that means we all stand at the same starting line. After the sound of gun-shoot, the competence begins. You can imagine that if everyone keeps at the same speed as others, where the gold cup goes to? Once you determine to succeed, what you should consider first is how to be different and brilliant so as to prevail the others. Like in the class, the teacher would probably offers you identity contents, most students could possibly record the teacher's word one by one without further understanding, however, some cleverer ones may absorb the information with their own way by making a little change on the notes. In fact, the latter ones have more chance to get a high score, for what they learn is not only the knowledge, but also the skills to learn more. And the skills will be the key to let you command the necessary information on the road to success.


Additionally, being successful means bold to creating new things. Take a look at the human process nowadays, advancements are often accompanied by the completely new and innovated ideas. This is better embodied in the aspect of science and technology. See, the most famous magazine Science, Nature and Cell collect the extraordinary found in theories. The successful authors of these articles should form their own perceptions based on the previous experiments on the similar mechanisms which require they abandoning the stereotypes and daring to put up brand new ideas which obviously different but better than anyone else.


As to me, difference always equal to specialty,and being special will make you more competent in the contest. So, in order to succeed, you should do your best in every aspect ensuring that you are preceding the others.

枫叶满天UID：2730468

Generally speaking, those people who make a great assignment and overweigh the others in a particular field are defined assuccessful men. Thus, in my opinion, only being different from everyone else will provide the chance for us(people 议论文迫不得已不用第一人称) to achieve success., P1 y6 q  z' F4 N7 F

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In order to succeed, we should study better than everyone else （to be outstanding）no matter which method we choose(个人觉得这样写会实际一点，也和题目观点接近). For example, most of us will prefer to go to school attaining educations(attain educations at school). There, we learned the knowledge for the first time, in a sense, that means we all stand at the same starting line. After the sound of gun-shoot, the competence begins. You can imagine that if everyone keeps at the same speed as others, where the gold cup goes to? Once you (a person) determine(s) to succeed, what you(he) should consider first is how to be different and brilliant so as to prevail the others. Like in the class, the teacher would probably offers yous identity (students identical) contents, most students could possibly record the teacher's word one by one without further understanding, (.)however(However however做副词时不能连接两个独立分句，具体的可以用google搜一下), some cleverer ones may absorb the information with their own way by making a little change on the notes. In fact, the latter ones have more chance to get a high score, for what they learn is not only the knowledge, but also the skills to learn more. And the skills will be the key to let you(him) command the necessary information （and be）on the road to success（succeed）.9 G8 P5 }& z* f6 C* k  J, t; ]  o
这一段展开的非常不错，细节很支持论点，不过美国人习惯在议论人中绝不出现第二人称

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Additionally, being successful means bold to creating new things. Take a look at the human process nowadays, advancements are often accompanied by the completely new and innovated ideas. This is better embodied in the aspect of science and technology. See, the most famous magazine(s) Science, Nature and Cell collect the extraordinary found in theories. The successful authors of these articles should form their own perceptions based on the previous experiments on the similar mechanisms which require they abandoning (我不知道require有没有这样的用法,但是有require sb. should do这样的用法，其中should可以省掉，所以是不是应该改成abandon包括后面的dare) the stereotypes and daring to put up brand new ideas which obviously different but better than anyone else.1 ^  b# K


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As to me, difference always equal(s) to specialty,and being special will make you(people) more competent in the contest. So, in order to succeed, you(people) should do your(their) best in every aspect ensuring(to ensure) that you are preceding the others.

我的批改意见都已经在文章里了，个人觉得写得还不错。

林霄麟UID：2645553

Generally speaking, those people who make a great assignment and overweigh the others in a particular field are defined assuccessful[?] men. Thus, in my opinion, only being different from everyone else[个人觉得这里everyone有些绝对，和所有人都不一样是不可能的，改成the other弱化语气好些，当然，个人意见啦~] will provide the chance[more chances] for us to achieve success.

In order to succeed, we should study better than everyone else no matter which method we choose.[这句段首句有些不合适，我觉得，特别是no matter which method we choose] For example, most of us will prefer to go to school attaining[表目的用to do] educations. There, we learned the knowledge for the first time, in a sense, that means we all stand at the same starting line. [时态有点乱]After the sound of gun-shoot, the competence begins. You can imagine that if everyone keeps at the same speed as others, where the gold cup goes to? Once you determine to succeed, what you should consider first is how to be different and brilliant so as to prevail the others. Like in the class, the teacher would probably offer you identity contents, most students could possibly record the teacher's word one by one without further understanding, however, some cleverer ones may absorb the information with their own way by making a little change on the notes. In fact, the latter ones have more chance to get a high score, for what they learn is not only the knowledge, but also the skills to learn more. And the skills will be the key to let you command the necessary information on the road to success.（这个例子蛮好咧~）

Additionally, being successful means bold to creating new things. （好论点）Take a look at the human process nowadays, advancements are often accompanied by the completely new and innovated ideas. This is better embodied in the aspect of science and technology. See, the most famous magazine Science, Nature and Cell collect the extraordinary found in theories. [个人感觉这种举例方法似乎有些生硬...]The successful authors of these articles should form their own perceptions based on the previous experiments on the similar mechanisms which require they abandoning the stereotypes and daring to put up brand new ideas which obviously different but better than anyone else.

As to me, difference always equal to specialty,and being special will make you more competent in the contest. So, in order to succeed, you should do your best in every aspect ensuring that you are preceding the others.
总的来说写的蛮好啦~加油~

shirley072UID：2712200

12.8 printed book have had greater effects onsociety than television has?


Along with the invention of television many years ago, our world was paint with the colorful tones and our life became abundant. It is also a great process in human's history. But when it comes to the effects on our life, television can not take place of the printed book, which still hold the greater influence on society.


First of all, we should notice that printed books are the necessities when we get to study in the school, it is the book teaching us knowledge, leading us to see the world. So far, I haven't found the television teaching being the first choice to conveying the knowledge. We keep continuously accumulate knowledge through reading a large number of books, no matter where we are. As we know, behaviors of human are considered as the most key point in shaping the world. And the knowledge we learned from the book is definitely the main source to guide our actions. Television acts more like an amusement tool for fun. For example, increasing people especially the young incline to imitate the hairstyles showed up in television. Actually, the phenomenon like this is prevalent on society, but after all, changing hairstyle is only a minor trend influencing a few people. Compare to the emerging of computer, which result from some people's hard working through learning and applying exist knowledge present on the printed books, you will find it easily that printed books bring in more important consequence on human society.


Additionally, considering basic characteristics of the book and television, the latter one has a limitation to make more influence on society. Technically speaking, the book wins for it contains more information. Even we can produce many TV programs, but it is hard for us to make a program prevail the books in detail and depth, not mention to the length. A book could contain thousands of pages to elaborate one high-tech skill thoroughly, but a program has the time limitation to describe the same skill. Obviously the clearer one will be from the books, then, when we have to use this skill, we turn to printed book but not television. Printed book recorded and now records explosive knowledge and extraordinary found in human society, and these information will help people to make world a better place in turn.


Finally,television has its own advantage to conveying information, for instance,television is fast in transporting news among nations. So I think television is an accessory way to make effects on society. In all, as far as I am concerned,printed book have had greater effects on society.

素怿UID：2630430

Along with the invention of television many years ago, our world was paint with the colorful tones and our life became abundant. It is also a great process in human's history. But（改成However，比较好吧） when it comes to the effects on our life, television can not take place of the printed book, which still hold the greater influence on society.

First of all, we should notice that printed books are the necessities when we get to study in the school, it is the book teaching us knowledge, leading us to see the world.（厄，这个句子看着有些奇怪，是不是book后面加that 后面的动词去ing比较好？要是我说错了，别见怪哈） So far, I haven't found the television teaching being the first choice to conveying the knowledge. We keep continuously accumulate knowledge through reading a large number of books, no matter where we are. As we know, behaviors（behavior这里应该是不可数名词吧） of human are considered as the most key point in shaping the world. And the knowledge we learned from the book is definitely the main source to guide our actions. Television acts more like an amusement tool for fun. For example, increasing people especially the young incline to imitate the hairstyles showed up in television. Actually, the phenomenon like this is prevalent on society, but after all, （这个貌似不能连用吧）changing hairstyle is only a minor trend influencing a few people. Compare to the emerging of computer, which result from some people's hard working through learning and applying exist knowledge present on the printed books, you will find it easily that printed books bring in more important consequence on human society. . \  L/ j3 h, g3 I' y
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Additionally, considering basic characteristics of the book and television, the latter one has a limitation to make more influence on society. Technically speaking, the book wins for it contains more information. Even we can produce many TV programs, but it is hard for us to make a program prevail the books in detail and depth, not mention to the length. A book could contain thousands of pages to elaborate one high-tech skill thoroughly, but a program has the time limitation to describe the same skill. Obviously the clearer one will be from the books, then, when we have to use this skill, we turn to printed book but not television. Printed book recorded and now records explosive knowledge and extraordinary found in human society, and these information will help people to make world a better place in turn.0 n' V. ^; e. z1 C7 e$ x" S

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Finally, television has its own advantage to conveying information, for instance, television is fast in transporting news among nations. So I think television is an accessory way to make effects on society. In all, as far as I am concerned, （这两个词组连用有点点奇怪）printed book have had greater effects on society.
楼主的文字驾驭能力很好哇，例子的阐述得都很清楚，还有一些词组的运用，都值得我学习~~
没有什么意见可以给的，所以改的都是一些小地方，要是有说错的地方楼主不要介意哈~~
Ps：谢谢你给我提的建议，很有道理的说~~~

sosodiuUID：2731702

12.8 printed book have had greater effects on society than television has?
"

Along with the invention of television many years ago, our world was paint with the colorful tones and our life became abundant. It is also a great process in human's history. But when it comes to the effects on our life, television can not take place of the printed book, which still hold the greater influence on society.
First of all, we should notice that printed books are the necessities when we get to study in the school, it is the book teaching us knowledge, leading us to see the world. So far, I haven't found the television teaching being the first choice to conveying the knowledge. We keep continuously accumulate knowledge through reading a large number of books, no matter where we are. As we know, behaviors(behavior应该是不可属的 human behavior是一个词组应该指人类的活动~而写成behavior of human的话 感觉语义上有一点点不明确了) of human are considered as the most (是否应该加个adj. ~ 用most 形容key point吗？ )key point in shaping the world. And the knowledge we learned from the book is definitely the main source to guide our actions. Television acts more like an amusement tool for fun. For example, increasing people especially the young incline to imitate the hairstyles showed up in television. Actually, the phenomenon like this is prevalent on society, but after all, changing hairstyle is only a minor trend influencing a few people. Compare to the emerging of computer, which result from some people's hard working through learning and applying exist knowledge present on the printed books, you will find it easily that printed books bring in more important consequence on human society.
（提点小小建议~这一段我个人觉得整体到后半段结构有点散 可能是因为那个haircut的例子有些些不适当~导致有些runaway的感觉~因为这一段你所给的主题句应该是书本带给我们知识、拓宽视野，而haircut这个例子用来例证amusement tool已经有些牵强了，对于整段的论点帮助就更小了~其实最后那个computer那的例子我觉得很好喔也能正面例证你前文的观点~~可以考虑下~）
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Additionally, considering basic characteristics of the book and television, the latter one has a limitation to make more influence on society. Technically speaking, the book wins for it contains more information. Even we can produce many TV programs, but it is hard for us to make a program prevail （prevail 貌似是个不及物动词~）the books in detail and depth, not mention to the length. A book could contain thousands of pages to elaborate one high-tech skill thoroughly, but a program has the time limitation to describe the same skill. Obviously the clearer one will be from the books, then, when we have to use this skill, we turn to printed book but not （rather than）television. Printed book recorded and now records explosive knowledge and extraordinary found in human society, and these information will help people to make world a better place in turn.
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Finally, television has its own advantage to conveying information, for instance, television is fast in transporting news among nations. So I think television is an accessory way to make effects on society. In all, as far as I am concerned, printed book have(has) had greater effects on society.

文章句式丰富~词汇丰富（好羡慕~~~~~~~） 而且我觉得你有一个很大的优点就是段落的末尾都有一定的深化收尾 不过就要谨慎些收尾的地方 哈哈 因为很容易扯进新的东西  很多词的用法我不是特别清楚~（原谅我初中水平单词量）~  改错的地方大家一起探讨探讨

shirley072UID：2712200

实际上不太理解题目到底什么是more effective。。。


12.9 Do you agree or disagree teacher who is aserious and strict person more effective than a teacher is humor and iseasygoing person.


When I was a student, I had met a lot of teachers bearing different personalities. Some of them were strict and the others might be humorous and easygoing. Honestly, teachers with sense of humor are always popular among the students for they seem to easily get along. However, I still hold that a serious and strict teacher will be more effective than a humorous one.


First of all, we should notice that the major job of teacher is teaching us knowledge, and what he's done will possibly influence our impression of the subject. Since learning knowledge is a serious and precise work, we should treat with the studying carefully and respectfully.Imagining that one humorous historical teacher always tries to make jokes about the events or our heroes by making up some legends, then, it is probably that all we remember clearly are the stories that maybe never and even exist. In contrast, a serious teacher who often complies with the original facts from the book. Assuming we can recite the same length of contents, the facts will be our first choice instead of funning jokes through a serious and strict teacher.


To some extent, an easygoing teacher may give out a false illusion that the subject is also easy to learn, and the humorous traitis opt to make students not taking the subject seriously. As we know, jokes make people laugh and the same time release the pressure. However, it is pressure which make people strive for. And a strict teacher impress us with a serious attitude, making us fell a little worried or even scared if we don't finish the work. Then, keep indulge in this mold, we have to do our best to study. In this way, we have a chance to learn more effectively.


Finally,some student may argue that the strict teacher seems to be a little dull. Yes,it's true. But think about our main task and goal when studying in schools,that is learning knowledge. As far as I am concerned, the most effective way to learn is under guide of strict and serious teachers.

SilentScorpiusUID：2686998

When I was a student, I had met a lot of teachers bearing different personalities. Some of them were strict and the others might be humorous and easygoing. Honestly, teachers with sense of humor are always popular among the students for they seem to easily get along(with). However, I still hold that a serious and strict teacher will be more effective than a humorous one.

    First of all, we should notice that the major job of (a)teacher is teaching us knowledge, and what he's done will possibly influence our impression of the subject. Since learning knowledge is a serious and precise work, we should treat with the studying carefully and respectfully.Imagining that one humorous historical teacher always tries to make jokes about the events or our heroes by making up some legends, then, it is probably that all we remember clearly are the stories that maybe never and even exist(never ever existed?). In contrast, a serious teacher who often complies with the original facts from the book. Assuming we can recite the same length of contents, the facts will be our first choice(不是很明显的指代) instead of funning jokes through a serious and strict teacher.(这个句子需要重新组织下)
   To some extent, an easygoing teacher may give out a false illusion that the subject is also easy to learn, and the humorous traitis opt to make students not taking the subject seriously. As we know, jokes make people laugh and the same time release the pressure. However, it is pressure which make people (to)strive for(learning). And a strict teacher impress us with a serious attitude, making us fell a little worried or even scared if we don't finish the work. Then, keep indulge(indulging) in this mold, we have to do our best to study. In this way, we have a chance to learn more effectively.
    Finally,some student may argue that the strict teacher seems to be a little dull. Yes,it's true. But think about our main task and goal when studying in schools,that is learning knowledge. (dull=studying...米国人估计不懂)As far as I am concerned, the most effective way to learn is under guide of strict and serious teachers.

LZ说明了Effective的原因，这点比我的作文好多了...不过有些句子需要重新组织，例子也可以更具体一点，使逻辑更加明显.

shirley072UID：2712200

12.10 孩子应该是玩和学习还是做家务household chores？


Many people believe that children should realize the hard aspect of their lives as early as possible by doing the household chores.However, considering the instinctive nature of children and increasing competence in the future, I hold that children should prefer to play for fun and study in order to prepare well for the future.


When I was a child several years before, the most excited thing attracts me is to play with my friends. Childhood is regarded to be a happy and airy time in our life, because child is so young to figure out the running rules of the world, not mention to worry about some fact problems like wearing and eating. They are just getting start to touch the world, before the time they have to work for life, they deserve enjoying themselves. And an appropriate way for children to have fun is playing. In contrast, doing household chores is possible to make children feel tired and break their beautiful expects or imaginations of life. In addition, never accounton children to do the household chores well, that means parents should spend more time to redo the works.


Nevertheless, accompanying with the increasing fierce competence, the future life will become harder and harder. Many parents have realize this point now, so they work industriously to give their children a better circumstance in order to make them starting at a higher level. For instance, they carefully choose the educational place for children from kindergarten to primitive school,and also some special class like piano-teaching which is also on the list. A better school always means a heavy burden and more learning task. In order to finish the assignment, children should spare more time to study. Furthermore, doing household chores will definitely occupy the studying time, leading to low efficiency in learning knowledge. After all, learning earlier benefits childrenin accumulating knowledge which will play an important role in the future competence.


Finally,playing in childhood will make a wonderful memory, in the other hand, studying when we were little children may provide us an elevated starting stage. So, I deem that playing and studying should be children's first choice instead of household chores.