【草莓酱拌饭组】1Argument7 by 智勇双全\AllseeEyes

智勇双全。瀚UID: 2632607

7 The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.
"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."

    我的英文水平很糟糕，这是实话实说。所以，我把我的思路先用中文表达出来，以防止我拙劣的英文写作造成了意义表达上的谬误。
    题给原文逻辑错误如下：
    1. town council一般有5-50个议员，所以工厂数量的翻倍并不一定是Frank的主张，也许Frank正是council里面少数反对兴建工厂保护环境的议员之中的一员。
    2.  无论当初Frank对兴建工厂是持有什么态度，但是现在air pollution levels have increased and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patient with respiratory illnesses,所以，该市的污染问题一定要得到解决。但是作者并没有给出Frank和Ann两个人的具体能力，所以，就解决污染这一问题，我们不知道他俩到底行不行.
    3.   而且，作为一个城市的mayoral,解决城市的污染问题是一项工作，但这不是唯一一项工作。其他的比如贫困救济，失业问题，医疗问题，道路建设，经济发展，城市对外形象等等问题。所以，只是以能否解决环境问题来选市长，太片面了。

以下是我的文章，恳请各位组长、组员兄弟姐妹以及前辈们点评

    This argument tells us the environment of Clearview is going to get worse because of the numbers of factories rising. The author concludes that if the residents of Clearview elect a member of Good Earth Coalition to be mayor, the pollution will be solved. To support the conclusion, the author reasons that the town council is to blame for the environment problems and Ann who is form Good Earth Coalition will definitely be able to solve the problem. But there are several logical fallacies on the conclusion, that making the argument highly suspect.
    We are merely informed that Frank is working for council and Ann is working for Good Earth Coalition, but we can’t ensure their opinions on the environment. There is no doubt that the council should be blame for the environment problems. But one council contains five or more members. Frank is just one of them. The argument does not provide evidence for that Frank was supporting the constructing of new factories. Frank may objected the plan of constructing factories but he was in the minority. As the some, not everyone in the Good Earth Coalition want to prove the environment right now, maybe some of them think it’s doesn’t matter. So we don’t know how Ann’s thinking.
    The author is looking forward to making us believe that Ann will solve the problems. But it’s unfounded. Obviously, we can’t  get more information about Ann and Frank. What had they done in the past years? How they composed when confronted with environment pollution or similar problems? We judge them according to nothing. We can’t ensure who has the capability of making the situation better. Perhaps both, or one of them, or none.
    The author considering that improving environment is the main principle of electing a mayor. General speaking, solving the environment problems is just one of the works of a mayor. As a president of area, a mayor must face to things like unemployment, poverty, medical system, education, economy and so on.
    To conclude, this argument is not persuasive. It is imprudent for the author to claim that Ann will absolutely improve the situation of Clearview. To make this argument logically acceptable, the author should provide concrete evidence as well to demonstrate that one candidate is more outstanding than another one in the main aspects. In addition, to solidify the conclusion, the author would have to show us more information about each candidate. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

智勇双全。瀚UID: 2632607

这是一个澳洲的朋友帮我修改的。。。在我看来，修改得太棒了，我要认真学习这一篇文章中的优秀语句。
    According to the essay, it is told the environment of Clearview is going to get worse due to the increasingly big number of factories had been built recently. Yet, the author made a conclusion that the pollution will be solved if the residents of Clearview elect a member of Good Earth Coalition to be the mayor. To support the conclusion, the author further explained that the town council is to blame for the environmental issue and Ann who is the establisher of Good Earth Coalition is capable of coping with the pollution problem. But there are several logical fallacies on the conclusion, which make the conclusion highly suspect.
    We are merely informed that Frank is working for council and Ann is working for Good Earth Coalition, however their opinions about the environmental problem are not given in the content. Doubtlessly the council should be blamed for the pollution; nevertheless one council contains five or more members. Frank is just one of them. The essay does not provide explicit evidence to prove Frank was involved in the construction project. Frank may disagree on this, however since the decision was made by the whole council members, thus eventually the resolution was still adopted.
    The author obviously tried to convince the audiences that Ann would be a qualified leader to cope with this problem however further more information about Ann and Frank were not given. The audiences do not have a clue about the candidates’ backgrounds or political claims etc. Therefore no criteria have been set for the general people to judge who is more suitable to become the mayor. Besides, apart from environmental issue, a qualified mayor should also have a good understanding about economics, education and medical reform etc. In the accordance with this perspective, the conclusion that author made seems invalid.
    In conclusion, this article explained the author ignored the fact that Frank was not the only one who charges the city council; additionally the author overpraised Ann without providing valid and clear evidence. Instead, the author should set a more logical and explicit criterion for judging what is a good mayor, which will make the readers feel it is more persuasive and objective rather than feeling it is a personal opinion.

dairymanUID: 2683905

被改完了啊，基本上读上去确实感觉有明显不同，有native的感觉了