【草莓酱拌饭组】1ARGUMENT7 by Rain

23℃UID: 2708235

7 The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.

"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."

1、工厂的增加可能并不因为council，可能是因为经济发展，市场需求扩大。
2、air pollution levels have increased 可能是因为其他原因。
3、current members of council are not protecting 不代表 Frank Braun are not protecting.
4、污染是否是这个城市最大的问题？一定要投能保护环境的候选人？
5、Ann Green不一定做得更好。


This editorial argues that the residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green instead of Frank Braun in the next mayoral election. To support this argument, the editorial’s author points out that the number of factories in Clearview has doubled during the past two years just because the current member of town council are not protecting the environment. Besides, the author points out that the pollution resulted in 25 percent more patients with respiratory illness. In order to get the environment problem solved, the author concluded, the resident should choose Ann Green rather than Frank Braun. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, there are several factors contributed to the doubled number of factories in recent two years. However, the author failed to prove that it is the council who should take the responsibility. It is possible that the development of the local economy is more likely to be the major cause. That is, with much larger market, more factories should be built to meet the increasing market demand.

Secondly, the author assumes that the increasing factories worse the air condition. Without ruling out all other possible explanations, the author cannot convince me that the increasing number of factories is the cause of air pollution. More automobiles on the road, the construction of buildings and improper disposal of trash can lead to a worse air condition. Even the pollution of the laboring town may account for the terrible problem. What’s more, logic and common sense inform me that the newly built factories are more capable of dealing with the contaminants with the new technology.

Thirdly, the current council’s behavior cannot represent Frank Braun’s. Although the council has not done a good job in protecting the environment, we can still assume that Frank has many constructive ideas about how to get a better environment. He failed to practice his thoughts may just because the major the council members disagree with him. If so, Frank should not take the blame. Yet no evidence is offered to substantiate that Ann can make a significant improvement. Therefore, there are no adequate reasons for the residents to replace Frank Braun with Ann Green.

Finally, the editorial failed to take in account that whether the environment problem is the most primary and urgent one. The author judges the two candidates only by their ability and possibility of solving environment problem. However, we should consider many other measurement, for example, whether he or she can lower the crime rate(if crime is the major problem of the town). A mayoral who an only solve the environment problem may not be a qualified one.

In sum, the author’s suggestion is simply not credible, at least based on the editorial. To have Ann Green win the election, the author should list some other benefits and advantages Ann Green promises to bring about. Besides, the author also should provide clear evidence that Ann Green is better than Frank Braun in most aspects which the residents concern about.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

语言问题我来看看，逻辑的话留给其他高人吧。

第一段：总体不错。
current member，member变复数~

In order to get the environment problem solved, the author concluded, the resident should choose Ann Green rather than Frank Braun.这句建议改为The author concludes that the residents should choose Ann Green rather than Frank Braun to get the environmental problems solved.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第二段：

Contribute这句建议改为there are several factors that contributed to，因为一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词。

至于in recent two years，想必是最近两年的英文说法，建议用in recent years或者in the past two years。

Fail那句的时态建议用一般现在时。

Market一句，建议改为with a much larger market。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第三段：

increasing建议改为newly-built，worse是形容词，不能直接做动词用，建议改为contributes to the worsening of air conditions.

第二个increasing建议改为increased。

a worse air condition建议改为much worse air conditions

laboring town?

inform me that建议改为show that。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第四段：

may just建议改为maybe，或者在前半句里做文章，his failure to practice his thoughts may be due to the opposition from the majority of the council members.

replace Frank Braun with Ann Green建议改为vote for Ann Green rather than Frank Braun.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第五段：

take in account改为take into account，that直接去掉。

ability and possibility of solving environment problem. 建议改为capability/capacity of solving environmental problems.

Measurement用在这里不合适，建议改为measures。

he or she建议改为the two mayoral candidates更确切些。

A mayoral who an only solve the environment problem may not be a qualified one.-->A candidate who is only able to solve environmental problems should not be considered qualified for the post.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第六段：

To have Ann Green win the election, the author should list some other benefits and advantages Ann Green promises to bring about.
可以考虑To vote Ann Green into power, the author should demonstrate …

which the residents concern about建议改为which the residents are concerned about或者which the residents care about。

总的来说，如果词汇量只有四级的话，语言质量算是还可以的。（PS：我不轻易夸人的。）

23℃UID: 2708235

7# cinderella1016

超感谢指点，第一篇A，写得痛苦的。
我会努力改正。