1006G emteddybear的备考日记——想法太多而不去实施等于没有想法

emteddybearUID：2699606

还是那个帖子
追星剑的这句话说得很在点子上，我觉得

一句话能够说清楚的没必要啰嗦5句话，上面给出的一个6分段落就是3句话搞定的。问题仍然是：我必须把必要的内容给予充分的交代，把整个过程为什么出现fallacy分析清楚，这个分析就体现在例如上面提到的一些元素里（当然，也许不止）。大家看看范文，自己也可以琢磨一下：从范文里面能够找到什么样的体现论证充实深入的元素？

ARGUMENT需要一个严谨而充实的驳论过程，泛泛而谈很难有强大说服力的。而且不仅是指出原因，应该说要把动态的过程分析清楚（if necessary）。注意这并不是讲故事，而是用最贴切的场景和方式去完胜题目的论断。

继续看第三个帖子：关于展开和组织的
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=199905
明天再写感想





感想来了
感觉6分范文就是6分范文，真的很好，自己什么时候才能写出那样的文章，追星剑分析得也很好，在他分析范文的时候提到了提问的写作方式，感觉很新颖（我孤陋寡闻了），但是要注意的也很多，把要点摘录下来

这里使用了连续问句作为展开的手段。Claria那篇6分范文里面也使用过连续问句作为一个段落并受到了肯定的评价。但是奇怪的是我看到我们这里的argument文章用起问句的时候却经常是和范文效果大相径庭。我想问题的核心可能在于我们有些argument里那些“问”问的是太不着调。像上面这一段是3+3六个问句，每个3里面，后面两个问句都实质上给出了作者的“答案”。Claria那篇文章更是每个单独的问句都暗指作者想要表述的“答案”。可是我们这里有些argument问题问完了“答案”谁都不知道——看的人也一样，写的人也一样。写的人提出一个问题然后自己不回答，再加上后面一起弄得看的人一头雾水，怎么能有好效果？包括反问、设问等等，人家范文里面用得很好，我们如果只学了形式没学会实质，用出来之后自然只能让别人看着诡异。

还有Pooh说的问题也很容易犯：

一定要分清前提和论点论据，有的人虽然每个驳论点都展开的很充分却不知道自己做了无用功，那就是去驳人家的前提，没有抓住重点。

下面一楼我决定用来摘录我在阅读中遇到的好的句子，啦啦啦~~~~~~

emteddybearUID：2699606

优美句子楼：
1.Before prescribing large quantities of black tea to the general population, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles.
2.If this were the case, the study’s results would be questionable, at best.
3.What if we consider some important terminology in the argument? 要开始质疑“偷换概念
4.The problem is that key terms in the argument are too vague to be meaningful.

emteddybearUID：2699606

第四次作业：
1.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=990958&highlight
限时argument206，考前求拍

TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper. "Throughout the country last year（通过去年的情况下结论）, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure（这个pressure是win 的压力，但是前面说的是injury） from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages（这个论断就有问题，也没有说清楚）, we in Parkville（前面说的都是the country,即使前面的情况符合，也不一定在PARKWILLE适合啊)should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine." WORDS: 384 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-8-1 13:58:06 In this argument, the author concludes that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. To support his conclusion, the author points out that over 80,000 of young players suffered injuries throughout the country last year. And he also cites that youth-league softball players reported pressure form coaches and parents in several big cities and these sports take away time for academic activities.好像是很明显的直接用作描述题目，这样的开头被大多数大牛看来是不可取的 However, the argument suffers a few flaws.全文的中心句？ To begin with, the author falsely assumes that children under nine in Parkville suffer injuries just like those throughout the country. First, the child in Parkville may have different interests in sports, such as basketball这个点好像是在承认argument认为取消softball和soccer是可取的条件下得出的批判. Second, the author fails to provide the number of children who is under nine and suffered injuries throughout the country last year.（好像文中说了的吧） Perhaps only a few children under nine suffered from injuries. Third, the author fails to prove that the children get injuries because of taking sports rather than other possibilities（这个理由有点无聊）. All these scenarios, if true, will undermine the author's conclusion. In addition, the author unjustifiably claims that children in Parkvill receive pressure from coaches and parents（题目中没有说pressure是在parkvill啊）. The study is interviewed in several big cities, we are not informed whether Parkville is a big city. Even assuming that it is a big city, the author still cannot apply the study to Parkville. There are maybe differences between Parkville and other cities. Perhaps Parkville has stricter regulations to coaches, or perhaps the competition in Parkville is not so serious. Furthermore, it is unwarranted to claim that these sports take away time from academic activities. First, we are not informed how many hours are used for sports and academic activities. Perhaps sports time is far less than the time for academic activities. Second, sports may help to do academic activities better. Without ruling out these possibilities, it is unwise to discontinue organized competition. Last but not least, the author suggests too hastily to discontinue all the competition（这个是不是和body1的第一句话意思有点相同呢）. Even if some competition is dangerous（没有理由的让步，文中没有说体育运动competition dangerous）, some others may be good for children. Common sense tells me that children need to take sports. The disadvantage of discontinue may outweigh the advantage.（这句话放在这儿有意义么） To sum up, the author fails to substantiate the conclusion that Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine. The author need further information and reliable study to make the conclusion convincing.（模板式的结尾） 总的来说我认为这篇文章还是批判到了几个点上的，但是有些地方写得好像与题目相悖

emteddybearUID：2699606

2.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=990800&highlight



限时argument131，过两天就考了，请求指点

今天限时写的，过几天就考试了，不知道写成这样能有多少分，大家给点建议吧，先谢谢了！ TOPIC: ARGUMENT131 - The following appeared in an environmental newsletter published in Tria Island. "The marine sanctuary on Tria Island was established to protect certain marine mammals. Its regulations ban dumping and offshore oil drilling within 20 miles of Tria, but fishing is not banned. Currently many fish populations in Tria's waters are declining, a situation blamed on pollution. In contrast, the marine sanctuary on Omni Island has regulations that ban dumping, offshore oil drilling, and fishing within 10 miles of Omni and Omni reports no significant decline in its fish populations. Clearly, the decline in fish populations in Tria's waters is the result of overfishing, not pollution. Therefore, the best way to restore Tria's fish populations and to protect all of Tria's marine wildlife is to abandon our regulations and adopt those of Omni."典型的两个地点对比 WORDS: 314 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-7-31 21:03:35 In this argument, the author concludes that the Tria Island should abandon its regulations and adopt Omni's in order to restore its fish populations and protect all of its marine wildlife. To support his conclusion, the author cites the example of Omni Island which has regulations that ban fishing. However, the argument suffers from a few flaws. To begin with, the author assumes too hastily that the decline in fish populations in Tria's waters should blame on overfishing. Firstly, there are many other nature factors which would influence the fish population, such as water temperature, spaning season, extreme weather phenomenon and so forth. 此处分析很具体化Secondly, the author fails to prove that the banned actions have not happened.没有读懂什么意思 If the water is polluted, the fish population will probably decrease.这一点是不是说如果在举行措施之前，若水本来就被污染了，那么鱼的数量还是会被减少 Besides, the oil may also float from other place. All these sceranios, if true, will undermine the author's conclusion that overfishing should be responsible for decline in fish populations. besides好像用得不是很好，因为大的意群的承接和TS的链接词有点不好区分 In additon, even 这个让步是正确的assuming that overfishing leads to the decline in fish populations, the author falsely concludes that Tria should follow the example of Omni. The author overlooks the differences between the two Islands. There might be disparity in Island weather, water quality, fish sorts and so on.很具体化 These defferences will make Omni's regulations unsuccessful in Tria. What's more, the author doesn't prove that the fish caught in Tria is within 10 miles of Tria, which will undermine the conclusion. Further more, even assuming that the Omni's regulation will success in Tria, the argument still has some flaws. First, the Omni's regulations might not be the best one. There are may be better ones such as stricker ban on dumping. Second, the Omni's regulation cannot guarantee to protect all the marine wildlife. 我觉得这一点貌似很新颖，但是好像说得不是很清楚，主要应该是语言的问题吧 To sum up, the author fails to substantiate his conclusion that Tria should adopt Omni's regulations. To support his conclusion, the author should provides more information.结论太模板化了 我觉得这篇argument确实分析到了一些比较表面的店，但是好像主要矛盾没有抓住，没有太深入

emteddybearUID：2699606

3.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=941673&highlight



Argument 35 首次限时，欢迎猛拍

时间果然不够用啊…… 用时：35m； 字数：449 ------------------ 35. The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. "Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. 我都觉得这个has been found 有没有根据，咋个觉得这个结果就不可靠呢，不知道这点可不可以批评Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods.我在想这样的事物有没有害健康啊（虽然这个问题与本题目无关） With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia." 这个结论很明显的post hoc, ergo propter hoc fallacy ------------------ 正文 In this summary the author concludes that the number of headaches suffered by average citizen of Mentia will continue to decline. To justify this argument, the author show me some evidence that many foods are naturally rich in salicylates(S), which are similar to aspirin, a medicine used to treat headache. Moreover, the author cites a twenty – year study, amid which the average number of headaches is reported declining. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals many logical and statistic problems that will without doubt render it unconvincing. To begin with, the author’s argument relies on a hasty assumption that S is the very factor leading to the decline of the number of headaches. However, no certain proof has been shown to confirm this connection. There is a high possibility that it’s some other chemicals that added in foods curing the headaches, but not S. And it’s also possible that even though S is curing the headaches, the consequence is not apparent enough for a survey to check out. Even if the connection between the use of S and decline of headache is confirmed, the author fails to show the details of the twenty-year study to prove it representative. First, the number of people who has taken the survey is not given. Perhaps the sample is too small to be considered valid. Furthermore, the situation of these sample people is also unknown. It’s possible that the symptom of the headache of the people is not severe enough, and that it’s some other factors resulting in the recovery of their headache, even that it’s cure all by themselves. Even if the two factors that will lead to the failure of the argument are both proved, the author still cannot prove that the trend of using S as preservative will continue. It’s totally possible that all the companies tend to give up using S as preservative for some reasons, like recent discovery or governmental restricts. Or perhaps, there will be some other chemicals found to be more efficient than S as preservative, which will without doubt result in the decline of using S. In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stand in many facets. Firstly, to strengthen the argument, the author must show me more evidence to prove that it is the S which added as preservative that cure people’s headache, not other chemicals. Secondly, to convince me, the author also have to show more details about the twenty – year study to prove it representative. Finally, the author also have to give adequate evidence to show that the tendency of using S as preservatives will continue. Without ruling out all the other possibilities, the argument will never convince me. 对于这篇文章，由于我自己还没有弄透彻题目的逻辑错误，给我最明显的就是最好那一句，很明显有逻辑错误，至于其他的还有待分析，所以对于作者的分析我也不好多说什么，因为前面看到POOP说不需要对前提进行批驳，而我还没有搞清楚这个题目的前提是什么。 就这篇文章的结构而言，其实思路是很清晰的，就是顺序结构，然后后面的ending是总结body1，2，3的内容。

emteddybearUID：2699606

4.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=940038&highlight
TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 431
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-4-7 9:59:42

提纲：
1，在医院时间长短不能说明治疗质量
2，治愈比率同样不能说明治疗质量
3，医院有更多工作人员不一定能提供更好服务
4，投诉少不能说明服务好
看了Irvine的批改，说得很详细，很到位，也受益匪浅，觉得自己在分析这道题目的时候也是漏掉了关于economical 和quality的问题，貌似都是说quality比较多一些，economical少一点。还有就是关于complaint和severse的问题，是不是可以说成，也许抱怨是关于其他的问题的抱怨，比如说人手不够的抱怨，但是区医院的主要目的还是看病三，所以不能因为这些问题就支持去小医院，不知道这种说法何不合理？？？？同样求拍

emteddybearUID：2699606

5.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=930237&highlight
模板化是不是太严重了？思路有没有问题？求猛拍！！！！！！！！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT159 - The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.暂时想到的问题有：这个调查的基数到底有多大，又不是每个家庭里面的其他的家用电器都是一样的，而且题目也说了，CLARIA是个大地方啊，这个差异就更大了，万一他是拿这个地方的一个区域和另外一个区域比呢，就太没有可比性了，万一他只是在一个小地方做调查。
WORDS: 431
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-3-17 下午 08:10:53

In this argument, the author recommends both using air conditioners and fans as an effective way of saving money on electricity. In order to justify it, the author cites a survey that different families being diverse in the way of cooling the house spend different money on electricity. However, close scrutiny of the statistic and the line of reasoning reveal that it is not convincing.

A threshold problem with the argument involves the statistical reliability of the survey. Lacking of assurance and information about the randomness and relative size of the survey' sample, the author cannot convince me the conclusion of the survey is reliable. As the author mentions, the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area, without enough large sample, so it is entirely possible that the survey is not representative of the real situation of Claria. Moreover different place will have different temperature and the price of electricity这两点我都没有想到, without comprehensive consideration these factors, I strongly doubt the reliability of the survey. The dubious survey undermines the follow conclusions which rely on it.

Secondly, the author asserts different way of cooling the house causes the decrease of electricity consuming just because they happen together. Obviously, the evidence for the casual relationship is too vague to believe. Furthermore, to satisfy the same requirement, common sense informs us air condition costs more electricity than fans. Thus, there must be other reasons causing the decrease of the electric consumption. The most reasonable one is that the expense for air condition is so money-consuming that the citizens would like to tolerate the hot weather rather than pay for it.哇这一点都可以想到，确实是存在为了节约反而不用的情况

Even though the author can substantiate foregoing assumption and assertion, I still cannot accept his/her recommendation because the author overlooks other factors contributes to the amounts of electricity. As we know, for a family, facilities of cooling the house take little part of electricity. Computer, lights, television, fridge and so forth cost more electricity. Thus it is possible that even though the method of saving electricity recommended by the author works, it makes little contribution to the total electricity consuming so that we cannot see the change on我觉得而这个说法有点问题，不能说他占的比重小，就不重视啊，占的比重小也要节约啊
spending money. Furthermore, if the electric consumptions of other factors increase, it will not save the money, strongly contradicting to the conclusion of the author.

To sum up, the recommendation suffers from statistic and logic flaws causing that it is not warranted. In order to strengthen it, the author should provide the compelling evidence to prove the reliability of the survey and the casual relationship between the way of cooling their house and decrease of electric consumption. Additionally, the author should also provide appealing evidence to prove the total electric consumption will decrease.
总的来说这篇文章写得还是很好的，前面两段都写得很好，句子也很流畅，至少我要写出那样的句子还要花点功夫，但是第三段的批判有点怪怪的，不知道是我自己的理解问题还是什么？！！！！

emteddybearUID：2699606

6.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=927700&highlight
TOPIC: ARGUMENT163 - The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. 1.The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition,2. it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. 证据不足Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building,市政大楼可以租给被人么 thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."但是建房子的钱谁来出啊，能不能在赚的钱里面收回成本呢
WORDS: 391
TIME: 00:25:46
DATE: 2009/3/12 10:40:26

Citing the comparison between the old hall and new hall, the author comes to the conclusion that on the purpose of saving money, Rockingham' century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building. However, this argument is based on a series of unproven assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.感觉这个开头挺好的

One such assumption is that the new hall will save energy. Even though the new one will be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot, the author ignores the fact the new hall is far larger than the old hall. In which case, the overall costs of the new hall would be no less, perhaps more than the energy costs of the old hall. Unless the author could provide exact data to demonstrate the new hall can really save energy, his assumption is dubious. 新建大楼虽然单间房间的能量效率高，但是总的来说未必高

The author's claim that building the new hall will save a considerable amount of money is open to doubt. On the one hand, tearing down the old hall and building the new hall is considerably money-consuming. The author does not inform the exact amount of money needed; maybe it might lead the town council to budget strain. On the other hand, the author mentions some of the space could be rented out to generate income. However, people might not be willing to rent the hall, in which case, the town would not get any revenue. In short, without providing solid evidences that building new hall would save money, the author's proposal is unpersuasive.拆迁费和建造费的问题，还是出租问题

Finally, as the current hall is century-old, it might have historic values. For example, the old hall might be a famous tourist site of town, which attracts thousands of tourists every year. Or perhaps, the old hall might have certain special meaning in the local residents' minds. They might regard the hall as the symbol of the town. If either of the cases is true, the old hall's merits far outweigh the new one's advantages.这一点我没有想到
All in all, this argument relies on certain unwarranted assumptions and therefore specious at best. To convince readers to accept his/her conclusion that replacing the old hall with new one, the author should provide information on whether the new hall will save energy and save a considerable amount of money, and last but not least, the old hall' historic values.
总的来说这篇文章感觉思路很清晰，句子也写得很好，以后当范文来背的

emteddybearUID：2699606

9.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=926446&highlight
TOPIC: ARGUMENT137 - The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough不能说有关于水的抱怨，就说明他是居民不去参加这些活动理由. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase,is likely to 就是说还没有增加，结果也就有两个 so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."增加了也不一定要提高预算啊
WORDS: 416          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/9 16:28:42

In this augument, the author drew the conclution about the increase of recreational use of the Mason River, after his/her seemingly convincing procedure of reasoning, and suggested the City council to increase the budget for the improvement of lands along Mason River. As far as I see it, this argument omits some sunbstential information, and therefor suffers some logical fallacies.

To begin with, the author falsely established a causal relationship between the complaint about the quality of the water and the seldom using of the nearby River for recreational activity. Although the two things happened simultaneously, but there are pobably many other reasons for seldom using of the water, too. For example, in the city there is a swimming pool, which supplies a good service and has new infrastructure. So the residents prefer going there to siwmming in the river. Like swimming pool, other places, such as park and artifical lack, will attract people as well. Without providing us the information about other places in the city, the author's assumption is invalid.只说到了other place的问题，也许还可以在多扩充一点更具体的

In addition, can the annoucement about cleaning up Mason River by the agency make the use of river increased? Even assuming that the residents seldom use the River, because they worried the quality of the water, a promise about cleaning up cannot make the river really clean at a short time. The environmental restore will take a relative long time, as we know. Moreover, the author did not tell us the detail of the cleaning plan. When does begin it, and how does the agency put it into practice? So the author's conclution about a increase of use of the water lacks credibility.只是计划，还没有实施

Last but not least, the author's suggestion is also doubtful. Even if the river can be cleaned up, it is not clear that why the council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the lands along the Mason River? Can this plan represent the residents' real will? It is entirely possible that a majority of residents want to keep these lands wild as before, so that they can get a real relax in the nature. The author did not show the oppinion of the residents, therefore the final suggestion may be not proper.

To sum up, in this argument, the evidence is not enough to support waht the author maintained. To strenghten, more information, such as a introduce of the city, a detailed plan about cleaning up the river and a poll about the improvement of lands, are necessary.

感觉这篇文章还是不是很深入和清晰

emteddybearUID：2699606

8.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=924929&highlight

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.1.对于含铜量高的能节约40%的电能，但是对于含铜量低的就不一定能节约电能啊 2。还存在一个提取的效率问题，节约电能但是效率不高也没有用 3.时间问题，节约电能但是花的时间太长也是值得考虑的问题
WORDS: 475          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/6 17:32:50

Comparing the new technologies with the traditional ones, and then based upon the superiority in electricity reducing of the former, the author thus predicted an optimistic perspective of the new copper-extracting skills. However, to prove those hypothesise requires more work of reasoning and more relative background evidences.

To begin with, the author might intensively conceal the purity of copper proceeded and the expenditure of replacing new equipment. Primarily, the quality of the products should not be overlooked. Admittedly, for its important influence in earning profits, cost should be considered as an important factor in comprehensive judgment of new industrial skills, whereas the quality and quantity of the products are even more decisive in determining practical value of certain new technology. As is self-evident, one industrial innovation could be broadly accepted only when its manufactures satisfied customers. If, for example, the new process of copper-extracting technologies failed to extract more pure copper, factories would never be willing to accept new technologies although the traditional one expends more electricity. In addition, the technical costs are undeserved slipped. When the CEO of one copper-extracting corporation endeavor to decrease their daily cost of energy, the primary consideration of him/her would be how much should he/she pay for the new equipment? If the costs of exchanging equipment, for instance, are much higher than the spending of extra electricity, one would require great act of will to eliminate old equipment. Since the expectation of the author established mainly in wide spread and broad using of the new industrial skills, he/she should not neglect the possibilities mentioned above.在工业上要使用一项新的技术需要付出很大的代价，这个代价能否在收益中收回还是个问题

What is more, the effects of the new technologies to environment as well face the similar challenge. Are those new industrial skills detrimental to ecosphere? There might be opportunity that the equipment utilizing those technologies would release great amount of detrimental gases or polluted water to our living circumstance. Actually, if certain new technology will be harmful to our generations, it would never be actualized. Since the author rashly skip this possibility while focus merely on the power saving, the optimistic perspective he/she expecting might never emerge.点出题目中的问题，很多时候我们可能都缺乏这一点。True, new revolutionary industrial technology rarely failed to influence our daily lives, nonetheless, before verifying its practical influences, the positive anticipation is somewhat too hastily.污染问题，我没有想到

Last but not least, the author failed to take into account that there might be other alternative possibilities to reach out to the purpose of energy saving. Do there exist any chemical compounds that could accelerate the copper-extracting action? As is known to all, appropriate catalyst could lower the temperature required in chemical interactions and therefore reduce the cost of electricity. 是不是跑题啦，怎么说到催化剂了呢

In sum, were there detailed background information demonstrating quality of the products and cost of the machine, particular description convincing the essential impact to circumstance, comprehensive deduction excluding other possible approaches, the expectation of the author would be more rational.

emteddybearUID：2699606

9.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=924921&highlight

159.The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.
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In this argument, the arguer points out that the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity. To support his recommendation, the arguer claims that it is based on a recent study. However, at the first glance, the arguer seems to be plausible, but after a close scrutiny, it lies in several fallacies and logical flaws discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer neglects an important factor which the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. This phenomenon leads to the different temperature in different region. Therefore, in common sense, with different temperature it is absolutely different costs on electricity. For example, A is natural cooler than B, so A must pay less electric money on fans or air conditioners because the residents in A have already felt cooler than B. Consequently, without consider this factor, the arguer's claim is open to doubt.

Secondly, the arguer fails to prove that it is the fact that all the electric costs which they have seen is the fans' or air conditioners' using cost. In other word, the arguer commits a false equal relationship between the overall electric cost and the fans' and air conditioners’ cost. It is entirely possible that when the residents are using fans or air conditioners, they also use other electric facilities, such as computers, televisions and so forth. Thus, without ruling out other possibilities about the electric cost, the arguer's claim can not convince us thoroughly.我觉得这段主要是说没有也许有其他的电器影响点的使用，但是最后却缺少一句TS来支持作者自己观点

Even if I was to concede that it is the fact that this overall electric cost is equal to the cooling equipments' cost, the arguer's point is also suspect. It is likely that the longer we use the electric facilities, the more opportunity (probability) they will be wrong (they happen to malfunction). It is absolutely possible that the saving money is so little that we can neglect it while the electric equipment is mighty expensive. Therefore, it may not save money if these facilities have something wrong as the result of long time usage.
这段话的意思是说即使所指电费就是制冷的电费，但是家用电器使用时间长了就会出现故障，修理电器的费用比电费高？这个和本文有关么
To sum up, this argument lacks credible because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To better bolster and strengthen it, the arguer needs to provide specific information about the electric cost and offer us more data of local temperature in different regions.
红色为自己后来先修正的

感觉这篇没有上篇同主题的ARGU得好

emteddybearUID：2699606

11.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=919292&highlight
argument65 限时第一篇，真诚求拍

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses." 感觉这篇文章写得很好，首先思维就很清晰，body1和body2是递进关系，中间用一个even连接，另外body3再指出一个零散的错误，但这三个错误都属于题目的核心错误，其实我觉得他主要是语言掌控能力比较强，而且言之有物。 疯了，原以为写得很好的一篇文章结果Irvine一批改真的有很多问题，再看看刚刚自己的感觉，真的想找个地洞转下去，高手就是高手啊。 下面是Irvine的审题思路，很清晰，自己也应该平时养成这样的思路来练习。 作者的论证方式是：1.国产的奶酪卖的好（已给）+2.杂志的调查（已给）---> 推论1：本国的产品更受欢迎（潜台词：外国的不受欢迎）    【你忽略了这些】3.limiting inventory对减少开销有用（已给）--->推论2：limiting inventory对增加利润有用                          接下来：推论1+推论2---->只卖本国的，不卖外国的奶酪对增加利润有用。（结论） 另外还有一句话我觉得很重要，应该深刻理解： 真正最重要的东西，在“--->”上，光死盯着一个材料的真实性，可信度，代表性，仅仅只是皮毛而已。 语言也仅仅是一个锦上添花的东西，关键还是内涵。 argument，每个小段批的都是推断，不是批的结论，更不是批的材料。

emteddybearUID：2699606

12.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=919282&highlight
TOPIC: ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS: 429 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-2-19 15:55:39
1、最近的club有65Miles-->推论1、我们的club有自己的本土市场
2、超过100,000参加了去年夏天的爵士乐节日+3、有几个有名的爵士音乐家住在Monroe+4、Jazz Night 在Monroe收视率最高（每个周末晚上）+5、全国性的研究表明jazz花费每年达到1K刀——>推论2:jazz非常流行
推论1+推论2 ——>c note应该筹集资金建立起来

    In this argument, the author brought out several facts to support his loan plan. First, currently there is no jazz club nearby Monroe (M). Second, jazz is of great popularity in M. Third, nearly $1000 was spent per year in jazz nationwide.文中给出了5个理由，这里只列出了三个 A careful inspection will reveal that these facts are not sufficient to guarantee a profitable result of C note.
    To begin with, the favor of4 'Jazz Nightly' doesn't necessarily indicate that M's resident will also be interested to take part in a jazz club. On the contrary, the highest-rated radio program which airs every weeknight may attract those people, and provide them with a reason not to attend a jazz club. After all, turning on the radio is much more convenient than driving to a club. Neither can the residence of several 3well-know jazz musicians infer that a jazz club located in M will be warmly welcomed. It is quite possible that those musicians are acting in the nearest jazz club, or on frequent nationwide show.
Without evidence that the people in M will be eager to attend a jazz club, I can not accept that C will be so welcomed.感觉有点乱，不知道批判什么
    Another critical fallacy the argument suffer is, 5.the nationwide study that typical jazz fan spends nearly $1000 per year on jazz doesn't necessarily apply to M. It is quite possible that the fans in M do not follow these general trends. Besides, the money spend on jazz club may only contribute a little part to the whole budget. Thus, lacking evidence that M's residents will behave similarly as the typical jazz fans do, and they will indeed spend large amount of money on jazz club, the author's conclusion that C Note will make money is unconvincing.
    Finally, even assuming the people in M will be crazy about jazz club and they prone to spend a lot of money attending a jazz night, it doesn't means that C Note will definitely be profitable. As we all know, both revenue and cost contribute to the profit. Probably the rent in M is quite expensive, or the salary level in M is relatively high, which will inevitably increase the cost. Unless the author provides more information about supply, demand, and relative costs, it is almost impossible to make sure whether C Note will make money.
    In conclusion, the argument is not well reasoned. To strengthen it the author should provide clearer evidence that M's residents will go in for C Note. The author should also clearly analyze the relative costs against its incomings, and make this application more persuasive.
使用的Irvine的方法，觉得思路便清晰了，也直接觉得这篇argument写得有点乱，我觉得除了第二段写得还可以外，其他的都不是很清楚

emteddybearUID：2699606

13.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=918840&highlight

argument51 限时第一篇，还有10天考试了，恳请大家指点，帮帮兄弟 "Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment." 第一组：医生：Dr.newland:sports medicine                  理由：muscle injuries                  治疗办法：有规律的服用抗生素                  康复时间：平均，比预期快40% 第二组：医生：Dr.Alton:内科医生                  理由：                  治疗办法：糖片，但自认为是服用了抗生素                  康复时间：没有明显降低 康复时间比较——>结论：肌肉扭伤病人应该服用抗生素，作为他们治疗的一部分 WORDS: 458 TIME: 00:29:57 DATE: 2009-2-17 PM 12:40:35 According to the preliminary result of a study of two groups of patients, the author comes to the conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. Although sound it seems, the argument is flawed in several aspects. Primarily, maybe other factors other than the taking the antibiotics contributed the different effects of the two treatments in the study. The two groups of patients were treated by different doctors. Except for the antibiotics, there are many differences between the treatments 罗嗦- the doctors' skills, the treatment measures and the equipments the doctor used. Maybe, Dr. Newland has better skills, and the measures and equipments he used were more advanced. All of these advantages can explain why the recuperation time of Dr. Newland's patients was greatly reduced.治疗情况的不同 In addition, the conditions of the patients in the two groups maybe different. Perhaps, the patients of the first group have less serious injuries than those of the latter group, leading the first group easily to recover. 病人的情况不同 Besides, the author ignores the negative effects of the antibiotics抗生素的副作用. Nearly all the medicines have more or less side effects. The author provides no evidence to prove the antibiotics is an exception. The author only mentions the patients' recuperation time, no informing us whether the patients in the first group had some new symptoms, such as headache, nausea, powerless and sleepy. Even if the patients did not have any new symptom, there is no guarantee that in the future they will not have any symptoms caused by the antibiotics. Perhaps, many patients have serious headache three months later. Lacking clinical experiment, the author can not assert that the antibiotics do not have negative effects, considering the safety of the patients.我觉得这段写得比较好，展开也比较深入 Additionally, given that the antibiotics do not have any side effects and help patients with severe muscle strain recover, the author's proposal that all the patients with muscle strain should take antibiotics is unacceptable. The treatments of the patients with light muscle strain are not the same with those of the patients with severe muscle strain. Perhaps, without taking antibiotics, the patients with light muscle strain will still recover quickly and will not have the danger to get second diagnosed. If this is the case, it is not reasonable to advise those patients to take antibiotics, letting alone the high price of antibiotics.对于轻度的病人是没有必要的 In sum, the argument is not well reasoned. To strengthen it, the author must prove us that it is the antibiotics rather than other factors explain the difference between the recoveries of the two groups of patients. What is more, the author should prove the antibiotics have no side effects and all the patients with muscle strain need to take them.

emteddybearUID：2699606

14.
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=912200&highlight
argument4 第一篇限时成功的A,接着伸手要红包

限时成功!最好的新年礼物了,虽然写的不怎么样,不过时间还长着哪... TOPIC: ARGUMENT4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site. "Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams." WORDS: 365         TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/1/25 16:57:13 对比： adams:1.40房产代理人，2.去年收入是Fitch的两倍，3.平均home sale：168,000刀 4.销售速度：去年，一个月 fitch:1.25个房产代理人（还有部分是兼职）3.平均home sale：144,000刀 4.销售速度：10年前，4个月 结论：要求价钱好，以及速度快，应该找Adams In this argument, the author draws a conclusion; one should choose Adams Realty (AR) rather than Fitch Realty (FR), by a series of deductions. However, to my understanding, the suggestion is based on invalid analogies and incogent evidences. First and foremost, the author emphasizes that AR owns more real estate agents than FR possesses. But he failed to consider possibilities that more workers are by no means more work efficient. The workers in FR may share comfortable work environment, enough human touch, and surrounded by optimistic attitude which are rarely in AR. Therefore, workers in FR have more motivations to urge themselves to higher profits. Furthermore, the cost of human resource management and operation must be taken in to consideration to judge the final profits. It is highly probably that AR spent more budgets on workers' salaries and daily water rate and electric charge, which potentially influenced its profits.  人数问题 Moreover, high price of home sales may not lead to high profits either. As it is known to us all, profit is produced by sell price minus cost. So besides the price of building, we have to consider another aspect -- production and operation cost. Perhaps FR has many long-term suppliers, and they built mutually beneficial relationships and cooperation together. Hence the prices of materials of FR are much lower than the ones of AR, Which play a crucial role in determining final profits. So the conclusion: AR is more powerful than FR is doubtful.房子价钱卖得好不一定最后顾客的收益高，这还关系到一个他们公司的收费问题。其实另外还有一个问题就是房子本身的价值问题。因为买的都不是同一座房子 Finally, the author failed to consider the change of price and requirement in real estate market. Maybe customers were poorer than they are now, or probably by the development of the town, the population explosion is emerged. Thus the needs of apartment are obviously elevated, which, result in fast sale. So, the suggestion that buying AR's building lead to quick sell of house is not as cogent as it seems to be.这段说的是关于时代变迁对于房子的需求问题，其实好像还可以在深入一些。但是最后一句话我有点懵了，the suggestion that buying AR's building ？？不是说要买房子么，怎么变成买房子了呢 As is mentioned above, the conclusion is not persuasive to me. The author has to furnish more effective evidences such as the annual bulletins of two companies and more background information just like comparing the economy now to it was ten years ago to readers.