进军美利坚独立作文by soarer0474

line126UID: 2556583

Currently, with the dizzying changes of society, make(making) a decision in a short time becomes very necessary. An increasing number of people believe that good looks and dresses play a more significant role in success than good ideas. However, I definitely disagree with this point of view.
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First and foremost, in a long term, good ideas have far-reached effects on our careers. As you know, to establish a career is not something that we could do in one day or in one year; it maybe needs five or ten years. Just as the old saying, “roman is not built in one day”. During the long period, our intellect will become more mature, and we could find out more good ideas after we experienced more things. These good ideas will continue to contribute to our careers. Whereas, our good looks can’t maintain the same for so (such a) long time. If I am dressed well but cannot be competent with(to) the job, I think my boss won’t consider giving me any promotion. So considering the long period of success, good ideas are more important.
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3 l1 g- E' c  ]5 LWhat’s more, utilizing good looks for success are not practical to some extent. The majority of us is normal person; most of us have normal looks. In the other word, seldom of us could be benefited by our looks. So, in general, the truth is good looks are less important for our success. History abounds with the examples that someone without good looks succeeded. For example, Abraham Lincoln, one of the most respected presidents, was not very handsome, but he led American people to the success in the American Civil War.
1 d! _/ e2 f; L$ l- S, CThis example vividly indicates that good looks is not the necessary condition of success.0 S3 a+ Q/ a( {( U$ N; k
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To sum up, some of us could get benefit from good looks, but it can’t last for a long time and it has nothing to do with most people and most situations. Hence good ideas are more vital for our success than good looks.

asandylauUID: 2649369

本帖最后由 soarer0474 于 2009-11-27 23:05 编辑 4 _/ E) H+ F# G' V2 Y9 F: C 9 x( q5 g9 m' w' g' \写得比较郁闷 Currently, with the dizzying(rapid) change of society, make a decision in a short time becomes very necessary. An increasing number of people believe that good looks and dresses play a more significant role in success than good ideas. However, I definitely disagree with this point of view. ; v' l9 W9 R9 A# g3 i $ c7 N- z8 s# f- M( {4 N) QFirst and foremost, in a long term, good ideas have far-reached(far-reaching) effects(去掉s) on our careers. As you know（删去，太口语化）, to establish a career is not something that we could do in one day or in one year; it maybe needs five or ten years. Just as the old saying, “roman（Roman） is not built in one day”. During the long period, our intellect（改为thinking） will become more mature, and we could find out more good（前两个不要，改为better） ideas after we experienced more things. These good ideas will continue to contribute to our careers. Whereas, our good looks can’t maintain the same for so long time. If I am（去掉am） dressed well but cannot be competent with the job, I think（去掉前面的） my boss won’t consider give me any promotion. So considering the long period of success, good ideas （掉了什么东西）What’s more, utilizing（relying on） good looks for success are not practical to some extent. The majority of us is（are） normal person; most of us have normal looks. In the other word, seldom of us could be benefited by our looks. So, in general, the truth is good looks are less important for our success. History abounds with the examples that someone without good looks succeeded. For example, Abraham Lincoln, one of the most respected presidents, was not very handsome, but he led American people to the success in the American Civil War（没说清楚，不能说谁成功了，内战没有成功的一方）.  l5 z5 Q- G5 m& Q. \9 V  g/ m This example vividly indicates that good looks is not the necessary condition of success. $ P4 k% B- \6 @; @9 h . L$ V( Y! _8 m0 {) z To sum up, some of us could get benefit from good looks, but it can’t last for a long time and it has nothing to do with most people and most situations. Hence good ideas are more vital for our success than good looks. 作者应该把握结构，就是算再没有思路，结构一定要清楚，论点要鲜明，这是最重要的，然后再是语言的表达等，文中存在很多问题，句子表达太Chinglish，建议作者好好改改。

soarer0474UID: 2665789

11.30 children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?孩子参加运动，是应该只参加游戏性质的运动还是应该也参加竞技性的运动
Games are always welcome to children, no matter races, ages or religions. Some parents always like to teach their children to play sports only for fun, not participate in the competitions, considering that competition is not suitable for children. In my perspective, this idea is totally superficial and somewhat short-sighted.

It is true that the competitive games will make children upset when they lose and aggressive when they take a part in it. After all, sports in competition always have only one winner. Yet we shouldn’t neglect the large advantages of these kind of game could bring to our children, which play an irreplaceable role in children’s development.

To begin with, children could learn cooperation from the competitive game. Yes, children could learn cooperation in a game only for fun, but it is not impressive for boys and girls. Because in a fun-aimed game, every one could collaborate with others or do his own business, and even if they work together in the game, the relationship is not strong and obvious as that in a competitive game. Whereas, children should do their best to understand the partners’ intent and cooperate with others. Only if they could do this well, they could be the winner; if they don’t win the game, they will learn a lesson from it, and then do it better. This will benefit them in our extremely competitive
and dizzyingly changing society.

Not merely could competitive games teach children why and how to cooperate, but also it could educate them to be perseverant. In one of this kind games, no one will know the result of it, which is just its most interesting part. I still remember the ping-pong competition when I was twelve years old. At the first, I was left behind, and felt tired and a little dispirited. But at that time, my teacher encouraged me to keep trying. Then I did my best to play the game. Finally I won the game. This experience impressed me most. I learn that never, never give up. I believe every one who has play the games in competition has the similar mind with mine. Hence we couldn’t deprive these lessons about perseverance in games from children.

Therefore, competitive games have some disadvantages, but they could not outweigh their advantage. Our parents should allow or encourage children to play sports in competition, as well as sports for fun, for children’s integrated development,

Therefore, if the advantages and disadvantages of competitive games are compared carefully, the most striking conclusion is obvious..

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

红色为值得讨论的地方，蓝色为值得我学习的地方。

11.30 children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?孩子参加运动，是应该只参加游戏性质的运动还是应该也参加竞技性的运动
Games are always welcome to children, no matter races, ages or religions. Some parents always like to teach their children to play sports only for fun, not participate in the competitions, considering that competition is not suitable for children. In my perspective, this idea is totally superficial and somewhat short-sighted.

It is true that the competitive games will make children upset when they lose and aggressive （这个是形容词吧？）when they take a （一般不加a 吧！）part in it. After all, sports in competition always have only one winner. Yet we shouldn’t neglect the large advantages of these kind of game could bring to our children, which play an irreplaceable role in children’s development.

begin （小错误，Begin）with, children could learn cooperation from the competitive game. Yes, children could learn cooperation in a game only for fun, but it is not impressive（看不懂） for boys and girls. Because in a fun-aimed game, every one could collaborate with others or do his own business, and even if they work together in the game, the relationship is not strong and obvious as that in a competitive game. Whereas, children should do their best to understand the partners’ intent and cooperate with others. Only if they could do this well, they could be the winner; if they don’t win the game, they will learn a lesson from it, and then do it better. This will benefit them in our extremely competitive （这个是形容词哦！用competition 就可以啦:) 。还有这个意思有点弄不明白。）

Not merely could competitive games teach children why and how to cooperate, but also it could educate them to be perseverant. In one of this kind games, no one will know the result of it, which is just its most interesting part. I still remember the ping-pong competition when I was twelve years old. （这个句子好点怪哦！）At the （一般都不要the）first, I was left behind, and felt tired and a little dispirited. But at that time, my teacher encouraged me to keep trying. Then I did my best to play the game. Finally I won the game. This experience impressed me most. I learn that never, never give up. I believe every one who has play （played）the games in competition has the similar mind with mine(me). Hence we couldn’t deprive these lessons about perseverance in games from children.

Therefore, competitive games have some disadvantages, but they could not outweigh their advantage. Our parents should allow or encourage children to play sports in competition, as well as sports for fun, for children’s integrated development.

Therefore, (换个其他词组吧！重复了。)if the advantages and disadvantages of competitive games are compared carefully, the most striking conclusion is obvious..

分论点只有两个，少了一点。其他的就是段落分得有点多。呵呵！文章写得很不错！:lol

soarer0474UID: 2665789

12.1 Some scientists are responsible for the negative impacts that made by their discoveries, what do you think?
50

No other thing has more significant and far-reaching effects on our society than science and technology. Scientists, however, have discovered something that has negative impacts on the world, while has some benefit to people. Should they be responsible for the bad results? No, I don’t think so.

It is true that some discoveries have very bad effects on our world, but they are not the scientists’ faults. Scientists are the people who immerse themselves to discovering the mysterious science world for human welfare. They always pursuit the truth. Their job and their discoveries themselves have nothing to do with right and wrong. Actually the using of discoveries is related to our society. In other words, scientist discover the new things, but if others don’t use them, they would hardly practically effect our society. Take the discovery of the energy of nuclear for example, which is one of the last century’s most significant events.
We could use the energy to produce more electric power at low expense, which could light our home and drive the motors in factories. Whereas someone else could use it to destroy a region by simply drop a nuclear weapon, which actually has happened in Japanese, and led to millions of casualties and homeless people. These two totally contrary aspects are both result from the discovery of the energy of nuclear. Hence we could not abuse the experts, who find the theories, invent the things and open the door of unknown world.

Science discoveries, in general, like a two-blade sword, its effects are not determined by the scientists, but by the people who will use it. When we have a sharp knife, we could use it to do an operation to save a patient, while we could kill another one
mercilessly. The one who discover the material of iron, or the tool of knife, can not effect the results, so do the scientists. Frankly, in our modern society there are many inventions doing some harm to the world, such as the air pollution from cars and water pollution from chemistry factories. Yet, we all need cars to be convenient when we go to some place far away; and we also can not close the factories for their indispensable products. So we use the objects and we know the effects almost clearly before using it. The results result from our own choice. We have no reason to complain the scientist who have devote themselves to the development of our society.

Therefore, it is superficial to make the scientists to be responsible for the negative effects of their discoveries, and it is just we who use the inventions, should take the responsibility and should try our best to reduce and eliminate the negative effects.

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

18# soarer0474
同学我才看到11。30的分组变了~~~~~~占个座，明天大早帮你改这个！

11.30 children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?孩子参加运动，是应该只参加游戏性质的运动还是应该也参加竞技性的运动 ! Y2 @# m$ r$ N! V. M  C) LGames are always welcome to children, no matter races, ages or religions. Some parents always like to teach their children to play sports only for fun, not participate in the competitions, considering that competition is not suitable for children. In my perspective, this idea is totally superficial and somewhat short-sighted. ) v& S) w% O( m+ \  J1 D ! B7 D( ^" M. N1 Y2 g( e! l It is true that the competitive games will make children upset when they lose and aggressive when they take a part in it. After all, sports in competition always have only one winner. Yet we shouldn’t neglect the large advantages of these kind of game could bring to our children, which play an irreplaceable role in children’s development. 3 N; m+ t) a2 v 4 W$ D# s8 n/ H% r7 d To begin with, children could learn cooperation from the competitive game. Yes, children could learn cooperation in a game only for fun, but it is not impressive for boys and girls. Because in a fun-aimed game, every one could collaborate with others or do his own business, and even if they work together in the game, the relationship is not strong and obvious as that in a competitive game. Whereas, children should do their best to understand the partners’ intent and cooperate with others. Only if they could do this well, they could be the winner; if they don’t win the game, they will learn a lesson from it, and then do it better. This will benefit them in our extremely competitive, j' Q8 ^& J. M. L4 J' n& {6 M, L and dizzyingly changing society. , G, D1 J- C; f6 }1 O ; a6 W! V# l9 L- @& W4 @ Not merely could competitive games teach children why and how to cooperate, but also it could educate them to be perseverant. In one of this kind games, no one will know the result of it, which is just its most interesting part. I still remember the ping-pong competition when I was twelve years old. At the first, I was left behind, and felt tired and a little dispirited. But at that time, my teacher encouraged me to keep trying. Then I did my best to play the game. Finally I won the game. This experience impressed me most. I learn that never, never give up. I believe every one who has play the games in competition has the similar mind with mine. Hence we couldn’t deprive these lessons about perseverance in games from children. # c: e3 l$ O0 `& `  U, q, B ! F! S( d; D7 Y$ H5 K0 v; M Therefore, competitive games have some disadvantages, but they could not outweigh their advantage. Our parents should allow or encourage children to play sports in competition, as well as sports for fun, for children’s integrated development,: N' x4 F) `7 Y$ r# Z ; ^% E+ M0 B8 h$ u/ q Therefore, if the advantages and disadvantages of competitive games are compared carefully, the most striking conclusion is obvious..（我觉得结果还是直接把观点表明的好，因为老美的脑子转不过弯来。）

line126UID: 2556583

No other things has more significant and far-reaching effects on our society than science and technology does. Scientists, however, have discovered something that has negative impacts on the world, (while)the same time has some benefits to people. Should they be responsible for the bad results? No, I don’t think so.
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( g9 @' n+ M- r" F4 dIt is true that some discoveries have very bad effects on our world, but they are not the scientists’ faults. Scientists are the people who immerse themselves to discovering the mysterious science world for human welfare. They always pursuit the truth. Their job and their discoveries themselves have nothing to do with right and wrong. Actually the using of discoveries is related to our society. In other words, scientist discover the new things, but if others don’t use them, they would hardly practically effect our society. Take the discovery of the energy of nuclear for example, which is one of the last century’s most significant events.
; I; N2 T  R4 I5 z; y% J" qWe could use the energy to produce more electric power at low expense, which could light our home and drive the motors in factories. Whereas someone else could use it to destroy a region by simply drop a nuclear (weapon)bomb(丢不了武器 只能丢炸弹), which actually has happened in Japanese, and led to millions of casualties and homeless people. These two totally contrary aspects are both results from the discovery of the energy of nuclear. Hence we could not abuse the experts, who find the theories, invent the things and open the door of unknown world.
$ P9 l* I& f6 Q6 R# K" S( [4 O
6 H5 w) @/ i, Q! d6 \Science discoveries, in general, like a two-blade sword, its effects are not determined by the scientists, but by the people who will use it. When we have a sharp knife, we could use it to do an operation to save a patient, while we could kill another one
5 D/ U4 d7 Z( _  y- q. d" ~  r( Omercilessly. The one who discover the material of iron, or the tool of knife, can not effect the results, so do the scientists. Frankly, in our modern society there are many inventions doing some harm to the world, such as the air pollution from cars and water pollution from chemistry factories. Yet, we all need cars to be convenient when we go to some place far away; and we also can not close the factories for their indispensable products. So we use the objects and we know the effects almost clearly before using it. The results result from our own choice. We have no reason to complain the scientist who have devote themselves to the development of our society.
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Therefore, it is superficial to make the scientists to be responsible for the negative effects of their discoveries, and it is just we who use the inventions, that (强调句的that是不能省略的)should take the responsibility and should try our best to reduce and eliminate the negative effects.
能在半个小时写这么多当然很好 不过语言还可以精炼一点

hualazimiUID: 2707120

Games are always welcome to children, no matter races, ages or religions. Some parents always like to teach their children to play sports only for fun, not participate in the competitions, considering that competition is not suitable for children. In my perspective (好), this idea is totally superficial and somewhat short-sighted. 3 O: L$ d% h+ i% ~$ K$ t

It is true that the competitive games will make children upset when they lose and aggressive when（要避免，咋这么多when呢） they take a（a 去掉） part in it. After all, sports in competition always have only one winner. Yet we shouldn’t neglect the large advantages of these kind （要不kind变成kinds 要不these改成those）of game could bring to our children, which play an irreplaceable role in children’s development.

To begin with, children could learn cooperation from the competitive game. Yes, children could learn （这个表达不好，但是我目前想不出什么好的表达，sorry，因为这是书面文章，所以口语化的东西尽量少用，会显得比较随便）cooperation in a game only for fun, but it is not impressive for boys and girls. Because in a fun-aimed game, every one could collaborate with others or do his own business, and even if they work together in the game, the relationship is not strong and obvious as that in a competitive game. Whereas, children should do their best to understand the partners’ intent and cooperate with others（好）. Only if they could do this well,（可以说only in this way） they could be the winner; if they don’t win the game, they will learn a lesson from it, and then do it better. This will benefit them in our extremely competitive

Not merely could competitive games teach children why and how to cooperate, but also it could educate them to be perseverant. In one of this kind games, no one will know the result of it, which is just its most interesting part. I still remember the ping-pong competition when I was twelve years old. At the first, I was left behind, and felt tired and a little dispirited. But（用while更好，因为语气不是那么太强烈） at that time, my teacher encouraged me to keep trying. Then I did my best to play the game. Finally I won the game. This experience impressed me most（a lot）. I learn that never, never give up(that 后面要是一个完整的句子才可以，显然never give up 是一个省略句). I believe every one who has played the games in competition has the similar mind with mine. Hence we couldn’t deprive these lessons about perseverance in games from children. 6 S) Y8 W- |7 H" ]$ m
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Therefore, competitive games have some disadvantages, but they could not outweigh their advantage（这个表达好，值得借鉴）. Our parents should allow or （改成and 或even）encourage children to play sports in competition, as well as sports for fun, for children’s integrated development,

Therefore, if the advantages and disadvantages of competitive games are compared carefully, the most striking conclusion is obvious..（呵呵，结尾有点匆忙，跟我一个毛病，到最后实在写不出什么了，不过这样给人感觉有点虎头蛇尾，可以在扩充一下，共同进步啊）

soarer0474UID: 2665789

12.2 It is more fun to see a movie in the cinema with other people than see a movie at home

21:13:39

Nowadays, with the development of technology, we could watch the latest movies at home, while we used to drive for a long time and then buy a ticket to watch the films in the cinema. An increasing number of people claim that they could obtain more fun by enjoy movies at home. Contrary to their opinion, however, in my perspective, the cinema is still the right place that could bring us more happiness.

It is true that going to cinema will take us much money while watching movies at home costs little. After all, we have to pay for the tickets and transportation fees. Yet, in the extent of the enjoyment of movies, cinema is much better.
   6
9:13:39 PM

To begin with, the cinema has better equipments, which could give the viewers more vivid feelings. Cinema, in general, has been designed carefully and decorated for the best sense of listening and looking. These processes and projects are done by the experts by a lot of accurate calculation. Hence what we hear and see in the cinema always give us a feeling that the man or the woman is in the real world, even seems to stand in front of us. However, in our home, we usually use the normal devices to play movies. Consequently, we could hardly immerse into the plots.

Not merely does the cinema own the advanced audio equipments, but also it has many people sitting besides you, who will laugh or cry. This could affect your feelings. Take one thing happened to me as an example. Last weekend, I went to a cinema with my girl friend to watch the movie, Titanic. It is a classic love movie, but I have watched too many times with others that I almost have no feelings about it. When the film got to its moving plots, all of the other people nearby were crying, and then involved in the atmosphere I was moved too and went to cry. I believe anyone else who has been to the cinema has the similar experience as mine. Others’ feelings in the cinema actually could make us shocked or moved by the movie plots easily, which is just the enjoyment of watching movies.
9:13:39 PM  
4.
Therefore, considering the equipments and the good atmosphere in cinema, its advantages outweigh its disadvantage. Obviously, it is a wiser choice to go to cinema to watch movies.   4
9:14:16 PM

素怿UID: 2630430

- |) }, ~+ D. z" c
Nowadays, with the development of technology, we could watch the latest movies at home, while we used to drive for a long time and then buy a ticket to watch the films in the cinema. An increasing number of people claim that they could obtain more fun by enjoying movies at home. Contrary to their opinion, however, in my perspective, the cinema is still the right place that could bring us more happiness..
It is true that going to cinema will take us much money（可能有说错，别见怪哈，我觉得take有点点奇怪， cost吧，不过呵后面重了） while watching movies at home costs little. After all, we have to pay for the tickets and transportation fees. Yet, in the extent of the enjoyment of movies, cinema is much better.

To begin with, the cinema has better equipments, which could give the viewers more vivid feelings. Cinema, in general, has been designed carefully and decorated for the best sense of listening and looking (是不是想说视觉，vision比较好吧？). These processes and projects are done by the experts by a lot of accurate calculation. （两个by连用，看着很奇怪，第二个by改成with吧）Hence what we hear and see in the cinema always give us a feeling that the man or the woman is in the real world, even seems to stand in front of us. However, in our home, we usually use the normal devices to play movies. Consequently, we could hardly immerse into the plots.
Not merely does the cinema own the advanced audio equipments, but also it has many people sitting besides you, who will laugh or cry. This could affect your feelings. Take one thing happened to me as an example. Last weekend, I went to a cinema with my girl friend to watch the movie, Titanic. It is a classic love movie, but I have watched too many times with others that I almost have no feelings about it. When the film got to its moving plots, all of the other people nearby were crying, and then involved in the atmosphere I was moved too and went to cry. I believe anyone else who has been to the cinema has the similar experience as mine. Others’ feelings in the cinema actually could make us shocked or moved by the movie plots easily, which is just the enjoyment of watching movies.

Therefore, considering the equipments and the good atmosphere in cinema, its advantages outweigh its disadvantage. Obviously, it is a wiser choice to go to cinema to watch movies.  
呵呵，你的水平比我高，所以看不出啥么问题诺~~~第二段是不是放在后面说比较好？
ps：好奇怪啊，怎么提交之后就剩一个彩色的了？复制过来编辑的时候还都是彩色的呢，算了，反正也不是很重要，O(∩_∩)O