Q的12月3日独立作文 房间整洁

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序地学生会更成功
超时3分钟，没开字典，这是我现在能做的最大限度了。。。。。。所以有词穷的情况实属无奈（我都不记得我用了多少个neat。到最后一段都不好意思再打这个词了，但实在想不到其他的）。请筒子狠砸！

Does organizing the room contribute to a student's future success? My answer is definitely YES. Although somebody disagree, I believe that the condition of a person's room influences on many aspects on this person's characteristic, especially for a student.

The primary possitive impact of keeping one's room organized is that everyday behavior set the note of a student's habbit, and habit consequentely shape this person's future, in other word, whether to be successful or not. West Point alway demand the students to keep their personal affair organized, and datas show that their graduates achieve surprisingly great success, not only in millitary, but also in many different areas, such as business, politic, even science. Obviously, people who are used to organize their own rooms tend to be organized in their work, in time management, and extra. Furthermore, the habit of organizing the room helps to build a person's sense of responsibility, after all, you can't expect a person to be accountable in stury or work if he/she doesn't even care to keep his/her own room clean. We hear all the time about how habit influence people's life, for students, this principle starts with a good habit dealing with their rooms.

In addition, as many psycologists suggest, living environment has a vital effect on people's mood. A clean, neat room would help a student feel enthusiatic and happy during the everyday study, and in future work. Imagin a student randomly throw his/her personal stuff everywhere in the room, and maybe sleeps with two books and a CD player in the bed, pick up some cloths from a pile on the floor, then go to school, how on earth can this student keep a clear mind in class? He/she might even be wondering wheather the hot pot is turned off. And what is going to happen if this goes on after he/she graduates? From this example, we can see how important it is to have a delightful living condition. That means, Keeping the room clean and neat is neccessary for a student's mental health.

To sum up, the good habit of being organized in life start with being organized in one's own room, at the same time a neat room itself helps a student to keep happy. Both factors above contribute to a student's future success.

goodmygirlUID: 2713861

嘿嘿，我是第一个来的哦~~不过我的英文很烂不知道怎么评价你的文章好，于是借助翻译器发现millitary psycologists这两个单词翻译不出啥意思  Imagin 我估计你是打错了....很好，我又学到一句很实际的对白To sum up，我终于可以摆脱At the end 了...:$

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

晕，小孩你还真实在啊，评这么简练。。。汗。
millitary 是军事，psychologist原来是我拼错了，是心理学家的意思。

goodmygirlUID: 2713861

>_<其实不是我不想评一大队东西的.....只是我脑子里根本没语法这种东西的概念......"millitary"...你多打了个l。。。是‘military’....很好突然有种在玩‘大家来找茬’的感觉。。。。

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

每看见什么大毛病，就是那个he/she 用的太多了．:L
名字真的好勤劳！

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

是不是改轮我给你改？今天网络一直在抽风，先占做，迟点给你发上拉 多包涵啊

半夏之北UID: 2517498

Does organizing the room contribute to a student's future success? My answer is definitely YES. Although somebody disagree(disagrees), I believe that the condition of a person's room influences on many aspects on this person's characteristic, especially for a student.


lThe primary positive(positive) impact of keeping one's room organized is that everyday behavior(behaviors) set the note of a student's habbit(habit), and habit consequentely (consequencetely)shape this person's future, in other word, whether to be successful or not. West Point alway demand the students to keep their personal affair organized, and datas (data)show that their graduates achieve surprisingly great success, not only in millitary, but also in many different areas, such as business, politic, even science（这一句具体是在说什么啊）. Obviously, people who are used to organize their own rooms tend to be organized in their work, in time management, and extra. Furthermore, the habit of organizing the room helps to build a person's sense of responsibility, after all, you can't expect a person to be accountable in stury(study) or work if he/she doesn't even care to keep his/her own room clean. We hear all the time about how habit influence people's life, for students, this principle starts with a good habit dealing with their rooms.& _, F  e2 d4 k" C

In addition, as many psycologists suggest, living environment has a vital effect on people's mood. A clean, neat room would help a student feel enthusiatic and happy during the everyday study, and in future work. Imagin a student randomly throw his/her personal stuff everywhere in the room, and maybe sleeps with two books and a CD player in the bed, pick up some cloths from a pile on the floor, then go to school, how on earth can this student keep a clear mind in class? He/she might even be wondering wheather the hot pot is turned off. And what is going to happen if this goes on after he/she graduates? From this example, we can see how important it is to have a delightful living condition. That means, Keeping the room clean and neat is neccessary for a student's mental health(mental health 有点远了吧，你这一段的主题是说mood啊).0 J3 (B% K' A, [+ `1 \. S0 ]7 L, M

To sum up, the good habit of being organized in life start with being organized in one's own room, at the same time a neat room itself helps a student to keep happy. Both factors above contribute to a student's future success.
单词的拼写还有单复数有些小错误，大的语法错误没有。句式丰富~~强大啊~~
咱两都需要写快点最后留3分钟检查啊~~
第二个分论点很好，还用了反问的修辞形式，是加分项~~
第一个分论点我感觉不是很明确，我看的是你要说的是habit，但是到后面又说到了resposibility。然后就是也没有例子~~关于那个data我没有看明白说的是什么。我听戴云的网络课堂说最少要写400字的，感觉上要400多比较合适的，再多写点吧~~

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

6# yuminjia
好的。我自己今天的作文也迟交呢。。很惭愧。

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

7# 半夏之北

谢谢purple点评。
回应下：第一个分论点，就是说收拾屋子有助于养成好的habit。后来提到responsibility用了furthermore递进，就是具体说一个好的habit进一步能培养人的责任感。然后再总结这段，归到habit上。这样的逻辑是不是有点绕啊？还是因为我的语言缘故，没说清呢。。。你说的data那句就是例子啊，西点军校要求学生整理内务，于是他们的学生毕业后在各个领域都很成功。
400字。。。。。我还得闭关修炼才能到达那样的速度。就现在这么短，还不够检查的呢。每次结尾都很仓促，因为看着秒针跳动我就。。。。

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

9# 名字是个词儿
12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序地学生会更成功0 [& }: `6 ?1 y) e" e4 h
超时3分钟，没开字典，这是我现在能做的最大限度了。。。。。。所以有词穷的情况实属无奈（我都不记得我用了多少个neat。到最后一段都不好意思再打这个词了，但实在想不到其他的）。请筒子狠砸！
$ P. F( h/ ]7 X# M/ [2 h: Q, |" ~0 ~1 b) B% Q
Does organizing the room contribute to a student's future success? My answer is definitely YES. Although somebody disagree, I believe that the condition of a person's room will have influence on many aspects on this person's ( a individual’s)characteristic, especially for a student.  \0 F- y! r& S- u  u0 I
! G+ \5 i3 Z' M. `- l% O. i
The primary positive impact of keeping one's room organized is that everyday(只能做adv.) behavior sets the note of a student's habit, the habit consequently shaping his future(我把句子结构改成了独立主格，我觉得比较简洁), in other word, whether to be successful or not. West Point （西方观点？这么说行么？怎么也得说成western 吧）always demand the students to（demand后面接that或者虚拟语气，不能接不定式的，可以用require） keep their personal affair （这个词不错）organized, and dates show that their graduates achieve surprisingly great success, not only in military, but also in many different areas, such as business, politic, even science. Obviously, people who are used to organize their own rooms tend to be organized in their work, in time management, and extra（这是个形容词，杂能单用呢？）. Furthermore, the habit of organizing the room helps to build a person's sense of responsibility, after all, you can't expect a person to be accountable in stury or work if he/she doesn't even care to keep his/her own room clean. We hear all the time about how habit influence（这个是名词，你用成动词了） people's life, for students, this principle starts with a good habit of dealing with（啥叫处理房间？cleaning up） their rooms.( |! J- D9 x! ~3 y1 m
6 R1 L: r8 P$ Y7 \% C
In addition, as many psychologists suggest, living environment has a vital effect on people's mood. A clean, neat room would help a student feel enthusiastic and happy during the everyday（不能做adj.用，用daily） study, and in future work.. Imagine a student randomly throw his/her personal stuff everywhere in the room, and maybe sleeps with two books and a CD player in the bed, pick up some cloths from a pile on the floor, then go to school, how on earth can this student keep a clear mind in class? He/she might even be wondering whether the hot pot is turned off. And what is going to happen if this goes on after he/she graduates? From this example, we can see how important it is to have a delightful living condition. That means, Keeping the room clean and neat is necessary for a student's mental health.% I% T+ w% b) R. n5 m
5 a! d$ m4 k( M/ t) m* o
To sum up, the good habit of being organized in life start with being organized in one's own room, at the same time a neat room itself helps a student to keep happy. Both factors above contribute to a student's future success.（结尾总结的不错）

见上，注意些小词组的用法

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

谢谢yuminjia! 我怎么就没想起来可以用individual代替person呢。。。谢！
West Point是美国的西点军校。

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

11# 名字是个词儿

丢人了 west point~~~