12.3综合写作

SilentScorpiusUID: 2686998

12.3 Integrated Writting
The professor made the point that Portraitof an Elderly Woman is a painting attributed to Rembrandt. The reading, in thecontrary, held a different view.
While thereading stated that the cap and the coat wearing by the woman were notconsistent. According to the lecture，the fur collar on this painting is not original. Before the paintingwas modified, according to the professor, the woman was not wearing theexpensive fur collar. Someone added a fur collar on the original one hundredyears after the painting was created, in order to make this painting morevaluable.
In addition,the professor refutes the viewpoint showed in the passage that the shadow ofthe woman’s face is not appropriate. She said that the woman was wearing alight color clothes in original painting and that cloth can easily reflectlight onto woman’s face. So it’s natural that the woman’s face is not partiallyin shadow. But when someone changed the light color clothes to a dark colorcollar, the shadow and light cannot fit anymore.
Finally, theprofessor stated that the extra wood panels were added by other people, whichchallenges the conclusion made by the writer who said that, the emergence of severalextra wood means that this painting is not Rembrandt’s style.

写着写着就不知道如何衔接了，大家多挑错。谢谢！

xueyiUID: 2647060

The professor（最好加上in this lecture） made the point that Portrait of an Elderly Woman is a painting attributed to Rembrandt. The reading, in the contrary, held a different view. 作文着重论述的应是讲座如何驳斥了文章，但这段中的转折却把重心放在了文章上，叙述主体呈现一种错位。


While the reading stated that the cap and the coat wearing（worn） by the woman were not consistent. (while和谁对比的？)According to the lecture，the fur collar on (in) this painting is (was) not original. Before the painting was modified, according to the professor, the woman was not wearing the expensive fur collar. Someone added a fur collar on the original one hundred（hundreds of） years after the painting was created, in order to make this painting more valuable. - D+ l; i" H5 o" D9 e$ Z

In addition, the professor refutes(时态要一致) the viewpoint showed in the passage that the shadow of the woman’s face is not appropriate. She said that the woman was wearing a light color clothes（clothes不可数） in the original painting and that cloth can easily reflect light onto the woman’s face. So it’s natural that the woman’s face is not partially in shadow. But when someone changed the light color clothes to a dark color collar, the shadow and light cannot fit anymore.2 w7 c6 `8 ]. r" r2 u
Finally, the professor stated that the extra wood panels were added by other people, which challenges the conclusion made by the writer who said that, the emergence of several extra wood (woods) means that this painting is not Rembrandt’s style.

不管是用现在时还是过去时，时态都要一致。
文章说的是这幅画不是R的作品，而讲座里的教授不同意这个观点。对吧？接下来你论述的三个点，每个劈开来看都没问题，讲明白了。但放在一块就很让人费解。因为它们与中心思想的联系不够紧密。最后一段是相对来说最好的一段，因为它说明白了讲座和文章之间的矛盾何在——XX是R的风格，而XX不是。而第二段，除了叙述事实，它的批驳作用没有得到体现。
个人意见，而且是在没有题目的情况下的个人意见，所以出错在所难免。仅供参考^-^

SilentScorpiusUID: 2686998

LS说的很到位，我这篇作文的确是在整体上有问题，谢谢批改!

shining_sjUID: 2485580

The professor made the point that Portrait of an Elderly Woman is a painting attributed to Rembrandt. The reading, in the contrary, held a different view.1 [& f! a$ h9 (rug
开头有点短；如果前后内容换一换，先说阅读的观点。。然后再说听力反驳了它比较好
While( 这是个联词吧？为何只有一句话。。） the reading stated that the cap and the coat which the woman wearing were not consistent与什么不符？. According to the lecture，the fur collar on this painting is not original. Before the painting was modified, according to the professor(according to重复出现）, the woman was not wearing the expensive fur collar. Someone added a fur collar on the original one hundred years after the painting was created, in order to make this painting more valuable. # N1 \5 g# K: G  z1 g, r' @0 L
In addition,the professor refutes the viewpoint showed in the passage that the shadow of the woman’s face is not appropriate（前面用了not original,not consistent..建议直接用inappropriate）. She said that the woman was wearing a light color clothes in original painting and that cloth can easily reflect light onto woman’s face. So it’s natural that the woman’s face is not partially in shadow. But when someone changed the light color clothes to a dark color collar, the shadow and light cannot fit anymore.  很欣赏这句结尾~
)
K0 G
Finally, the professor stated that the extra wood panels were added by other people, which challenges the conclusion made by the writer who said that, the emergence of several extra wood means that this painting is not Rembrandt’s style.貌似在听力内容里有说，研究表明那块板的来源是跟他另一副画的来源如出一辙。y0 r: F/ ^. R  W2