12.7作文 狠批，写的一般啊，多多指教，呵呵

michael_beyondUID: 2704216

Around the world, most people are ordinary while only few people are successful in their careers, the latter people make difference during their lives, they are out of the ordinary, and they are successful in their lives. There are so many success examples or success stories, the list goes on. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Look back to the history, for example Edison the great inventor who has devised so many inventions such as bulb and he did much amount of experiments before he managed to invent the bulb. He is so successful for he is quite different from others, the differences between him and others includes that when people are being at leisure time he thought over the methods of experiments on bulb, when others are dealing with trivial matters he considered things related to his inventions. So if Edison were more like others, I think that there will not be so many high-tech inventions used in modern society, it can be said  this point is so important that laid a firm foundation for his career. It is undoubted that he is out of the ordinary.

Moreover, in most schools  there words said that "promoting the originality in study". Generally speaking, most students only study the courses they should learn, they lack of creativity, they fail to take into account of the fact that they are not educated if they only learn their own courses well. However, if you are more different from others fo emample if you had a wide-education or you learnt more knowledge related to your majot field, you'll be more successful in the future job markets.

In summary, I think that if you want to be successful in the future, you should be different from others in some aspects, such as the knowledge or education you received, the endeavor and the price you paid in return for success in your life

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

1# michael_beyond
Around the world, most people are ordinary while only few people are successful in their careers, the latter people make difference during their lives, they are out of the ordinary, and they are successful in their lives. There are so many success examples or success stories, the list goes
Around the world, most people are ordinary while only few people are successful in their careers, the latter people make difference during their lives, they are out of the ordinary, and they are successful in their lives. There are so many success examples or success stories, the list goes on. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else." q$ e: z& c& x/ W8 H, q, W. f
5 m6 P6 f, ]/ V4 D, _
Looking back to the history, for example， Edison ,the great inventor who has devised so many inventions such as bulb,( and he删掉) did much amount of experiments before he managed to invent the bulb. He is so successful for he is quite different from others。It is the differences between him and others （includes that） that when people were (being at ) enjoying their leisure time he thought over the methods of experiments on bulb, when others were dealing with trivial matters he considered things related to his inventions. So if Edison were more like others, I think that there will not be so many high-tech inventions used in modern society, it can be said  this point is so important to laid a firm foundation for his career. It is undoubted that he is out of the ordinary.

Moreover, in most (majority) schools ( there words )it is said that "promoting the originality in study". Generally speaking, most students only study the courses they should learn, whereas they are lack of creativity, (they) failing to take into account of the fact that they are not educated if they only learn their own courses well. (这句话写的不好，语法错误混在一起，建议写成单句吧) However, if you are more different from others， for example，and
if you had a wide-education or you learnt more knowledge related to your major field, you'll be more successful in the future job markets.（要么删掉，要么改成job hunting）

In summary, I think that if you want to be successful in the future, you should be different from others in some aspects, such as the knowledge or education you received, the endeavor and the price you paid in return for success in your life

改正了楼主不少的语法错误;个人感觉是楼主应该好好的把基本的句法和句型理一下.不要犯些很低级的语法错误.比如 people are being at  their leisure time

加油!

爱让一切都对了UID: 3334460

你的分论点不够清晰。你应该在每段第一句就指出论点。

第二段可能是being different promots the originality, which helps people succeed.

你的字数只有300多一点。新东方老师建议大于380。你再想一个分论点应该就够了。

你的第二个分论点里没有“具体”的例子。你的“fo emample if you had a wide-education”，不够具体。所谓具体就是指名道姓。你可以说你的同学王小明，他学经济，也爱看好多课外书，如《国富论》(The Wealth of Nations），而你就没看这些书，所以最后毕业时你花了一年才找到工作，他只花了一个月。