【草莓酱拌饭组】6 issue11 by Gary

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations shouldhelp support the development of a global university designed to engage studentsin the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."



words: 619                               蓝色为TS


Nowadays, an increasing number of social problems bother people a lot. The notion that all nations are required to support a global university aimed to train students of solving the world's most persistent social problems seems as a brilliant opinion, however it fails to analysis the inner essence of these problems.

We may read some unfortunate news frequently from the newspapers such as the Somali Pirates kidnapped a certain country's ship, the armed conflict in Afghan, the ozone hole is becoming larger,the weather becomes warmer or maybe the Al-Qaeda failed to plan a terrorist attract in some regions. Undoubtedly, these are known as the world's most persistent social problems. Let's think about these problems in a profound mind, either the politics or the economics should be blamed. In this case, for my part, it is the government should be the main force to solve these problems rather than the academics.   

To deal with these persistent social problems, even the most brilliant newly graduated students could merely do is to analysis the cause of these problems and maybe work out a probably blueprint in theory.However, the students are unable to put the plan into practice. Take an apt example to explain this notion, as I listed above, the problem of Somali pirates, and the students may pay attention to the current activities of the pirates,and analysis their claimed demands, and then speculate their true purpose.After that, they should construct some precise plans. But they can not take any actions, they are required to introduce these plans to the government and then they perhaps have a chance to be tried. Although the academics may have the ability to help with the processing of solving social problems, the final decision is made by the leaders. Someone maybe hold that the today's students are the tomorrow's leaders, however, the conditions of social problems is changing frequently, and we should focus on them at any time, in this case to hire the existing experts in those areas maybe more efficiency. In addition, the ability that students should have to solve these problems can be learned in most universities of the world, to develop a special university is not that necessary.

Besides, the government should and indeed could solve most social problems. As Iassert above, the problems are caused by economics or politics factors. The purchasing of rapid development leads to a warming world, the ozone hole together with other pollutions that are threatening to the living creatures. The violent problems such as the armed conflicts and the civil war in some countries are because ofthe politics purpose. And also the wide spread of some severe diseases are the result of insufficient finical support as well as politics control in some regions. The wide spread of SARS in the year 2004 killed thousands of people during a short period and was more severe in some developing countries. Why,you may wander, did the disease spread in different ways in various countries? Of course not, it is because that the well-funded countries are able to set up emergency system far more frequent than some relative poor countries, thus prevent the diseases from infecting more people. After that it was the scientists’ together with scholars' responsibility to research efficient medicines to this disease. We can conclude that the governments played the most important role in this crisis, for they had to carry out the emergency plan immediately and finance the science community to research.

To sum up, solving the world's most persistent problems, all the nations should fully make use of their own politics power and work together with other countries. Only in this way, could we enjoy a bright future.

中原527UID: 2707367

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."


words: 619                               蓝色为TS
619….你真彪悍….
划线是我认为语法有问题的，绿色是评语，红色是用词不当
Nowadays, an increasing number of social problems bother people a lot. The notion that all nations(这开头怎么看觉得别扭) are required to support a global university aimed to train students of solving the world's most persistent social problems seems as a brilliant opinion, however it fails to analysis the inner essence of these problems.（第一反应觉得和ARGUMENT开头很像…尤其是我看了十几篇阿狗的时候）

We may read some unfortunate（刚问了下美国同学，她说用sad更好些，老美是不会用这么别扭的词儿） news frequently from the newspapers such as the Somali Pirates kidnapped a certain country's ship, the armed conflict in Afghan, （and）the ozone hole is becoming larger, the weather becomes warmer or maybe the Al-Qaeda failed to plan a terrorist attract in some regions. （前面是词，后面是句子，such as 后面可以并列吗？？？）Undoubtedly, these are known as the world's most persistent social problems. Let's think about these problems in a profound mind, either the politics or the economics（前文并没有提到经济问题）
should be blamed. In this case, for my part, it is the government should be the main force to solve these problems rather than the academics.   
这里，只是举出了一些问题，就做出结论政府是解决问题的主要力量，而不是academics。中间没有什么说明为什么需要政府，政府在解决这些问题中扮演什么样的角色，好比解决臭氧洞扩大的问题，可以这么说，也需要academics，因为它可以集合学生研究这方面的问题，但更需要政府的颁布措施，实施强硬手段。昏，原来东西都在后面….这句可以放在下一段里面，过渡更自然些，放在上面此段感觉挺突兀的。
To deal with these persistent social problems, even the most brilliant newly graduated students could merely do is to analysis the cause of these problems and maybe work out a probably blueprint in theory. However, the students are unable to put the plan into practice. Take an apt example to explain this notion, as I listed above, the problem of Somali pirates, and the students may pay attention to the current activities of the pirates, and analysis their claimed demands, and then speculate their true purpose. After that, they should construct some precise plans. But they can not take any actions, they are required to introduce these plans to the government and then they perhaps have a chance to be tried.（绿色they是指计划呢还是学生们？还有to be tried 用在这里觉得有点奇怪）
Although the academics may have the ability to help with the processing of solving social problems, the final decision is made by the leaders. Someone maybe hold that the today's students are the tomorrow's leaders, however, the conditions of social problems is changing frequently, （这逻辑俺不懂…今天的学生可能是明天的领导，但是社会问题是不断变化的，可能你的意思是等到未来他们就可以解决问题，但在此文感觉没啥关系）and we should focus on them at any time, in this case to hire the existing（俺同学说用local好些） experts in those areas maybe more efficiency(注意啊，这是名词….). （把所有修饰成分去掉，就变成了in this case ，所以正确的应该是in this case, hiring the local experts in those areas maybe more efficient）In addition, the ability that students should have to solve these problems can be learned in most universities of the world, to develop a special university is not that necessary.（这句可以独立出来，不用硬凑进上个句子里，如果你非要凑成一个句子，起码加个AND吧，还有，有必要复习下to
do 和 doing做主语各是什么含义的语法）（顺便说声，少用very , that, so much, 可以这样说it is not necessary to develop….）
Besides, the government should and indeed could solve most social problems. As I assert above, the problems are caused by economics or politics factors. The purchasing of rapid development（这个，请指教啥意思，高速发展的…） leads to a warming world（这个，太突兀了点吧，中间要有推理啊，虽然说一上来就要表明观点，后面再进行说明，但也要在合理的范围内）, the ozone hole together with other pollutions that are threatening to the living creatures. The violent problems such as the armed conflicts and the civil war in some countries are because of the politics purpose. And also the wide spread of some severe diseases are the result of insufficient finical support as well as politics control in some regions. The wide spread of SARS in the year 2004 killed thousands of people during a short period （of time） and was more severe in some developing countries. Why, you may wander, did the disease spread in different ways in various countries? Of course not, it is because that the well-funded countries are able to set up emergency system far more frequent than some relative poor countries, thus prevent the diseases from infecting more people. （这个句子有问题…thus连词用得生硬，其实可以不用的，独立出来也可以）After that it was the scientists’ together with scholars' responsibility to research efficient medicines to this disease.
（科学家要研究药物，突然直接总结，其实，不一定非要we can conclude硬插进去吧，直接说政府blahblah…虽然科学家可以研究药物，但离不开政府的支持，其应急措施更是政府的行政职能，academics代替不了的）We can conclude that the governments played the most important role in this crisis, for they had to carry out the emergency plan immediately and finance the science community to research.

To sum up, solving the world's most persistent problems, all the nations should fully make use of their own politics power and work together with other countries. Only in this way, could we enjoy a bright future.
总的来说，语法问题不少啊....
有的词用起来好奇怪
不过逻辑思路是相当清晰的，比我那篇不知所云的写的好多了...

中原527UID: 2707367

额额额，帖子里面改不了颜色....
有的颜色改不出来..
我给你发word看吧
晕，附件不支持07版，又跑去转03版...

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

返工11，我尽力了，如果有人能再拍下我将感激不尽！
分析：
TS政府应该是解决这些社会问题的主导力量
1. 学生在解决问题方面的作用及困难2. 政府应该而且有能力去解决这些问题
总结
这个结果写成了是谁应该解决社会最难缠的题？跑题！！！


重新构思：
Logical chain: All nation should support develop a global university to solve persistent problems
All nation是主体，目的是solve problems，手段是support university
关键争论点：should or not?
破题：
1.定位persistent social problems从而决定手段是否有效，如果有效，如何论证？如果无效，有没有其它的解决问题的手段？——充分利用政府的职能
2.定位global university的作用，是否可以解决问题，如果可以，如何论证？如果不行，有什么替代方案？即便可以，是不是需要all nations呢，部分nations不行吗？
TS: Global university->academics固然有不可替代的作用，然而政治力量是一个更重要的因素。

提纲：
定义persistent problems,提出自己的观点（即TS）


Global university->academics在解决问题中的作用，举例，总结


过渡段，让步说即便academics有作用，但是也不必all nation支持，现有的universities完全可以充分发挥其作用。转折，提出一个更有效的方案，政府职能。

政府可以充分利用其职能，举例，总结

结尾总结全文，强调主旨

Nowadays, an increasing number of social problems bother people a lot. We may read some sad news frequently from the newspapers such as the Somali Pirates kidnapped a certain country's ship, the armed conflict in Afghan, the ozone hole is becoming larger, the weather becomes warmer or maybe the Al-Qaeda failed to plan a terrorist attract in some regions. Undoubtedly, these are known as the world's most persistent social problems. Let's think about these problems in a profound mind, either the politics or the economics should be blamed. To solve these problems, for my part, the academics absolutely have a significant position; however, the politics power should be a more efficient force.

To deal with the persistent social problems, the brilliant students may analysis the cause of these problems and then work out a probably blueprint in theory. Classic examples of this type of ability occur. The ozone hole, which constitutes a threat to humans’ consistent survival, has been deeply explored by scientists. And several available methods of protecting ozone as well as preventing the continual damage on it have been worked out. The world wide finical crisis during these years has been a daily discussed issue. It was the economists who illuminated the inner essence of the disaster and predicted the probably recover date that reduced the citizens’ depressions. And also with the problem of Somali pirates, the experts may pay attention to the current activities of the pirates, and analysis their claimed demands, and then speculate their true purpose. After that, they should construct some precise plans. The academics have paved the way for the bright future. Without their efforts, the world would little more than sorrow and depression under these problems.

Although academes plan the unchangeable role in solving social problems, there is no necessity to constitute a special global university to train specialists in these areas. Brilliant students from well-qualified universities all around the world have the abilities to do such jobs. In addition, the social problems are changing frequently, and we should focus on them at any time, in this case, instead of developing a new university and waiting a long time for the new experts, hiring the existing experts who focus on these areas maybe more efficient.
However, either the students or the scientists are unable to put the plans into practice. Those theories need the support of government, inasmuch as the academes neither have sufficient resource in materials nor in financials to take any actions. In this case, the policy should be a determinative factor in solving most persistent social problems.

Besides, the government should and indeed could solve these social problems.As I assert above, the problems are caused by economics or politics factors. It was the purchasing of rapid development during recent centuries that leads to a warming world, the ozone hole together with other pollutions that are threatening to the living creatures. The violent problems such as the armed conflicts and the civil war in some countries are because of the politics purpose. And also the wide spread of some severe diseases are the result of insufficient finical support as well as politics control in some regions.

For instance, SARS in the year 2004 killed thousands of people during a short period of time and was more severe in some developing countries. Why, you may wander, did the disease spread in different ways in various countries? Of course not, it is because that the well-funded countries are able to set up emergency system far more frequent than some relative poor countries and prevent the diseases from infecting more people. After that, it was the scientists’ together with scholars' responsibility to research efficient medicines to this disease. Although academics could find out the definite solution, the efficient actions in some urgent conditions carried by the policy are somewhat more important.

To sum up, We should be aware of that the fate of society is determined by government. To solve the world's most persistent problems, all the nations should fully make use of their own politics power and work together with other countries. Only in this way, could we enjoy a bright future.