ARGUMENT 76 by 独行天下

逆风的船UID: 2724552

题目：ARGUMENT76 - The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.

"A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin."


The author concluded that the new Luxess face cream is truly effective in improving the condition of the facial skin on the ground that a survey involved a group of volunteer’s reported their positive evolution toward this production after a month practice. Although it seemed reasonable in the first glance this augment should be further considered as the following reasons.

The threshold problem involved in this argument is that the author said the survey was performed in among the volunteers. It is a common sense that the volunteers are interested in this kind production as a result it is normally that they may give a conclusion in the subjective way. Even if they can evaluate the effectuation of this product with out any personal objection, we still did not inform the number of the volunteers involved in this survey. Only in the condition that the samples involved in a survey is so many that it is enough to get a convincing conclusion the survey is believable.

The second problem with this argument is that the author described the involved volunteers gave the evaluation after only a month of usage. It is entirely possible that after a longer period of usage the new Luess face cream not only contribute to the improvement of the facial skin but also under mine its condition as a result the further experiment should be performed to entire the utility of this product.

Even through a month is enough to test the utility of this face cream, the author claimed that the volunteers involved in this survey used the new Luxess face cream after the usage of the mild soap every day. As a result it is hard to tale it is the mild soap or the new Luxess face cream which contributed to the refine of the condition of the facial skin. As from the presentation of the author we can not get the information about the result of using the new Luxess face cream only.

As all discussed above, the presentation of the author can not convince us that the new Luxess face cream is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin. In order to make this argument more convincing it is necessary for the author to provide the progress of the survey preformed such as how many people involved in this survey and what is more important is that not all of them are volunteers. Then the long period usage of this product should be provided. To get a more convincing conclusion it is necessary to do an experiment which only the new Luxess face cream is used without the interaction with other materials.

番茄斗斗UID: 2720914

1# 逆风的船

"A group ofvolunteers（what kind of group,are they related to the product's target consumer?） participated in a study of consumer responses to the newLuxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faceswith mild soap（same one?) and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, mostvolunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin lookedand felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improvingthe condition of facial skin."


The author concluded that the new Luxess face cream is truly effectivein improving the condition of the facial skin on the ground that asurvey involved a group of volunteer’s reported their positiveevolution toward this production after a month practice. Although itseemed reasonable in the first glance this augment should be furtherconsidered as the following reasons.（复述性的开头可以改进下）

The threshold problem involved in this argument is that the author saidthe survey was performed in among the volunteers. It is a common sensethat the volunteers are interested in this kind production，as a resultit is normally that they may give a conclusion in the subjective way.Even if they can evaluate the effectuation of this product with out anypersonal objection, we still did not inform（应为：are not informed） the number of thevolunteers involved in this survey. Only in the condition that thesamples involved in a survey is so many that it is enough to get aconvincing conclusion the survey is believable.这里用了个让步，可是感觉只是将两种可能性串在一起讲，“让步必须建立在你要批驳者的观点上，对于argument来说，就是作者的观点上”，这里LZ让步了SUBJECTIVE WAY的观点，是不是打自己的耳光了呢？？所以要慎用让步；这里质疑调查的人数不够犀利，因为既然没有提及具体数字，就可以当作隐含前提来理解，不如质疑调查人群是否符合产品的潜在顾客更为妥当

The second problem with this argument is that the author described theinvolved volunteers gave the evaluation after only a month of usage. Itis entirely possible that after a longer period of usage the new Luessface cream not only contribute to the improvement of the facial skinbut also under mine its condition as a result the further experimentshould be performed to entire the utility of this product. （个人感觉这里没有论述清楚，仅仅提出一种可能性并不是ARGU的具体表现，如何将这种可能阐述清楚，才是更关键的）

Even through a month is enough to test the utility of this face cream（又是让步。。。同上）,the author claimed that the volunteers involved in this survey used thenew Luxess face cream after the usage of the mild soap every day. As aresult it is hard to tale it is the mild soap or the new Luxess facecream which contributed to the refine of the condition of the facialskin. As from the presentation of the author we can not get theinformation about the result of using the new Luxess face cream only.

As all discussed above, the presentation of the author can not convinceus that the new Luxess face cream is truly effective in improving thecondition of facial skin. In order to make this argument moreconvincing it is necessary for the author to provide the progress ofthe survey preformed such as how many people involved in this surveyand what is more important is that not all of them are volunteers. Thenthe long period usage of this product should be provided. To get a moreconvincing conclusion it is necessary to do an experiment which onlythe new Luxess face cream is used without the interaction with othermaterials.

COMMENT：
LZ的长句好多好多，而且有的分隔符都不给个。。其实长短结合才符合韵律美，也符合阅读习惯。
LZ的表达还欠佳，句式有些单一
ARGU方面，建议LZ看看AWINTRO和精华贴～～

曦范UID: 2724845

咦，看来不只是我改你的作文啦~~ 番茄斗斗童鞋是咱小组的吗？