@@茶叶蛋炒饭@@ 第二次作业 issue147 请组员跟帖

saybia1993UID: 2625112

ISSUE 147
“Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.”



By Extol




Tradition and modernization are always the talking point around people and the relationship between them varies from person to person, however, I disagree with the speaker on the assertion that the tradition and modernization are incompatible. Tradition and modernization are not completely distinct style, furthermore, tradition, more resemble be a soul of modernization and, modernization, more resemble be a variation or extension of tradition, indeed.

To begin with, tradition is sometimes the guidance of development. It leads the fundamental principle of orientation of the technological development. When James Watt propound the question about why the steam has so much power keeping the pod lid jumping up and down. He would never thought of his steam engine could change the whole world. The working principle of steam engine 200 years ago is to heat water become steam and make use of the pressure in cylinder. Within 200 years, heat engine have changed a lot. But the fact of invariability is that all of them still use the gas pressure generated by fuels heating, even if the nuclear engine. The development of technology, or rather, the modernization just change the way of generate heat, doesn’t change the way of generate motivation. Tradition is an ancestor which point out the fundamental and guide us the correct way in our progress, our modernization is based on the tradition mostly.

People always say that music is a kind of art with no international barriers. Also, there are no barriers between varies kinds of music. This is especially true. New Age music is a new kind of music springs from light music and classic music. It is quiet and easeful. Astounded and bewildered by the New Age music uses traditional acoustic instrument as well as the modern electronic percussion, people always positioned themselves in nature atmospheres or the imagery of infinite universe. Particularly, New Age music sometimes serves as a healer in psychiatry. Therefore, New Age music has greatly enriched the types of music and to be a connection or a supplement between light music and classic music, New Age music of modernization is on an equal with the traditional.

What’s even more interesting is: some of the so-called modernization has return to the tradition after several years’ development. One typical example is agriculture. A genetically modified organism (GMO) or genetically engineered organism (GEO) is an organism whose genetic material has been altered using genetic engineering techniques---generally the DNA techniques. And, the domain which uses GMO techniques most widely is agriculture. People change little parts of genes of crops so that the crops can defense against insects by self or grow much more rapidly. Nevertheless, whether these man-made plants may do harm to our body or not is unknown, on account of GMO changes the plants artificially. More and more people around the world begin to go against the GMO techniques, for the purpose of protect the original, natural creatures. The application of genetically modified techniques must be taken into consideration carefully and deeply, indeed.

To sum up, the relationship between tradition and modernization is more likely to be evolution，not incompatible at all. Whether it better or not, the evolution leads our world more diversity.




又花了不少时间，稍微开始有点感觉了，各位拍。





Extol 改 小翔飞飞    用词比较激烈，见谅

The statement asserts that tradition and modernization cannot embrace each other, and we must make a choice between them. I strongly disagree with the speaker. In some circumstance, it is too absolutely to assert only one can be chosen.（这个人和我一个毛病，开头没有中心，应该是看完了开头应该就能知道你这篇文章大概要从哪里去破题,你只有说作者的不对，那你认为什么是对的呢。）

Of course, I concede that we cannot allow everything to stay the same all the time, because the time is flying, some traditions may not fit for the era as well.（读的很别扭哇，Chinglish……开头这样写：Admittedly, I concede that for the reason of times flying, nothing can stay the same all the time, so does traditions.） For example, Beijing Opera, which was ever the most popular entertainment, is fading out as emergences of films and TV programs which gain more acceptances of the modern people. And there are also some traditions need to be discarded, because it hampers the modernizations which might be more benefit for us in some circumstances nowadays. Like, high buildings must replace most of the old cottages in China for the increasing number of people and limited land resources.

Yet, much more time, there is not only one choice between tradition and modernization. Modernization, to some extent, is the production of era and universally easy to be accepted（感觉语言不自然，很刻意）. But meanwhile, many traditions still keep their unique fascination and value in modern time.
（思维相当跳跃哇。。。前2句关系不大吧？） Therefore, why not create cooperation between them? In fact, traditions and modernization can be mutually infused and the compound may shine brighter. In today's China music realm, Chinese traditional instruments are often playing with the modern ones together, which get more populace. And even the Beijing opera can and is in the revolution that adding the modern music, lights and fireworks. We encourage these kinds of fusion, because it is also a good way to protect valuable traditions, especially traditional cultures. (具体细节我就没多看了，不过这几个例子比我的说服力还弱，没事实依据，空口无凭啊，还有语言方面感觉断句太多，读的上句不接下句。)

In fact, it is also easy to find the shadow of （？？）tradition in the modernization. Everything must have its bases to existence and development, modernization is not an exception. As a law is always revised on the base of a primary one by considering the new facts that appear in the modern time, many a modernization base on traditions by adding new factors of the time or revising not suitable old aspects. At least, most of modern ones still respect to the traditional principles. It likes that traditional morality is always the basic principle of human activities; （为什么又跑到atr上来了，突兀）
art is always for adding beauty to our surroundings or transmitting thoughts to audiences, no matter what modern technology is applied on the field.

In sum, the speaker overstates the exclusion between tradition and modernization. They sometimes can be mutual fused. In addition, many valued traditions should be conserved. And it is inspired to find that most of tradition protectors have paid attention to the fusion between modernization and traditions, some people have even taken much attempt as well as artists of Beijing opera.

实际上我也是菜鸟水平，暂时还没能力有多高的见解，但是有几点要指出，全文说服力不足，跳跃太强，
基本没有比较有说服力的事实论据（说我的文章论据太多了，承认，但是这个文章也太少了，例子凑字数哇！）
语言不好
，
你还有将近一个月的时间，建议你背一背
非高频！！
的范文
提升一下语感
这个很重要
，你的文章有点Chinglish的感觉
不过有些词用的还是不错的，我就不会，诸如（to some extent 从某种程度上说）放在文中可以使语言更流畅。

imlifewillingUID: 2706999

【147】. Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.
传统和现代化是水火不容的。人们必须二者选一。


by 懒蚂蚁


提纲：一，传统和现代确实有些地方不一样。但是传统和现在在本质上还是有联系的。而且人们没有必要非得在这两个上做一个选择，因为他们在不同的方面有不同的用处。
      二，传统和现代确实有很多不同。穿，住，行，交流。
      三，传统和现代有很多联系。一方面传统式现在的基础。另一方面就是传统和现在有些本质方面的相同之处。还有现代的终究要归结为传统，这是一个circle。
      四，人们没有必要非得选其一，要在学要他们的合适的地方灵活的运用。特别是在现在城市建设中。问题，解决方法，依据。
      五，传统和现在是社会发展的重要组成，要完整的看待社会发展就要深入的看待传统和现代。


Must we choose one of them between tradition and modernization as the speaker asserts? I do not think so. There are many substantial resemblances between tradition and modernization in spite of some differences between them superficially. So we need a balance between the two.



In the first place, comparing our modern society with the old days, we indeed find some differences in some respects. The clothes nowadays are more colorful and more fashion than the past. We live in a bigger and more comfortable house rather our ancestor. We can fly across the Pacific Ocean in several hours, on which our forbears spent several months. What's more, we can communicate with our friends face by face all over the world on the Internet instead of writing a letter. So no one can keep blind to these differences though they are ostensible.



In the second place, tradition and modernization have some correlations underlying the surface differences as discussed above. On the one hand, things in our modern society have some similarities with this kinds of things of the past in essence. On the other hand, tradition serves as the basis of modernization. What's more, modernization go into tradition as the time pass by. In other words, tradition and modernization is just like a circle. Let's take the clothes as an example to illustrates. It is undisputed that the main purpose of clothes is to keep people warm, no matter in the old days or nowadays. Though the pattens and colors of today's clothes are more than before, we can find some relation with the tradition from them. At last, the clothes which are in vogue in today may become out of date before long as that clothes that seem superannuated in our days were very popular at our parents' time. In a word, tradition and modernization can not be isolated distinctly. On the contrary, they keep in touch with each other throughout the human history.



At the end, because of the complicated correlations between tradition and modernization we should not ignore either of them. What we need do is to utilize them at the appropriate time and proper place. In our modern cities, the conflicts between the two are obvious. We may need to build some new buildings at the place where there are some traditional architectures which have significant meaning of the history. What should we do? Should we build the new one at the expense of the old one or vice verse? Neither of them is excellent. The best way may be make a balance between the two so that we can develop our economic while preserve our history at the same time. Maybe there are some difficulties in doing this. However, we can make use of the old building as a part of the new one, or move the old one to another place without destroying it. Whatever ways we use, our destination is to do our best to make good use of both tradition and modernization.



To sum up, tradition and modernization are indispensable parts of our society. Only by understanding them comprehensively and utilizing them sophisticatedly can we propel our society to keep developing.




懒蚂蚁修改 extol

Tradition and modernization are always the talking point around people and the relationship between them varies from person to person, however（是不是However,重开一句呢）, I disagree with the speaker on the assertion that the tradition and modernization are incompatible. Tradition and modernization are not completely distinct style, furthermore, tradition, more resemble（这是个动词啊？） be a soul of modernization and, modernization, more resemble be a variation or extension of tradition, indeed.
开头提出了自己的看法，说明自己不同意自己的观点。但是最后一句话好像毛病比较多。个人愚见
To begin with, tradition is sometimes the guidance of development. It leads the fundamental principle of orientation of the technological development. When James Watt propound the question about why the steam has（时态对吗？） so much power keeping the pod lid jumping up and down. He would never thought of his steam engine could change the whole world.（这个例子好像不太好吧？tradition应该是传统吧？那个蒸汽应该不是吧？） The working principle of steam engine 200 years ago is（时态） to heat water（to） become steam and (to)make use of the pressure in cylinder. Within 200 years, heat engine have changed a lot. But the fact of invariability is that all of them still use the gas pressure generated by fuels heating, even if the nuclear engine. The development of technology, or rather, the modernization just changes the way of generate(generating) heat, doesn’t change the way of generate motivation. Tradition is an ancestor which point out the fundamental and guide us the correct way in our progress, our modernization is based on the tradition mostly.
(说了传统是基础，但是我觉得这个例子不是很好)
People always say that music is a kind of art with no international barriers. Also, there are no barriers between varies kinds of music. This is especially true. New Age music is a new kind of music springs from light music and classic music. It is quiet and easeful. Astounded and bewildered by the New Age music uses traditional acoustic instrument as well as the modern electronic percussion, people always positioned themselves in nature atmospheres or the imagery of infinite universe. Particularly, New Age music sometimes serves as a healer in psychiatry. Therefore, New Age music has greatly enriched the types of music and to be a connection or a supplement between light music and classic music, New Age music of modernization is on an equal with the traditional.
（这段很突兀，既没有主旨句，结尾也没说明，我觉得应该说一下到底要表达什么意思，虽然看起来很老套，但是老外一般思想都很简单的。哈哈）
What’s even more interesting is: some of the so-called modernization has return to the tradition after several years’ development. One typical example is agriculture. A genetically modified organism (GMO) or genetically engineered organism (GEO) is an organism whose genetic material has been altered using genetic engineering techniques---generally the DNA techniques. And, the domain which uses GMO techniques most widely is agriculture. People change little parts of genes of crops so that the crops can defense against insects by self or grow much more rapidly. Nevertheless, whether these man-made plants may do harm to our body or not is unknown, on account of GMO changes the plants artificially. More and more people around the world begin to go against the GMO techniques, for the purpose of protect the original, natural creatures. The application of genetically modified techniques must be taken into consideration carefully and deeply, indeed.
（这段写了现代有返回传统的趋势，虽然例子有意思，但是我觉得解释不好，你应该着重写基因工程的不好，所以人们想一些天然的东西。）
To sum up, the relationship between tradition and modernization is more likely to be evolution，not incompatible at all. Whether it（is） better or not, the evolution leads our world more diversity.
作文总体上思路还可以，但是文章中说现在要返回传统并没有和开头段中的现在是传统的延伸对应。
还有就是我感觉作者的例子说服力不强，个人愚见
然后就是句子好像连词用得不是很好，（这个我也是弱项）
但是总体上感觉模板的样子没有，这点值得我学习。
还有就是语言也不错。
加油啊。

yuxiang1900UID: 2558709

147"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

小翔飞飞

The statement asserts that tradition and modernization cannot embrace each other, and we must make a choice between them. I strongly disagree with the speaker. In some circumstance, it is too absolutely to assert only one can be chose.

Of course, I concede that we cannot allow everything to stay the same all the time, because the time is flying, some traditions may not fit for the era as well. For example, Beijing Opera, which was ever the most popular entertainment, is fading out as emergences of films and TV programs which gain more acceptances of the modern people. And there are also some traditions need to be discarded, because it hampers the modernizations which might be more benefit for us in some circumstances nowadays. Like, high buildings must replace most of the old cottages in China for the increasing number of people and limited land resources.

Yet, much more time, there is not only one choice between tradition and modernization. Modernization, to some extent, is the production of era and universally easy to be accepted. But meanwhile, many traditions still keep their unique fascination and value in modern time. Therefore, why not create cooperation between them? In fact, traditions and modernization can be mutually infused and the compound may shine brighter. In today's China music realm, Chinese traditional instruments are often playing with the modern ones together, which get more populace. And even the Beijing opera can and is in the revolution that adding the modern music, lights and fireworks. We encourage these kinds of fusion, because it is also a good way to protect valuable traditions, especially traditional cultures.

In fact, it is also easy to find the shadow of tradition in the modernization. Everything must have its bases to existence and development, modernization is not an exception. As a law is always revised on the base of a primary one by considering the new facts that appear in the modern time, many a modernization base on traditions by adding new factors of the time or revising not suitable old aspects. At least, most of modern ones still respect to the traditional principles. It likes that traditional morality is always the basic principle of human activities; art is always for adding beauty to our surroundings or transmitting thoughts to audiences, no matter what modern technology is applied on the field.

In sum, the speaker overstates the exclusion between tradition and modernization. They sometimes can be mutual fused. In addition, many valued traditions should be conserved. And it is inspired to find that most of tradition protectors have paid attention to the fusion between modernization and traditions, some people have even taken much attempt as well as artists of Beijing opera.

小翔飞飞改懒蚂蚁
Need we choose one of them between tradition and modernization as the speaker asserts? I do not think so. There are many substantial resemblances between tradition and modernization in spite of some differences between them superficially. So we need to seek a balance between the two.
In the first place, comparing our modern society with old ones, we indeed find differences in some respects. The clothes nowadays are more colorful and more fashion than the past. We live in a bigger and more comfortable house rather than our ancestors. We can fly across the Pacific Ocean in several hours, on which our forbears spent several months. What's more, we can communicate with our friends face by face all over the world on the Internet instead of writing a letter. So no one can keep blind to these differences though they are ostensible.
In the second place, tradition and modernization have some correlations underlying the surface differences as discussed above. On the one hand, things in our modern society have some similarities with this kinds of things (their counterparts?) of the past in essence. On the other hand, tradition serves as the basis of modernization. What's more, modernization goes into tradition as the time pass by. In other words, tradition and modernization is just like a circle. Let's take the clothes as an example to illustrate. It is undisputable on that the main function of clothes is to keep people warm, no matter in the old days or nowadays. Though the patterns and colors of today's clothes are more than before, we can find some relation with the tradition from them. At last, the clothes which are in vogue in today may become out of date as clothes that seem superannuated in our days might be very popular at our parents' time. In a word, tradition and modernization can not be isolated distinctly. On the contrary, they keep in touch with each other throughout the human history.
At the end, because of the complicated correlations between tradition and modernization we should not ignore either of them. What we need do is to utilize them at the appropriate time and proper place. In our modern cities, the conflicts between the two are obvious. We may need to build some new buildings at the place where there are some traditional architectures which have significant meaning of the history. What should we do? Should we build a new one at the expense of the old or vice verse? Neither of them is excellent. The best way may be make a balance between the two so that we can develop our economic while preserve our history at the same time. Maybe there are some difficulties in doing this. However, we can make use of the old buildings as a part of the new one, or move the old one to another place without destroying it. Whatever ways we use, our destination is to do our best to make good use of both tradition and modernization. (这段并没有将如何利用旧建筑，与主题句不符。)
To sum up, tradition and modernization are indispensable parts of our society. Only by understanding them comprehensively and utilizing them sophisticatedly can we propel our society to keep developing. （提到了utilize tradition, 但没有写到tradition的可用之处）

mikestoneUID: 2734495

147"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

My view to the statement is that modernization may be different with, or even conflict, tradition in some aspects, however, they are not incompatible. And to fulfill a goal, we can choose a single one or both of them. Actually, our choice usually is the more efficient one.

It is well known that difference and conflict usually exist in some aspects of our society between moderation and tradition because social factors, such as technology, people’s lifestyle and values, are changing as time goes on. For example, recently, jog is known as a recommended exercise. However, 200 years ago, people attitude toward jog is completely different. Technology changes the whole world, including people’s view to some problems. Another example can also be provided in the realm of business. In Adam smith era, the profit would maximize if every company did things benefit itself. However, in modern society, it is necessary to consider the group and others, not merely pursue personal interests, thanks to John Nash and Game Theory. Similar things also occur in the field of politics and laws. Laws about the protection of environment and animals didn’t exist 100 years ago; however, they have developed into a complete system in some countries nowadays.

From paragraph two, we know one can often find some differences between modernization and tradition. Yet, we can’t say tradition and modernization are incompatible. There are several reasons. First, tradition is the fundament of development, reform and modernization. In almost every realm, new discovers and inventions are all based on the long exist knowledge. For example, American English originate from Europe, however, is a little different from British English. New federal laws come from old ones, and make a profound development. So, only correct the defects of tradition and supply new discovers can society develop. Second, tradition can also work well on the new problems, sometimes. For instance, The Art of War has existed in China for more than 2000 years. However, it works well in the management of modern companies and is recommended by many famous CEO. Therefore, I oppose the statement that tradition and modernization are incompatible.

Maybe there are some differences or conflicts between modernization and tradition, whereas, since tradition is the fundament of modernization and can also work well on recent problems, we can make different choices to attain a goal. On one hand, we can choose a single one. There are many examples. To relax ourselves, we can listen to pop music or classic music. To contact our old friends, we can write letters or send emails. To finish our homework, we can search materials in the libraries or on the Internet. No matter traditional ways or modern approaches can solve our problems. On the other, we can use both of them, such as the front three examples.

Actually, we usually choose the more efficient one. There are a couple of reasons. For instance, it can save time, effort, energy, resource and so on. As modernization, in some fields, based on tradition, makes a significant improvement, our choices are often placed on modernization. For example, our calculations now are usually done by computers, because they can save time and effort.

To sum up, I admit the differences and conflicts between modernization and tradition and oppose the statement that they are incompatible. We can choose one or both of them and the efficient one is often the choice.

mikestoneUID: 2734495

修改extol
extol，刚改完你的前两段，仔细研究过以后我把个人观点列在下面，同时我根据我的理解写了下1-2段
我能理解你要表达的意思，可是觉得并不是那么合适，主要是用词上，不能表达好你的意思。
我重写一下第一段：
People usually talking about tradition and modernization and opinions towards their relations vary from person to person. Basically, I disagree with the speaker on the assertion that tradition and modernization are incompatible. In my view, they are not independent. Strictly, tradition is the fundamental of modernization and modernization is the extension of tradition.

（extol出现的最严重的问题就是，思路比较散，例子占得篇幅大，主题句很少，当然论证过程就很少了。）

To begin with, tradition is the fundamental of modernization and it also works well on new problems sometimes. In the realm of science and technology, basic principles are often seen as tradition. These principles not only solved questions decades ago, but also can treat new problems. For example, James watt invented steam engine 200 years ago; and recently, our nuclear power plants still use stream engines to create electricity. Although the fuel used to generate stream is different, their principle is completely the same. So, modernization and development usually are based on tradition.

(个人观点：这样就完成了一个完整的提出观点，展开，举例子，论证过程。)

The statement asserts that tradition and modernization cannot embrace (be compatible with) each other, and we must make a choice between them. I strongly disagree with the speaker. In some circumstance, it is too absolutely to assert only one can be chose.
Of course, I concede that we cannot allow everything to stay the same all the time, because the time is flying, some traditions may not fit for the era as well. (这句废话太多：To begin with, some elements of tradition may be out of time. ) For example, Beijing Opera, which was ever the most popular entertainment, is fading out as emergences of films and TV programs which gain more acceptances of the modern people. And (Moreover, 这儿这个观点很容易背人忽略掉) there are also some traditions need to be discarded, because it hampers the modernizations which might be more benefit for us in some circumstances nowadays. Like, high buildings must replace most of the old cottages in China for the increasing number（以后用population好了） of people and limited land resources.
（这段建议加上个能概括两个观点的观点，否则显得很散，另外一会讨论下你这段究竟对你的观点有什么帮助，好吧？）
（这两段之间没有过渡，你发现没有，上面那一段说的是tradition可能会过时，或者应该舍弃，这一段直接冒出个经常会有两种选择。一会这里也好好讨论下。）
Yet, much more time（usually个人喜好）, there is not only one choice between tradition and modernization. {Modernization, to some extent, is the production of era （时代的产物是不是这么说？） and universally easy to be accepted. But meanwhile, many traditions still keep their unique fascination and value in modern time. Therefore, why not create cooperation between them? In fact, traditions and modernization can be mutually infused and the compound may shine brighter （这也是你造的吧？）.} In today's China music realm, Chinese traditional instruments are often playing with the modern ones together, which get more populace. And even the Beijing opera can and is in the revolution that adding the modern music, lights and fireworks. （这里是不是不要加这个例子了，我怕老外误解了。）We encourage these kinds of fusion, because it is also a good way to protect valuable traditions, especially traditional cultures.
（这一段不像上一段好，前半部分的论述几乎是没有例子的论述，没有说服力，后半部分举了例子又草草结尾。
当然，我知道你是限定时间写的，不过建议好好改改这里。）

（这一段你的观点是tradition在modernization上有阴影。）
In fact, it is also easy to find the shadow of tradition in the modernization. Everything must have its bases to existence and development, modernization is not an exception. As a law is always revised on the base of a primary one by considering the new facts that appear in the modern time, many a modernization base on traditions by adding new factors of the time or revising not suitable old aspects. At least, most of modern ones still respect to the traditional principles. It likes that traditional morality is always the basic principle of human activities; art is always for adding beauty to our surroundings or transmitting thoughts to audiences, no matter what modern technology is applied on the field.
In sum, the speaker overstates the exclusion between tradition and modernization. They sometimes can be mutual fused. In addition, many valued traditions should be conserved. And it is inspired to find that most of tradition protectors have paid attention to the fusion between modernization and traditions, some people have even taken much attempt as well as artists of Beijing opera.

改321的

321，我的言辞比较犀利，还请谅解

The author contends that we must choose between tradition and modernization for the reason that they are incompatible with each other. However, I consider that the author has ignored the crucial role tradition plays in our modern society. After all, tradition has irreplaceable means (effects) to the modern world.

(这个开头可能会使你的思维陷入僵局，因为开头开小了，而且没有说清楚。你的观点是什么呢？这个需要说清楚)
To be sure, many technical instruments used nowadays have little relationship to the former days （这个表达不对）, such as the Internet, the developed transportation system （这个例子不合适吧）, the mobile phone and so forth. These instruments facilitate （不常用吧，用法对吗，improve） our lives which can hardly dreaming of in the former days（in the past or 100 years ago）. The （去掉） Internet has especially (especially很多时候放在句子的前面，用逗号隔开) strong function in helping citizens' modern lives （这句表达不地道，Especially, internet is helpful in modern lives）. We can shop online instead of go shopping in the hall, and the latter one might spend us a lot of time and energy (We can shop online instead of in the hall which takes us more time and energy.). Using the Internet, we can choose commodities from various shopping downtowns and select the best one without wasting too much energy and money, which we can not finished in the traditional days (这句没用，去掉吧). The developed transportation system facilitates our lives on a great deal, especially the airplane, which seems make the world smaller than before even there is little change of the world. We could be found everywhere with a mobile phone at hand. These modern instruments seem little relation with the tradition.

（观点又有交代清楚，标红的句子都需要改，还有，没有原来的原理，和经验怎么就有网络，飞机了？）
总结:1开头没有表达清楚自己的观点
2很多不地道的句子
3例子尽量简洁，重点放在论证上
4建议重点练习下每段的结构。比如提出论点，阐述，举例子，论证，得出结论。

shenxianhuUID: 2455394

by SXH

观点：不同意，speaker的看法太极端。要具体问题具体分析。
1.
很多传统依然流传至今。宗教上，佛教，基督教，伊斯兰教。习俗上，中国节日放鞭炮。思想上，儒家思想，战略思想（孙子兵法）
2.
现代的很多东西是可以和传统共存的。1，传统经过演变，现代经过兼容，两者并行发展，比如古典音乐和现代音乐，虽然风格迥异,但并存下来。或者传统和现代融合在一起，学术上，就难以分出什么现代和传统，而是一起形成了一个完整的体系。如John Von Neumann体系结构。
3.
诚然，也有很多传统的东西和现代式格格不入的，比如对女性的歧视。
4.
不管是现代的还是传统的，我们不能盲目判定好和坏。要充分考虑它的优点和缺点，去其糟粕，留其精华，更好地为我们人类服务。

Does tradition and modernization areincompatible so that we have to choose between them? It is tempting to agreewith speaker’s assertion that they are mutual exclusive in certain cases.However, for the most part, tradition develops rather well without therejection of moderation;
in fact, inmany realms, the modernization can and does embrace the tradition.

To the best of our knowledge, rather than extinctunder the fierce emergence of modernization, a myriad of traditions survive allthe time. An apt illustration involves in the development of the religion.Christianity, as a traditional religion, which is found in the year 0, has nowdeveloped as one of the most religion companied with Islam and Buddhism whichare even established before Christ. They appear to be still popular and beappreciated by numerous people. In addition, people in China keep the customthat they display firework to celebrate in Spring Festival, and now it
has extend to do this activity in otherholidays. Furthermore, consider The Art of War, which trace back to nearly BC400 years. Now many leaders of the army in different countries express thegreat esteem to it and adopt some strategies of it.

Actually, not only many traditions developinstead of disappearing, but also modern ideology, design, elements are come todevelop companied with the traditional ones. On the one hand, The example thatthe development of pop music and classic music is a typical argument to thespeaker’s assertion. The classic music is a product of tradition of music whilethe pop music comes from modern musical systems. The advances of them appear tobe parallel instead of overwhelming despite of the different styles, and bothbring us joy. On the other hand, in some realms especially science, it seems tostrike a balance between tradition and modernization. For instance, When itcomes to the architecture of computer designed by John Von Neumann who iscalled the father of computer, up-to-date modern computers are still based onVon Neumann architecture addressed in 1945, and meanwhile, the situation that originalVon Neumann architecture is limited seriously as the fierce development of thecomputer technology bring vast majority of modern technology such as pipelinetechnology to advance and improve it. As a result , they turn out to compositethe standard architecture of a computer.

Having recognized the consensus oftradition and modernization, by no means should we deny the speaker’s assertionis of certain value under some conditions. In some conditions, confronted themodern customs, the traditional customs often teeter in the edge collapse. Forexample, the tradition of the discrimination to the women which was absolutelynormal and accepted by everyone before fails to be supported and agreed nowbecause of the development of the feminism and the advocating of the equalrights.


In the final analysis, we should becircumspect about the merits and disadvantages of tradition or modernizationirrespective of whether they are compatible. After all, it seems to be significantthat we weigh the benefits of tradition and modernization in order to servepeople ultimately. （最后这句感觉太差，不知怎么写好）


改stone
My view to the statement is thatmodernization may be different with, oreven conflict, tradition in someaspects, however, they are notincompatible. And to fulfill a goal, we canchoose a single one or bothof them. Actually, our choice usually is the moreefficient one.

It is well known that difference and conflict usually exist in someaspects ofour society between moderation and tradition because socialfactors, such astechnology, people’s lifestyle and values, are changingas time goes on. Forexample, recently, jog is known as a recommendedexercise. However, 200 yearsago, people’s attitude toward jog wascompletely different. Technology changes the wholeworld, includingpeople’s view to some problems. Another example can also beprovided inthe realm of business. In Adam smith era, the profit would maximizeifevery company did things benefit itself. However, in modern society, itisnecessary to consider the group and others, not merely pursuepersonalinterests,(和前半句不一致,not改instead)thanks to John Nash andGame Theory. Similar things also occur in thefield of politics and laws. Lawsabout the protection of environment andanimals didn’t exist 100 years ago;however, they have developed into acomplete system in some countries nowadays.

From paragraph two, we know one can often findsomedifferences between modernization and tradition. Yet, we can’t saytraditionand modernization are incompatible. There are severalreasons. First,tradition is the fundament of development, reform andmodernization. In almostevery realm, new discovers and inventions areall based on the long existed knowledge. Forexample, American Englishoriginate from Europe, however, is a littledifferent from British English. Newfederal laws come from old ones, andhave made aprofound development. So, only correct the defects of tradition and supply newdiscovers can society develop.（倒装的语法有问题，主语society？改成only when correct...）Second, tradition can also work well on the new problems,sometimes. Forinstance, The Art of War has existed in China for more than 2000years.However, it works well in the management of modern companies andisrecommended by many famous CEO. Therefore, I oppose the statementthattradition and modernization are incompatible.

Maybe there are some differences orconflictsbetween modernization and tradition, whereas, since traditionis the fundamentof modernization and can also work well on recentproblems, we can makedifferent choices to attain a goal. （这个有因果关系吗？是不是换个说法更让人明白？或者再阐述一下？）Onone hand, we can choose a single one. There are many examples. Torelaxourselves, we can listen to pop music or classic music. To contactourold friends, we can write letters or send emails. To finish ourhomework, wecan search materials in the libraries or on the Internet.No matter traditionalways or modern approaches can solve our problems.（又是个缺成份的，...modern approaches they both can solve...） On the other, we can use both ofthem, such as the front three examples.

Actually, we usually choose the more efficient one.Thereare a couple of reasons. For instance, it can save time, effort,energy,resource and so on. As modernization, in some fields, basedontradition, makes a significant improvement, our choices are oftenplaced onmodernization.(还是缺少成份,改成which makes a significant significantimprovenment如何) Forexample, our calculations now are usually done by computers, because they cansave time and effort.

To sum up, I admit the differences and conflicts between modernizationandtradition and oppose the statement that they are incompatible. Wecan chooseone or both of them and the efficient one is often the choice.

总结下，
1.首先阐述了传统和现代很多差别，其原因是人们的生活方式，价值观的变化。
2.虽然他们之间存在不同，但不能说他们是不相容的。
3.我们可以根据哪个更有效从而选择哪个或者选择both。
其实我不用总结了，stone的开头开门见山，写的很清楚了。这是优点一；二，各段之间衔接地很紧密，每段的开头承上启下，让我这个阅读能力很差的人看着也很顺畅，这点太值得学习了。
我看别人文章总是看到觉得别人写得很好，很难发现缺点，呵呵。
要说的话就是，如果末段只是对开头的重复叙述，我觉得大可砍掉了。如果考虑凑字数还是干吗，那留着好了。但是我觉得前面写得真不错，突然读到末尾，一下就失落了。不知道我表达清楚我的意思没
还有个就是倒装的时候要注意句子成份。
总之，这篇文章的思路和结构很值得我学习，例子也用的好。我的能力实在找不出像样的缺点啊。感谢stone。

改yeshen2010
As the development of the society, some people believethat they do not need to make fire with wood any more, but they cannot livewithout washing machine, refrigerator--these electrical equipments. So there isan assertion that tradition and modernization are incompatible, so that onemust choose between them. I do not totally agree with this point. In myopinion, whether tradition and modernization are harmony or not is different case by case.(是这样说吗，我不确定，我知道有case-by-case basis)
In some areas, tradition andmodernization may be a conflict. Firstly, tradition may mean hindering socialdevelopment. Meanwhile, modernization may show progress of society. Take civilrights for example. In 19th century, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of theUnited States,ended slavery, and stated that Negroes had the right to "life, liberty,and the pursuit of happiness." In 20th century, Martin Luther King, anAmerican clergyman, activist and prominent leader in the African-American civilrights movement, had fighted（fought） for ending racialsegregation and racial discrimination. He received the Nobel Peace Prize forthe work. In 2009, Barack Hussein Obama, the first African American to hold theoffice, was inaugurated as president. The tendency that everyone has the sameright is irreversible. So in this case, one should choose modernization whichwould bring a lot of benefits to society. Secondly, tradition may present oldgood virtue, such as honest, generous, integrity, while modernization mayexpress a culture of corruption, such as greedy, stingy, deception. At thismoment, one must choose tradition morality rather than the other one.
On the other hand（on the one hand
在哪）, tradition andmodernization can get along well with each other. The Capital InternationalAirport Terminal No.3 in Beijing embodies theperfect combination of tradition and modernization. This terminal's appearanceresembles a dragon with golden dome and red columns, reflecting Beijing's traditionalculture. At the same time, it uses the most advanced technology and materials,such as automatic sorting, high-speed transmission system. The equal emphasis on modern and traditional architecture, using anumber of new technologies in the world, so that Capital International Airport steps into theworld's most advanced airport ranks.

（缺成份了，而且感觉别扭。我改成这样，不知可以不：Companiedwith The equal emphasis on modern and traditional architecture by using anumber of new technologies in the world as well as a myriad of traditionalstyles and features, Capital International Airport steps into the world's mostadvanced airport ranks.）
As a conclusion, tradition andmodernization are incompatible sometimes, while they can coexist well in othertimes. I suggest that we can choose the one which is aslong as  useful  to human beings.
（as long as 我觉得用的位置不对，产生了点歧义 I suggest that we can choose the one irrespective of whether it istraditional one or modern one as long as  it turn out to be useful  tohuman beings.）

首先，
关于你的字数不够我结合几个建议，一是每段的开头最后有个句子承上启下，一来连贯性增强，让阅卷者读着流畅，二来也可以增加字数，呵呵。再就是第一段的结尾最好有个对下文的总引。比如你说了具体问题具体分析（case-by-case），我还是不能对你的全文有个大致的了解。据说gre作文阅卷人第一眼看的就是第一段末尾来了解你全文要说什么。大可以补上两句话对下面总起（又可以加字数了，呵呵）

再者，论证的内容少了，尤其第三段，可以论述一下。关于思路和例子，建议浏览一遍其他几位同学的文章，我很多觉得好的例子都收集起来，同时还可以了解别人的思路怎么样。
字数不急，关键是思路。

niyinanUID: 2693578

147
Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.
【翻译】
传统和现代化是不相容的。人们必须在二者之间做出选择。


niyinan(塞纳)

Living in a world filled with numerous innovations and inventions, surviving in a society dominated by endless advances in modernization, our traditional life styles, religions, beliefs and customs seem to have lost its tremendous and great value in our current lives. Concerning this, many people propose that tradition and modernization are incompatible and one must choose one of those two while abandoning the other one. As for me, I disagree with this idea since this statement is just a conclusion of the superficial phenomena and fails to discovery the close relationship between tradition and modernization.

Firstly, tradition still exerts a significant role in our current modern society, permeating its meanings in everywhere including political realm, religion and lives of every member of our society. Separation of executives, legislative and judical powers is still the basic structure of modern politics, making the united states the most democratic and free nation in our globe while still being the most wonderful political mode that many citizens in other countries pursue with great efforts. No one can ignore the value of separation of powers, though it has been put forwards thousands years ago. Religion seems would never fade away with the collapse of time and the marching of our society, even in today’s American community well equipped with numerable new emerged innovations and often broadcasting modish and up-to-date ideas and thoughts, there are still many people who believe in their almight god and pray to their sacred bible every day wholeheartedly for their inner peace and gaining the happiness. Tradition also influenced what we think and debate, ”what is love, what is truth?” asked by Socrates, a philosopher in athens, ancient Greece are still the topics being regarded as the most profound and difficult ones that people both young and old, female and male, poor and rich, talk about today.

Secondly, modernization makes a great contribution to the preservation and development of tradition rather than inhibits and destroys our conventional culture. When we compare our tradition with modernization which seems to be taking a dominating role in our current society, we have gained a deeper insight and comprehensive understandings of our traditional lives, beliefs, religions, values that we took for granted before the emergence of so much new scientific inventions and modern thoughts. Besides, along with the advances in communication brought from the development our scientific technologies, our tradition becomes more and more active and has draw a wider attention from the whole world. At the meeting of apec, influential political and economic leaders of each nation, including the chairman of PRC and the president of America, put on the conventional clothes of the country in which the conference takes. Benefiting from the convenient communications of modern society—internet, broadcast, tv, newspaper and the vital important impacts the meeting exerts on the world, the traditional culture that those clothes stand gain an access to being known by the people living in nearly every corner of the globe.

However, we also need to realize that modernization does not contribute to every realm of the tradition. Once well accepted ideas that women should be stay at home rather than receive education and work for our society has been abandoned thanks to the development brought by our technology. Racial discrimination which great martin luther king had devoted all his life to fighting against has been defined illegal as a result of our advances in cognition. Those ugly and wrongheaded thoughts and principles should be abolished, which accords the tendency of the development of our human civilization.

From what has been discussed we can safely draw the conclusion that tradition still exerts its beneficial impacts to our modern society while modernization plays a positive role in preserving the marrow of our convention and eliminate the beliefs, values, and behaviors that are against the development of our civilization.

首段直接改了一下以前的，而且这篇写的挺早，有些东西没有改过，还是旧的，要改的话，会面目全非，呵呵。

大家多提意见哈。。。。

sonia0318UID: 2674482

TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS: 630
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-1-3 22:24:21
By2.22@Sonia
The speaker asserts that tradition and modernization are incompatible and one
have to choose between them .Admittedly, I concede that as the time pass by, civilized actions replaced the animal sacrifices, e-mails replaced hand-writing letters, automobiles replaced carriages. However, I cannot agree with the speaker's assertion totally. Traditions and modernization can be compatible and even interdependent sometimes.

From the perspective of customs and habits, modernization can assist the tradition to continue for some countries with long histories, especially for India or China. For example, the funerals ,which are very important for many Chinese people to commemorate their ancestors, traditionally lasts for three months or more in the ancient times. Rituals of ancestor worship most commonly consist of offerings to the deceased to provide for their welfare in the afterlife, which is envisioned as being similar to the earthly life. Necessities and luxuries, foods ,wine, sums of money. and large pieces of paper called "spirit money" would be burned in front of altar. Later For most Chinese nowadays, such actions are kind of unpractical for they don't have so many time and money to pay on the funerals. Instead , they present flowers and some food which their ancestors liked to eat on the graves to show their respects. As a tradition and nature of a human ,they still respect their ancestors. However, modern funeral is a continuation of the tradition. Through some acceptable changes, we can still console from tradition and pragmatism from modernization. In short, there is no definite boundaries between tradition and modernization. At this point , from my personal view, tradition cannot be replaced by modernization .

From the perspective of art , an art ,whatever it is an architecture ,decorating art, sculpture or paintings is often displayed to the mass after a long history. From my own view, modernization is often used as a method of arts' conservation restoration and actions taken to examine, preserve and restore to their original condition objects of historic and artistic merit. Take the “Last supper" for example, which was painted by Leonardo da Vinci to decorate the walls of Saint Maria delle Gazie in Milan ,Italy, deterioted over time because Leonado painted with an oil-tempura mixture that did not adhere well to the wall. It seems that the painting is irretrievable and unresumptive. However, from 1978 to 1999, Pinin Brambilla Barcil guided a major restoration project which undertook to permanently stabilize the painting and reverse the damage caused by dirtm pollution and misguided 18th and 19th restoration. Without the help of modern technology, it is impossible to restore and keep these precious and meaningful traditional arts after such a long history. Technically, X-ray and ultraviolet techniques can identify the minerals used in the pigments and discover craftsmanship. Thanks to the modern techniques, these delicate arts can be displayed after such a long histories in the museum and galleries.

From the perspective of traditional sports, which are companied with some modern technologies to help the sportsman to achieve new record and perfect performances. Take swimming for example, which is one of the earliest representations of swimming is an ancient Egyptian wall relief
.Human beings have been swimming for thousands of years. To accelerate the speed of our swimming, Nan coating technology on cloths has yielded the most strain-resistand clothes which have aided Olympic-level swimmers in settling many now world record by using swimming suit with clothing fibers bonded to hydrophobic molecules. These nanoncoated swim suits creates less friction with water so swimmers can swim faster. In short , modern technologies give the sports a hand to improve and achieve the higher performance.

To sum up, I disagree with the speaker’s statement because I believe that the modernization never destroy the tradition but make it more civilized ,comfortable, and more practicable.

最近忙于通信原理，焦头烂额，写作时思维混乱，这应该是本组最烂的一片文了，大家加油修改哦～～





147
Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.
【翻译】
传统和现代化是不相容的。人们必须在二者之间做出选择。


niyinan(塞纳)
Living in a world filled with numerous innovations and inventions, surviving in a society dominated by endless advances in modernization, our traditional life styles, religions, beliefs and customs seem to have lost its tremendous and great value in our current lives. Concerning this, many people propose that tradition and modernization are incompatible and one must choose one of those two while abandoning the other one. As for me, I disagree with this idea since this statement is just a conclusion of the superficial phenomena and fails to discovery
（应为discover）the close relationship between tradition and modernization.
Firstly, tradition still exerts a significant role in our current modern society, permeating its meanings in everywhere(换成every area比较好) including political realm, religion and lives of every member of our society. Separation of executives, legislative and judical(judicial)
powers is still the basic structure of modern politics, making the united states the most democratic and free nation in our globe while still being the most wonderful political mode(institution) that many citizens in other countries pursue with great efforts. No one can ignore the value of separation of powers, though it has been put forwards thousands years ago. Religion seems would never fade away with the collapse of time and the marching of our society, even in today’s American community well equipped with numerable(意思为able to count，最好改为several)
new emerged innovations and often broadcasting modish and up-to-date ideas and thoughts, there are still many people who believe in their almight (almighty) god and pray to their sacred bible every day wholeheartedly for their inner peace and gaining the happiness. Tradition also influenced what we think and debate, ”what is love, what is truth?” asked by Socrates, a philosopher in athens, ancient Greece are still the topics being regarded as the most profound and difficult ones that people both young and old, female and male, poor and rich, talk about today.
Secondly, modernization makes a great contribution to the preservation and development of tradition rather than inhibits and destroys our conventional culture. When we compare our tradition with modernization which seems to be taking a dominating role in our current society, we have gained a deeper insight and comprehensive understandings of our traditional lives, beliefs, religions, values that we took for granted before the emergence of so much new scientific inventions and modern thoughts. Besides, along with the advances in communication brought from the development our scientific technologies, our tradition becomes more and more active and has draw a wider attention from the whole world. At the meeting of apec（APEC）, influential political and economic leaders of each nation, including the chairman of PRC and the president of America, put on the conventional clothes of the country in which the conference takes. Benefiting from the convenient communications of modern society—internet, broadcast, tv, newspaper and the vital important impacts the meeting exerts on the world, the traditional culture that those clothes stand gain an access to being known by the people living in nearly every corner of the globe.
However, we also need to realize that modernization does not contribute to every realm of the tradition. Once well accepted ideas that women should be stay at home rather than receive education and work for our society has(have) been abandoned thanks（这个是谓语最好不要跟在后面） to the development brought by our technology.（科技和歧视有什么联系呢？） Racial discrimination which great martin Luther king had devoted all his life to fighting against has been defined illegal as a result of our advances in cognition. Those ugly and wrongheaded thoughts and principles should be abolished, which accords the tendency of the development of our human civilization.
From what has been discussed we can safely draw the conclusion that tradition still exerts its beneficial impacts to our modern society while modernization plays a positive role in preserving the marrow of our convention and eliminate the beliefs, values, and behaviors that are against the development of our civilization.
首段直接改了一下以前的，而且这篇写的挺早，有些东西没有改过，还是旧的，要改的话，会面目全非，呵呵。
大家多提意见哈。。。。

(总体来说语言比我的幼稚式的语言老道多了，可是有方面比如说第三段的思路让人无法一目了然，比如作者拿APEC的传统服装与现代多媒体技术做比较有些让人匪夷所思，二者不属于同一类啊。。。)

鱼晒月亮UID: 2723622

临暄的作业147"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
What’s the meaning of tradition? And what’s the meaning of modernization? One thousand people will have one thousand answers. They would be the different lifestyle or ways of thinking, even society form. And many people think that tradition means old, those could not keep up the development of the society; and on the contrary, modernization means fresh, new etc. However, tradition and modernization are relative, not absolute. That tradition will become modernization by technological progress or improvement or reform. And vice versa, if that modernization we thought now would not be advanced or improved continually, it will be tradition.
Firstly, only to perceive and comprehend the tradition fully, we may carry out modernization. There are many examples, for instance, we all know that it is Watt improved the steam engine and this marked that the first industrial Revolution. And there are few people know that the first practical steam engine was invented by an Englishman, Safri. However, Watt’work raised the efficiency greatly and put the steam engine into general use. Then the first car drove by steam engine was invented and so on and so forth. In Watt’year, Safri’ work means tradition, and on basis of it, Watt improves and modernizes it and keep up with the development of the society. What Watt done is important for the development of the automobile. However, if there’s no Safri’work, Watt maybe need more time to deplore, to investigate the steam engine, not to mention automobile.
Secondly, tradition will be carried forward in modernization society. Especially in the cultural domain. Such as many literatures like Shakespeare’ work will be better acted today than in the past. And social custom or cultural tradition or cultural relics would be better preserved with the help of modern technology.

As above mentioned, tradition and modernization are compatible with each other.
这次时间有点紧了，绞尽脑汁只能写出这么多了，还有工作的材料要写，白天只能写这么多了，晚上回家再自己改改，改我作文的，请尽管批评我的吧。谢谢。

修改楼上的

The speaker asserts that tradition and modernization are incompatible and one
have to choose between them .Admittedly, I concede that as the time pass by （the 可以去掉吧）, civilized actions replaced the animal sacrifices, e-mails replaced hand-writing letters, automobiles replaced carriages. However, I cannot agree with the speaker's assertion totally. Traditions and modernization can be compatible and even interdependent sometimes.

From the perspective of customs and habits, modernization can assist the tradition to continue for some countries with long histories（这句话有点别扭，for直觉上可以改为in）, especially for India or China. For example, the funerals ,which are very important for many Chinese people to commemorate their ancestors, traditionally lasts for three months or more in the ancient times. Rituals of ancestor worship most commonly consist of offerings to the deceased to provide for their welfare in the afterlife, which is envisioned as being similar to the earthly life. Necessities and luxuries, foods ,wine, sums of money. and large pieces of paper called "spirit money" would be burned in front of altar. Later For most Chinese nowadays, such actions are kind of unpractical for( because) they don't have so many time and money to pay on the funerals. Instead , they present flowers and some food which their ancestors liked to eat on the graves to show their respects. As a tradition and nature of a(a 去掉) human ,they still respect their ancestors. However, modern funeral is a continuation of the tradition. Through some acceptable changes, we can still console from tradition and pragmatism from modernization. In short, there is no definite boundaries between tradition and modernization. At this point , from my personal view, tradition cannot be replaced by modernization .(现在的祭奠方式可以说更文明，而且不再浪费，我觉得这是同以前的本质区别，作者大量叙述了以前的祭奠方式，说明了现在的方式是对以前的进行了精神上的延续。最后却又总结现代不能取代传统，有点和例证对不上号。还有个人认为这个例子的力量有点弱，虽然我也想不出什么好例子。个人认为如果说明现在是以前的升华或者改进而保留了精髓会不会好点。)

From the perspective of art , an art（这个可以去掉）
,whatever it is an architecture ,decorating art, sculpture or paintings(个人觉得，这句话可以改为这样whatever it is, art work is often displayed to the mass.不一定要after a long history.传统和现代是不是可以理解为凡是进步的就是现代呢？！即使现代艺术，凡是用更加先进的技术进行欣赏分析，这种论点是不是可以理解为传统的艺术应用了现代技术进行维护。) is often displayed to the mass after a long history. From my own view, modernization is often used as a method of arts' conservation restoration and actions taken to examine, preserve and restore to their original condition （objects of historic and artistic merit这个可以去掉吧？！现代技术的应用主要是为了保持艺术作品的原样和对其进行必要的分析以了解创作时作者的思想或者当时状况吧。纯属个人理解。）Take the “Last supper" for example, which was painted by Leonardo da Vinci to decorate the walls of Saint Maria delle Gazie in Milan ,Italy, deterioted（deteriorated） over time because Leonado painted with an oil-tempura mixture that did not adhere well to the wall. It seems that the painting is irretrievable and unresumptive. However, from 1978 to 1999, Pinin Brambilla Barcil guided a major restoration project which undertook to permanently stabilize the painting and reverse the damage caused by dirty pollution and misguided 18th and 19th restoration. Without the help of modern technology, it is impossible to restore and keep these precious and meaningful traditional arts after such a long history. （在此是否还应该简述一下，现代技术使之还原或者保存后，人们能更好的欣赏这幅作品呢？！）（moreover, X-ray and …….technically.说明一下现代技术还能对艺术作品进行分析等等。）Technically, X-ray and ultraviolet techniques can identify the minerals used in the pigments and discover craftsmanship. Thanks to the modern techniques, these delicate arts can be displayed after such a long histories in the museum and galleries.

From the perspective of traditional sports, which are companied with some modern technologies to help the sportsman to achieve new record and perfect performances. Take swimming for example, which is one of the earliest representations of swimming is an ancient Egyptian wall relief
.Human beings have been swimming for thousands of years. To accelerate the speed of our swimming, Nan coating technology on cloths has yielded the most strain-resisted clothes which have aided Olympic-level swimmers in settling many now world record by using swimming suit with clothing fibers bonded to hydrophobic molecules. These nanoncoated swim suits creates less friction with water so swimmers can swim faster. In short , modern technologies give the sports a hand to improve and achieve the higher performance.

To sum up, I disagree with the speaker’s statement because I believe that the modernization never destroy the tradition but make it more civilized ,comfortable, and more practicable.（最后是否应该作一下必要的让步呢，比如现代科技给竞技体育带来了好处，也带来坏处，比如屡禁不止的兴奋剂等。）
其实第二段的例子最好了，我也是首先想到了现代科技对文化遗产的保护这一例子，但是在运用上总是不能娴熟，如何能做到native的状态呢，我们共同努力吧。




楼下的那位怎么不给我改阿，难道是我写的太滥了？！

BryanpengUID: 2705644

ISSUE147
"Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.

By SNOW(Bryanpeng)

提纲:
第一段:不同意这种观点,提出在不同情况下选择的方法并不唯一的观点
第二段:说明现代的方式的确有它的好处
第三段:说明古老的方式也不过时,在许多地方发挥着他无可替代的
       作用
第四段:说明在不同的情况下我们可以有不同的选择,可以选择古老
       的方式,可以选择现代的方式.并且说明了他们的关系:许多现
       在的方式是在老的方式上建立起来的.
第五段:总结自己的观点

The speaker claims that tradition and modernization are incompatible, one must choose between them. I think this statement is too absolute and too extreme. I don’t agree with this statement. Undoubtedly, both tradition and modernization have its own advantages under different circumstances. Maybe one of them is much better than the other , there are conflicts between them, but they can also have something in common. When we want to do something, we can have many choices, choosing one of them or both of them flexibly can lead to a good result which we hope. They are not incompatible in every cases.

As time goes on , because of the progress in technology, modernization have more advantages than tradition in some aspects such as it can help us save money ,save time, bring convenience and so on , modernization have replaced the tradition .When we  want to wash our clothes ,we can use the washing machine rather than by our own hands; When we go on business ,we can choose the flight which can save a lot of time and make us not suffer from the journey than by bus; When we miss someone ,we can use our own phone at any time rather than going to find a public phone.

From the paragraph above, we can see that modernization have a better adaptation to the society than the tradition, but I don’t think the tradition is not out of date. The words which Confucius said two thousand years before also have great meaning. They also conduct people make the right choice , make progress, achieve success. A lot of people love reading newspaper today rather than getting news from the Internet. The parents will be very happy to receive your handing letter which come from your school. People from different counties also celebrate their own festivals such as Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving Day, Spring Festival, Mid Autumn Day .Although pop music is welcomed by a lot of the young, country music and folk-song are vey popular today .They can give us other feelings and the meaning and the culture that they contain can’t be replaced by pop music forever.

Today ,though going to the shopping centre and the Internet we can buy the thing we need. As the traditional method ,we go to the shopping centre , we can see the real thing , have a try . We can know the thing better .As the modern method , we shop though network . It takes less time and less money than the traditional method. We can have different choices according to different circumstances. If you want to save money ,you can see movie through your personal computer ,or you can go to the cinema to get in the swing. Also something which we create to improve our life is based on the fundament of the tradition .

To sum up, I think the speaker’s statement is too absolute and too extreme ,tradition and modernization are not incompatible, we can use the advantages in them to do the thing we want . The choice is not the only one .We can choose flexibly. Then we can get the best effects.

Athena.missingUID: 2710486

ISSUE 147. Athena

As the process of modernization is quicker and quicker with each passing day in this era, some people notice that the traditional items are overshadowed by modern development and thus issue the claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible, we must choose between them. For me, however, I cannot agree with them. Tradition and modernization is not irreconcilable. They are just presented in different time stages and shoulder inequable importance.
        What we must acknowledge is that in some aspects modernized methods have taken the place of traditional ones. That’s the result of pursuing high speed and efficiency which is asked by the competitive atmosphere in contemporary society. For example, large-scaled assembly line, which saves both time and labor, and elevates the productivity to an unprecedented level, is the main stream productive way nowadays. In the meantime, we can hardly catch sight of a traditional family workshop or a manual workshop in a highly modernized metropolis. Thanks to these advanced production methods, we can use tools and enjoy services conform to the standard, making our life more accurate and delicate.
        But in most cases, modernization doesn’t necessarily mean discarding traditions. What is modernization? If referring to dictionaries, we can find the word “modern”, is defined as “Designed and made using the most recent ideas and methods.” It is more a concept of time. So what we think is the result of modernization can be regarded as a development of traditional things from another angle. The most potent example is language. From ancient to now, the language keeps changing. Hundreds of thousands of new expressions will appear in our daily life every single day. Of course, this is a kind of modernization, for language is an indispensable part of our life and our life is in the course of modernization. But can we get rid of the words and expressions we used yesterday in order to adopt the new ones? The answer is self-evident. That is to say, modernization doesn’t bring death to tradition.
        A wiser solution to define the relationship between tradition and modernization is trying to find a balance; neither casting the value of ancient objects, nor permitting it to check the development of modernization. This explains the reason why there are more and more museums appearing at the center of a city. Nowadays, people are keen to flooding into big cities. The housing demand, therefore, is becoming more acute in this trend. If we just care for the advance of modernization, some old buildings like the quadrangle dwellings in Beijing, which are low and grand, are supposed to make room for the high scrapers to hold more people. But the government doesn’t allow this to happen. Instead of tearing down these old buildings, we transform them into museums and give them more concern. This is highly appreciated for it is a double-edged sword. The quadrangle dwellings are well preserved in this way and we can take advantage of the entrance fee to plan a higher residential building in the skirt of the city to solve more people’s problem. Undoubtedly, we find a balance point here.
Everything exists in this world has two aspects of nature. One is on material level, the other on spiritual. So is tradition. In this sense, what we are doing in the movement of modernization is keeping changing the exterior form of traditional objects, modifying them not to hinder social progress. But what we can hardly extort and try to preserve under the great impacts of modernization, is the interior contents hidden in these old treasures.


修改楼上的(..稍等)
The speaker claims that tradition and modernization are incompatible, one must choose between them. I think this statement is too absolute and too extreme.and I don’t agree with this statement(有点累赘). Undoubtedly, both tradition and modernization have its own advantages under different circumstances. Maybe one of them is much better than the other , there are conflicts between them, but they can also have something in common. (这个句子.总觉得不大顺.)When we want to do something, we can have many choices, choosing one of them or both of them flexibly can lead to a good result which we hope. They are not incompatible in every cases.

As time goes on , because of the progress in technology, modernization have more advantages than tradition in some aspects such as it can help us save money ,save time, bring convenience(这个和help不搭) and so on , modernization has replaced the tradition .When we want to wash our clothes ,we can use the washing machine rather than by our own hands; When we go on business ,we can choose the flight which can save a lot of time and make us not suffer from the journey(旅途劳累? suffer from the tirednessof the journey) than by bus; When we miss someone ,we can use our own phone at any time rather than going to find a public phone.

有一个忠告.简单句太多,而且各个简单句子中间不太注意连接词的使用.各个句子之间很跳跃.不流畅.
不过我觉得思路很好.例子简单易懂又有说服力.

From the paragraph above, we can see that modernization have a better adaptation to the society than the tradition, but I don’t think the tradition is not out of date(is out of date). The words which Confucius said two thousand years before(ago. 没有XX years before 这种说法) also have great meaning. They also conduct people make the right choice , make progress, and achieve success. A lot of people love reading newspaper today rather than getting news from the Internet. The parents will be very happy to receive your handing letter which come from your school. People from different counties also celebrate their own festivals such as Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving Day, Spring Festival, Mid Autumn Day .Although pop music is welcomed by a lot of the young, country music and folk-song are still vey popular today .They can give us other feelings and the meaning and the culture(有点不通, 而且.我没怎么看懂.) that they contain can’t be replaced by pop music forever.


Today ,though going to the shopping centre and the Internet we can buy the thing we need. As the traditional method ,we go to the shopping centre , we can see the real thing , have a try . We can know the thing better .As the modern method , we shop though(through) network . It takes less time and less money than the traditional method. We can have different choices according to different circumstances. If you want to save money ,you can see movie through your personal computer ,or you can go to the cinema to get in the swing. Also something which we create to improve our life is based on the fundament of the tradition .

我觉得这一段还需要一个主题句~

To sum up, I think the speaker’s statement is too absolute and too extreme ,tradition and modernization are not incompatible, we can take the advantages in them to do the thing we want . The choice is not the only one .We can choose flexibly. Then we can get the best effects.

思路很明确. 很清晰
不过.说理性不强. 力度不够.
这种效果可能是句式和用词的原因造成的
而且恕我直言.snow的文章里还需要一些高级点的词汇.不是拽词.是增强准确性和说服力.
文章里全是简单句和简单词的话.效果出不来.

cycy881125UID: 2625420

Issue147 AlanC

According to the author, one must make a choice between tradition and modernization, since they are too different and mutually exclusive to merge together. I agree insofar as tradition and modernization stand on two separate parts, and we human are construct a modernized world in a high rate and tradition are gradually far from our daily life. At the same time, however, the human society would not have a sustainable way to develop unless we merge the tradition and modernization together, and integrate them together. Thus the opinion of speaker has been overstated.

Admittedly, modernization and tradition are different, and modernization takes us far from the tradition gradually. Since modernization indicates the development or even the evolution of the society, and the direction of advance of society, then the tradition represents the previous customers and beliefs, so during the progress of human beings, these previous unrealistic thing would be replaced, then the new and advanced thing should be promoted, and make human life nice and convenience. For example, nowadays, the high rate development of network application makes it take place of the traditional communication and tools for human life, such as the e-mail which replaces the traditional communication by letter, e-book takes place of paper books. These new technology tools optimized the function of the traditional mode. So the tendency to the progress of the science would make our life more advanced and comfortable.

However, in my opinion, I strongly suggest that modernization might derive from tradition, and then if they should be perfectly integrated, the seemingly grim at present would be resolved. Tracing back to the past days, watching our precursor going through the rugged and formidable road, their experiences might bring us out of the gloomy situation. Secondly, there are a great many fresh thoughts that our precursors find, but could not make their thoughts realize due to the poor technical conditions. So with supports of the high-technology, we might accomplish it. To illustrate my point clearly, here is an example that is very convincing. Nikola Tesla is one of the most important inventors in the history of technology whose patents and theoretical work formed the basis of modern alternating current(AC) electric power systems. But at that time, advance of science could not keep pace of his thoughts, so that AC electric power could not be utilized. Today, without his patents of AC electric power, I cannot imagine what our life would be.
So before we develop applications in a new domain, we might merge the technology with tradition, so that we could be given an appropriate and content result.

In sum, when the achievement of modernization brings us a more comfortable way of life and work, we should not forget the tradition. Without the utilization of tradition, we human must be a lifelong regret, for tradition is a worthy treasury of human, and the experiences excavated from it could lead us a more far-reaching development.

修改小爱...

Do we must choose between tradition and modernization because of their incompatibility as the speaker contends ?  I strongly disagree with the speaker’s statement. In my view, though in certain areas the two are mutually exclusive, for most part, however, modernization and tradition do not reject each other, they can coexist together. And in current , they can mutually influence each other.

In the first place, tradition refers to the beliefs, values, customs and way of life left behind by our ancestors. That （前面换成逗号吧）are handed down from generation to generation in a society. Forinstance, in China, we have celebrate the spring festival every year, and scull dragon to recall the a patriot poet Qu Yuan. There are many experiences and lessons in tradition which are still conserved, such as morality and rules, we should have filial piety to parents , this morality was used from long time to now（这句话中used我感觉可能要换成其他词好些，比如遵循之类的）. What’ s more , in current society, there are several countries insisted their traditions rather than follow the trend of modernization, the most apt illustration of this point is Arabic world, in there countries, when strangers met with each together, they stand face to face with a distance, and if they are friends , they shake their hands , not like western countries they kiss each other. And the women there don’t have any status, they are forbidden to go out, if needed, they must cover their face only show(我感觉可能要用showing) two eyes.
（这一段a.第一句话是在解释tradition的定义，我感觉是不是需要一个这段话的Topic sentence。 b.我个人感觉，你举的例子并没有完整的表达你的中心。 分析：你的中心思想是说现代化和传统应该共存，而且能够相互影响。 在你的例子中，不管是说过春节，还是孝心，亦或是阿拉伯国家的例子，都只是说了传统在现实生活中的表现，你只是陈述了一遍例子，我没有读出二者能够相互影响，我只读出了传统仍然存在于当今社会中）

In the second place, modernization refers to the process of urbanization, industrialization and today’s democratization or in a large sense westernization. In current’s rapidly changing and complex world. Modernization has been reflected in many level which is becoming a main topic of our current society, there are increasing elements of modern times, shopping mall with various fashional clothes, Ipod mp4 in which （是想用定于从句么？我感觉应该变成 which is）full of rock-and-roll music instead of classic music, and puncture or tattoo everywhere in the bodypart and so forth. At the first glance it seems to be the fact that there is no tradition any more, in fact, it is not necessary the situation. Tradition is still everywhere, though current society is filled with new things ,the tradition is the basic underpining of modern society, for instance, there are still many museums exhibit valuable rarities, in China there are many people choose（choosing） to watch Bei Jing opera instead of popular singer’s vocal concert. And people today are more or less inclined to comply with tradition.


Moreover, much traditional wisdom is still relevant and can inspire us to search for solutions to present problems. The experience and knowledge left by our predecessor , is a valuable wealth to us. The traditional thoughts is（are） still beneficial in a large field of our society such as commerce. As far as I know , a lot of people especially the man involve（involved） in the military , （我感觉你前面写的是commerce，在这里却有说是军事，是不是应该换成commerce呢？要不可能会感觉思维有些跳跃）are fond of a book named Strategy of SunZi, which was written by Sun Wu, an ancient Chinese man. And many people learn thoughts from it.This example illustrates the point that the traditional wisdoms are not only the topic on the desk but also the source where inspirations arise.
这一段还是比较能呼应到你的中心的。
To sum up, I am not clined（我能猜到你这个词的意思，但是我查了很多词典，发觉它是名词，而且没有你需要表达的意思） to the speaker’s contention that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Instead, tradition and modernization is relevant .Our society is make up of them, without any of them the would will be not a integrity.

woaicarfieldUID: 2568106

ISSUE 147 Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them. 传统和现代化是水火不容的。人们必须二者选一。

BY 小爱

Do we must choose between tradition and modernization because of their incompatibility as the speaker contends ?  I strongly disagree with the speaker’s statement. In my view, though in certain areas the two are mutually exclusive, for most part, however, modernization and tradition do not reject each other, they can coexist together. And in current , they can mutually influence each other.

In the first place, tradition refers to the beliefs, values, customs and way of life left behind by our ancestors. That are handed down from generation to generation in a society. For instance, in China, we have celebrate the spring festival every year, and scull dragon to recall the a patriot poet Qu Yuan. There are many experiences and lessons in tradition which are still conserved, such as morality and rules, we should have filial piety to parents , this morality was used from long time to now. What’ s more , in current society, there are several countries insisted their traditons rather than follow the trend of modernization, the most apt illustration of this point is Arabic world, in there countries, when strangers met with each together, they stand face to face with a distance, and if they are friends , they shake their hands , not like western countries they kiss each other. And the women there don’t have any status, they are forbided to go out, if needed, they must cover their face only show two eyes.

In the second place, modernization refers to the process of urbanization, industrialization and today’s democratization or in a large sense westernization. In current’s rapidly changing and complex world. Modernization has been reflected in many level which is becoming a main topic of our current society, there are increasing elements of modern times, shopping mall with various fashional clothes, Ipod mp4 in which full of rock-and-roll music instead of classic music, and puncture or tattoo everywhere in the bodypart and so forth. At the first glance it seems to be the fact that there is no tradition any more, in fact, it is not necessary the situation. Tradition is still everywhere, though current society is filled with new things ,the tradition is the basic underpining of modern society, for instance, there are still many museums exhibit valuable rarities, in China there are many people choose to watch Bei Jing opera instead of popular singer’s vocal concert. And people today are more or less inclined to comply with tradition.

Moreover, much traditional wisdom is still relevant and can inspire us to search for solutions to present problems. The experience and knowledge left by our predecessor , is a valuable wealth to us. The traditional thoughts is still beneficial in a large field of our society such as commerce. As far as I know , a lot of people especially the man involve in the military , are fond of a book named Strategy of SunZi, which was written by Sun Wu, an ancient Chinese man . And many people learn thoughts from it.This example illustrates the point that the traditional wisdoms are not only the topic on the desk but also the source where inspirations arise.
To sum up, I am not clined to the speaker’s contention that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Instead, tradition and modernization is relevant .Our society is make up of them, without any of them the would will be not a integrity.

woaicarfieldUID: 2568106

小爱修改Alan C

According to the author, one must make a choice between tradition and modernization, since they are too different and mutually exclusive to merge together. I agree insofar as tradition and modernization stand on two separate parts, and we human (beings)are construct(ing) a modernized world in a high rate and tradition are gradually far from our daily life. At the same time, however, the human society不能这么用吧 would not have a sustainable way to develop unless we merge the tradition and modernization together, and integrate them together. Thus the opinion of speaker has been overstated.观点不是很鲜明，而且句子有点不地道，不像是GRE的句子

Admittedly, modernization and tradition are different, and modernization takes us far from the tradition gradually.现代化带着我们远离传统吗，体现在哪呢 Since modernization indicates the development or even the evolution of the society, and the direction of advance of society, then the tradition represents the previous customers and beliefs, so during the progress of human beings, these previous unrealistic两个形容词？ thing would be replaced, then the new and advanced thing should be promoted, and make human life nice and convenience. For example, nowadays, the high rate development of network application makes it take place不能这么用吧 of the traditional communication and tools for human life, such as the e-mail which replaces the traditional communication by letter, e-book takes place of paper books. These new technology tools optimized the function of the traditional mode. So the tendency to the progress of the science would make our life more advanced and comfortable.语言有点简单

However, in my opinion, I strongly suggest that modernization might derive from tradition什么意思，想表达什么, and then if they should be perfectly integrated, the seemingly grim at present would be resolved. Tracing back to the past days, watching our precursor going through the rugged and formidable road, their experiences might bring us out of the gloomy situation. Secondly, there are a great many fresh thoughts that our precursors find, but could not make their thoughts realize due to the poor technical conditions. So with supports of the high-technology, we might accomplish it. To illustrate my point clearly, here is an example that is very convincing. Nikola Tesla is one of the most important inventors in the history of technology whose patents and theoretical work formed the basis of modern alternating current(AC) electric power systems. But at that time, advance of science could not keep pace of his thoughts, so that AC electric power could not be utilized. Today, without his patents of AC electric power, I cannot imagine what our life would be.这个例子跟文章的主题有点不反搭调啊
So before we develop applications in a new domain, we might merge the technology with tradition, so that we could be given an appropriate and content result.单独一段？？

In sum, when the achievement of modernization brings us a more comfortable way of life and work, we should not forget the tradition. Without the utilization of tradition, we human must be a lifelong regret, for tradition is a worthy treasury of human, and the experiences excavated from it could lead us a more far-reaching development.

总的来说，开始论点就不清晰，中间的论证也不是很有说服力，在语言方面也多下功夫哦