@@茶叶蛋炒饭@@ 第二次作业 issue147 请组员跟帖

fly-2011UID: 2707582

321的：147
The author contends that we must choose between tradition and modernization for the reason that they are incompatible with each other. However, I consider that the author has ignored the crucial role tradition plays in our modern society. After all, tradition has irreplaceable means to the modern world.

To be sure, many technical instruments used nowadays have little relationship to the former days, such as the Internet, the developed transportation system, the mobile phone and so forth. These instruments facilitate our lives which can hardly dreaming of in the former days. The Internet has especially strong function in helping citizens' modern lives. We can shop online instead of go shopping in the hall, and the latter one might spend us a lot of time and energy. Using the Internet, we can choose commodities from various shopping downtowns and select the best one without wasting too much energy and money, which we can not finished in the traditional days. The developed transportation system facilitates our lives on a great deal, especially the airplane, which seems make the world smaller than before even there is little change of the world. We could be found everywhere with a mobile phone at hand. These modern instruments seem little relation with the tradition.

However, many of today's methodologies and values are handing down of traditions. In China, we emphasize mutual respect as one of our morals, which originate from Confucianism, found by Confucius, a great Chinese thinker. The standard is applied to various areas especially tracing a job position. We Chinese also reserve tradition festivals such as the Spring Festival. Even in the rapid developing technical era, families would gather together to celebrate this festival. In the US, citizens would celebrate their traditional festivals like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and so forth. By the way, every time on the festival, citizens would be happy enough to congregate and have good meal, in order to memorize the special days. Most of our methodologies nowadays are handed down from ancient people. Scientists do researches on any subjects nowadays refer to ever existing theories. These facts demonstrate that tradition has great value to our modern life which could not be discarded.

Moreover, the traditional cultures like diverse architectures and arts variegate our modern lives. On the one hand, we reserve most meaningful architecture for the memory of our history and these architecture as well serves to improve local economics. For example, the Great Wall in Beijing Province, China, not only appeals visitors from discriminate countries and brings lots of profits to this city. On the other hand, the traditional architecture could help people understand the past history. The White House in the US has been constructed for a long time, for instance, it has also great value in the modern times, which serves as residents for president and official work place. No one could ignore the potential value of these traditional architectures. We can choose between traditional music and modern music all by ourselves. To be concluded, both traditional and modern cultures impact our lives in the world and we could not discard any of them.

In sum, we can conclude that though our lives changed a lot from the traditional times to the modern era, we could not ignore the momentous part tradition plays in our society. In fact, tradition and modernization are compatible with each other, we can not discard any of them.

BryanpengUID: 2705644

snow修改athena

As the process of modernization is quicker and quicker with each passing day in this era, some people notice that the traditional items are overshadowed by modern development and thus issue the claim that tradition and modernization are incompatible, we must choose between them. For me, however, I cannot agree with them. Tradition and modernization is(are) not irreconcilable. They are just presented in different time stages and shoulder inequable importance.
        What we must acknowledge is that in some aspects modernized(modern好一些) methods have taken the place of traditional ones. That’s the result of pursuing high speed and efficiency which is asked by the competitive atmosphere in contemporary society. For example, large-scaled assembly line, which saves both time and labor, and elevates the productivity to an unprecedented level, is the main stream productive way nowadays. In the meantime, we can hardly catch sight of a traditional family workshop or a manual workshop in a highly modernized metropolis. Thanks to these advanced production methods, we can use tools and enjoy services conform to the standard, making our life more accurate and delicate.
        But in most cases, modernization doesn’t necessarily mean discarding traditions. What is modernization? If referring to dictionaries, we can find the word “modern”, is defined as “Designed and made using the most recent ideas and methods.” It is more a concept of time. So what we think is the result of modernization can be regarded as a development of traditional things from another angle. The most potent example is language. From ancient to now, the language keeps changing. Hundreds of thousands of new expressions will appear in our daily life every single day. Of course, this is a kind of modernization, for language is an indispensable part of our life and our life is in the course of modernization. But can we get rid of the words and expressions we used yesterday in order to adopt the new ones? The answer is self-evident. That is to say, modernization doesn’t bring death to tradition.
        A wiser solution to define the relationship between tradition and modernization is trying to find a balance; neither casting the value of ancient objects, nor permitting it to check the development of modernization(感觉句子成分不对.没谓语动词,而且意思表达的也不是很明确). This explains the reason why there are more and more museums appearing at the center of a city. Nowadays, people are keen to flooding into big cities. The housing demand, therefore, is becoming more acute in this trend. If we just care for the advance of modernization, some old buildings like the quadrangle dwellings in Beijing, which are low and grand, are supposed to make room for the high scrapers to hold more people. But the government doesn’t allow this to happen. Instead of tearing down these old buildings, we transform them into museums and give them more concerns(可数). This is highly appreciated for it is a double-edged sword.(这句话很突兀) The quadrangle dwellings are well preserved in this way and we can take advantage of the entrance fee to plan a higher residential building in the skirt of the city to solve more people’s problem. Undoubtedly, we find a balance point here.(这段是想表述通过四合院的门票来在城市周边建房来缓解人们的住房压力吗?个人愚见不拆四合院而在周边建房来缓解住房压力这种论述没有什么说服力)
Everything exists in this world has two aspects of nature. One is on material level, the other on spiritual. So is tradition. In this sense, what we are doing in the movement of modernization is keeping changing the exterior form of traditional objects, modifying them not to hinder social progress. But what we can hardly extort(勒索词义不大好,) and try to preserve under the great impacts of modernization, is the interior contents hidden in these old treasures(最后一段表述有点不清)

读了你的文章收获很大,感觉层次感很好,句型多变,词汇,短语用法很丰富.值得学习.
但有几个地方可能是你的疏忽吧:
1.        作文的格式,要顶格写,并且段与段之间要空行
2.        你的中间三段写的不错,但首尾两段对应不好,尤其最后一段给人跑偏的感觉.
3.        第三段的论述最好换一个例子去说明找到传统与现代的结合点比较好,那个例子个人感觉不好.

yeshen2010UID: 2744103

Issue147 "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
(by yeshen2010)
提纲：
一、提出论点：现代和传统是否相容要依据不同的情况而定。
二、有的情况下，现代和传统是想矛盾的。
1．传统有可能阻碍社会的发展，现代可能代表社会的进步。比如民权。
2. 传统可能代表以前的好的道德品质，而现代的可能代表着腐化堕落的气息。
三、有的情况下，传统和现代可以完美的结合。如建筑——北京航站楼。
四、总结

As the development of the society, some people believe that they do not need to make fire with wood any more, but they cannot live without washing machine, refrigerator--these electrical equipments. So there is an assertion that tradition and modernization are incompatible, so that one must choose between them. I do not totally agree with this point. In my opinion, whether tradition and modernization are harmony or not is different case by case.

In some areas, tradition and modernization may be a conflict. Firstly, tradition may mean hindering social development. Meanwhile, modernization may show progress of society. Take civil rights for example. In 19th century, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, ended slavery, and stated that Negroes had the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." In 20th century, Martin Luther King, an American clergyman, activist and prominent leader in the African-American civil rights movement, had fighted for ending racial segregation and racial discrimination. He received the Nobel Peace Prize for the work. In 2009, Barack Hussein Obama, the first African American to hold the office, was inaugurated as president. The tendency that everyone has the same right is irreversible. So in this case, one should choose modernization which would bring a lot of benefits to society. Secondly, tradition may present old good virtue, such as honest, generous, integrity. While modernization may express a culture of corruption, such as greedy, stingy, deception. At this moment, one must choose tradition morality rather than the other one.

On the other hand, tradition and modernization can get along well with each other. The Capital International Airport Terminal No.3 in Beijing embodies the perfect combination of tradition and modernization. This terminal's appearance resembles a dragon with golden dome and red columns, reflecting Beijing's traditional culture. At the same time, it uses the most advanced technology and materials, such as automatic sorting, high-speed transmission system. The equal emphasis on modern and traditional architecture, using a number of new technologies in the world, so that Capital International Airport steps into the world's most advanced airport ranks.

As a conclusion, tradition and modernization are incompatible sometimes, while they can coexist well in other times. I suggest that we can choose the one which is as long as  useful  to human beings.

  自我小结：思路不够开阔，例子比较缺乏，因此字数还是达不到要求。求拍！！！




改“321的Issue147”
The author contends that we must choose between tradition and modernization for the reason that they are incompatible with each other. However, I consider that the author has ignored the crucial role tradition plays in our modern society. After all, tradition has irreplaceable means to the modern world.
第一段没有明确地提出自己的观点。
To be sure, many technical instruments used nowadays have little relationship to the former days, such as the Internet, the developed transportation system, the mobile phone and so forth. These instruments facilitate our lives which can hardly dreaming of in the former days. The Internet has especially strong function in helping citizens' modern lives. We can shop online instead of going shopping in the mall, and the latter one might spend us a lot of time and energy(这句有些chinglish的感觉，建议改为“We can shop online instead of going shopping in the mall which might spend us a lot of time and energy”). Using the Internet, we can choose commodities from various shopping downtowns（是购物商城的意思吗？查了下google翻译，好像没此说法） and select the best one without wasting too much energy and money, which we cannot
finish in the（删除） traditional days. The developed(用advanced更准确一些) transportation system facilitates our lives on（删除） a great deal, especially the airplane（定冠词删除，改为airplanes）, which seems to make the world smaller than before even there is little change of the world. We could be found everywhere with a mobile phone at hand. These modern instruments seem little relation with the tradition.
第二段主要是讲现代和传统没有多大的关系，但是没有鲜明的中心句，整段都是在举例子说明，包括第一句。
However, many of today's methodologies and values are handing（改为handed） down of(改为from) traditions（chinglish）. In China, we emphasize mutual respect as one of our morals, which originate from Confucianism, found by Confucius, a great Chinese thinker. The standard is applied to various areas especially tracing a job position. We Chinese also reserve tradition festivals such as the（删除）
Spring Festival. Even in the rapid developing technical era, families would gather together to celebrate this festival. In the(删除) US, citizens would celebrate their traditional festivals like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and so forth. By the way, every time on the（删除）
festivals, citizens would be happy enough to congregate and have good meals, in order to memorize the special days. Most of our methodologies nowadays are handed down from ancient people. Scientists do researches on any subjects nowadays referring to ever existing theories. These facts demonstrate that tradition has great value to our modern life which could not be discarded.
第三段主要讲现代是传统的继承与发展，用了颇多例子，但仍然没有分论点。另外，专有名词前(人名,地名,国名,节日,月份,星期,季节)前一般不加the。

Moreover, the（删除） traditional cultures like diverse architectures and arts variegate our modern lives. On the one hand, we reserve the most meaningful architectures for the memory of(改为memorizing) our history and these architectures as well serve to improve local economics. For example, the Great Wall in Beijing Province（删除）, China（纯粹为了凑字数？建议删除）, not only appeals visitors from discriminate countries（这个词是要表达啥意思呢？建议改为different countries）
and（改为but also） brings lots of profits to this city. On the other hand, the（删除） traditional architectures could help people understand the past history. The（删除） White House in the（删除） US has been constructed for a long time, for instance。(建议写成两句)
It has also great value in the（删除）
modern times, which serves as residence(resident是“居民”的意思) and official work place for president. No one could ignore the potential value of these traditional architectures. We can choose between traditional music and modern music all by ourselves. To be concluded, both traditional and modern cultures impact our lives in the world and we could not discard any of them.
第四段论点是传统文化丰富了我们的生活。但是最后两句跟这个分论点好像不太搭调。最后两句可以归纳到最后一段去。
In sum, we can conclude that though our lives changed a lot from the traditional times to the modern era, we could not ignore the momentous part tradition plays in our society. In fact, tradition and modernization are compatible with each other, we can not discard any of them.
最后一段的总结并没有涵盖第二段的内容。

小结：
1.定冠词的使用要注意；
2.分论点不是很鲜明。
3.chinglish的成分比较浓。
言辞比较激烈，望海涵。

fly-2011UID: 2707582

18# yeshen2010

谢谢你的修改，我收到了
但是美国是用the US 表示吧，我记得这样的