2010年独立作文互改小组招新 [复制链接]

小心littleheart
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241楼

发表于 2010-2-8 20:01:01 |只看该作者

2.8作业~这题目太纠结了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=3 29楼~~

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ivybetty
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242楼

发表于 2010-2-8 20:53:32 |只看该作者

2.8作业有几天没写了感觉很吃力请指教
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=2&extra=
16楼

A river is made drop by drop.

双非DIY美硕申请总结

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superliu1593
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243楼

发表于 2010-2-8 21:03:45 |只看该作者

240# captainlch

I have ever heard one word, namely, vicissitude, which give an pertinent description of the fluctuation of the lives .No one luckily enough can say presumptuously that he/she had never suffered from the great loss and depression when the moment of failure finally comes. In fact, the essential meaning of life may sometimes lies(lie) in acceptance, however(whether?) reluctant we are or not. Thus in(from) my point of view, I regard it much more important to keep optimism and happiness despite that success worried us all the time.(这句话的意思没看懂)

First, I bet every one on keeping an optimism and happiness owing to the reasonable result rendered by cutting scientific research, which means that optimism and happiness guarantee long life span .Specifically, O(o)n one hand, optimism and happiness will impede the production of some specific kind of hormone, thus prevent its poisonous nature from encroaching our organisms. On the other hand, optimism and happiness, which can be converted into some kind of electrical signal spreading in our brain, help the secretion of some other kinds of hormones so important in the improvement of some certain organisms. Thus during this kind of organic process not very complex in consideration, much more time for us to live as a men has been endowed by god as well by ourselves, for instance, I have ever heard one old men, living in our community, a qualified professor in philosophy when young, always believed in the credo that happiness and optimism will save us at last, however tough or painful we are face up right now. He lived for more than 95 years before death.6 W, g4

Secondly, optimism and happiness, rather than and(删掉) anxiety and depression, help the birth of inspiration, to some extent we are unable to describe where it derived . On one hand, May be some times our perspective in success lies in that kind of inspiration, I mean, think of the great inventions and creations both in scientific and art circle, inspiration came from accidental experience on the ground that we are in happy and optimism. For instance, my own experience shown that when I was wandering around the major avenue in my city, inspirations needed for my research paper knocked me most frequently, for the reason that when I witness the skyscraper, strands of cars, how vigorous and inspiriting it presented to me! Thus my brain works in highest measure, in best condition. On the other hand, optimism and happiness help us when we get troubled facing obstacles, for they keep us clam and efficient. Concerning the Mozart, however bitter life distressed him, he always treated it with such kind of optimism and happiness, where the sweat melodies derive. Thereby he established himself as the giant in music, that(which) seems kind of success. 这段的前部分有点跑题了，讲inspiration太多，并没有说明在失败的时候optimism和happiness的作用。

However, I do not mean to regard the success as trivial, for the reason that success is the consequence, kinds of verification and something in substantial forms confirming our efforts, and just where the practical benefits and interest comes. Specifically, all the students strive (for) a high score, although many people try to find relief in saying that I enjoy the process of running for my dreaming score, all the times students care the final score most.

In all, optimism and happiness account for the most importance. Success are the thing we pursue in such high devotion. Yet do play less importance in pursuing a happy life. (结尾也有点跑题了，明确题意在失败中保持乐观的心态是非常必要的。)

点评，个人水平有限，请轻怕：
1.
文章的词语和句式用的很漂亮，语法错误少。
2.
但是字数有点过多，可能由于过于在乎速度和字数，对主旨大意的把握有点偏离。
总体来说这篇文章很不错，如果能论述更加贴近题意，则会非常好。加油！

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jbc88 UID: 2365521 jbc88 当前离线最后登录 2013-3-16 在线时间 1130 小时寄托币 2518 声望 113 注册时间 2007-7-18 阅读权限 5 帖子 17 精华 0 积分 2243 UID 2365521 禁止发言声望 113 寄托币 2518 注册时间 2007-7-18 精华 0 帖子 17 主页发消息	244楼发表于 2010-2-8 21:09:21 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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eddie23508ok
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245楼

发表于 2010-2-8 22:18:38 |只看该作者

I have ever heard one word, namely, vicissitude, which give (gives) an pertinent description of the fluctuation of the lives (不错的开头句).No one luckily enough can say presumptuously that he/she had never suffered from the great loss and depression when the moment of failure finally comes. In fact, the essential meaning of life may sometimes lies in acceptance, however reluctant we are or not. Thus in my point of view, I regard it much more important to keep optimism and happiness despite that success worried us all the time.

First, I bet every one on keeping a optimism and happiness owing to the reasonable result rendered by cutting scientific research (看不懂), which means that optimism and happiness guarantee long life span .Specifically, On one hand, optimism and happiness will impede the production of some specific kind of hormone, thus prevent its poisonous nature from encroaching our organisms. On the other hand, optimism and happiness, which can be converted into some kind of electrical signal spreading in (through) our brain, help the secretion of some other kinds of hormones so important in the improvement of some certain organisms. Thus during this kind of organic process not very complex in consideration, much more time for us to live as a men has been endowed by god as well by ourselves, for instance, I have ever heard one old men, living in our community, a qualified professor in philosophy when young, always believed in the credo that happiness and optimism will save us at last, however tough or painful we are face (faced) up right now. He lived for more than 95 years before death.

Secondly, optimism and happiness, rather than and anxiety and depression, help the birth of inspiration, to some extent we are unable to describe where it derived . On one hand, May be (maybe) some times our perspective in success lies in that kind of inspiration, I mean, think of the great inventions and creations both in scientific and art circle, inspiration came (comes) from accidental experience on the ground that we are in happy and optimism. For instance, my own experience shown (shows) that when I was (am) wandering around the major avenue in my city, inspirations needed for my research paper knocked (陈述经常发生的事情为什么要用过去时？knock) me most frequently, for the reason that when I witness the skyscraper, strands of cars, how vigorous and inspiriting it presented (presents) to me! Thus my brain works in highest measure, in best condition. On the other hand, optimism and happiness help us when we get troubled facing obstacles, for they keep us clam (沉默寡言？) and efficient. Concerning the Mozart, however bitter life distressed him, he always treated it with such kind of optimism and happiness, where the sweat melodies derive (derived from). Thereby he established himself as the giant in music, that (which) seems kind of success.

However, I do not mean to regard the success as trivial, for the reason that success is the consequence, kinds of verification and something in substantial forms confirming our efforts, and just where the practical benefits and interest comes. Specifically, all the students strive (for) a high score, although many people try to find relief in saying that I enjoy the process of running for my dreaming score, all the times students care the final score most.

In all, optimism and happiness account for the most importance. Success are the thing we pursue in such high devotion. Yet do play less importance in pursuing a happy life (why? does happy life assume any evil?).

水平有限，还是感觉读起来有很大难度，不过如果这篇作文真的是在30分钟内写完的，可见作者功力的深厚，词汇句式都非常丰富，表达也很地道。但是问题依旧，长句难句太多，几乎通篇都是，思路也因此受到影响。 240# captainlch