長安的AW習作&Economist閱讀分析

長安UID: 2573189

二戰老兵，4月12日上海財經AW.開個帖子，自己督促自己。每篇限時，自己修改之後放上來。Argument于2月11號跟進。

5樓追加一個Economist閱讀分析寫作系列。堅持daily basis

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 412          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2010-1-18 PM 04:18:53

It is true that people tendentiously lay more attention on those shiny names of heroes in the past,while
the numerous people who contributed,
just like those famous few did, largely remain unsung. It is justifiable, however, that we document history like this.

Admittedly, the power of the people could not, and should not be underestimated or underplayed, as the speakerstated, history is not made possible by few individuals.Great feats or victories could not be won single-handedly by any hero, or leader, whatever the glorious titlesthey might be entitled. It is the mass group, with each contributing his utmost effort, that bring humanity to step forward. One apt illustration is the second World War. One can not imagine what is to become of us if it were not for the great alliance of anti-fascism, which is composed by dozens of nations, and fundamentally, by each and every ordinarycitizens
in those countries. Young men enlist themselves in the army, the rest work hard to generate necessities for the military legions-statistic shows that as high as 60% of occupationsin Americawere war-related back to 1945, when the U.S joined the anti-fascism side.It's not hard to picture that,
without the unfailingbroad-basedsupport from the people, Europe might still be writhing under Hitler's heel,
and China groaning under the rule of Japan. Thosenumerous anonymouspeople, with their surprisingly considerable contribution,have always been silently, but steadily pushing own society to evolve into a better one.

At the same time,the famous few enjoy popularity and hail through all the yearsdown.
Is this fair enough to the multitude?One might ask. The answer is, emphatically, yes.Again, taking the second world war for example. On the top off one's mind, resounding names like Winston Churchill, Eisen Hower present themselves. Unarguably,
these people deserve our encomium andremembrance. The British prime minister's V for victory still plays its role as a powerful encouragement till today; The American general's military talents should be credited for the Normandy Conquer; and many other brilliant strategists win our respect justifiably. Without these "famous few", numerous legions of soldiers and troops would be aimless
andloose.

Accordingly, those few people deserve the appreciation as well as respect from later generations, given the great contribution they have made in comparison with their contemporaries. Moreover, it is the nature law of history that only a small number of individuals could be preserved as national icons and idols, from which we absorb morality, courage and experience. After all, it would be impossible for us to find all the above mentioned in a vaguely generalized phrase: the people; even if their hundreds of thousands of names are fully listed, names would be just names. History is more than merely numbers and facts, its main heritage lies in the influence it leaves to the generations to come.

Finally, while favoring more emphasis on the famous few rather than the general, it is necessary to point out that the polemic of which party should be given more credit for appears to be unnecessary. In my opinion, the two are, to put it metaphorically, like a ship; the leaders the rudder, andthe peoplethe body. It is the two collaborating closely and together, that generate indefatigable momentum for the whole ship of humanity to sail forward.

Words: 556 (after modification)

長安UID: 2573189

party可以作為“一方”用;
"这里总结跳出一个新词influence,但上文没有详细阐述influence是什么"——就是句首的absorb morality...
"and"我沒有用在句首，這是一個複句，and的前面是分號。
最後一句，"to"不能去掉

以上四點，我做出回應。
其餘的我都接受。謝謝青煙紅塵:P 您的習作我也修改了，已短消息通知

OB叔UID: 188695

BLESS lz

長安UID: 2573189

1.文中的GRE級別詞彙和好的詞句（藍色）

【注：GRE詞彙只是標出，不注詞義；生詞、好的詞句會有注釋】

2.適應於AW中的例子（褐色）

3.作者的寫作思路主線（紫色）

Economist閱讀寫作分析—Apple unveils the iPad—長安—2010.01.28

Steve Jobs and the iPad of hope

Apple's innovation machinechurns out（churn，“攪拌”的意思，同stir; churn out，“大量炮製”）another game-changing device

Jan 27th 2010 | SAN FRANCISCO | From The Economist print edition

“HEROES and heroics” is one of the central themes of the current season at the Yerba Buena Centre for the Arts in San Francisco, which prides itself onshowcasing（櫥窗陳列，引申為“突出，展示”）contemporary artists who challenge conventional ways of doing things. On Wednesday January 27th the centreplayed host toone of the heroes of the computing industry: Steve Jobs, the boss of Apple, wholaunched (started.這個“開始”的用法很好)the company’s latest creation, the iPad. Mr Jobs also has a record of showcasing the unconventional. He did not disappoint.

引子，Steve Jobs帶著他們apple的iPad出現

The iPad, which looks like an oversized Apple iPhone and boasts a ten-inch (25cm) colour screen, promises to changethe landscape of the computing world（發散：field, domain, discipline, business）. It is just half an inch thick and weighs 1.5 pounds (680 grams). “It’s so much more intimate than a laptop, and it’s so much more capable than a smartphone,” Mr Jobs said of the device, which will be available in late March. With a host of other touchscreen “tablet” computers that are expected to reach shops over the next year or so, it could alsorevolutionise the way in which digital media are consumedin homes, schools and offices. The flood of devices is likely to have a profound impact on parts of the media business that are already being turnedupside-downby the internet.

Ipad的優越性。

The move from print to digital has not been easy for newspaper or magazine publishers. Readers have proved reluctant to pay for content on the web. Companies are unwilling to pay as much for online advertisements as paper ones—hardly surprising（比no strange that要formal）, given the amount of spaceon offer（for sale的意思）. The iPad will probably accelerate the shift away from printed matter towards digital content, which could worsen the industry’s pain in the short term. Yet publishers hope that tablets will turn out to be the 21st-century equivalent of the printed page, offering them compelling new ways to present their content and to charge for it. “This is really a chance for publishers to seize on a second life,” says Phil Asmundson of Deloitte, a consultancy.

印刷時代轉軌到電子書時代的困難以及iPad將帶來有力的推動力

It does not come as a surprise, then, that Apple has already attracted someblue-chip（V.獨特的；n.績優股，貴重物）media brands to the iPad’s platform. During his presentation Mr Jobs revealed that the company had struck deals with leading publishers, such as Penguin and Simon & Schuster. They will provide books for the iPad, to be found and paid for in Apple’s new iBooks online store. The iPad will carry electronic versions of newspapers such as the New York Times, which presented an application at the launch. More agreements ought to be signed before the first iPads are shipped in March.

Then不足為奇的，iPad吸引了投資者以及開發前景。

Apple’s media partners no doubthave mixed feelings aboutdealing with Mr Jobs. Apple is now widelydemonised（v.為魔鬼所惑，著魔）in the music business for dominating the digital downloading business with its iTunes store. The firm has been able to control the price of music, boosting sales of iPods but not bringing the record companies a great deal of money. That said, Apple did provide a way for the music business to make a profit online, which had hitherto eluded it.Apple’s sleek（a.圓滑）iPhone has also given plenty of content producers a platform on which they can charge for their wares.

同行對此的反應。

The firm’s record suggests that it will be able to make one of the computing industry’s most fervent wishes come true. Technology companies have repeatedly tried to make a success of tablets or similar devices. Butthe zone between laptops and mobile phones has been something of a Bermuda Triangle for device-makers, points out Roger Kay of Endpoint Technologies, a consultancy. “Products launched in there have usually disappeared from the radar screen,” he says.

Among them are previous generations oftablet-style computers(就是類似現在掌上電腦，tablet,藥片，扁狀物).In the 1990s various companies experimented with the machines, including Apple. When its Newton personal digital assistant failed to take off, Mr Jobs killed the project. Tablets were once again brieflyin the limelight（眾人矚目的焦點，即cynosure）when Microsoft’s Bill Gates predicted they would soon become people’s primary computing device—powered, of course, by his company’s software. That did not come to pass because consumers wereput off（不安.個人覺得還是prohibitive比較好）by tablets’ high prices,clunky（unwieldy,ungainly）user interfaces and limited capabilities. Instead the devices, which cost almost as much as proper PCs, have remained anicheproduct used primarily in industries such as health care and construction.

Tablet-typed ipad的發展史

Why are tablets causing so much excitement now? One reason is that innovations in display, battery and microprocessing technologies have slashed their cost. Apple’s iPadis priced atbetween $499 for the basic version and $829 for one with lots of memory and a wireless connection,bringing it within the reach of ordinary consumers. Another reason for optimism is that interfaces have greatly improved. The iPad boasts a big virtual keyboard, which pops up when needed. It also features multi-touch,meaning for instance(自己老是習慣中式舉例，for instance, blah blah blah...)that two fingers can be used to change the size of a photo. Furthermore, tablets will benefit from the fact that people have become used to buying and consuming content in digital form.

All this explains why other firms are eyeing the tablet market too. Dozens ofprototypeswere on show at a consumer-electronics trade fair in Las Vegas earlier this month, including ones from Motorola, Lenovo and Dell. Jen-Hsun Huang, the chief executive of NVIDIA, a maker of graphics chips, reckons this is the first time he has seen telecoms firms, computer-makers and consumer-electronics companies all equally keen to produce the same product. “The tablet is the first truly convergent electronic device,” he says.

That is why the iPad and other tablets couldshake up the computing scene. There has been some speculation that they could dent sales of low-end PCs, including Apple’s MacBook.But a more likely scenario is thattheyeat into sales of netbooks（吃掉netbook的市場份額，夠形象）, which are essentially cheap mini-laptops used mainly for web surfing and watching videos. The netbook market has been on a roll recently, with global sales rising by 72% to $11.4 billion last year according to DisplaySearch, a market research company. That makes it a tempting target.

Ipad的不可匹敵處，引起的市場轟動

The iPad also poses a threat to dedicated e-readers such as Amazon’s Kindle, though these will probably remain popular with the mostvoracious bookworms（貪吃的書蟲）. Apple’s long-expected entry into the tablet market has already forced e-reader firms to consider making their devices more versatile and exciting. “You will see more readers using colour and video over the next five years,” predicts Richard Archuleta of Plastic Logic, which produces the Que proReader. And more makers of e-reader may mimic Amazon’s recent decision to let third-party developers create software for its line of Kindles.

對其他行業的威脅。

（文章太長了，貼不完。7樓繼續）

irvine666UID: 2575525

又见长安，老板油了，bless这次顺利

長安UID: 2573189

The gospel of Steve

Book publishers are quietly hoping that Apple’s entry into e-books will help to reduce the clout of Amazon: the Kindle has a 60% share of the e-reader market, according to Forrester, a research firm. They are also excited by the opportunities that tablets offer to combine various media. Bradley Inman, the boss of Vook, a firm that mixes texts with video and links to people’s social networks, believes the iPad will trigger an outpouring of creativity. “Its impact will be the equivalent of adding sound to movies or colour to TV,” he says.

Newspaper and magazine publishers are also thrilled by tablets’ potential. Their big hope is that the devices will allow them to generate revenues both from readers and advertisers. People have proven willing to pay for long-form journalism on e-readers. But these devices do not allow publishers to present their content in creative ways and most cannot carry advertisements. Skiff, a start-up spun out of Hearst, is a rare exception to this rule. Its 11.5-inch reader is large enough to show off all elements of a magazine’s design and accommodates（比contain地道多了） advertising too.

Apple’s arrival in the tablet market also means that publishers will have to develop digital content for these devices, as well as for e-readers and smart-phones. Many will prove unable or unwilling to do so. That may boost firms such as Zinio, which has developed a digital-publishing model called Unity. This takes publications’ content, repurposes it for different gadgets and stores it in “the cloud”, the term used to describe giant pools of shared data-processing capacity. Users pay once for the content and can access it on various Zinio-enabled devices, increasing the chances that it will be consumed.

Steve Jobs的Ipad對書報雜志出版界帶來的福音

It makes money, too

Apple has other ambitions for the iPad. It hopes it will become a popular gaming machine and has designed the device so that many of the games among the 140,000 apps available for other Apple products will run on it straight away. The company has also revamped（v.翻新改組） its iWork suite of word-processing, spreadsheet and presentation software for the iPad in an effort to ensure that the new device will catch on with business folk.

Apple’s shareholders are also hoping that the iPad will live up to its billing as a seminal device in the history of computing. They have seen the company’s share price soar. Defying the recession, on January 25th Apple announced the best quarterly results in its 34-year history with revenues rising to $15.7 billion and profits to $3.4 billion—an increase of 32% and 49% respectively over the previous year. They will be keeping their fingers crossed that the iPad turns into another billon-dollar hit rather than a flop like Apple TV. Whether or not that turns out to be the case, Mr Jobs has already proven heroic enough to merit（發散：to be credited for; deserve; titled, laureated） a portrait on the Yerba Buena Center’s walls.

Steve Jobs自己也收益

文章總體思路：
引言（會議，帶出ipad）-ipad的種種優越性和開發潛力-追溯ipad的發展史-ipad的影響（對書報雜志帶來福音&對apple公司本身也帶來利潤）

1. Steve Jobs, the boss of Apple, who launched (started.這個“開始”的用法很好) the company’s latest creation, the iPad.

Steve Jobs, IT巨子，蘋果的總裁。他有一句話：I would rather interview 50 wrong people instead of hiring the wrong one.我的筆記本上還有他關於企業的經營的語錄，”be flexible and stubborn. If you are not stubborn enough, you will give up on experiments too soon. If you are not flexible, you will go against wall and you won't be able to find a solution. ”

2. The move from print to digital has not been easy for newspaper or magazine publishers. Readers have proved reluctant to pay for content on the web. Companies are unwilling to pay as much for online advertisements as paper ones—hardly surprising（比no strange that要formal）, given the amount of space on offer.
電子媒介是否能夠取代書籍的傳統地位。Issue里可以用上。


附上一個句子,took me some time to crack this sentence: "Apple is now widely demonised in the music business for dominating the digital downloading business with its iTunes store. The firm has been able to control the price of music, boosting sales of iPods but not bringing the record companies a great deal of money. That said, Apple did provide a way for the music business to make a profit online, which had hitherto eluded it.
指代詞which, it開始沒看懂。跟Savvedro討論之後才明白：apple通過他旗下的itune幾乎壟斷了音樂下載。ipod原本為所有的record business提供了一個盈利渠道。但是由於ipod本身的壟斷，反而eluded it. it指a way for music business to make money.

筆者按：第一篇分析，好長一篇。歷時兩個小時。鼓勵下自己。^_^

長安UID: 2573189

1.文中的GRE詞彙和好的詞句（藍色）

2.適應於AW中的例子（褐色）

3.作者的寫作思路主線（綠色）

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文technology& loneliness 6分—長安—01.29

Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology.

定義中心詞technology

  For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together.  Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes.  Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology.  The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks.  As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act ascogs(輪齒) in the technological machine.  Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but bydown-trodden（tread,踩踏） automation's operating machinery in grim factories.

好處&壞處

The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous.  They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines.  Somevisionaries（a.有遠見的；n.夢想家） speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home.  He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms.  Hungry?  Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service.  Bored?  Download a new game.  And yet...

好處vista

Many people, myself included, are a littlequeasy（令人作嘔） about that vision.  Erg may be doing work, but is it real work?  Are his online friends real friends?  Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital?  Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless.  The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data.  We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends.  We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them.  In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.

對vista的質疑. Queasy好像不對吧，have qualms about that vision.

As I try tounravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result.  A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art.  Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time.  We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.  We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.

最新科技的壞處

While I am certainly not aLuddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life.  We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world.  Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information.  Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.

Look for balance提出解決。

COMMENTARY

This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.  The essayimmediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfullyexplores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history.  The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and life" is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.

思路：定義中心詞technology.—從歷史上的technology說，城市化&但流水機器生詞使人們疏遠了—從現代最新technology說，Internet好處&質疑—回歸主題詞：technology的本意，現在最新的只是把人隔離。我的看法：尋求平衡。

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文technology& loneliness 5分—長安—01.29

I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."
Arguments can be made for this thesis,but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".
If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true.  The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people.  This is especially true in recent times due to the extremely rapid expansion of the Internet.  E-mail and tele-conferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.
Loneliness狹隘定義為見面

However, I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals.  Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people.  Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contacts across the country.  This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.
但是事實上交流因為科技更方便了。

Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms.  These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work.  Automobiles have made possible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two.  Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, unless the individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit.  The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public.  Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time".  This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.
有些科技確實使人孤獨。比如car導致commuting. 但最後又有點立場遊移，說科技又能減輕旅途寂寞。

The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices.  However, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing.  Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet.  These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than the price of the current top of the line PC.  In addition, to cater to a larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds".  This trend is not likely to cease.
假設topic.孤獨只是相對無法負擔高科技帶來的便捷的藍領階級。但是現在科技發展勢頭是平民化。

In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion.  The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.
文章思路：反對。從定義入手—如果loneliness只是狹隘的見面，那么確實“孤獨”了—如果是情感交流上，反而更頻繁了，不孤獨。（用了一個反面例子，感覺不是很好）—又一個讓步：有些科技確實使人孤獨。比如car導致commuting. 但段末又有點立場遊移，說新科技工具如cellphone又能減輕旅途寂寞（個人感覺段末這個論點應該放入下一段）—指出topic中的loneliness只是相對無法負擔高科技的階級而言。而現在的科技發展勢頭是平民化（這段最後沒有conclusion，平民化-大家都能用科技-科技方便情感交流-減少孤獨。直接在“平民化”那裡就結束了，思維有點跳躍。如果點一下：it is safe to say that in the long run, thanks to the easy access of  high technology, all of us will be able benefit from it, which could largely revolutionise the way people interact with each other and abate loneliness.）

COMMENTARY
This strong response analyzes the complexities of the issue.  In disagreeing with the prompt, the writer makes a distinction between two types of loneliness -- loneliness caused by "the absence of physical contact" and loneliness brought about by a lack of "intellectual contact" with others.  The essay reasons that while "the automobile and other transportation mechanisms" originally kept passengers physically and intellectually isolated from one another, modern technology, such as the cellular telephone and laptop computer, has made intellectual contact "faster and easier" and has benefited users by allowing them to communicate with "a larger number of people."
The response providesclear and relevant examplesof the ways in which technological developments facilitate and encourage intellectual communication.  The writer examines the impact of user-friendly Internet access on the individual's ability to interact with others even when physical distance separates the communicating parties.
The organization is clear,yet transitions between paragraphs are not always smooth.  The body of the essay lacks the focusthat would help move it to a score of 6.  It is not always clear how the information given relates to the essay's initial position(e.g., the discussion of current prices for personal computers in paragraph five).  The conclusion, while clearly relevant, attempts to impose order on the somewhat loosely connected paragraphs, yet fails to add substance to the analysis.

On the whole, the essay displays clarity and control,but the language is sometimes imprecise and less tightly controlledthan it would be in a 6 essay.  The following sentence is one such example: "The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices."

p.s.汗，怎么格式沒了...sign...不編輯了，反正只是自己看。從最基本的開始做起，範文分析結束再economist.^_^

長安UID: 2573189

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Media and Social Values6分—長安—01.30

"The media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."
For our grandparents it occurred through films and books.  For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionary music.  No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.
兩個設問完美引出立場：既反映社會觀念同時也在改變社會觀念。

During theroaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future.  The once steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged.  From where was all this rebellion stemming?  Partly it was due to the returningdoughboys dough,n.生麵團;金錢.doughboys,美國步兵） from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war.  Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval that America experienced.  There had to be another cause, and there was, the media.  Although the films of the era were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created.  Women in these movies  wore theirhemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts.  The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that America had never before experienced.  Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke andpartake（v.吃喝分享） in the leisure’s of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade.  The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating.  The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.
洶涌激蕩的20年代
新觀念挑戰著舊的，一戰退役美軍固然帶回了新思潮，但更重要的是媒體（silent movies）反映并傳播了materialism并最終帶著美國經歷great depression.

Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world.  Martin Luther King Jr.  realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights.  King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society.  By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.  Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government.  As a result, America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and sawmany other groups press for their individual rights as well.  Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of women's rights.
（與20年代不同的是，很好的transition.何必非要admittedly?）。6、70年代傳媒報道了Martin Luther King的和平示威活動也改變了社會輿論。還提到Jim Crow Laws, Bella Abzug, Cesar Chavez, Gloria Steinham.展現了作者對美國當代社會思潮史的嫻熟掌握。

While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies.  During the Nixon
如果寫完，應該是水門事件，媒體反映了醜陋的政治事實也開始改變了美國人民對政府的態度（開始不信任態度）。

文章思路：兩個設問引出平衡觀點—20年代的無聲電影反映也改變了美國物質主義思潮—6、70年代的民權運動也反映了黑人現狀并改變了社會輿論—
結構嚴謹，亮出觀點后按照時間順序清晰論證。論據充分，例子強大，語言嫻熟。

COMMENTARY
This is an outstanding response,even though it is not quite finished.  The writer's views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion.  What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.
The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines.  The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest.  Thequick repetition of sentence structureand, once again, theintentionally vague use of "it"("For the baby boomers it was")effectively draw the reader in.  By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue ("not simply being representative but creating them as well") and that the writer isfully in command of this discussion.
The rest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the "roaring twenties" to the "sixties and seventies."  Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references.  For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.
Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively.  Word choice is precise("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")
Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women wore their hemlines shorter than the decade before them"), but they arenot intrusive.
Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion.  However, even in its unfinished state, the essay doespresent an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Media and Social Values5分—長安—01.30
There are some who would say that the media reflects the values of society.  I believe however, that the media in fact tend to create values in a society.    The values created may be far different from the values that our society would choose to embrace.I offer two examples that serve well to illustrate that the media can in fact shape the very moral fibers in our society.

The first medium that comes to mind is music.   Through music we can proclaim our love, communicate feelings, and express new attitudes.  Music is widely available to almost everyone in our society.  To see how music has changed the values of our society, one needs only to look  to the urban sprawl.  Rap and gangster styles of music reach millions of city teens and young adults.  It's message is quite simple- violence, drugs,  and sex .  Young people are constantly bombarded with the message that if you want something all you have to do is to take it.  The values of human life, respect for elders and children have been lost.  We have gangs and random killings in the streets of most cities in our country.  Are these my values?  They are most certainly not.  This music does not reflect the values of this society.   This music is the very core of this degradation of our values.  How many tricked out gang cars to you see that don't have the annoying bass
rumble（v.n.低沉地說，隆隆聲）
of Rap music vibrating out of them?  This music is part of the persona（人物，角色） of a whole generation of people.  It is just as much a part of their ego as the guns, drugs, and abuse of women.  

Another medium that is shaping the values of our society is advertising.
Advertising is everywhere, on T.V., billboards, radio, even at theballpark.  Through advertising some vendors can create "values".  To illuminate my point I will use tobacco companies as an example.  Joe Camel has convinced  millions of young people that it is cool to smoke.  The Marlboro man has done the same.  The audience is always the same.  These ads are targeting young people.  They have created the "value" among children that it is ok for kids to smoke.  Again the values of society have been changed by a powerful media.  I'm sure there are not too many parents out there who would want their children to start smoking.
Another advertising media that will surely change the values of ours society is the Internet.
The internet is really just  the world's largest commercial launched under the veil of access of useful information.  It will be interesting to see just how  this new network that has brought the world together will affect our values.  These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point.  I think they serve to illustrate that the media can in fact change our values.  

As for me, I'll be out back smoking a  Don Lino,  on a beautiful trout stream while sipping a cold beer, waiting for the trout to rise and hoping a couple of those girls from the Coors commercial show up.
文章思路：有人說反映，我認為是改變—例子1.音樂。Rap倡導的暴力墮落使青少年道德淪喪—例2.廣告如香煙，the Internet也是一種變相廣告。
語言顯然不夠簡潔有力。如ETS的閱卷官所說：belabor very obvious points.


COMMENTARY
This is a well-developed response.The four-paragraph organizational structure serves as a useful framework for the writer to develop a position on the issue.
The opening paragraph presents the writer's position("media in fact tend to create values in a society") andannounces the plan to present two examples to support that position.
As promised, two examples (music and advertising) follow in the next two paragraphs.  The discussion of these examples is focused, relevant, and clear.  Using vivid details and an emphatic writing style, the writer shows how music (especially rap and gnats music) and advertising (especially cigarette ads) have negatively influenced American values.
The final paragraph is an extension of the advertising example, focusing on the Internet as part of the advertising system.  While the writer does little more than speculate on the influence that the Internet might have, this point does lead the reader to the writer's lively conclusion.  The vivid picture of the writer enjoying the media-defined good life("smoking a Don Lino while sipping a cold beer") effectively illustrates the writer's position that the media do, indeed, influence people in our society.
Overall, the reasoning is persuasive and the examples are well chosen, but the argumentlacks the insight and cogency necessary for a score of The ideas in the essay are expressed clearly, although precision of language is not a strong feature.  Sentences are generally well formed, often adding "punch" to the writer's views.Some sentences are unnecessary, especially those that belaborthe obvious ("These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point.  I think they serve to illustrate that the media can in fact change our values.")  Overall, however, the writing is representative of a 5 essay.

發現每次黏貼過來格式都沒了。到最後結束時我會把我的word附件上傳，也不是爲了證明什麽，萬一（雖然幾率為零）有板油要看，可是好事一件 :-p

長安UID: 2573189

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Declining Environment6分—長安—01.31

"Our
declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no
politician, philosopher, or war ever
could.Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nation's boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."
6、
Cooperation---or Tragedy?
The solution to the world's growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that "environmental problems are global and respect no nation's boundaries."  Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order tosit at the table with the world's wealthy.
開門見山亮出觀點：談合作還早。因為污染大部分還局限在那些貧窮無知的國家。
As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environmental destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes befodder（n.飼料;食物）
for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions. Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity,  the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to "interfere" in the internal politics of other nations.
世界大，發達國家對全球污染認識不夠。

Because of thedifferential（a.varied; different）
impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue topromulgate
only modest environmental regulations.  Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of today's pollution-control measures willbe stacked(n.v.摞,堆,排隊)
against
the unknown long-term effects of  polluting actitivities.  "Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful?  Show me the proof, " an air polluting company  may demand.
個人對污染認識不警覺。

Realistically,  it won't be until critical mass is achieved that  the hoped for "choice of unity and cooperation" will be a viable one.  Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the world's people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide.  But the optimists (read:environmental activists) among us continue to believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways.  They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling--or at least developing a big hole.  The world, as a whole, ignores them.
直到污染到無法生存了

One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that when the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it.  That would be a "common tragedy" indeed.
提出建議，通過UN強制抗污。不然太遲了就真的是common tragedy了。
文章思路：亮出觀點，合作還早。貧窮國家在製造并承受著污染—國家對污染的世界性認識不足，明哲保身—個人對污染的認識不夠，公司企業只顧眼前—總結：只有critical mass is achieved才會全球合作—建議：UN強制抗污，否則太遲了就真的是tragedy了。

作者的觀點就一個，合作尚早。舉例國家和個人對污染的認識欠缺，總結只有覺悟了才能合作并提出solution.字數也不多，結構也不複雜，一邊倒的文章滿分，立場堅定，邏輯清晰，最主要還是勝在語言。

COMMENTARY
This excellent response displays anin-depth analysisof the issue andsuperior facility with language.
While acknowledging that environmental problems are serious and of global dimensions, the essay explores the complexity of international cooperation.  Such cooperation, the essay argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:
--the unwillingness of nationsto "interfere" with other nations through political measures such as restriction of foreign aid
-- inadequate environmental regulations, which are caused both by "the differential impact of polluting activities" between countries and regions and by the difficulty of comparing the "long-term effects of polluting activities" with the more easily documented, short-term costs of reducing pollution.
The essay distinguishes itself in part by its excellent organization.  The first paragraph analyzes the claim and announces the writer's position; the second and third paragraphs provide clear examples supporting that position.  The skillful use of a quotation from a business person vividly illustrates the economic impact of pollution controls.  The last two paragraphs bring a sense of closure to the essay by continuing the theme announced in the first paragraph -- that cooperation must wait until more dire circumstances produce the political will necessary to reduce pollution.
The essay exhibitssuperior control of grammar and syntax,with only minor errors.  Transitional phrases -- "because," "however," "for instance" -- help guide the reader through the argument.  Also,effective sentence varietyandthe use of precise word choicehelp confirm the score of 6.

————————————————————————————————
閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Declining Environment5分—長安—01.31
5、At no other time then in our present time has the need for unity and togetherness been more necessary to the inhabitants on our planet.  For many decades the motto has been one of waste and denial.The world is in  a race - racing to become number one - racing to destroy the earth.  Traditions of protecting the earth have been abandoned as the need to satisfyinfantile（childish） needs and desireswins out over the more philosophical desires ofthought and meaning.  Unfortunately many do not see the need for reforms in actions and thought;people are living for today and not tomorrow.Those that can believe in a future, andexhibit a desire to make a difference in this future must find a way to influence the remaining masses, and often it seems that the world simply refused to listen or learn from its past mistakes.
強大的背景開頭法：人們在用竭地球資源。他們沒有為future著想。指出支持合作的人必須說服現在的大眾。

Those that answer this calling will not do so for notoriety, but instead for their beliefs that they can make a difference.  They will need to be of strong heart, body, soul, and beliefs. Understanding the need for an overhaul in our system in the rampant abuses is the first step to obtaining advancement in the struggle to bring the world together in a way that will benefit mankind today and tomorrow.
環保主義者要端正思想。
For too many years American's have persuaded themselves that the environment was in no danger.  Every year laws have been passed to protect our land, animals, and even our people.More often than not there are loopholes in these laws, allowing the environment to remain in peril.  It seems that we often forget that we are not the only ones on earth.  We are only a small percentage, and much too often our actions have a great effect on those that must subsist on this earth as well.  One threatening example of this is the depletion of the rain forests in the Central and South Americas.  It seems difficult for Americans to understand how these people can destroy their natural landscapes.  Not only is the landscaped destroyed and the invaluable plants and animal life are also destroyed, and these can never be recovered.  Americans express their annoyance at such practices, failing to see that we as consumers are one of the main causes of such actions.  As a consumer society we depend on wood and other materials from these areas. Unfortunately these areas are nothing like what we see at home, instead it is a world of unimaginable poverty and harshness.  In these areas where poverty is so prevalent often the only means of survival is found through the clearing of the precious rain forest for farm land.  Certainly the fact that these people are farming in order to maintain their survival is important and can not be over looked.  Yet, in most cases the farming is not done as a means of raising food and livestock for their own uses.  This land is usually used to grow food for other countries such as America.  This scenario depicts the wickedness that has become of our world.  The first world nations are destroying the second and third world nations in order to fuel our excessive desires.
大國意識不夠。指責貧窮國家的同時忘記了雨林的破壞是爲了給他們製造商品。

The world must find a way to come together so that there will be a tomorrow for everyone.  New legislation must be passed that protects not only the environment of America, but the environments of other countries.  Big business must also realize that they can no longer use dirty legislation andkickbacks(n.回扣，好處) to continue to pollute the earth.
解決：全世界必須合作起來。

Another important aspect that people must learn is thatif we cannot learn to recycle and reduce waste, one day we will run out of dumping ground.  It is frightening to think that this is what it will to take to make most people realize that actions must be taken to clean up our earth.  It seems that we will only be able to come together when there is not other alternative.  Perhaps the mustunfathomable thought is, what happens if people do not unite together now to protect our environment.  It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war as we fight each other to death over the last precious miles of land and food.  Civilization will have come full circle;all of our technological and scientific advances will mean nothing if the earth is destroyed and mankind subsequently wiped out with it

要開始循環利用
文章思路：人們在竭盡自然。短視；必須有人說服他們。又起一段說這樣的人必須端正態度—大國意識不夠，第三國家為他們破壞環境。也同樣另起一段說明必須團結起來—要循環利用。
我的點評：語言上有些句子很華麗，長難句迭出。開頭表立場也直接切入命題（須有人來遊說），然後指出這些人應有的態度和認識。下面和6分的例子一樣，南美雨林的減少。但是如閱卷官所言，沒有具體的邏輯論證，有點cursory草率（再次證明issue段落內展開說理的重要性）。6分例子是爲了論證大國缺乏認識，於是寫UN aid stalled因為發達國家的明哲保身。而這篇同樣指責大國缺乏認識，只是花了大篇幅寫第三世界國家的代價。沒有正面論證來得有力（因為我們也可以這樣理解，這和貧窮國家的無知也有關，他們只想sit at the table of world wealth分一杯羹。沒有闡明發達國家怎么壓迫貧窮國家去破壞環境，這樣的論據邏輯推理不夠嚴密）。最後一段recycle的開頭“another aspect”顯然是并列觀點了，感覺有點突兀。

COMMENTARY
This is a generally well-developed essay that examines the complexities of the issue and demonstrates good control of the elements ofeffective writing.
The writer strongly agrees with the topic's claim and uses the first paragraph to expand on the idea that environmental problems imperil the earth.  These problems, according to the writer, derive from people's lack of maturity ("infantile needs and desires") and lack of foresight ("people are living for today and not tomorrow.")
The third paragraphprovides a highly relevant exampleof the complexities involved in the issue, showing how damage to the rainforest can be attributed both to poverty in Latin America and to the voracious appetite of the wealthy North American "consumer society."  From here the writer returns to the focus on planning for "tomorrow" and proposes a specific remedy ("New legislation must be passed)  The essay closes with a passionate description of a negative scenario for the future.
The response is well organized but, unlike a 6 essay,does not sustain a tight focus.  Although the example of the rain forest degradation is highly relevant and fully developed,many of the reasons and assertions receive only cursory development or explanation("new legislation must be passed
It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war").
The sentence structure in the essay is often nicely varied ("Not only is the landscaped destroyed but"), but it isat times choppy（a.風向多變的）("This land is" "This scenario depicts" "The first world nations")
The vocabulary is generally well chosen, with words such as "depletion," "unfathomable," and "subsequently."  However, the phrasing isat times imprecise, as in these examples: "We are only a small percentage,"  and "At no other time then in our present time has the need...been more necessary"

長安UID: 2573189

限時寫了，修改中，到時一并發:)
謝謝支持

AdelineShenUID: 2630498

赞！~隐隐感觉跟我一个学校的。。。加油！~

長安UID: 2573189

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Duty of Educators6分—長安—02.16

"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them.  It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."

SAMPLE-1 (score 6)

The statement above conceals infesting（滋擾的）connotations far above curriculum development. Issues of classroom control and development of scholarly talents are at stake, not simply a debate over which books are acceptable or over revisionist（修改者.revision,校訂版,修訂本）histories.

The statement itself is a bit misleading in that in my experience, student control over curriculum hardly existed.
Each year, there were certain course offerings made available, and students were to choose from those offerings, of course bearing in mind requirements for graduation set forth by the administration. On a classroom level, the immediate, initial material may have been somewhat directed by the students, but this was a part of the process allowed by the teacher/professor in order to gain the interest and attention of the students.  However, too much of any one thing becomes problematic; letting students set the curriculum, as with letting students choose and design their own major in college, serves ultimately to dilute the quality of the educational experience unless a single advisor can devote significant amounts of time to the individual student.  This amount of time, or even the expense to the student of this individual attention, seem to indicate that resources would be better allocated elsewhere.

反對。題目本身有問題，因為根本不存在“學生決定課程”的事例。舉例：作者自己，學生were to choose from certain course offerings.即使在classroom level上自由選擇材料也是教師實行有效教學的一種手段，

Of course, any school in which the students decide "what goes" is bound to have problems controlling students. Once the educators, be they administrators or teachers, are under the control of students, even a democratic situation would be like holding royalty accountable to the mob. Presently（很快，不久后）, students hear for hours that they should not forget to use a condom in the heat of the moment, and educators think the message gets through,  while half the kids can't even remember to bring a pencil to class. Students go to school not to simply learn the Pythagorean theorem（畢達哥拉斯定理）, but to learn direction and receive guidance. This cannot occur when students are in charge, and standards, already hard to find in America's contemporary public schools,  will become unenforceable.  If students dictate and administrators do, students will never learn academic responsibility, and if they can't be held accountable for homework, what other responsibilities will they avoid when they get older?

緊承上文，那些學生做主的學校必然會有問題。舉例老師們喋喋不休勸學生戴condom，學生滿不在意，連鉛筆都不記得帶。教育變得無效。說理部分很好，反問結尾，文氣強大。

But in another sense, teachers and students do exist in a partnership of sorts.  Teachers are there to satisfy the needs of the student, and the student, while perhaps not being the most experienced/ knowledgeable person  on what his/her needs actually are (versus wants), at least should be afforded some say. In addition, we must remember what the purpose of education is, and that there are different levels of education.

In high school, the focus is not so much on learning actual material. The focus is on developing study habits, and on social interaction. The best secondary schools promote an environment in which individual creativity and pacing can be developed, where students are taught to think
on their own, and learn to debate and argue in a scholarly way, through writing and other formal methods of discourse.  Group collaboration and interpersonal skills are developed and honed. The actual details of what is studied and tested is of less importance. Whether a student reads Maya Angelou, or Yeats, or Euripides essentially is beside the point（無關緊要） as long as a student's mind is cultivated, not just their ability to record and recite.  What is important is that secondary students develop and grow in the hands of the professionals.

The secondary educational experience is designed to prepare a student for college.  It is in college where the individual learns to examine the world and how it works, and the individual's place in it.

前兩段一直在反對學生做主，這裡語氣稍緩，承認師生相互關係，學生有話語權。不過接著寫到purpose of education上去有點跳躍。高中教育在於學習之外的培養。寫得很出彩。

As for duty, it is the educators' duty not simply to determine the curriculum, but to present it effectively. They cannot half-heartedly paint it on the blackboard, they must enliven it and actually teach.  Hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished.  These are the duties of teachers, and the duty of the students is not just to learn or study, but to grow. An independent mind is what students need, and that mind has to be in a position to want and be able to question beyond the material presented, not simply to question its legitimacy. That distinction, though subtle, is the difference between letting the students follow a self-destructive course of premature self-determination on the one hand , and permitting on the other hand the fostering of great talents through a cooperative, mentoring relationship

最後一段寫關鍵詞duty.師生的職責各有提及。最後一個強大的長難句結尾。

全文思路：對命題提出質疑，根本不存在學生做主—如果學生做主會怎樣—當然鑒於師生互補關係，學生有話語權。啟下：教育目的—高中教育，更重在學習以外的培養—師生各自的duty.

COMMENTARY

This is an insightful, well-articulated discussion of curricular responsibility and the larger issue of academic responsibility.  After a brief introduction examining assumptions implied by the topic, the writer skillfully develops the position that letting students dictate the curriculum could dilute the educational experience.  Allowing students to determine the curriculum, the writer claims, will deny them the guidance and direction they need to learn academic responsibility.

The line of reasoning is strengthened by the discussion of how teachers and students can work in partnership to satisfy the needs of students. The argument is further advanced with concrete examples from high school courses showing how teachers provide guidance for students through group collaboration, development of interpersonal skills, and preparation for college.  The examples are varied (from condom use to reading Angelou, Yeats, or Euripides) and used effectively to further support the writer's position.

In the conclusion, the writer thoughtfully discusses how educators should not only determine the curriculum but present it in an enlivened and appropriate manner.  The final sentence, contrasting a "self-destructive course of premature self-determination" and "a cooperative, mentoring relationship," ties the essay together.

The essay is clearly organized, although the writer does not rely on conventional phrases (such as "first," "second," etc.) to signal the organizational structure. Instead, the organization and focus progress through the line of reasoning that moves fluently and coherently from one paragraph to the next.

Language use is generally precise and effective (e.g., "holding royalty accountable to the mob"), and sentence structure is well controlled (e.g., "hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished").  The few errors are minor, the kind that can easily be made -- and forgiven -- under testing conditions.

This outstanding response received a score of 6.

SAMPLE-2 (score 5)

FROM WHENCE SHOULD CURRICULUM COME?

"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them.  It is the educator's duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."

As an elementary educator, I believe this stance is extremist. Educators and the public must come to a middle road. The high road and the low road are intimated in this statement.  I believe the high road on this topic (from whence should curriculum come) represents a nouveau（novel新穎的） approach.  Ask the students what they want to learn and study for the year; then meander, research and branch off of their interests.  The low road on this topic (directly endorsed by this statement) is old fashioned and outdated.  The assumptions behind this view include a magical ability by teachers to infuse reams of information, data and knowledge into students' brains that then become internalized and applied by the students.

亮觀點：middle road

In a complex and frightening society, we must look to the middle road. We must infuse the best of the high and the low roads. Current research has had a lot to say on curriculum development. Overreaching arguments defend the quality of students' self-directed learning. However, in order to prepare our students for this society, we must have developed the backbone and anchor for curriculum. Content and performance standards (i.e. curricula) need to be developed by the district's educators as a map for teachers. When educators provide students with choices WITHIN the map of curriculum, students relish in the freedom and take ownership for their learning.

教育機構布置大局（map），教師在限定範圍之內提供課程選擇，學生享受部分自由。

Were we to provide students the ultimate authority in curriculum development, we would be doing an injustice not only to our students but to society as a whole.  There are specific skills and abilities that need to be developed and taught -- regardless of students' (or for that matter,  teachers') interest.  In my profession as an elementary educator and as a parent, I value the abilities to read, write and be mathematically proficient.  Those students not mastering those critical skills are at a disadvantage.  We see those students become destructive or depressed.  I have observed students struggling with the basics become outcasts（被逐出、遺棄的） in their own little worlds.  Very young outcasts grow into adult outcasts.

如果一意孤行推出課程，是一種不公。因為有些課程是必須的，不論老師或者學生都是否喜歡。例子，我作為小學教員，讀寫算數是必須。

I do NOT think it is unfortunate that today's educators emphasize students' interests.  It IS our duty, however, to provide the parameters for their education.  We can not simply state that educators determine curriculum and students follow.  This is just not reality in the classrooms.  When standards and curricular maps have been developed, teachers of today's children have the responsibility (yes, the duty!) to bring life to those maps.  One crucial and successful way, is to provide students variety and choices within the context of "what needs to be covered."  The educator who brings curricula to life for her students and gives her students the responsibility to make choices helps to prepare our children for thriving -- not just surviving.

學生的興趣很重要。Bring life to those maps.

全文思路：觀點middle road.既要給選擇餘地也須有強制課程—students' self-directed 很重要，但是須有一副map限定大範圍，範圍之內的自由—強制，是一些基本的課程諸如讀寫算術不能少—教師的duty（和6分範文一樣，都在末段重申了關鍵詞duty）

COMMENTARY

This response presents a well-developed analysis of the issue and displays strong control of the elements of writing.  The essay argues in favor of a "middle road" position on the issue by analyzing the pros and cons of both teacher-determined and student-driven curricula.  The argument is clear and well focused, supported with first-hand experience and the results of educational research.

The writer endorses a curriculum that emphasizes strong basic skills (reading, writing, and math) and reminds the reader that the teachers' ultimate responsibility should be to bring curricula to life in order to "prepare our children for thriving -- not just surviving."

This essay displays a strong facility with written English language; the careful choice of words and carefully structured paragraphs help unify the structure of the argument.  Overall, this response displays a strong command of academic writing skills and thus received a score of 5.

長安UID: 2573189

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Best Ideas6分—長安—02.20

"The best ideas
arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."

SAMPLE-1 (score 6)

Even the most brilliant thinkers, from Socrates to Satre（薩特http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Paul_Sartre）, live lives in time.
A
childhood, an adolescence, an adulthood; these are common to me and you as well as the greatest writers. Furthermore, many of the great thinkers we esteem in our Western culture lived somewhat uneventful lives. What distinguished their life from say a common laborer was their work. Therefore, what provided the grist(n.谷粉,製粉用的谷粒.it's all grist to her mill.她來者不拒) for their work? One might say that they were brilliant and this alone was sufficient to distinguish their lives from the masses. Intellect alone can not devise situations or thoughts from no where; there must be a basis and that basis is most common, if not always, observation of the common, of the quotidian. Critics of this idea may argue that these thinkers were products of fine educations and were well schooled in the classics. This, they may point to, is the real basis for their knowledge. I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled（educated.） in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature. Where best to study human nature than in the day to day routine each one of us can witness in him or herself or those around us.

強大的總領全文式開頭。大家們也是活在時代裡面，活在每天的俗世中。他們與眾不同在於能夠study human nature in routine life.

I propose that the two best disciplines to understand this power of the commonplace and its ability to cause a groundswell（n.風潮，暴涌） of thought are philosophy and literature. Every school of philosophy, from the Greeks to our day, share a common mission or intent and that is to understand and explain human existence, with all of its concomitant features. Generally speaking, the Greek philosophers, epitomized(v.包括epitome摘要精華) in Aristotle, attempted to set down rules for human behavior founded on logic. These rules applied not only to the rare forms of human behavior but largely focused on the more mundane motions of daily life. Many of Aristotle's rules were based on his observations of others as well as himself. Contrast this venture with the existentialists（n.a.存在主義者） of our century who attempted to look behind the real motivations of human behavior as well understand man's relation to the Universe. To do this, what did these philosophers do? They studied those around them; they submerged themselves in the commonplace, in cities with hordes（droves） of anonymous people. While the existentialists, as well those philosophers before, exploited their uncommon education and intellect, the basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence.

普通生活中能夠見出智慧的兩個學科，文學和哲學。這一段講哲學。舉例Aristotle & Satre.他們通過觀察普通人群來獲得對人性、宇宙的真知。

Finally, literature is similar to philosophy in that it seeks to explain and understand human behavior and therefore rooted in the commonplace. Nevertheless, its relative strength over philosophy is literature's ability to emotionally and spiritually move the reader through the use of contrived（特設的，人為製造的） situations and fictional characters. It can do this when even the central theme of a piece maybe love between a man and a woman (e.g. commonplace). Literature also distinguishes itself from philosophy in that the breadth of the fiction may be huge. The plot and the detail can be quite ordinary or fanatastic. However, this does not mean that the central themes of all literature, whether ordinary or fantastic, deal with human beings and the problems they find in the world, something which we all share.

從文學角度講來自commonplace.

In conclusion, I hope it has been shown that a passionate desire to understand and explain human behavior, the significance of our existence and deal constructively with the challenges of life are the centerpieces(n.餐桌中央的裝飾品，中心) of at least in two of the most influential areas in human thought. What is more commonplace than the existence of man？

總結上文，哲學和文學各自通過觀察普通人完成使命。最後以反問收束全文，引人深思

全文思路：強大的開頭，總括下文，提出杰出大家都是從最普通的人生存得出真知—哲學領域—文學領域—反問結尾。What's more commonplace than the existence of man?

COMMENTARY

This essay sustains a well-focused and insightful analysis of the issue.  Beginning with the observation that the greatest thinkers "live lives in time," the writer reasons that the great thinkers develop their ideas through observation of common occurrences and everyday reality. One of the strengths of this essay is the way in which it thoughtfully considers the opposing claim: that great thinkers are primarily the product of fine education, and that, being "well schooled in the classics," they are far removed from everyday life.  The writer notes that, while it "may be a benefit to study classics," it is nevertheless true that being "well schooled in diverse disciplines" will simply "refine and hone an ability to study human nature" in its everyday manifestations.  This observation is indicative of the writer's sophisticated grasp of the complexities of the issue.

The writer goes on to demonstrate the intellectual "power of the commonplace" by skillfully developing two compelling examples from academic life: philosophy and literature.  Aristotle is cited as a philosopher who studied the "more mundane motions of daily life."  Similarly, the writer explains, twentieth-century existentialists, in attempting to understand man's relation to the universe, found inspiration in the commonplace.

Another strength in this essay is the way it introduces an idea and then builds on that idea as the argument unfolds. For instance, in a discussion of the existentialists in the second paragraph, the writer expands on an earlier point about "thinkers" in general: the existentialists may have "exploited their uncommon education and intellect," but the "basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence."  It is logical connections such as these that make for a coherent and well-focused discussion.

The writer uses language fluently and controls sophisticated syntax throughout the essay: "I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature."

This is not a flawless paper: word choice, for example, is not always precise.  But the essay's cogent analysis, effective organization, and sophisticated sentence structure merit a solid score of 6.

SAMPLE-2 (score 5)

I can agree with the statement above that, "The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things. " The statement  is an accurate description of how many people form great ideas from ordinary things in life. Sports are all great ideas that are made from commonplace things.  What makes sports some of the best ideas is not what they began as but what they evolved into.

All athletic competitions began from commonplace things being brought together for the purpose of entertainment, excercise, and social interaction.  Many of the sports people enjoy today are the results of someone's idea creating a new dimension of our lifestyle out of an ordinary object.   Baseball, basketball, and track especially show that the idea of creating something wonderful out of ordinary objects is true.

Who would have thought that a stick and a ball would spawn into a national pastime, a generational tie between father and son, , a national bond between all races, and  a multibillion dollar industry.  Baseball began when someone decided to throw a ball at someone with a stick and that person with the stick would then try to hit the ball. What a simple concept and what a wonderful consequence.

Today the simple game of baseball is played all over the world.  It is a sport that crosses international divides of religion, race, and politics.  This one simple game, a bat hitting a ball, can bring the whole world together.  But baseball is just one sport that shows the ability to bridge cultural gaps.

When Mr. Nesmith nailed a peach basket to a post and threw a ball into it he had no idea that millions of people would be playing his game today.  Mr. Nesmith invented the game of basketball, which most everyone has played at some point in his or her life. Throwing a  ball into a basket.  What could be more simple or commonplace than a ball and a peach basket.

Today, basketball is the new American pastime.  It replaced baseball because it is cheaper than baseball and it can be played by only one person.  This interest in balls and new uses for them,  as we can see in both baseball and basketball, brought about a huge social phenomena of exercise and new social interaction that would bring people together rather than divide them.

It doesn't take a ball to create a sport from a commonplace item.  Track and field（田徑運動） has no balls used in it, unless you consider the shot-put(擲鉛球) a ball.  The whole sport of track and field is made of simple ideas: running, jumping, and throwing.  Simple but yet it is one of the most watched events worldwide as evidenced by the recent Olympic Games. For example, team relay races consist of four people running around an oval track passing a baton to each other.  A baton that is the only object you need to have a relay race, a baton is definitely a commonplace thing.   Yet this event has such stars as Carl Lewis who is known world wide.

Sports and how they were created is the epitome of the idea that "the best ideas arise form a passionate interest in commonplace things."  What might have seemed boring at the time of hitting a ball, or throwing a ball into a net, or passing a baton are all now events that millions take part in and even more watch.  What makes these ideas great is that they all bring people from different backgrounds together, whether they intended to or not.

全文思路：開門見山，同意觀點—baseball—basketball—track and field—總結。思路明晰，語言不乏出彩的句子，主要的不夠完美的地方即只討論了體育領域。

COMMENTARY

This essay presents a thoughtful, if not very well-developed, discussion of the issue.  Drawing examples from the world of sports, the writer notes that most sports begin with a simple idea.  Baseball, for example, "began when someone decided to throw a ball at someone with a stick and that person with the stick would then try to hit the ball."  From this simple idea came a sport that is played and enjoyed all over the world.  Instead of focusing solely on the universal appeal of sports, however, the essay introduces the idea that sports cross "international divides of religion, race, and politics."  This is a perceptive idea, but it is not effectively supported or sustained.

Throughout the essay, ideas are expressed clearly and word choice is accurate.  Sentences are at times well formed and varied: "Today the simple game of baseball is played all over the world.  It is a sport that crosses international divides of religion, race, and politics.  This one simple game, a bat hitting a ball, can bring the whole world together."  On the whole, however, this is a 5 essay; it lacks the syntactic（句法的） sophistication and insightful analysis necessary for a score of 6.

長安UID: 2573189

2.

51."Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

分四段展開。內容上還滿意，只是不知道考試會不會來不及。至今還沒開始限時。嗯，20天后開始限時，練習一個月上戰場~

長安UID: 2573189

閱讀寫作分析—官方範文Wisdom6分—長安—02.21

"Wisdom is rightfully attributed not to people who know what to look for in life but to people who know what to overlook."

SAMPLE-6 (score 6)

The quotation is certainly correct, insofar as it describes at least an element of wisdom. In other words, I do agree with the proposition, subject to（讓步于） the proviso that the achievement of wisdom may well also involve other traits or attributes.

亮觀點。同意，但有保留，是在“除了overlook還有其他因素獲得wisdom”的前提之下。

Having qualified my answer somewhat, I must endorse(I am afraid I cannot endorse your opinion.v.支持贊同，背面書寫)
the principles put forth in the quotation.  Overlooking -- or, perhaps, forgetting -- is a crucial skill one needs to master in order to navigate the often-treacherous paths of life without undue（inordinate.過分不當的）
torment（torture）. From my own experience, and from observations of friends, family members and business associates, I am well aware of the pitfalls(trap,陷阱隱患) which await those who fail to overlook the petty, the unnecessary and the irrelevant.

Overlook的重要性

In modern America, as it happens, the importance of overlooking is probably greater than ever before.  Even a person trying to lead a quiet, simple life encounters an endless stream of annoyances, errors and petty demands such as paperwork, filing numbers and taxes; long lines at the bank; exponentially aggravating traffic jams and sullen, uncooperative coworkers and neighbors.  Those of us who cannot overlook such annoyances will invariably succumb to
self-defeating dismay.

舉例。泛例，種種petty annoyances需要人們學會忽視。

The ability to overlook also reflects a healthy sense of proportion and priorities. The wise "overlooker" will ignore his or her spouse's failings after making a considered judgment that these are outweighed, in the long run, by greater and more significant strengths. for example, what wise or reasonable person would destroy a marriage solely because an otherwise faithful, kind, generous, intelligent and prosperous partner occasionally tosses socks on the floor?

能夠overlook也是一種merit.例子新穎。對一個極好的婚姻對象，應該忽視他隨便丟襪子的小小惡習，而不是小題大做鬧離婚。不然算什麽wise people?

An elderly aunt of mine makes a striking example. Long widowed, she now spends her days sitting in her apartment, carping endlessly about the many relatives who have slighted(v.忽視;a.輕微的;n.輕蔑) her.  Nobody calls enough.  Nobody pays her any attention.  Nobody cares, she says.

And, indeed, why should they?  Who wants to visit with someone, elderly or otherwise, who does nothing but complain, find fault and scour for slights?  Were she wiser, perhaps she would ignore or even suppress her interminable grievances and take more interest in the world at large, including the very individuals whose attention she purportedly craves.

繼續舉例，自己的nagging anut，沒人理睬。

The paradigm of overlooking applies with equal force in the worlds of business and politics. Look at Richard Nixon: a brilliant, often original thinker, he was nonetheless continually obsessed with minutiae and the unimportant. On some level, I'm sure, he himself realized the dramatic impact of such a glaring character flaw; when the situation was long past salvaging（salvage.n.海上救助,打撈。Salvaging:n.廢物利用，搶修工程）, he exhorted his staff and friends to "Never be petty," a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance.

More prosaically, in business and everyday life, it is indeed the wise person who overlooks or ignores a vast amount. Why come home every day nurturing a grudge? Why spend time grappling（v.grapple抓住. She grappled with the assailant while her husband got away.） with activities, people or attitudes which bring nothing but pain and torment?  Still, most of us do, at least somewhat, and find ourselves far diminished for it.

再從政治和商業領域舉例。Nixon專注于小事直到無法補救;白領人士不該帶著工作上無謂的怨氣回家。

In sum, I think it's safe to say that much in this world merits not even a cursory examination, and those among us are wiser and happier who can successfully budget their time and energy in order to avoid negativity.

全文思路：很明確，完全贊同，只是開頭一筆帶過表示了一下全面（wisdom還包含其他因素，但沒有展開）—學會忽視的重要性，必要性—舉例單獨成段，婚姻和嘮叨的aunt—再從較大領域政治和商業舉例—conclusion.

詞彙強大

COMMENTARY

This is a thoughtful, well-articulated analysis of the issue.

The response opens with a clear endorsement of the stated claim, along with an acknowledgement that wisdom involves additional traits.  The writer then begins building an argument that modern life is so full of "petty annoyances" that it would be "self-defeating" to pay much attention to them.  Using, first, examples that illustrate the trivial demands encountered everyday (e.g., paperwork, traffic jams), the analysis moves on to personal types of experiences (a partner’s annoying habits; an aunt’s self-pity) and then to politics, where, the writer implies, Nixon met his political demise at least partly because of his obsession with "minutiae and the unimportant."  The examples clearly support the writer’s position and lead effectively to the concluding observation about learning to "budget" our time and energy to avoid the negative aspects of life.

In several places, the skillful use of questions helps move the analysis along.  And throughout, the skillful use of sentence variety and precise vocabulary combine to convey meaning effectively, as in this excerpt: "when the situation was long past salvaging, he [Nixon] exhorted his staff and friends to ‘Never be petty,’ a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance."  This kind of insightful, articulate analysis merits a score of 6.

SAMPLE-5 (score 5)

Never before in history have people been so beset with the overflow of ideas and images that the modern human must endure. We are constantly bombarded with news, advertising, and entertainment, so much so that we are often at a loss（困惑不知所措. I am at a loss what to do next） as to where we should focus our attention.  This has lead to what many media critics have called "information anxiety," a term used to describe the paralysis the ordinary human experiences when attempting to organize and synthesize the vast amounts of data that move past her everyday. Now, more than ever before, it can be seen that wisdom truly is attributable to those "who know what to overlook."

很強大的背景開頭。面對信息轟炸，人們遭遇information anxiety.此刻誰懂得overlook就是聰明的。

The Internet is a good example of the effects of information overload on people. Many people receive hundreds of email messages a day, yet there is no possible way for them to respond, let alone read, all of these messages.  Through practice they learn to pick out what will be of interest and to ignore the rest.  A similar phenomena occurs when a person is "browsing the web."
Information, both trivial and profound, float by in a disorganized way.  A person learns to ignore what is not relevant to their search.  This is easily demonstrated by watching a person new to the Internet next to someone who is a veteran（a.seasoned.老練的;n.退伍老兵） of the net.  The new person will stumble on
loads of irrelevant information while the veteran will most likely proceed to the information she seeks.  This ability to overlook useless information is not only applicable to the net; consider the older but more established form of information known as the book.

直接上例子Internet; email& a similar phenomena:browsing the webpage.末句自然過渡到閱讀。

Ever since Guttenberg（古藤貝格） rolled out his first few pages from his press humans have been wondering how to synthesize all this knowledge.  Each year more and more books are written and published, more and more information is available to the public through bookstores and libraries, and each year the average person must struggle harder to find what she needs to know. This is one of the primary reasons people are sent to college: they are taught how to access and research information they need.

出版的書籍越來越多，必須學會忽視和甄別。

It is only through experience that one understands how to overlook useless data.  This is most likely what the author of the above quote meant.

全文思路：背景開頭—The Internet中的email&browsing—books—conclusion.總體點評閱卷官已經說得很清楚了。

COMMENTARY

This response presents a well-developed analysis of the issue.

Beginning with a strong description of the current state of information overload, the first paragraph provides a context for the issue and takes a clear position agreeing with the stated claim.  The Internet example is well chosen and well developed, clearly supporting the point that wisdom involves learning to ignore what is not relevant.  The reference to books reinforces this position but does little to advance the argument or add insightful analysis.  The conclusion restates an earlier point, adding little to the analysis.

Despite a few instances of imprecise reference (e.g., "this has" and "all this knowledge"), the argument is presented clearly and coherently, meriting a score of 5.  To earn a higher score, the response would need to develop a more thoughtful analysis of the issue.