ISSUE103~望赐教

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 525
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-1-22 15:44:58

The statement claims that only the history which has relevant to our daily lives has value to study. As the speaker contends, I agree insofar as study of history that relevant to our daily lives is necessary and worthy. However, in a sense, the speaker begs the question, by overlooking the fact that before study, we cannot simply conclude the history is whether relevant to our society or not. Moreover, even though the history seems has no value in temporary, it is doesn't mean that it won't be reaffirm and find it's new and even important respect that could actually and somewhat significantly effect our life.

In one important respect I strongly agree with the speaker's contention that the history has relevant to our daily lives is important and has value to study. For instance, a myriad of innovations depend on the thinking of history people and countless discoveries are just followed the track of history. Without the contribution of history, we cannot soar our society and develop our science for the reason that we should study and research all things to begin with, that really waste a lot of times. Fortunately, our wisdom ancestors remain many history sources and as long as we followed these wise and useful ideas, we could quickly and easily better our life. In short, I agree with the statement that study history which is relevant to our daily lives does have value.

Despite the merits of the speaker's claim, I find it problematic that we cannot predict or assume the history is irrelevant to our daily lives before wholly study and understand this history. This is similar to the condition that we cannot hasty and quickly conclusion the temper of one child before his or her internal emotion formed wholly and strongly for the reason that within the development of that child, many other factors may influence the temper and then he or she may cultivate some new characters. Therefore, as the temper of children, the study of history cannot conclusion whether worth or not before it entirely be researched.

While it would be tempting to concede that some histories that we have pursuit and endeavor for many years actually have no meaning at all, let alone they have value or even relevant to our daily lives. Nevertheless, even if these histories do discovered nothing at temporary, we cannot hasty and easily conclusion that they really have nothing to do for our society for the reason that they probably do have dramatic effect to our society, but be confined to recent conditions, such as the quality of equipments, the skill of researches and even the fund of studies. Thus, there is no reason to arbitrarily verdict that the recent seems valueless history is really irrelevant to our daily lives.

In conclusion, I only could agree with the speaker that the study of history has value to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives. On the other hand, we should also focus on other respects of history, such as be proved of has no value currently, it may just because researchers haven't totally discovered the truly worth.

这篇文章我是用了50多分钟才写完的，可我只有十来天就要考试了~我迫切的想知道我现在的这个水平能得多少分，还有这十几天我应该怎么提高冲刺一下，多谢啦！

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

顶起来顶起来~在线等~

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

3# Bela1229
1.begs是回避的意思
2.这句话的意思是我们不能在没有充分研究以前，简单的得出历史到底是不是跟我们的现实生活息息相关的结论
3.我想表达的意思是“这并不意味着它（指代那些目前被认为与现实生活无关的历史）不会被重新认定并找到一些新的甚至是更重要的，能够影响我们生活的方面”是不是没说明白啊~那我应该怎么表述这句话的意思啊？
4.这句话怎么个意思？只截了一半是啥意思？没明白
5.我的语法就是特别特别差，很没有语感，可是怎么在短时间内提高啊？发愁啊~

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

7# Bela1229
你这么一改果然顺眼多了~哈哈~太感谢啦~

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

11# Bela1229
我都感动得不知道说什么好了~刚才写了一篇argu~现在才看到~不好意思哈~
我确实缺乏的正好是语感，那这十几天我是不是应该多多朗读ETS的范文，可是语感这玩意儿是几天就能培养出来的么？

银落UID: 2632560

lz先别急。。首先。。你的文章能得多少分我们是无法估计的。。因为我们不是ets。。
其次。。对于这个阶段来说。。你首要的任务是能够在限定的时间内写完文章。。然后再把文章的语法修改正确。。接着则是思想的深度。。然后是语言的流畅和精辟。。最后才是字数上的要求。。
不要急。。只要还有时间。。就一定来得及。。lz加油。。
lz不急的话。。我明天早上早起替你改下文章。。

银落UID: 2632560

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 525
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-1-22 15:44:58
语法错误
点评
改写
亮点

The statement claims that only the history which has（is） relevant to our daily lives has value to study(deserves further research会不会更加好？). As the speaker contends, I agree insofar as study of history that relevant to our daily lives is necessary and worthy（这句很明显和第一句是重复的，我觉得表明自己观点的话是不应该用这样的形式表达的，而且lz记住，一般一篇文章的中心意思是放在第一段地倒数几句里面凸显出来的）. However, in a sense, the speaker begs（beg作为回避这个意思常用吗？这个我倒不是很清楚） the question, by overlooking the fact that before study, we cannot simply conclude the history is whether relevant to our society or not.（whether history is relevant to our society or not） Moreover, even though the (去掉，你并没有特制哪段历史) history seems has no value in temporary（in opinion of current society）, it is doesn't mean that it won't be reaffirm(reaffirmed) and find it's new and even (加个more) important respect（加s） that could actually and somewhat significantly effect our life.（consequently effect people’s life in a marvelous and unexpenced way）
我觉得这个开头是很标准的北美范文开头式，至于北美范文的开头到底好不好，我觉得lz自己能够判断，我也不想多说。毕竟谁都不知道ets到底给了多少分。
该段的亮点为观点很明确，虽然同意作者说的，但是指出了问题。对于下面的每一段展开很有利。并且，我觉得最后那个观点（即现在没用的以后有用）对于文章后面的升华很关键，是个亮点。

In one important respect I strongly agree with the speaker's contention that（很北美范文式） the history has relevant to our daily lives is important and has value to study.（再次重复中心意思，证明你没有替代词语，或者，没有话说，这会显得文章很虚） For instance, a myriad of innovations depend on the thinking of history people（historical figures） and countless discoveries are just followed（followed）
the track of history. Without the contribution of history（讲到历史的重要性去了，应该讲的是研究历史的重要性，否则，中间加个过渡，因为历史很重要，所以研究历史很重要，不要直接思维跳跃哦）, we cannot
soar（soar是vi，不可以直接加宾语）
our society and develop our science for the reason that（句子要言简意赅，但是含义深刻） we should study and research all things to begin with（from their origin）, that（which） really waste a lot of times. （在加个转折会更好）Fortunately, our wisdom ancestors remain（加ed） many history sources and as long as we followed these wise and useful ideas（treasures）, we could quickly and easily better our life. （我感觉你这里没有说清楚，你只是一味强调历史很重要，以及前辈给我们留下了很多宝贵的历史财产。首先你没有说清前辈给我们留下的历史财产是否是研究历史之后得出的产物，还是不需要研究直接可以信手拈来的。其次，你没有说与日常生活相关的重要性。所以这段逻辑其实很混乱，层次不清晰）In short, I agree with the statement that study history which is relevant to our daily lives does have value.（重复了，而且这里不应该放这句，要放与下一段连接的转折了）
这段而且没有任何例子。这显得文章更加空白了。

Despite the merits of the speaker's claim, I find it problematic that we cannot predict or assume （漏了whether）the history is irrelevant to our daily lives before wholly（thoroughly） study and understand this history.（这是TS） This is similar to the condition that we cannot hasty and quickly conclusion（conclude） the temper of one child before his or her internal emotion formed wholly（重复） and strongly for the reason that within the development of that child, many other factors may influence the temper and then he or she may cultivate some new characters. （那到底是那些other factors呢？而且我觉得用temper不太合适，应该用characteristics。另外，希望可以本体喻体更加明确，不然很难联系在一起，美国人很笨的。）Therefore, as the temper of children, the study of history cannot conclusion whether worth or not before it entirely be researched.
这段开头结尾还是北美式。其次。只是用一个喻体来充斥整个段落。Lz自己觉得这样的文章好吗？没有更多的深层次的内容。始终都在说表面的意思。其实。就是在反复中心句的意思。所以。希望思想上更加深刻一点。
但是这个比喻是挺不错的。Good。

While it would be tempting to concede that some histories that we have pursuit and endeavor for many years actually have no meaning at all（Nevertheless it would be depressed and inavoidable to concede that several pieces of history which we devoted almost numerous energy and resource turned out to be of no concern）, let alone (加if) they have value or even（加be） relevant to our daily lives. Nevertheless,（what is more） even if these histories do discovered nothing at temporary, we cannot hasty and easily conclusion that they really have nothing to do for our society for the reason that they probably do have dramatic effect to our society, but be confined to recent conditions, such as the quality of equipments, the skill of researches and even the fund of studies. （很好，终于把文章具体化了一点）（这一段不是和上面一段是一个意思吗？）Thus, there is no reason to arbitrarily verdict that the recent seems valueless history is really irrelevant to our daily lives.
这一段和上一段为一个意思。其实你这一段是写对了意思的。上一段应该写无法判断哪些历史和日常有关。如何判断。为什么这么判断之类的。
In conclusion, I only could agree with the speaker that the study of history has value to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives. On the other hand, we should also focus on other respects of history, such as be proved of has no value currently, it may just because researchers haven't totally discovered the truly worth
我用蓝笔点出来的那个句子，说明你中心不明确。最后一段应该把重点放在你与speaker观点不同的地方，怎么可以用also？。

整体点评的话。我觉得。Lz按照我写的那个限时思考里。第四个问题—限时时应该注意哪些要点。这个练习顺序来练习的话。会好一点。语法很重要。思想很重要。
Lz加油。。~。。

银落改

银落UID: 2632560

有点掉色。。。所以附个附件。。不好意思。。中午才发出来。。希望有帮助。。
xiemeng ISSUE103 修改.doc (32.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2010-1-23 13:04:33 上传

下载次数: 1

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

15# 银落
今天有点事儿~刚到家~虽然还没看~但是已经感觉到用心的程度了~感激涕零~
我确实很着急~原来过分轻视AW了~现在看来远比我想象的要难得多

银落UID: 2632560

15# 银落  
今天有点事儿~刚到家~虽然还没看~但是已经感觉到用心的程度了~感激涕零~
我确实很着急~原来过分轻视AW了~现在看来远比我想象的要难得多
xiemeng2370 发表于 2010-1-23 14:40

不谢哈。。有帮助就觉得欣慰了。。十多天的时候。。我觉得lz肯定是很急躁了。。并且对AW无从下手对吧。。觉得提高哪一方面都来不及了。。但不提高又肯定不行。。我考试那个阶段也有这个状态的。。一定切记。。淡定+放松。。越急越没有用的。。急了就什么事情都做不好了。。

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

17# 银落
那我现在应该做些什么？怎么提高啊？
我可以每天10几个小时都扑在这上面~可是现在最大的问题就是无从下手~

银落UID: 2632560

A的话。。模板准备好。。并且熟悉到我说的那个身体反射的地步。。这个不难。。然后每天挑20-30篇。。限时练习找错。。每天再写个两篇。。

I的话。。把语法先修改完全。。然后练习短时间列提纲。。每天20篇。。可以4-5篇一个类型的。。每天限时写那么一篇。。

到了考试前面五六天。。再狠狠地过高频。。练习高频。。

我也不知道这样行不行。。自己没试过。。

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

17# 银落
天呢~这对我来说太困难了~我现在每天早8点到晚12点一直都在看 可是还是只能写1组文章~列20道左右的提纲 昨天算是超水平发挥了~看了20道issue~写了一篇issue，两篇argu~今天还啥都没开始看呢。。。。。。 关于我的poor grammar我真的没耐了~这玩意儿怎么练啊？ 我听说ETS是先一遍机判~看你的拼写，语法和结构~再由PHD看你文章的思路 我现在的情况是在机判那儿就被卡住了~可是不知道咋提高啊~我说的是就这十几天了。。。。。。

银落UID: 2632560

恩。。我以为我说的就是只剩十多天的情况。。只剩十多天了。。所以才那么大量。。

语法的话。。我个人是凭语感外加高中的一点点语法的。。查主谓宾，查第三人称复数，查自己的连词和副词，好好练宾语重句。其他的话就先别管了。。

银落UID: 2632560

恩。。我以为我说的就是只剩十多天的情况。。只剩十多天了。。所以才那么大量。。

语法的话。。我个人是凭语感外加高中的一点点语法的。。查主谓宾，查第三人称复数，查自己的连词和副词，好好练宾语重句。其他的话就先别管了。。