主题帖

olive1205UID: 2606914

主题帖

Lisa-yuanUID: 2748489

不好意思，今天有些事情，我明天帮你修改。

Lisa-yuanUID: 2748489

In this argument, the speaker claims that patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should be given antibiotic medicine. In order to support this conclusion, the speaker cited an experiment, expressing that the average recuperation (加上time会不会好点) of patients who take antibiotic pills was significantly higher than those who don not.

First of all, the speaker seems to ignore an important fact that the aim of this experiment is to test the effect antibiotics can bring to secondary infections. But in the memorandum, we are simply informed that the patients who are involved in this experiment are suffered from muscle injuries instead of infections. Their ankle can be twisted while running, or have feeble legs due to the long office hours. There is little indication that patients in this exeriment have a problem of muscle infection.

Secondly, we can easily find out that none of Dr.Newland (DN) nor Dr.Atlon(DA) is majored in muscle cure. DN specialized in sports medicine, who work in the field to check if there is drug abuse in sports competition like Olympics. DA, a general physician, whose job is to operate on patients, probably have little knowledge about muscle strain. It is inconvincible if this experiment is conducted by two laymen.
Thirdly, besides antibiotic intake, there can be many other factors that influence the outcome of the experiment. The sport medicine professional DN may add some other drugs in addition to antibiotic; and the use of antibiotics can be different according the the doctors. Patients who take 5 times a weak can heal quiker in DN’s group than those who take 2 times per day in DA’s. What’s more, the effect of medicine cannot be evaluated by the time petients can be cured. As we know, the most effective medicine can produce the worst by-product for most of the time. Abuse （Abusing）antibiotics for a long period of time in order to cure muscle injection rather than some worse diseases such as cancer and tuberculosis can lead the organ into malfunction.

In sum, the speaker suffered from four crucial logic defections. Doctors who are not major in surgery conducted an experiment to prove that patients who suffered from muscle infection should take antibiotics, with whose results is imposed to muscle strain.

总结：作者能很准确地定位argument的错误。而且提出有力的批判。字数方面能写到+400字，效果会好一点。比如说第三段，滥用抗生素会带来很多副作用，可以举个例子出来说明一下。这样文章会显得更加有说服力，而且也比较饱满。

missingusaUID: 2625832

In this argument, the speaker claims that patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should be given antibiotic medicine. In order to support this conclusion, the speaker cited an experiment, expressing that the average recuperation (加上time会不会好点) of patients who take antibiotic pills was significantly higher than those who don not(do not) (后面可以再补一句However, ….这样行文能更加完整)

First of all, the speaker seems to ignore an important fact that the aim of this experiment is to test whether the effect antibiotics can bring to secondary infections. But in the memorandum, we are simply informed that the patients who are involved in this experiment are suffered from muscle injuries instead of infections. Their ankles can be twisted while running, or they might have feeble legs due to the long(busy) office hours. There is little indication that patients in this experiment have a problem of muscle infection.

Secondly, we can easily find out that none of(neither) Dr.Newland (DN) nor Dr.Atlon(DA) is(去掉) majored in muscle cure. DN specialized in sports medicine, who worked in the field to(of) checking if there is drug abuse in sports competition like the Olympics. DA, a general physician, whose job is to operate on patients, probably have(has) little knowledge about(of) muscle strain. It is inconvincible if this experiment is conducted by two laymen.(这个词没看别人用过, 学习了)

Thirdly, besides antibiotic intake, there can be many other factors that influence the outcome of the experiment. The sport medicine professional DN may add some other drugs in addition to antibiotics;(分号去掉) and the use of antibiotics can be different according to the(去掉) the doctors. Patients who take 5 times a weak(week) can heal quicker in DN’s group than those who take 2 times per day in DA’s. What’s more, the effect of medicine cannot be evaluated by the time petients(patients) can be cured. As we know, the most effective medicine can produce the worst by-product for most of the time. Abuse (Abusing) antibiotics for a long period of time in order to cure muscle injection rather than some worse diseases such as cancer and tuberculosis can lead the organ into malfunction.

In sum, the speaker suffered from four crucial logic defections. Doctors who are(do) not major in surgery conducted an experiment to prove that patients who suffered from muscle infection should take antibiotics, with whose results is imposed to muscle strain.

在ls的基础上又帮lz稍改了一些语法错误;
有一些语法错误和用法错误在word中并不能够被显示, 如果lz对于某些用法以及搭配心存疑惑的话可以直接用google搜索之, 要是搜索不出来一般就是不能用的了, 比如文章中be majored in应该改为major in;
另外, 如果lz想要及时能够得到别人的批改的话, 可以主动出击, 先去改别人的, 或者掐好时间到修改铺里发连接也行;
祝lz最后能够取得好成绩~