issue130 by-番茄斗斗

番茄斗斗UID: 2720914

130.How children are socialized todaydetermines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned howto raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Socialization is to regulate under the social principles. While a proper socialization can devote to a well-organized and harmony society, i agree with the modified idea that children today under a proper regulation can bring about a better tomorrow.

First of all, children will be easilya dapted to this complex world with the help of socialization. Excerpt hermit, we everyday live in a community and are being affected by its rules. By working,dieting, and shopping, we contact in different ways. Without knowing the rules underlying within society, we may well encounter a discomfort, stress and even worse, collapse. This can be proved by the example of cultural shock. When exposed to a different environment, foreigner cannot enjoy the days even though he has a good command of the local language. This is because each country has its distinct character with the foundation of ideology and cultural differences.And a mature understanding of the culture can be easily grasped during the socialization.

Secondly, a proper socialization resists irrationality. Before rushing into a blind disciplines, we have to be clear about the need of a society. If the society advocates innovation and independency without the harm of individuality, then we can foresee a rosy future; If the society claims that respect and cooperation should be praised,then we can find ourselves in a harmony society. Counterexample like Nazi,which is produced under the German system, helped bring us World War one, and World War Two. Then we can easily conclude as a matter of fact that, it is not how children are socialized, instead, what children are socialized under, draws our attention.

Last but not the least, the way of raising children is immature still, leaving them suffering during and after their growth. As the constraint of time and economy, children are raised mostly under the instruction of school teacher. They are equipped with the knowledge attained in class and know how to communicate with the contact with classmates.Promising as it appears, it is undermined by the unavoidable peer pressure.When exposed to a specific environment, children tend to learn, to imitate, in order to get rid of the discomfort. When classmates dress up or take cigarette,child faces a dilemma, to ignore with the mounting pressure or to be joked as they resist. Thus, school is no longer a pure place to learn, instead, it's more than an arena filled with fight. To capitulate to be socialized or to fight to win psychology wound, children undergo a torture. Worse yet, this kind of group is limited to a small size and over simplicity, which can not even attribute to a proper socialization. After their growth, children will have to readapt themselves to this complex society.

All in all, proper socialized children induce a promising future and we have much work to do to complete a matching raising way.



限时失败，1小时15分钟，速度到后面是越来越慢，甚至还斟酌起句子来了。。。囧

AdelineShenUID: 2630498

啊，又是这篇，帮人改了好几篇这篇文章了。。。囧里个囧。。。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

130.How children are socialized todaydetermines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned howto raise children who can help bring about a better society.
Socialization is to regulate under the social principles. While a proper socialization ( a socialization?) can devote to a well-organized and harmony society, i agree with the modified idea that children today under a proper regulation can bring about a better tomorrow.
(这句话前后有点衔接有点问题。While一般有相对而言的含义，这句话应该是递进的关系吧？) 首段感觉不是很有力度。

First of all, children will be easily adapted to this complex world with the help of socialization. Excerpt hermit, we everyday live in a community and are being affected by its rules. By working, dieting, and shopping, we contact in different ways. Without knowing the rules underlying within society, we may well encounter a discomfort, stress and even worse, collapse. （这句挺好）This can be proved by the example of cultural shock. When exposed to a different environment, foreigner cannot enjoy the days even though he has a good command of the local language. This is because each country has its distinct character with the foundation of ideology and cultural differences. And a mature understanding of the culture can be easily grasped during the socialization.（重点强调文化之间的差异以及人们生存在一个社会当中需要遵守的社会潜规则。只是对socialization的概念不是很强调。没有说明为什么是孩子的socialization重要？就是孩子和社会之间的关系，为下文的孩子的socialization对a better society 起到的作用。）
Secondly, a proper socialization resists irrationality. Before rushing into a blind disciplines（？）, we have to be clear about the need of a society. If the society advocates innovation and independency without the harm of individuality, then we can foresee a rosy future; If the society claims that respect and cooperation should be praised, then we can find ourselves in a harmony society. Counterexample like Nazi, which is produced under the German system, helped bring us World War one, and World War Two. (bring sb. Sth., bring sth. to sb.)Then we can easily conclude as a matter of fact that, it is not how children are socialized, instead, what children are socialized under, draws our attention. （这段我没有理解。尤其第一句——a proper socialization resists irrationality. 以下所作的说明大体上与社会价值观比较有联系，是我对社会化的理解有误？）
Last but not the least, the way of raising children is immature still, leaving them suffering during and after their growth. As the constraint of time and economy, children are raised mostly under the instruction of school teachers. They are equipped with the knowledge attained in class and know how to communicate with the contact with classmates. Promising as it appears, it is undermined by the unavoidable peer pressure. When exposed to a specific environment, children tend to learn, to imitate, in order to get rid of the discomfort. When classmates dress up or take cigarette, child faces a dilemma, to ignore with the mounting pressure or to be joked as they resist. Thus, school is no longer a pure place to learn, instead, it's more than an arena filled with fight. To capitulate to be socialized or to fight to win psychology wound, children undergo a torture. Worse yet, this kind of group is limited to a small size and over simplicity, which can not even attribute to a proper socialization. After their growth, children will have to readapt themselves to this complex society.
All in all, proper socialized children induce a promising future and we have much work to do to complete a matching raising way.
（结尾也比较简洁了，看看effective writing的conclusion，你会受益更多的。）

限时失败，1小时15分钟，速度到后面是越来越慢，甚至还斟酌起句子来了。。。囧

观点不够清晰，逻辑不强，导致显得有些没条理。我个人觉得审题不够清楚。最近有点蒙~暂时水平有限，如有疏落或误解请见谅。加油哈！欢迎探讨~~~