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[a习作temp] Argument200 牙科 谢谢,请留下您的习作链接,一定回拍 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-2-7 10:59:28 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览


TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

In this argument, the writer suggests dentists that they should emphasize their better anesthetic techniques and their staff's sensitivity when making advertisement to patients, especially male, based on the assumption that men would be more nervous while visiting dentist. But careful scrutiny on the article reveals the statistics cited unpersuasive and the reasoning illogical, which make the advice groundless.

For starters, the data presents that there are three times more men than women faint when visiting the dentist, but the conclusion of more timidity with men cannot be obtained. On one hand, the number of men and women who turn to dentists for help is not clear. If the former is three times, or more, larger than the latter, it is obvious that the probabilities of stress with men and women are the same, thus what we should concern is not men's serious problem of fear, but maybe oral health. On the other hand, there is no evidence indicating that male and female patients have a same seriousness of illness. Perhaps compared to women, men are less conscious of their teeth problems until it develops so severe that they have to visit dentists. That means men may experience more hardy processes, which lead to a faint, than women. As a consequence, other possibilities may contribute to the result in the statistics, thus the supposition is not convincing as it stands.

Secondly, the conclusion that dentists should target the male consumer is out of support. No proof in the article demonstrates that men are of better potential than women entering dentists' office. Today the business of dentistry not only includes dental disease, but also dental care as well as cosmetic dentistry, which are probably paid attention to more by females for their distinctions towards beauty than men who care less about their appearances. From this point of view, women maybe the potential customers for dentists. Thereby, if dentists focus on men, they may lose the market of other business that are much more beneficial.

In addition, even though dentists want to target a large number of male patients who may fear the dental work, the suggestion of emphasis on anesthetic technology is a little too hasty. Maybe it does not work as author expect because nothing suggests that men feel stressful due to fear of pain. The equipments, such as drills and pliers, in dentists’ are always make patients horrible before operations start. Moreover, conditions sometimes make things worse when patients split blood when receiving operations. So, the reasons why female patients feel stressful are not merely pain, but other factors that cannot be solved by anesthetic.

In sum, merely from the statistics and assumption accordingly, the arguer cannot obtain the suggestion that dentists are supposed to develop business by concentrate on male patients and advertising of anesthetics. Unless more information about the patients and market are provided, a more convincing suggestion can be made.
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发表于 2010-2-7 11:42:13 |只看该作者
In this argument, the writer suggests dentists that they should emphasize their better anesthetic techniques and their staff's sensitivity when making advertisement to patients, especially male(这儿我觉得不太对,原文的意思是把目标客户锁定在男性上,也就是说忽略女性客户的意思,你这里说especially,就是说也兼顾女性客户?这就不对了,不知道你下面怎么攻击的,我接着看了。。。), based on the assumption that men would be more nervous while visiting dentist. But careful scrutiny on the article reveals the statistics cited unpersuasive and the reasoning illogical, which make the advice groundless.

For starters, the data presents that there are three times more men than women faint when visiting the dentist, but the conclusion of more timidity with men cannot be obtained. On one hand, the number of men and women who turn to dentists for help is not clear. If the former is three times, or more, larger than the latter, it is obvious that the probabilities of stress with men and women are the same, thus what we should concern is not men's serious problem of fear, but maybe oral health (这儿说的还挺幽默,这个攻击点好). On the other hand, there is no evidence indicating that male and female patients have a same seriousness of illness. Perhaps compared to women, men are less conscious of their teeth problems until it develops so severe that they have to visit dentists. That means men may experience more hardy (这儿是不是应该harder?) processes, which lead to a faint, than women. As a consequence, other possibilities may contribute to the result in the statistics, thus the supposition is not convincing as it stands.(这个攻击点跟上边那个本质上是相同的,其实你还可以说,作者只说了晕倒这一个症状,那其他的呢?没准女性的表现不是晕倒,可能是唠叨,大哭,甚至呕吐,是吧~)

Secondly, the conclusion that dentists should target the male consumer is out of support. No proof in the article demonstrates that men are of better potential than women entering dentists' office. (这儿有点儿乱,你上边那段反驳的时候还说很有可能是男的多呢,这儿又说不一定,是不是有点拧巴了~虽然说你上边那个也是假设,可还是感觉怪怪的)Today the business of dentistry not only includes dental disease, but also dental care as well as cosmetic dentistry, which are probably paid (more放这儿) attention to more by females for their distinctions towards beauty than men who care less about their appearances. From this point of view, women maybe the potential customers for dentists. Thereby, if dentists focus on men, they may lose the market of other business that are much more beneficial.(这个理由有点牵强,女性是潜在客户这个攻击点是没错的,但是可以说没准儿女性正是因为怕疼,所以有病也不敢去看呢。而且美容牙我还真是第一次听说。。。)

In addition, even though dentists want to target a large number of male patients who may fear the dental work, the suggestion of emphasis on anesthetic technology is a little too hasty. Maybe it does not work as author expect because nothing suggests that men feel stressful due to fear of pain. The equipments, such as drills and pliers, in dentists’ are always make patients horrible before operations start. Moreover, conditions sometimes make things worse when patients split blood when receiving operations. So, the reasons why female patients feel stressful are not merely pain, but other factors that cannot be solved by anesthetic.(有一个很重要的攻击点你没说,就是大夫对疼痛的敏感度不一定能缓轻患者的痛苦)

In sum, merely from the statistics and assumption accordingly, the arguer cannot obtain the suggestion that dentists are supposed to develop business by concentrate on male patients and advertising of anesthetics. Unless more information about the patients and market are provided, a more convincing suggestion can be made.

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RE: Argument200 牙科 谢谢,请留下您的习作链接,一定回拍 [修改]

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