issue56,有拍必回，留下连接

after17UID: 2681985

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 493
TIME: 01:15:14
DATE: 2010/2/6 22:59:34

It is true that sometimes government should pay more attention to solve the immediate problems of today rather than to solve the future problems. However, in certain period, we had better emphasis on problems of the future at first. Therefore I cannot agree with the statement


First and foremost, conceding that it is a profound idea to solve problems for now before we take actions to future problems sometimes, since in such a highly developed society, there are enormous vital problems remained to be solved. Recent year, influencing by the financial crisis, a myriad of companies run bankrupt. As a result, millions of people become layoff so they have to hunt new jobs. However, it is difficult for them to do so, owing to the depression in economy. With the unemployment, people's lives are miserable and some of them may even hunt jobs while suffer from starvation. At this time government should centralize the work on how to prosper the economy of the nation other than deal with other things. If government pays little attention to this problem, we can image that people living in a miserable life would commit crime or even rise rebellion Then the country will suffer difficulties and in a unstable situation.This may worse the condition in the country since foreigners do not intend to invest in a unsteady nation. so under such circumstance, government should focus more on solving current problems.

Nevertheless, long-term programs still play a key role in our life, thus we cannot ignore them. For example, education for youth will pay much more than we expend. Youth is the future of one country, because when they grow up, it is their duty to flourish their hometown. If they are lacking of necessary knowledge to make solutions for their nation, what is the future of the nation? The answer is on the surface: the country will remain undeveloped. In this way education for youth cannot be ignored Correspondingly, problems of future are crucial in peaceful time and should be solved at first time.

In addition, another problem involving environment has to be solved before some current affairs. In human history, there are several disasters involving environmental problems. For instance, the big smog, a severe air pollution event that affected London in 1952, comes to my mind. Collected airborne pollutants mostly from the use of coal form a thick layer of smog over the city. Thousands of people had died and tens of thousands people were ill due to the effects of smog on human respiratory tract. This example suggests that substantial development is essential thus anticipated problems of the future have the priority for being solved.

Considering all those facets, I draw the conclusion that we should not emphasis too much on one side of the total problem. In different situations, the ordinal work changes. Without solving present difficulties, our nation will not be stable; with future problems leaving unsolved, we cannot expect our nation flourishing

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

It is true that sometimes government should pay more attention to solve the immediate problems of today rather than to solve the future problems, especially when ... . However, in certain period, we had better emphasis on problems of the future at first because .... Therefore I cannot agree with the statement.(这句话可以去掉，或者换成具体问题需要具体分析的意思的句子）
First and foremost, conceding that it is a profound idea to solve problems for now before we take actions to future problems sometimes（这句我不太明白，conceding引出的是让步语气，但是后半句还是支持解决当下的问题）, since in such a highly developed society(移到后面), there are enormous vital problems remained to be solved in such highly developed society. In recent years, a myriad of companies went bankrupt and millions of people lost their jobs due to the financial crisis. The economic depression left the unemployed a miserable life and some of them may even suffer from starvation. At this time government should centralize the work on how to prosper the economy of the nation other than(应该是rather than) to deal with other things, like heavily investing in space exploring. If government paid little attention to this problem(改为stimulating economy), we can image that people living in a miserable life would easily commit crimes or even rise rebellion. Then the country would suffer from an unstable situation. Things may get worse since foreign investors naturally do not intend to take risks in an unsteady nation. Therefore, under such circumstances, government should focus more on solving current problems.

Nevertheless, long-term programs still play such a key role in our life that we cannot ignore them. For example, much more attention should be paid to education for youth than we currently do. Youth is the future of every country, because it is the youth who will endeavor to build their hometown when they grow up.(flourish的用法楼主去查一下，If you flourish an object, you wave it about in a way that makes people notice it.) If they are lacking of necessary knowledge to develop their country, where is the future of the country? The answer is on the surface: the country will remain undeveloped.(建议这句删去) In this way education for youth cannot be ignored. Correspondingly, problems of future are crucial in peaceful time and should be solved at first time(删去).
In addition, another problem involving environment should be solved in advance. If we date back, we will find there are several disasters involving environmental problems in human history. For instance, the big smog, a severe air pollution event that affected London in 1952, illustrates this point clearly. Collected airborne pollutants, most of which were from the use of coal, formed a thick layer of smog over the city. Thousands of people had died and tens of thousands people got ill due to the polluted smog. Compared with health or even life, current economic profit is just worthy of nothing. This example suggests that substantial development (?) is essential thus priority should be given to anticipated problems of the future

Considering all those aspects (facet是指宝石类的小切面), I draw the conclusion that we should not emphasis too much on either current or future problems. Priorities should be given according to different situations. Without solving present difficulties, our country will not be stable; with future problems leaving unprepared(未来的问题应该无法“解决”吧), we cannot expect our country a bright future.

总的来说，楼主举得例子是恰当的，观点为“支持现在——支持未来——支持未来”，但最后的观点却是平衡观点，是否考虑将观点调整为更重视未来的问题。

另外全篇比较重要的一个问题在于作者对词义的把握不准。有一些词的用法明显是没有理解对词义的误用，比如flourish, facet, nation(我认为nation出现的场合多为有两个国家，并且在表述比较政治化的东西时才使用，一般说国家用country就行)。
另一个大问题是，在句子的处理方面楼主也要注意长句、短句的使用。长句一定要用恰当的连接词（比如so ... that）, 句与句之间一定要注意逻辑的联系。第2段的句子写得非常啰嗦且表意不明，楼主要好好注意哦~~

after17UID: 2681985

It is true that sometimes government should pay more attention to solve the immediate problems of today rather than to solve the future problems, especially when ... . However, in certain period, we h ...
爱上千年的猫 发表于 2010-2-8 21:07

谢谢修改，长句很短句我确实把握不是很准。关于用词的问题我为了避免重复一遍直接在词典上搜同义词然后替换，o(╯□╰)o  改的很仔细，让我发现了不少问题

iwvUID: 2759912

上面改的太好了，实在是找不到哪能改了，水平太有限了，对不住啊

after17UID: 2681985

上面改的太好了，实在是找不到哪能改了，水平太有限了，对不住啊
iwv 发表于 2010-2-9 19:42

是啊，学到好多东西。:loveliness:

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

谢谢修改，长句很短句我确实把握不是很准。关于用词的问题我为了避免重复一遍直接在词典上搜同义词然后替换，o(╯□╰)o  改的很仔细，让我发现了不少问题
after17 发表于 2010-2-9 13:08

XDF的老师教过一个同义词替换开始练习的方法，在word里选中需要替换的词语，右键，会有一个“同义词”，那里出现的一般是可以直接替换的，比查同义词典来的准确一些~~