【Clover】第三次习作Argument117——Julymay

JulymayUID: 2645085

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."


notes：Survey：表明是以前，而不意味着将来。因此销量没有保证
    即便也能证明是将来，也没有理由说明对办公用品有更大的需求。
    即便将来也会增长，既然曾经没有注意到增长，那么很有可能这个增长就并不显著。提高库存不合理
    就算提高了库存，也不见得会成为最为赚钱的部门


When come up with this memo, some logical mistakes will be found in the reference.

Firstly, the survey on which the author makes his inferences based cannot support the conclusion the author makes. According to the article, the survey just shows the data in the past, and as is known to all, the affairs happened in the past cannot ensure the possibility of the events which may take place in the future. That is to say, the more work home in the past does not mean the equally more work home in the future. Since the possibility of the massive work home cannot be assured, how can we look forward to the increasing demand in the home-office machines.

Secondly, even assuming the survey can reflect the tendency of the future, there are no evidences to show the inevitability of the increasing demand in the office supplies. For the office supplies are generally thought to be the common resources, that means owning one can serve a lot of people, so even the amount of the work increases, the needs, with limits, of the office supplies would not increase. Unless there are some data can prove that the amount of increase will reach so high a level that the addition of the home-office machines becomes necessary, can we tend to follow the advice.

Thirdly, even if the increase of the demand of the office supplies can be predicted and guaranteed, there are no reasons to increase the stock. According to the memo, the work home has increased for a period of time, but the Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments. This fact illuminates that it is probably that the increase of the sale is so inapparent that the mart was not able to find it easily. In other words, since the increase of the sale is such inapparent, there is no point in increasing the stock of the home-office machines so as to the office supplies. In addition, even though the increase is and will be keep marked in the future, the increase of the stock will not certainly be the guarantee of the most profitable component. The profit of selling ten pens is still lower to what of selling one TV. That is to say, it is not only the sales volume but also the profit margin that make a department to be the most profitable. The irony is that the author, just holding the prediction of the increase sales volume, boldly asserts that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores.

In sum, to make the survey persuasive, the author should require some evidences to ensure the possibility of the future; to guarantee the sales volume, the author should hand out some data to show the level of the demand; to make the office-supply departments to be the most profitable component, the author should analysis both the sales volume and the profit margin. After all above were done, we can take the advice into account.

黑竹UID: 2753377

When come up with this memo, some logical mistakes will be found in the reference.

Firstly, the survey on which the author makes his inferences based cannot support the conclusion the author makes. According to the article, the survey just shows the data in the past, and as is known to all, the affairs happened in the past cannot ensure the possibility of the events which may take place in the future. That is to say, the more work home in the past does not mean the equally more work home in the future. Since the possibility of the massive work home cannot be assured, how can we look forward to the increasing demand in the home-office machines.

Secondly, even assuming the survey can reflect the tendency of the future, there are no evidences to show the inevitability of the increasing demand in the office supplies. For the office supplies are generally thought to be the common resources, that means owning(去掉) one can serve a lot of people, so even the amount of the work increases, the needs, with limits, of the office supplies would not increase. Unless there are some data can prove that the amount of increase will reach so high a level that the addition of the home-office machines becomes necessary, can we（we can't，这样才和前面的unless搭配吧，有can we 和unless搭配的吗） tend to follow the advice.

Thirdly, even if the increase of the demand of the office supplies can be predicted and guaranteed, there are no reasons to increase the stock. According to the memo, the work home has increased for a period of time, but the Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments. This fact illuminates that it is probably that the increase of the sale is（可简化成the increase of the sales is probably） so inapparent(不确定是否正确，但是有一个词可以非常地道的表示“显著”significant，副词significantly，不显著insignificant，计量经济学中的显著性检验，用的就是这个词，所以我比较熟) that the mart was not able to find it easily. In other words, since the increase of the sale is such inapparent, there is no point in increasing the stock of the home-office machines so as to the office supplies. In addition, even though the increase is and will be（去掉） keep marked in the future, the increase of the stock will not certainly be the guarantee of the most profitable component. The profit of selling ten pens is still lower to what of（than） selling one TV. That is to say, it is not only the sales volume but also the profit margin that make a department to be the most（more） profitable. The irony is that the author, just holding the prediction of the increase sales volume, boldly asserts that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores.

In sum, to make the survey persuasive, the author should require（provide） some evidences to ensure the possibility of the future; to guarantee the sales volume, the author should hand out some data to show the level of the demand; to make the office-supply departments to be the most profitable component, the author should analysis both the sales volume and the profit margin. After all above were done, we can take the advice into account.

a08805436UID: 2725634

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."


notes：Survey：表明是以前，而不意味着将来。因此销量没有保证
    即便也能证明是将来，也没有理由说明对办公用品有更大的需求。
    即便将来也会增长，既然曾经没有注意到增长，那么很有可能这个增长就并不显著。提高库存不合理
    就算提高了库存，也不见得会成为最为赚钱的部门


When come up with this memo, some logical mistakes will be found in the reference.

Firstly, the survey on which the author makes his inferences based cannot support the conclusion the author makes. According to the article, the survey just shows the data in the past, and as is known to all, the affairs happened in the past cannot ensure the possibility of the events which may take place in the future. That is to say, the more work home in the past does not mean the equally more work home in the future. Since the possibility of the massive work home cannot be assured, how can we look forward to the increasing demand in the home-office machines.（这是反问句吗？ 我没见范文中使用这种表达。）

Secondly, even assuming the survey can reflect the tendency of the future, there are no evidences to show the inevitability（好） of the increasing demand in the office supplies. For the office supplies are generally thought to be the common resources, that means owning one can serve a lot of people, so even the amount of the work increases, the needs, with limits, of the office supplies would not increase. Unless there are some data can prove that the amount of increase will reach so high a level that the addition of the home-office machines becomes necessary, can we tend to follow the advice.

Thirdly, even if the increase of the demand of the office supplies can be predicted and guaranteed, there are no reasons to increase the stock. According to the memo, the work home has increased for a period of time, but the Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments. This fact illuminates that it is probably that the increase of the sale is so inapparent that the mart was not able to find it easily. In other words, since the increase of the sale is such inapparent, there is no point in increasing the stock of the home-office machines so as to the office supplies. In addition, even though the increase is and will be keep marked in the future, the increase of the stock will not certainly be the guarantee of the most profitable component. The profit of selling ten pens is still lower to what of selling one TV. That is to say, it is not only the sales volume but also the profit margin that make a department to be the most profitable. The irony（好） is that the author, just holding the prediction of the increase sales volume, boldly asserts that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of the stores.

In sum, to make the survey persuasive, the author should require some evidences to ensure the possibility of the future; to guarantee the sales volume, the author should hand out some data to show the level of the demand; to make the office-supply departments to be the most profitable component, the author should analysis both the sales volume and the profit margin. After all above were done, we can take the advice into account.


基本上文章前面的错都被小黑找出来了， 所以我主要评注一下你的结构和思路
1.这篇文章的第一句很漂亮，绝对是全文的亮点When come up with this memo, some logical mistakes will be found in the reference.言简意赅 直入主题
2。这篇文章用词较为精当，完全看不出模板的痕迹
3.结尾的表达我从未见过，但是无疑是很漂亮的。

总体评分：5分
个人意见  仅供参考                                         by a08805436