1# tszxl1989
According to a survey conducted by Tokyo University, eighty percent of the respondents, who are university students from all over the world, believe they have gained more from the teachers who have the experience of working outside in professions relevant to the course they teach. In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university, faculties should be encouraged to spend time working outside the campus on relevant issues.
开头用了一个survey的结果来引出自己的观点，我似乎是第一次见这种写法，XDF老师说不太建议在开头使用Example+Position的写法，不过楼主的写法我觉得倒是很新颖~
When all the respondents, in the survey of Tokyo University, were asked(后面用了their answers,避免重复) the question why they prefer teachers with outside academic experience, their answers all involuntarily include one point: such teachers have the capacity to free the knowledge from the dull textbooks, make them vivid, and more importantly, easy to understand. （上边这句textbooks之后的句子语法上有点问题，楼主斟酌一下~）Indeed, teachers, who have experience on academic issues outside the campus, know better how the knowledge will be conducted in real life and real process to make them better accepted. Instead of simply repeating(describing knowledge的用法木有见过~) the knowledge from the textbooks, they are capable of impart their experience, the experience（删掉）which the students are always eager to know but have nowhere to find out. Especially for the students of natural science, faculties without working experience can be a disaster. What they present, whether in the classroom or in the lab, are all kinds of abstract operation process and apparatus, which can serve no better use than just to bewilder the students. Without instructions of how these abstract processes or apparatus work (改为operates，后面用了work，避免重复) in actual work, the students will learn nothing but the abstruse technical terms.
For students in universities and colleges, what leads them to choose which（好像应该用the就行了，what已经引导了问句） career they would chase? It is their interests. But how exactly can a student be interested in a career which he knows nothing（little比较好，nothing出现多次鸟~） about? It is often the case that students gain the information of different careers from the description of their teachers, who have or had been in such career and are able to provide useful information and suggestions. Students in environmental engineering, for instance, would learn what kind of life it will lead if they choose to work on air pollution; and what the working condition will be if solid waste is their research objects; and what achievement they may have when they decide to be experts on water pollution. Despite of（这个是“尽管”的意思，引导让步，这里应该是顺承，用Apart from比较合适） great advantages in career choosing, a university, which possesses a number of faculties with working experience, is more likely to be accepted by the society due to the bond formed by the faculties and enterprises, which is a great fortune for both faculties and students. （我觉得最后这层意思可以删去，因为觉得教员与企业的联系是教员和学生的财富，并不必然提高学校在社会中的接受度，而且对于支持教师与社会的联系这一观点，已经用了“有利于学生接受知识”、“有助于学生选择专业”两方面来证明，已经足够了）
Admittedly, faculties with academic experience outside the campus benefit both the university and students greatly, but it does not necessarily mean all the faculties, from the head of department to the new-come lecturer, must have such experience. We must realize that, without the foundation of solid theory knowledge and high(换成outstanding吧，high performance有点怪) teaching performance, the experience alone can no longer serve to enlighten the students. The behavior to seek out-campus working experience in sacrifice of the standard of teaching performance should never be encouraged.
The respondents’ answers involved in the survey by Tokyo University also proved the above point. （可以加上这一句，承上启下，也表达了后面just like I do的意思）When they answered to another question, whether it is necessary for all the faculties to have academic experience outside the campus, ninety percent of them gave the negative answer because they believed, just like I do,(删去) to take all-round consideration, all the faculties should be encouraged to have such experience but not forced to.
结尾是不是应再写一段In sum, ...。上一段感觉仅仅是最为最后一个观点的补充论证。
楼主的语言还是很精彩的，例子也很恰当，佩服佩服~ | 
发表于 2010-2-8 21:23:56
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