Issue221 6楼重写，求建议 by ieyangj08

ieyangj08UID: 2743219

Issue 221 "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."

Indeed, people’s living environment today has been greatly changed compared to some years ago. However, when learning history we would be surprised to find history is repeated in certain things, thus we could learn some experience form history to deal with similar things in the moment.

Definitely, due to the scientific and technological progress achieved these years, our survival environment is hugely changed. A case in point is the widespread use of computers and Internet, which brings numerous changes in our life style. Traditionally, when we away from our relatives and friends, we would write a letter personally to express our thoughts and concerns, then put the letter into an envelope with a stamp, and threw the envelope into a green metal mailbox. Now with Internet, all have changed simple. We only need to stoke the keyboard several minutes to form an email and then click mouse to send it out. Recent days, Apple Incorporation’s new published production, ipad, would continue changing our Internet life. We will not need keyboard and mouse any more, and the new touch-screen will be more convenient to implement the man-machine dialogue functions. Similar examples are ample. For instance people’s travel mode has been changed from riding carriage to taking airplane, nowadays people wash clothes by machine instead of by hand, and so on. Anyway we have to admit the fact that great changes have taken place in people’s living environment.

Nevertheless, when reading through our history books, one will be astonished to find history is replete with replications. To illustrate my above viewpoint, several examples will be given. Marie Curie, an outstanding women scientist of the last century, won the Noble Prize in Physics at her 36, for her research on natural radium radioactivity. Eight years later, she once again won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her continued study on radium’s chemical properties. Her constant diligence on scientific research made her award-winning scene repeated again. In social field, there are numerous proper examples too. At the end of the slave society, the landlord class who master the use of iron and represent then advanced productive forces overthrew the rule of slave owners. A number of years later, history repeated again: the capitalist class mastering the use of machines, the representative of advanced productivity at that time, overthrew the landlords’ rule.

As history’s this repeat feature, nowadays when we encounter some difficult issues we could learn from similar incidents in history. The experience our ancestors got form historical events might be also useful for our today’s similar thorny problems. Now the eruption of A H1N1 influenza, a large-scale epidemics and may cause patients fever, cough, headache, chills, fatigue, etc, is similar to SARS pandemic, in 2003, in some extent. Thus we could use that time’s experience for reference, such as isolating the affected populations, and vaccinating the non-infected populations. Another proper example is the last year’s Sub-prime Crisis caused by the real estate bubble, whose solution could also refer to the experience of numerous financial crises in our history, such as publishing related policies to stimulate consumption, or investing money to protect economy.

To sum up, although the living conditions are totally different from the old days, the words ‘history is full of repeat’ are justified at certain extent, and our contemporary people shall remember to find references in related historical events when meeting intractable situations.

环游世界UID: 2743584

Indeed, people’s living environment today has been greatly changed compared to some years ago.（感觉这个有点跑题，题目说的不同时代，我们的生活环境和几年前比MS不太合适） However, when learning history we would be surprised to find history is repeated in certain things, thus we could learn some experience form history to deal with similar things in the moment.
Definitely, due to the scientific and technological progress achieved these years, our survival environment is hugely changed. A case in point is the widespread use of computers and Internet, which brings numerous changes in our life style. Traditionally, when we away from our relatives and friends, we would write a letter personally to express our thoughts and concerns, then put the letter into an envelope with a stamp, and threw the envelope into a green metal mailbox. Now with Internet, all have changed simple. We only need to stoke the keyboard several minutes to form an email and then click mouse to send it out. Recent days, Apple Incorporation’s new published production, ipad, would continue changing our Internet life. We will not need keyboard and mouse any more, and the new touch-screen will be more convenient to implement the man-machine dialogue functions. Similar examples are ample. For instance people’s travel mode has been changed from riding carriage to taking airplane, nowadays people wash clothes by machine instead of by hand, and so on. Anyway we have to admit the fact that great changes have taken place in people’s living environment.
感觉change用的太多了，让步段太长，有点喧宾夺主。例子讨论的很深入，贴近生活，学习之。
Nevertheless, when reading through our history books, one will be astonished to find history is replete with replications.(感觉过渡不够明显，话有点多.However, with the difference above, we may find more replications in history.)
To illustrate my above viewpoint, several examples will be given. Marie Curie, an outstanding women scientist of the last century, won the Noble Prize in Physics at her 36, for her research on natural radium radioactivity. Eight years later, she once again won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her continued study on radium’s chemical properties. Her constant diligence on scientific research made her award-winning scene repeated again. In social field, there are numerous proper examples too. At the end of the slave society, the landlord class, who master the use of iron and represent then advanced productive forces ,overthrew the rule of slave owners. A number of years later, history repeated again: the capitalist class mastering the use of machines, the representative of advanced productivity at that time, overthrew the landlords’ rule. (觉得这个例子可以简化下，接in social field,新兴的先进阶级历史上两次推翻落后的，先是地主对奴隶主，再是资产阶级对地主)
As（应该是because of吧） history’s this(指示代词和’s类好像不能一起用。。) repeat feature, nowadays when we encounter some difficult issues we could learn from similar incidents in history. The experience our ancestors got form historical events（还是可以减，our ancestors got足以） might be also useful for our today’s similar thorny problems. Now the eruption of A H1N1 influenza, a large-scale epidemics and 缺主语which may cause patients fever, cough, headache, chills, fatigue, etc, is similar to SARS pandemic in 2003（逗号删掉了） in some extent. Thus we could use that time’s experience for reference, such as isolating the affected populations, and vaccinating the non-infected populations. Another proper example is the last year’s Sub-prime Crisis caused by the real estate bubble, whose solution could also refer to the experience of numerous financial crises in our history, such as publishing related policies to stimulate consumption, or investing money to protect economy.

To sum up, although the living conditions are totally different from the old days, the words ‘history is full of repeat’ are justified at certain extent, and our contemporary people shall remember to find references in related historical events when meeting intractable situations.
总体思路是 让步我们的时代与以前变化很大，但历史上有很多相同的地方值得学习。
你应该也看出来了，让步对应的不是你要阐述的反面。觉得历史各个阶段变化都很大会更好些。另外我对题目的理解和你不太一样。我觉得题目是要说学习历史让我们看到各个时代的人没有和其他时代有太大的差别。言下之意，他们的为人处事都是差不多的，只是吃的，用的变了罢了，这是个事实性的命题。个人想法，我还没写几篇，抱着学习的态度。请多指教。

ieyangj08UID: 2743219

感谢楼上TX的认真修改和宝贵建议，偶一定认真改进。
你有习作的话可以贴在这里，偶帮你回拍。

plukaUID: 2721764

Issue 221 "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."

Indeed, people’s living environment today has been greatly changed compared to some years ago. However, when learning history we would be surprised to find history is repeated in certain things, thus we could learn some experience form history to deal with similar things in the moment.（从这一段看，貌似没有很好的点到题目。illusion的问题，在however句前半句算是有回应，但是chief benefit呢？此段只说学历史能够获得经验，似乎回避了chief的问题。）

Definitely, due to the scientific and technological progress achieved these years, our survival environment（survival environment听上去有些奇怪啊，survival好似很艰苦才能残存幸存似地。生活环境用living environment，或者直接说the world就可以了吧） is hugely changed. A case in point is the widespread use of computers and Internet, which brings numerous changes in our life style（lifestyle）. Traditionally, when we (+are，away只是副词) away from our relatives and friends, we would write a letter personally（冗赘可删） to express our thoughts and concerns, then put the letter into an envelope with a stamp, and threw the envelope into a green metal mailbox. Now with Internet, all have changed simple（become simple？change simple很怪异，似有误）. We only need to stoke the keyboard several minutes to form an email and then click mouse to send it out. （到此，知道想要表达的是传统与现代的不同。然而私以为写得太琐碎，琐碎到一些细节的动词，比如敲键盘之类，容易犯错。如果语言不是很地道，还是建议不要这样扬短。）Recent days, Apple Incorporation’s new published production, ipad, would continue changing our Internet life. We will not need keyboard and mouse any more, and the new touch-screen will be more convenient to implement the man-machine dialogue functions. （这几句可以说是有点不知所云了。前面放一大段在电邮信件上还不够么。读到这里，实在免不了觉得有点扯远：不是要你论证科技动向啊。）Similar examples are ample. For instance people’s travel mode has been changed from riding carriage to taking airplane, nowadays people wash clothes by machine instead of by hand, and so on. Anyway we have to admit the fact that great changes have taken place in people’s living environment. （此段主题句说的是生存环境，然而一大部分都在讲交流——是否会扯得太远？与其在难以描述的细节上花费笔墨，多讲几个方面，构成整体感觉更好）

Nevertheless, when reading through our history books, one will be astonished to find history is replete with replications. To illustrate my above viewpoint, several examples will be given.（此句有点用，但用处不大，基本算冗赘） Marie Curie, an outstanding women scientist of the last century, won the Noble Prize in Physics at her 36, for her research on natural radium radioactivity. Eight years later, she once again won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her continued study on radium’s chemical properties. Her constant diligence on scientific research made her award-winning scene repeated again. In social（social啥，social science吗？） field, there are numerous proper examples too. At the end of the slave society, the landlord class who mastered the use of iron and represented then advanced productive forces overthrew the rule of slave owners. A number of years later, history repeated again: the capitalist class mastering the use of machines, the representative of advanced productivity at that time, overthrew the landlords’ rule. （此段观点可，但例子欠妥。居里夫人的例子能说明什么，一个人能够得两次诺贝尔？你后面给的解释是"her constant diligence“。但是，这跟历史有什么联系，跟本文主题有什么联系？如果论述努力的重要性，那么这个例子很好；如果论述历史会重复，那就不知所云：更多的人没有得过两次诺贝尔，居里夫人得两次诺贝尔也不是因为”历史会重复“而是因为她自己的努力。关于奴隶、封建、资本主义社会的例子，勉强可用。但如果要加强深度，不妨探究一下历史为什么会重复，不要停留在记录现象这一表层。）


As history’s this repeat（repetitive） feature, nowadays when we encounter some difficult issues we could learn from similar incidents in history. The experience our ancestors got form historical events might be also useful for our today’s similar thorny problems. Now the eruption of A H1N1 influenza, a large-scale epidemics and may cause patients fever, cough, headache, chills, fatigue, etc, is similar to SARS pandemic, in 2003, in some extent. Thus we could use that time’s experience for reference, such as isolating the affected populations, and vaccinating the non-infected populations. Another proper example is the last year’s Sub-prime Crisis caused by the real estate bubble, whose solution could also refer to the experience of numerous financial crises in our history, such as publishing related policies to stimulate consumption, or investing money to protect economy. 

To sum up, although the living conditions are totally different from the old days, the words ‘history is full of repeat’ are justified at certain extent, and our contemporary people shall remember to find references in related historical events when meeting intractable situations.
看完此篇，觉得作者似乎需要进一步理解一下题目。私以为这里所说的people who lived at any other time in history指的并不主要是那些离现代只有几十年或者更近的年代的人，而是一个跨度很广的时间轴。题目所说的是1、从这个大的范围，人类没有变化；2、历史让我们意识到这一点；3、这就是历史的主要好处。在本文，B1尚可以勉强归做让步，之后的段落，我没有看到”人“，也没有看到到底哪些东西没有变化，为什么，历史做了些什么。总的来说，这篇显得太泛，仿佛仅仅是针对历史这个大话题而论，没有归结到这个题目来。

ieyangj08UID: 2743219

感谢楼上两位同学，仔细研究后发现偶的确把题申偏了，后两段写成了历史是会重复的以及其意义，完全脱离了题目中的“人”。阅读了几篇其他同学的同主题，觉得这个题目还是反对作者的观点比较好写，即“历史告诉我们，人是一直在变化的。”

ieyangj08UID: 2743219

附上重写后的文章。

As time goes on, all things have changed, and people themselves are included in these things. Dress, a superficial feature of human, has evolved from several primitive leaves, to fur of animals, then to our nowadays textile clothing. Let alone the intrinsic characteristics of human, such as physique, intelligence, and morality.

Physique is the fundamental characteristic of all animals, including mankind, a high-level animal. Glancing at our history books, we will not difficulty to find this property of human has changed greatly form one period of time to other time in history. A case in point is mankind’s average life has gradually extended from 20 years to 70 years. In addition, large scale epidemics, such as malaria, which had caused large numbers of death in history, have little influence on people’s health now. Although we can’t ignore contributions of advanced medical and health system, we must acknowledge that human are indeed more health than any time before, for our genes were mutating to make us more fit for the living environment.              

Intelligence, a more inner characteristic of mankind, is also evolved as time progress. Except genes mutations, human’s intelligence quotient is largely related to their possession of knowledge. For knowledge is increasing as time goes on, mankind is more and more bright. There are ample examples of this. Law of universal gravitation, for instance, discovered by Newton, has become common sense for contemporary people. However, in the days before Newton’s birth, people really didn’t know why apple will fall down. Another reason, enhancement of people’s intelligence could be attribute to, is more new plights, a big force for human’s progress, arising when people step into new days. So people’s wisdom will increase, with extricating themselves from these difficult positions. History is replete with proper examples. Taking plights in recent years for instance, after H1N1 flu in 2009, we developed a new vaccine, a method to handle epidemic, and going through sub-prime mortgage crisis in 2007, we learned the value of deposit, a wise way to maintain financial stability.

Morality, not only an intrinsic characteristic of mankind but also an important social attribution, is also diverse from time to time. For example, a few years ago, ending a person’s life purposely in any situation will definitely not be accepted and seriously condemned by the populace. However, recently euthanasia has appeared and even legalized in some countries, such as Switzerland and South Korea, and a few people have accepted it morally. Apart from this, people’s moral bottom line about abortion is also improved. A number of people have gradually taken it for granted, though there are still lots of people opposing it. People’s attitude toward war can also support my viewpoint here. In modern people’s eyes, war is cruel and brute, opposite to gainful and necessary in primitive society.

All in all, people’s intrinsic characteristics are varied according time. Thus we could safely get our conclusion that people in one period of time are unique in history.