phoenix小组成员6号 2011/2/11argument241

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TOP 241“When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personal Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating resumes and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany’s services:last year those who used Daland found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently,it has been proposed that we use less-expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany.This would be a mistake because eight years ago,when XYZ was using Walsh.only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover,Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany’s clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh’s client took nine”

The memo claims that the Delany Personal Firm(DPF) is superior to Walsh Personnel Firm(WPF) for his larger scale and take less time to help their client to find jobs.However,the author’s conclusin relied on a fact that DPF has an effectness system without comparing to WPF’s and used a history evidence that may be unsuitable to apply it in the recent situation .

In the first place, the author assume that the success to find the jobs for the Laid-off employees from XYZ company owes to the help of DPF.However,the author’s provide no evidence in this case.It is entirely possible that even if these employees have no gain the assisstance from DPF in creating resumes and developing interviewing skills still could find job for their versatile skills.Moreover,the respondents lack the representation because of the author only presented the people who have a strong disire to get the assistance.

In second place,the memo opposes the recommendation that XYZ company should use WPF that cost less to replace DPF only because of the half of Laid-off workers finding job with a year in eight years ago.Unfortunately, the author doesn’t rule out other factors that may influence the probability of employment,such as the market fluctuation,competitors from other areas. Furthermore,the author’s inference that the WPF’efficiency,which had been deemed to be effectiveless in eight years ago, remained unchanged. Perhaps,WPF have recomposed their organization to curtail the cost and hire more skillful employees to improve their management.Therefore,through these improvement and lower cost ,it will be a better choice for XYZ company.

Last but not least, the author argues that DPF is better than WPF relied on DPF has a bigger company size.But it is unsustainable.Because of there is no link between effiency and company scale.Perhaps WPF have more proficient staff which can help the Laid-off workers to find jobs in diversity ways rather than only focus on the resume and interviewing skill.Otherwise,to assert DPF is better than WPF,author provide a investigation that the client in DPF are finding jobs more quickly than WPF last year.However, there is no data about their client.Perhaps,most of WPF’s client come from a competitive market place.,whereas WPF was still able to help the Laid-off workers to find a job within a short time.So the auther could not present this investigation as his evidence.

In sum, If the author wants to persuade the XYZ company to accept his proposal,he must provide more data about the two company and make a comparison
between them to estimate which firm is a better one

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The memo claims that the Delany Personal Firm(DPF) is superior to Walsh Personnel Firm(WPF) for his larger scale and take less time to help their client to find jobs.However,the author’s conclusin relied on a fact用fact不好，都是fact了干吗还要怀疑，可以考虑改为assumption that DPF has an effectness(effective) system  without comparing to WPF’s and used a history evidence that may be unsuitable to apply it in the recent situation .

In the first place, the author assume that the success to find the jobs for the Laid-off employees from XYZ company owes to the help of DPF.However,the author’s provide no evidence in this case.It is entirely possible that even if these employees have no gain the assisstance from DPF in creating resumes and developing interviewing skills still could find job for their versatile skills.Moreover,the respondents lack the representation because of the author only presented the people who have a strong disire to get the assistance.这一句话应够是某一段的首句，可以单独作为一个攻击点，放在这里有点乱。本段应该接一句总结句，可能更紧凑一些。

In second place,(缺少本段的主题句，即“认为WPF比DPF好那是不合理的，原因有...”)the memo opposes the recommendation that XYZ company should use WPF that cost less to replace DPF only because of the half of Laid-off workers finding job within a year in eight years ago.Unfortunately, the author doesn’t rule out other factors that may influence the probability of employment,such as the market fluctuation这个词语十分到位,competitors from other areas. Furthermore,the author’s inference that the WPF’efficiency,which had been deemed to be effectiveless in eight years ago, remained unchanged. Perhaps,WPF have recomposed their organization to curtail the cost and hire more skillful employees to improve their management.Therefore,through these improvement and lower cost ,it will be a better choice for XYZ company.

Last but not least, the author argues that DPF is better than WPF relied on DPF has a bigger company size.But it is unsustainable.Because of there is no link between effiency and company scale.Perhaps WPF have more proficient staff which can help the Laid-off workers to find jobs in diversity ways rather than only focus on the resume and interviewing skill.Otherwise,to assert DPF is better than WPF,author provide a investigation that the client in DPF are finding jobs more quickly than WPF last year.However, there is no data about their client.Perhaps,most of WPF’s client come from a competitive market place.,whereas WPF was still able to help the Laid-off workers to find a job within a short time.So the auther could not present this investigation as his evidence.

In sum, If the author wants to persuade the XYZ company to accept his proposal,he must provide more data about the two company and make a comparison
between them to estimate which firm is a better one