03的 独立写作 练习帖（欢迎走过路过的拍两下）

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

2月16号 （08.08.08NA）
University students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study。

When it comes to me, which is about the discussion whether university students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study, my answer is definitely "negative." I believe that without basic science classes, university students would be in a more favorable position for the following reasons.

In the first place, if university students take basic science classes which are not related to their major courses, they may not perform well in their field of study. We all know that university students have very busy schedules, especially when the final exams are coming. They have to take major courses, prepare the exams and even take part in some social activities, such as take part-time jobs, attend sports club. It may drive them crazy, if they are also required to take basic science classes which have nothing to do with their major when they are so busy. Otherwise, some students feel terrible at mere mention of science classes, not alone learning them. Therefore, they would be distributed on their major courses and it would definitely lead disaster to the study of their major.

In the second place, to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study is not a economic budget. We know that school needs substantial fund to improve the quality of teaching and the environment of study. We know that it will take quite a lot of money to pay those professional teachers who teach the basic science courses, which also enhance the work pressure on teachers and may decrease the qualify of teaching. If they require students to take the basic science classes, they would have less money to focus on the improvement of other teaching facilities, such as lab and library, which can bring direct benefit to all the students and can not be ignored by any university. Even for students, it is not a good budget to take the basic science courses. Students would pay more tuition for the courses they may not like and have nothing to do with their major.

太悲惨了，竟然还是没有写完，5555555555555.
先交上，回头再改。

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

2月16号 （08.08.08NA）
University students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study。

When it comes to me, which is about the discussion whether university students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study, my answer is definitely "negative."  I believe that without basic science classes, those university students would be in a more favorable position.

In the first place, if university students take basic science classes which are not related to their major courses, they may not perform well in their field of study. We all know that university students have very busy schedules, especially when the final exams are coming. They have to take major courses, prepare the exams and even take part in some social activities, such as take part-time jobs, attend sports club. It may drive them crazy, if they are also required to take basic science classes which have nothing to do with their major when they are so busy. Otherwise, some students feel terrible at mere mention of science classes, not alone learning them. Therefore, they would be distributed on their major courses and it would definitely lead disaster to the study of their major.

In the second place, to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study is not an economic budget. We know that school needs substantial fund to improve the quality of teaching and the environment of study. We know that it will take quite a lot of money to pay those professional teachers who teach the basic science courses, which also enhance the work pressure on teachers and may decrease the qualify of teaching. If they require students to take the basic science classes, they would have less money to focus on the improvement of other teaching facilities, such as lab and library, which can bring direct benefit to all the students and can not be ignored by any university. Even for students, it is not a good budget to take the basic science courses. Students would pay more tuition for the courses they may not like and have nothing to do with their major, which only adds to their financial burden.

Admittedly, taking basic science classes can help students enlarge their knowledge and broaden their horizon. However, it would cause a series of problems such as, being in an unfavorable position in job market and drop their study carrier since they perform badly in their major and they are under heavy financial burden. On the other hand, students can take other kinds of measures to gain knowledge and widen their sight, like finding a part-time job, reading more books and so on. In sum, it is obvious to know that the advantages of abandon the basic science classes, which are irrelevant to students major far overwhelm the disadvantages.

dairymanUID: 2683905

When it comes to me, which is about the discussion whether university students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study, my answer is definitely "negative."  I believe that without basic science classes, university students would be in a more favorable position不严谨啊，人家说的是不学这种课的也应该学点理，你否定以后顶多是不学理的没有必要大学学理，你结论是没有理科，大学学生就高兴了，否定范围太大M7 I2 ?* o4 o6 M. L* G4 R

In the first place, if university students take basic science classes which are not related to their major courses, they may not perform well in their field of study. We all know that university students have very busy schedules, especially when the final exams are coming. They have to take major courses, prepare the exams and even take part in some social activities, such as take part-time jobs, attend sports club. It may drive them crazy, if they are also required to take basic science classes which have nothing to do with their major when they are so busy. Otherwise, some students feel terrible at mere mention of science classes, not alone learning them. Therefore, they would be distributeddistracted？ on their major courses and it would definitely lead disaster to the study of their major.

In the second place, to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study is not an economic budget. We know that school needs substantial fund to improve the quality of teaching and the environment of study. We know that it will take quite a lot of money to pay those professional teachers who teach the basic science courses, which also enhance the work pressure on teachers and may decrease the qualify of teaching. If they require students to take the basic science classes, they would have less money to focus on the improvement of other teaching facilities, such as lab and library, which can bring direct benefit to all the students and can not be ignored by any university. Even for students, it is not a good budget to take the basic science courses. Students would pay more tuition for the courses they may not like and have nothing to do with their major, which only adds to their financial burden. 4 R8 |3 [9 t, ]

Admittedly, taking basic science classes can help students enlarge their knowledge and broaden their horizon. However, it would cause a series of problems such as, being in an unfavorable position in job market and drop their study carrier since they perform badly in their major and they are under heavy financial burden. On the other hand, students can take other kinds of measures to gain knowledge and widen their sight, like finding a part-time job, reading more books and so on. In sum, it is obvious to know that the advantages of abandon the basic science classes, which are irrelevant to students major far overwhelm the disadvantages.
思路蛮清晰的，学不相关的理科会导致浪费学生时间精力，浪费教学资源，即机会成本较大，与其学这些，不如花功夫学专业相关知识，表达相当不错，03果然不是盖的

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

2月17号 （08.03.01NA）
To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.

When the debate comes to me, which is about the statement that it is necessary to understand the past to solve priblems present and future, I have no hesitate to nod my head and tatolly agree with the opinion. We can not ignore the past and it can be a guide for our present and future.

For individuals, to understand the past can make them benefit from their experience and help them solve problems present and future. We know that Edison once failed thousands of times before he invented bulb. However, from his past experience he knew that if he continuted he could be closer to the right point and he would finally solve the problem and succeed. We can say that it was his understanding of his past experience  that hepled Edison invent the first bulb at last. It is obvious that everybody has some pain past or success experience when they face some problems. When individuals encouter the similar situations, if they can have a good understanding of their past, they would tent to avoid the same mistakes or repeat their success, which definitely helps to solve the problem.  For example a boy once got the first palce in a math contest by his hard work. With a good understanding of past experience, when he faces another chanllege such as the college entrance examination, he would also work very hard to abtain knowlege, which is the key to pass the big exam.

For organizations, the analysis and understanding of past would help the leader make wise decisions. Accountant prvides the past accounting for the manager. According to the accounting, the manger can get information and know how to solve the financial problems that the organizition may have in the future, as well as the present problems. That is a very good example to my point. We also know that history is very important to a nation. Why? Because in the history we can know how a dynasty got stronge in the past and how a dynasty disppeared. Only if we have a good understanding of the past , can we know how to construct a nation and make it stronger day by day.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is necessary to understand the past to solve priblems present and future.

这是原始作文，修改的同学请待我明天上午修改后再评，谢谢~~

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

修改后的作文，请狠批（希望对于行文思路多提建议~~辛苦啦~~~）

2月17号 （08.03.01NA）
To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.

When the debate comes to me, which is about the statement that it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future, I have no hesitate to nod my head and totally agree with the opinion. We can not ignore the past and it can be a guide for our present and future.

For individuals, to understand the past can make them benefit from their experience and help them solve problems present and future. We know that Edison once failed thousands of times before he invented bulb. However, from his past experience he knew that if he continued he could be closer to the right point and he would finally solve the problem and succeed. We can say that it was his understanding of his past experience that helped Edison invent the first bulb at last. It is obvious that everybody has some pain past or success experience. When individuals encounters the similar situations or problems, if they can have a good understanding of their past, they would tent to avoid the same mistakes or repeat their success, which definitely helps to solve the problems.
For example a boy once got the first place in a math contest by his hard work. With a good understanding of past experience and knowing of the key of his success, when he faces another challenge such as the college entrance examination, he would also work very hard to obtain knowledge, which is essential to pass the big exam.

For organizations, the analysis and understanding of past would help the leader of an organization make wise decisions. Accountant provides the past accounting for the manager. According to the accounting, the manger can get information and know how to solve the financial problems that the organization may have in the future, as well as the present problems. That is a very good example to my point. We also know that the history of a nation is very important to its development. Why? Because in the history we can know how a dynasty or a government got stronger in the past and how a dynasty or a government disappeared. Only if we have a good understanding of the past, can we know how to construct a nation and make it stronger day by day.

Of course, we should admit that it is not so easy to have a good comprehension of the past, especially when we have to analyze our pain past, which can make us lose confidence. However, if we are blind to the past, we would definitely feel more difficult to solve problems. We may be afraid of failure and quit easily or we may be too proud of our past and to work hard. Any of these situations would lead a disaster to solve the problem present and future. From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future.

dairymanUID: 2683905

行文分成了两部分，对个人和对集体，是个smart的做法，但是我感觉例子举得太幼稚
比如一个学生他好好学习了，考了高分了，他继续原来的方法了，没准他都能考上大学了，太低级趣味了呀，03mm加油

xuln0709UID: 2761332

When the debate comes to me, which is about the statement that it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future, I have no hesitate to nod my head and totally agree with the opinion.（蛮喜欢点头这个细节，呵呵~） We can not ignore the past and it can be a guide for our present and future.

For individuals, to understand the past can make them benefit from their experience and help them solve problems present and future（果然扣题紧啊）. We know that Edison once failed thousands of times before he invented bulb. However, from his past experience he knew that if he continued he could be closer to the right point and he would finally solve the problem and succeed. We can say that it was his understanding of his past experience that helped Edison invent the first bulb at last. It is obvious that everybody has some pain past or success experience. When individuals encounters the similar situations or problems, if they can have a good understanding of their past, they would tend to avoid the same mistakes or repeat their success, which definitely helps to solve the problems.(扣题紧，学习学习)
For example a boy once got the first place in a math contest by his hard work. With a good understanding of past experience and knowing of the key of his success, when he faces another challenge such as the college entrance examination, he would also work very hard to obtain knowledge, which is essential to pass the big exam.(MM在这段中列举了两个例子，一个是从过去的失败中得到教训然后解决现在的问题，一个是从过去的成功中得到经验然后解决问题。思路很好，但是在表达上没有形成两个明显的层次划分，我觉得，如果文章是MM这种结构，在每一段中的层次就显得尤为重要了，加上个类似first of all, in addition等这样的东西可能会更清晰一些了)

For organizations, the analysis and understanding of past would help the leader of an organization make wise decisions. Accountant provides the past accounting for the manager. According to the accounting, the manger can get information and know how to solve the financial problems that the organization may have in the future, as well as the present problems. That is a very good example to my point. We also know that the history of a nation is very important to its development. Why? Because in the history we can know how a dynasty or a government got stronger in the past and how a dynasty or a government disappeared. Only if we have a good understanding of the past, can we know how to construct a nation and make it stronger day by day.
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Of course, we should admit that it is not so easy to have a good comprehension of the past, especially when we have to analyze our pain past, which can make us lose confidence. However, if we are blind to the past, we would definitely feel more difficult to solve problems. We may be afraid of failure quit easily or we may be too proud of our past and to work hard. Any of these situations would lead a disaster to solve the problem present and future.（这一部分的论述非常好） From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future.
红色是我个人的意见，蓝色是我很欣赏的地方，恩，那个关于文章结构的看法只是个人拙见哈，呵呵~

PS：03MM给我提出的意见很中肯啊，我自己写的时候根本没意识到那个问题，谢谢哈~

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

2月18号 （08.10.27NA）
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.

We all know that government should be responsible to both health care issues and envirentment issues. Which one should be the priority concern of government? From my perspective, the environment issues should be paid much more attention by government than health care issues.

The environment issues are much more significant than the health care issues at present. We should admit that the environment pollution is much more serious than before. Environmental experts point out that if government can not take environment issues as first concern, increasing pollution not only would cause serious problems such as global warming but also could threaten to end human life on the planet. This is a matter of life and death-a matter no government can afford to ignore. However, the health care conditions are related to indivuals' everydaylife and habits, such as the eating habits and body condition, which have already been  improved during the last decades. Researches show that advances in medicial technology have made it possilble for people to live longer than in the past. That just explains that people's health condition has been improved and government has no need to worry about it, at least at present.

In addtion, envirenment issues make a critical effect on health care issues. It is indisputable that there are millons of people who have to face the dangers of diseases linked to pollution, such as air pollution and water pollution. What is the health care for? It is just for people's physical health? Without a well solution of solving the pollution, how can those people have good health condition? Therefore, government definitely needs pay much more attention to evirenment issues. Any government who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price.

We should admit that it is a very tough tast for government to solve the envirenment issues at a short time. Being blind to this problems just results in more serious situation. From now on, effective measures should be taken by government before the situation get worse, which needs government's long time and priority concern.

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

修改后的：
2月18号 （08.10.27NA）
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.


We all know that government should be responsible to both health care issues and environment issues. Which one should be the priority concern of government? From my perspective, the environment issues should be paid much more attention by government than health care issues.


The environment issues are much more significant than the health care issues at present. We should admit that the environment pollution is much more serious than before. Environmental experts point out that if government can not take environment issues as first concern, increasing pollution not only would cause serious problems such as global warming but also could threaten to end human life on the planet. This is a matter of life and death-a matter no government can afford to ignore. However, the health care conditions are related to intervals' everyday life and habits, such as the eating habits and body condition, which have already been improved during the last decades. Researches show that advances in medical technology have made it possible for people to live longer than in the past. That just explains that people's health condition has been improved and government has no need to worry about it, at least at present.


In addition, environment issues make a critical effect on health care issues. It is indisputable that there are millions of people who have to face the dangers of diseases linked to pollution, such as air pollution and water pollution. What is the health care for? It is just for people's physical health? Without a well solution of solving the pollution, how can those people have good health condition? Therefore, government definitely needs pay much more attention to environment issues. Any government who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price.


We should admit that it is very tough for government to solve the environment issues at a short time. Being blind to these problems just results in more serious situation. From now on, effective measures should be taken by government before the situation get worse, which needs government's long time and priority concern.

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

2月19号 （09.01.23）
Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Should young people change job frequently before they find their future carrer in long term? I believe that trying different jobs is just what young people should do, with the advantages that can not be blind to any young people.

To begin with, we know that to have different jobs means you have to adapt to new work envirenment, which can improve young people's various of ability. In fact, from the day you hand on your applicaiotn to the human resource manager, you have already started your new challenge. Suppose you are once a teacher and now you want to apply for the position of the a manager. You have to have a quick study of management and you also need some interview skills for this specific position. From this process, you can be more professonal as an applicant. Then after you step into the workforce, you have to build your new human relations in the unfamiliar circumstance. Through the contact with different people you will gain your interpersonal skills. After a period of work,  you can  get lots of experienc about how to be a well qualified manager. Without the different job position how can you get such improvement?

In addtion, trying something new, like new job, really agrees with the young people's nature instincts. Young people are always full of passion and very active at work. If a young employee, with passion and dreams, works as a typist and he always does the same work which is typing. After a long time, you can do nothing but typing and you will definitely feel bored and tedious. That is really a miserable life for a young person. While, changing a new job allows a young person to feel fresh and have working fervency.

Finally, if a young person tries different jobs, he can be more clear about which job he likes and dislike and it can help find his future carrer. For example, many young graduates with specific college diplomas have no idea about what they should do in the work force, let alone their future carrer. So trying different jobs is a good way to tell them which profession is most  suitable for these young graduates.  My best friend David once tried many jobs, such as saleman, English teacher and taxi driver. He told me that he tried new jobs just to find which one was best for him. Then he opted taxi driver as his long term job and he feels very happy and satisfied. He thinks that trying differnt jobs really did a great help for him.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is really necessary for young people to try different jobs before they find their future carrer or job in long term.

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

改了一下拼写错误，作文写得实在不忍回首~~~

2月19号 （09.01.23）
Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Should young people change job frequently before they find their future career in long term? I believe that trying different jobs is just what young people should do, with the advantages that can not be blind to any young people.

To begin with, we know that to have different jobs means you have to adapt to new work environment, which can improve young people's various of ability. In fact, from the day you hand on your application to the human resource manager, you have already started your new challenge. Suppose you are once a teacher and now you want to apply for the position of a manager. You have to have a quick study of management and you also need some interview skills for this specific position. From this process, you can be more professional as an applicant. Then after you step into the workforce, you have to build your new human relations in the unfamiliar circumstance. Through the contact with different people you will gain your interpersonal skills. After a period of work,  you can  get lots of experience about how to be a well qualified manager. Without the different job position how can you get such improvement?

In addition, trying something new, like new job, really agrees with the young people's nature instincts. Young people are always full of passion and very active at work. If a young employee, with passion and dreams, works as a typist and he always does the same work which is typing. After a long time, you can do nothing but typing and you will definitely feel bored and tedious. That is really a miserable life for a young person. While, changing a new job allows a young person to feel fresh and have working fervency.

Finally, if a young person tries different jobs, he can be clearer about which job he likes and dislike and it can help find his future career. For example, many young graduates with specific college diplomas have no idea about what they should do in the work force, let alone their future career. So trying different jobs is a good way to tell them which profession is most suitable for these young graduates.  My best friend David once tried many jobs, such as salesman, English teacher and taxi driver. He told me that he tried new jobs just to find which one was best for him. Then he opted taxi driver as his long term job and he feels very happy and satisfied. He thinks that trying different jobs really did a great help for him.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is really necessary for young people to try different jobs before they find their future career or job in long term.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.8 `+ U6 E5 E6 T( q+ z
# e/ V) ]4 k( A- u3 e
Should young people change job frequently before they find their future career in long term? I believe that trying different jobs is just what young people should do, with the advantages that can not be blind to any young people.

To begin with, we know that to have different jobs means you have to adapt to new work environment, which can improve young people's various of ability. In fact, from the day you hand on your application to the human resource manager, you have already started your new challenge. Suppose you are（were） once a teacher and now you want to apply for the position of a manager. You have to have a quick study of management and you also need some interview skills for this specific position. From this process, you can be more professional as an applicant. Then after you stepping into the workforce, you have to build your new human relations in the unfamiliar circumstance. Through the contact with different people you will gain your interpersonal skills. After a period of work,  you can  get lots of experience about how to be a well qualified manager. Without the different job position how can you get such improvement? 这个例子很好，可以在最后加进一点，如果不try new job, 一个teacher不可能想到自己会变成manager，就是再提提好处。
w5 E7 ]0 `: P: ?6 h8 |
In addition, trying something new, like new job, really agrees with（不知这里用agree with合适不，用match可以么？） the young people's nature instincts. Young people are always full of passion and very active at work. If a young employee, with passion and dreams, works as a typist and he always does the same work which is typing. After a long time, you can do nothing but typing and you will definitely feel bored and tedious. That is really a miserable life for a young person. While, changing a new job allows a young person to feel fresh and have working fervency（好词）. 7 }2 M% j9 O+ R) i7 v" e8 w
Finally, if a young person tries different jobs, he can be clearer about which job he likes and dislike and it can help find his future career. For example, many young graduates with specific college diplomas have no idea about what they should do in the work force, let alone（用的好） their future career. So trying different jobs is a good way to tell them which profession is most suitable for these young graduates.  My best friend David once tried many jobs, such as salesman, English teacher and taxi driver. He told me that he tried new jobs just to find which one was best for him. Then he opted taxi driver as his long term job and he feels very happy and satisfied. He thinks that trying different jobs really did a great help for him.5 @! Y2 z( w' K; [: J

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is really necessary for young people to try different jobs before they find their future career or job in long term.

总评：
读完就一个感觉，顺畅清晰！
03的表达上，没话说。每段的观点，段首概括的很准确，后文的阐释以及例子都很到位。我就发现自己，好像想的观点跟你都差不多，可是例子上就用错了，导致论点和例子不相关。读了你的文章，才有豁然开朗的感觉。向03学习！

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.+ f- b/ u/ d* e  }/ l首先，小小激动下， 第一次跟03姐 合作。。。     然后，小小批评下，当我 打开WORD 的时候， 发现很多拼写错误。。   Should young people change job frequently before they find their future carrer in long term? （这句话，干什么用？向RATER提问题？ 反问rater? 他不拍你？ 个人认为是废话。如果实在想用  也要稍稍做一下同意转述啊？）I believe that trying different jobs is just what young people should do, with the advantages that can not be blind to any young people.$ I( _' L; j+ zTo begin with, we know that to have different jobs means you have to adapt to new work envirenment, which can improve young people's various of ability. In fact, from the day you hand on your applicaiotn to the human resource manager（小小炫耀你的专业么？ 嘿嘿。。）, you have already started your new challenge. Suppose you are once a teacher and now you want to apply for the position of the a manager. You have to have a quick study of management and you also need some interview skills（有歧义。 是记者的那个技能还是 在面试的时候的技能） for this specific position. From this process, you can be more professonal as an applicant. Then after you step into the workforce（赞，是工作环境的意思还是什么意思？反正感觉这词用的地道）, you have to build your new human relations（囧，难道还有非人类么？relations among workmates） in the unfamiliar circumstance. Through the contact(有名词的意思？ Communication更好些？) with different people you will gain your interpersonal skills. After a period of work,  you can  get lots of experienc about how to be a well qualified manager. Without the different job position how can you get such improvement?In addtion, trying something new, like new job, really agrees with the young people's nature instincts.（好囧，这个理由，你都能想出来。 这不是口语万能理由么？） Young people are always full of passion and very active at work. If a young employee, with passion and dreams, works as a typist and he always does the same work which is typing. After a long time, you can do nothing but typing and you will definitely feel bored（boring在这里更合适？） and tedious. That is really a miserable life for a young person. While, changing a new job allows a young person to feel fresh（囧， brand new day?） and have working fervency. Finally, if a young person tries different jobs, he can be more clear about which job he likes and dislike and it can help find his future（还是点题比较好， long term） carrer. (用if 就应该在从句用will 或者would吧。至少保险。)For example, many young graduates with specific college diplomas have no idea about what they should do in the work force(再次传奇出现，这就不太好了，至少换一个词，而且这次是分开打的。。), let alone their future carrer. （小的，不懂这句话什么意思？）So trying different jobs is a good way to tell them which profession is most  suitable （fitted?）for these young graduates(感觉直接简化成graduates就成).  My best friend David once tried many jobs, such as saleman, English teacher and taxi driver.（真的假的，工作好不有联系） He told me that he tried new jobs just to find which one was best for him. Then he opted taxi driver as his long term job and he feels very happy and satisfied.（感觉这句话好小学生，不应该是G学生写的。) He thinks that trying differnt jobs really did a great help for him./ b' A- _: O1 M; xFrom what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that（好严重的模板） it is really necessary for young people to try different jobs before they find their future carrer or job in long term.（如果你最后一段只是重申以的主题话， 你 最后一段的价值就下降了。 如果你还是想这样的话，至少强调一下。 用强调句啊？ 然后升华，深化下？）总结一下： 03姐 长短句 结合的不错。 在文章中错落有致。 而且有些词汇用的也很地道。举例很充实。 这些做的都很好不足的就是， 文章脉络 03姐 可能都是写一句想一句， 这样，对文章的逻辑性和连接性有很大的影响。这也是RATER 打分的一部分。 还有就是，就是我在字里行间就隐约感觉到03姐在写这篇的时候，反正是很纠结，很痛苦。。。  貌似 很憋屈是么？  就是 我看文章的时候，感觉很不自然， 感觉你在 忍痛写作似的。。。 还有，就是拼写。。  虽所OG上说了，能允许MINOR的拼写错误，但是这也太多了。 要加强！！  PAT PAT ~~~  (到底啥意思啊？)    还有，我在文章里也划了我有些不懂的地方。 求真像！海盗，只能给你水唯你，才能给你油！     加油！！！

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

为什么没有颜色呢？？

mpromanusUID: 2565872

When it comes to me, which is about the discussion whether university students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study, (This is not a complete clause. It could be either 'when it comes to me about ...' or 'If I were asked a question, which is about..', but not both. The error here is that this 'it' in 'when it comes to me' is not a real subject. It's a place-holder. But the 'which' in the following section needs to refer to a solid noun phrase that comes before the 'which', so you have sort of a deadlock and the clause doesn't really have a solid subject.) my answer is definitely "negative."  I believe that without basic science classes, those university students would be in a more favorable position. (Remember that the question is bounded.  'students should be required to take basic science classes EVEN IF they are not part of their fields', therefore your response would naturally be bounded to a certain extent. The current expression you have here means that it'll be better to scrap basic science classes for ALL students, which is obviously not true.)

In the first place, if university students take basic science classes which are not related to their major courses, they may not perform well in their fields of study. We all know that university students have very busy schedules, especially when the final exams are coming. They have to take major courses, prepare for the exams and even take part in some social activities, such as take part-time jobs, or attend sports clubs (1. a job is generally not considered a 'social activity', because 'social activity' is more in the direction of 社交活动 rather than 社会活动 as in any activity that doesn't belong to 'studying'. 2. I'm not sure whether you used the expression on purpose, but 'attend sports clubs' is not the way to say 'participate in sports'. Also, you don't 'attend' a club, but 'join' a club and 'attend' club functions.). It may drive them crazy, if they are also required to take basic science classes which have nothing to do with their majors, when they are so busy (It's better to move this to the beginning of this sentence because this follows what's said in the previous sentence, therefore it creates a natural 'flow' from that sentence to this one. If you put this at the end of the sentence, the flow is broken because another idea comes between two similar ideas. How you connect sentences sometimes can significantly affect the readability of your essay). Otherwise, some students feel terrible at mere mentioning of science classes, not alone learning them (Why is that, and why it's more important to avoid hurting their feelings than to provide them with useful science education? You need to elaborate because a mere description of facts doesn't make an argument.). Therefore, they would be distributed?? (Do you mean 'distracted'?) on their major courses, and it would definitely lead to disasters to in the study of their majors.

In the second place, to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study is not an economical budget (An action can't be a budget, of course.). We know that a school needs substantial funds to improve the quality of teaching and the environment of study. We know that it will take quite a lot of money to pay those professional teachers who teach the basic science courses, which also enhance the work pressure on teachers and may decrease the quality of teaching (I don't see your point here. Hiring more teachers to teach basic science is costly, yes, but why would it affect the work pressure or teaching quality? Again, you seem to be jumping ahead in your chain of thoughts.). If they (Who? The teachers?) require students to take the basic science classes, they would have less money to focus on the improvement of other teaching facilities, such as labs and libraries, which can bring direct benefit to all the students and cannot be ignored by any university (You have the tendency to attach clauses one after another, but this doesn't always work correctly because the scope of these clauses are not always consistent. In this sentence, 'such as' scopes to 'other teaching facilities', but the following 'which' scopes to the whole matter of 'improvement of other teaching facilities', therefore your reader needs to go back and forth to determine what exactly are the clauses referring to. This is very taxing for an examiner.) Even for students, it is not a good budget (I'm kind of baffled by what you're trying to express with 'good budget'. Do you mean 'good way to spend money'?) to take the basic science courses. (The impact of such courses is not from students taking them, but the FORCING of students to take them. You need to be consistently clear about what's to be in discussion.) Students would pay more tuition for the courses they may not like and have nothing to do with their majors, which only adds to their financial burden. (Very good points, and very precise logic development.)

Admittedly, taking basic science classes can help students to enlarge their knowledge base? and broaden their horizons. However, it would cause a series of problems, such as, being in an unfavorable position in the job market and dropping their study carrier??, since they perform badly in their majors and they are under heavy financial burden. On the other hand, students can take other kinds of measures to gain knowledge and widen their sights, like finding a part-time jobs, reading more books and so on. In sum, it is obvious to know that the advantages of abandoning (This implies that the required basic science classes are already there, because you can only 'abandon' something that already exists. Remember that what we are talking about here is not a policy that's already implemented, but a theoretical possibility, and there's nothing to 'abandon'.) the basic science classes, which are irrelevant to students' majors far overwhelm the disadvantages.

总结：

例子很好，说理很漂亮，逻辑的发展也做得很准。接下来可以继续提高的是清晰度，clarity，因为你的长句有时候会稍微混乱。这个方面最容易做到的是考虑断句，合适的地方加上逗号可以大大提高清晰度，另外一个就是仔细考虑你的用词和语序。

总体来说非常不错，继续努力有望满分哦~