[phoenix]ISSUE130（9号）2.18

NEU公孙轩辕UID: 2697609

Admittedly, socialization of children---improvement of children’s interaction with others---is of great importance. Lacking this ability will probably bring about difficulties and troubles to their future lives, since the society today lays much emphasis on the skills of communication and understanding. However, merely socialization without knowledge is far from a security of a better future of our society. In addition, the educational system (nowadays) does actually impose certain positive effects on the socialization of children, not so bad as the speaker asserts. Hence, in my observation, the destiny of our society hinges on both knowledge and socialization.

To begin with, it’s doubtless that the socialization of children plays a crucial role on the development of children. In order to attain success, children should not only study knowledge in the books, but also learn how to become social, which means effectiveness and rightness in communication with others. For example, the process of making computer software is usually a huge and complex work, which consists of different kinds of parts serving as different function. All these parts must be compatible in order to make the software practical and effective. Thus, programmers need to fully cooperate and deeply communicate with each other to make every parts of the software suitable to others. Otherwise, the software is high likely impractical, even unfeasible if those programmers merely focus on their own work and seldom change ideas and discuss problems. Thus, necessary and right socialization conduct/guidance will help children develop in future.

Moreover, when faced with growing complex problems, no longer can a person with great capability or profound knowledge who refuses to cooperate with companions, but refusing to cooperate with others, meet the demands of modern society. Even if one knows a great deal, it’s also difficult to produce brilliant value to the society in an isolated status. The facts that the Noble Prizes are frequently given to a group of scientists not one person in recent years can best prove it. Cooperation among scientists has made much contribution to their study fields.


Nonetheless, it should be acknowledge that some children, who get to learn little knowledge, which will determine the future of them, but to become quite sophisticated at the so-called “social activities”, may even do harm to the society. Many children, who become cheaters and thieves, for instance, realized that their fine words would please parents to buy what they wanted in early age. This induces to their poor academic performances and difficulties in finding a job when they grow up. Being driven by survival or their ill-conceived demands, they are likely to commit crimes. Hence, mastering vast amount of knowledge and being socialization are two indispensible and significant conditions for future success. There are many typical examples, like the Nobel Prize winners discussed above can also best prove this.
So, socialization and knowledge are of equal significant to children’s healthy growth, only under this circumstance can our children expect to bring about great value to society.

What’s more, most parents nowadays do have their own effective systems of educating children, such as sending children to the best schools, offering suggestions on suitable books, encouraging them to get in touch with peers and so on. The system has been proven to be effective since many excellent students, like my peers, have grown healthily. Although, some parents fail to educate their children successfully, we can not deny the fact that most parents are quite clear of how to promise children a better future.

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker that if children are not sufficient socialized, our society will get into great trouble. Nevertheless, aside from socialization, we should not neglect the comparative significance of knowledge and never lose confidence in our education system and our parents.

wu-intrepidUID: 2659758

1# NEU公孙轩辕


Admittedly, socialization of children---improvement of children’s interaction with others---is of great importance. Lacking this ability will probably bring about difficulties and troubles to their future lives, since the society today lays much emphasis on the skills of communication and understanding. However, merely socialization without knowledge is far from a security of a better future of our society. In addition, the educational system (nowadays) does actually impose certain positive effects on the socialization of children, not so bad as the speaker asserts. Hence, in my observation, the destiny of our society hinges on both knowledge and socialization.开头很清楚，不错

To begin with, it’s doubtless that the socialization of children plays a crucial role on the development of children. In order to attain success, children should not only study knowledge in the books, but also learn how to become social, which means effectiveness and rightness in communication with others. For example, the process of making computer software is usually a huge and complex work, which consists of different kinds of parts serving as different function. All these parts must be compatible in order to make the software practical and effective. Thus, programmers need to fully cooperate and deeply communicate with each other to make every parts of the software suitable to others. Otherwise, the software is high likely impractical, even unfeasible if those programmers merely focus on their own work and seldom change ideas and discuss problems. Thus, necessary and right socialization conduct/guidance will help children develop in future.

Moreover, when faced with growing complex problems这里开始是复杂的问题，那前面那一段是什么？感觉两段层次递进的不是很明显, no longer can a person with great capability or profound knowledge who refuses to cooperate with companions, but refusing to cooperate with others, meet the demands of modern society. Even if one knows a great deal, it’s also difficult to produce brilliant value to the society in an isolated status. The facts that the Noble Prizes are frequently given to a group of scientists not one person in recent years can best prove it. 言下之意是也有给个人的，那又如何解释呢？Cooperation among scientists has made much contribution to their study fields. 这两段语言不用说了，在我看来很流畅了，不过，总体感觉你偏题了。题目说社会化决定了社会的命运。你说不错，社会化很重要。但下面就开始谈别的了。并没有把社会化与社会的前途命运很好的联系在一起。社会化很重要这一看法，可以支持无数赞成社会化的结论，如“社会化决定孩子的命运”，但如何个性地回应特定问题呢？


Nonetheless, it should be acknowledge that some children, who get to learn little knowledge, which will determine the future of them, but to become quite sophisticated这次词貌似是中性的，成熟.. at the so-called “social activities”, may even do harm to the society. Many children, who become cheaters即使是世故，恐怕也不能推出会变成贼或骗子吧，这句话和前面一句没多大关系 and thieves, for instance, realized that their fine words would please parents to buy what they wanted in early age. This induces to their poor academic performances and difficulties in finding a job when they grow up为什么呢？难道学术大牛年幼时不会哄父母？. Being driven by survival谁不想生存？每个人都会driven by 这个的 or their ill-conceived拙劣的要求？ demands, they are likely to commit crimes. Hence, mastering vast amount of knowledge and being socialization are two indispensible and significant conditions for future success. There are many typical examples, like the Nobel Prize winners discussed above can also best prove this. 这里还是没有解释，有了学问就能避免你所担心的？
So, socialization and knowledge are of equal significant to children’s healthy growth, only under this circumstance can our children expect to bring about great value to society.

What’s more, most parents nowadays do have their own effective systems of educating children, such as sending children to the best schools, offering suggestions on suitable books, encouraging them to get in touch with peers and so on. The system has been proven to be effective since many excellent students, like my peers, have grown healthily. Although, some parents fail to educate their children successfully, we can not deny the fact that most parents are quite clear of how to promise children a better future. 这一段有个小问题——显得和上文联系不紧，有些孤立，而题目用unfortunately这个连词来表示两句话之间是有关系的，在这里你没有体现出来。建议考虑下这一点如何和上文有机结合？

To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker that if children are not sufficient socialized, our society will get into great trouble. Nevertheless, aside from socialization, we should not neglect the comparative significance of knowledge and never lose confidence in our education system and our parents.

总体写的不错，语言没得挑了。论证上注意些：要充分回应社会化和社会前途命运的关系。知识和社会化如何相互独立，知识为什么能避免仅仅是社会化带来的好处，需要从正面加以论述。最后第二段如何和上文联系。
结构论证如能改进，我觉得是篇好文章，看好你~冲刺5分！

NEU公孙轩辕UID: 2697609

Admittedly, socialization of children---improvement of children’s interaction with others---is of great importance. Lacking this ability will probably bring about difficulties and troubles to their future lives, since the society today lays much emphasis on the skills of communication and understanding. However, merely socialization without knowledge is far from a security of a better future of our society. In addition, the educational system (nowadays) does actually impose certain positive effects on the socialization of children, not so bad as the speaker asserts. Hence, in my observation, the destiny of our society hinges on both knowledge and socialization.

To begin with, it’s doubtless that the socialization of children plays a crucial role on the development of children. In order to attain success, children should not only study knowledge in the books, but also learn how to become social, which means effectiveness and rightness in communication with others. For example, the process of making computer software is usually a huge and complex work, which consists of different kinds of parts serving as different function. All these parts must be compatible in order to make the software practical and effective. Thus, programmers need to fully cooperate and deeply communicate with each other to make every parts of the software suitable to others. Otherwise, the software is high likely impractical, even unfeasible if those programmers merely focus on their own work and seldom change ideas and discuss problems. In addition, when faced with increasingly complex problems,  a person with a vast amount of knowledge but lack in social skills is hardky to meet demands of modern society, and it's also much more difficulty to produce brilliant values in an isolated situation. Thus, necessary and right socialization conduct/guidance will help children develop and make contributions to society in the future, which obviously determins the destiny of our society.

Nonetheless, we have got to soberly realize the fact that merely socialization but  poor in knowledge can also not promise us a better future. As we all know, the miraculous achievements gained by human beings today largely depends on the advances in science and technology, and knowledge has been served as the foundation of these  achievements for quite a long period of time. It's obvious that knowledge has palyed an significant and indispensible role in determining the destiny of our society. Therefor, knowledge has the same important status as socialization, and emphasis only on socialiazation is one-sided and premature.

Luckily, most parents nowadays do have their own effective systems of educating children to obtain ability of both socialization and mastering knowledge, such as sending children to the best schools, offering suggestions on suitable books, encouraging them to get in touch with peers and so on. The system has been proven to be effective since many excellent students, like my peers, have grown healthily. Although, some parents fail to educate their children successfully, we can not deny the fact that most parents are quite clear of how to promise children a better future. Hence, judging from my daily experience, the speaker's statement that we haven't learn how to raise children is quite unconvincing.


To sum up, I basically agree with the speaker that if children are not sufficient socialized, our society will get into great trouble. Nevertheless, aside from socialization, we should not neglect the comparative significance of knowledge and never lose confidence in our education system and our parents.