[Big Fish]2月25日Argument238--By BobbieZZ

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

TOPIC:Argument 238
===========================================================================================================================================
238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placementoffice that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."
========================================================================================================

The memorandum recommends that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and should hire more job counselors for improve our college’s job-placement. The author has such evidence to support his points. To compare with Green Mountain College, which has more the courses and job counselors than us so that the percent of their graduating seniors which had job offers more than what we have. However, the author has no sufficient evidences to recommend that in three respects.

Fist of all, the author assumes that Green Mountain College’s 90 percent graduating seniors had job offer is due to the college has more business courses and more job counselors than what Mira Vista college. However, this is not necessarily the case. We should consider that whether Green Mountain students are resourceful and outstandingly to begin with and whether the college has more students and larger school than we have so that they has to provide more courses and job counselors than we. We should also consider that perhaps Green Mountain’s trend is to provide business students but we focus on providing science and engineer students. In short, without ruling out other evidence for the different between the two colleges, the author cannot convince me Mira Vista College should add more courses on business and offer more teachers on job-placement.

Moreover, the author provides the statistics comparing job-placement might be distorted in one or more respects. Fist, the author unfairly points out that the two schools’ job-placement rates differ that different time period. The statistics about Green Mountain College’s graduates was based on at lest one year ago, however, the data on Mira Vista College’s students who had job offers was within three months after graduation. Secondly, the author ignores that the information about Mira Vista College’s 70% graduates would seeking employment is by the way which students informed the placement office. This survey fails cover all the possibilities of samples. Perhaps most of graduates hadn’t informed their college whether they received employment offer or not. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author cannot reasonable rely on these statistics to support the claim that Mira Vista’s job-placement is comparatively poor that to evaluate the employment result in Mira Vista College.

Thirdly, even if the Mira Vista College’s graduation job-placement less than the Green Mountain College’s. The two colleges might not be comparable in several aspects. The Green Mountain has a hundreds years history and famous reputation. Hundreds outstanding person graduated from there. Their well-known reputation cause to a great extent employer would like to hire the college’s graduates. However, the Mira Vista College is a general college. Moreover, the Green Mountain College is a national university, but Mira Vista is just state university. It is entirely possible that the measures in provides more courses and more job counselors would not suffice to ensure similar the result in improve the Mira Vista College’s job-placement.

In conclusion, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must provide more different evidence and details between the two colleges and show that by offered more courses and job counselors what advantages in fact we would achieve. The author should provide the statistics such as the two college’s graduates more accurate and conformance that would be more convinced to me.

missingusaUID: 2625832

请lz注意正确的发帖格式, 相关内容可以参考这个帖子:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1042201

修改完后, 请通过站内短消息pm我一下, 谢谢^^

NarashyUID: 2602795

1# BobbieZZ

The memorandum recommends that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and should hire more job counselors for improve our college’s job-placement. The author has such evidence to support his points. To compare with Green Mountain College, which has more the courses and job counselors than us so that the percent of their graduating seniors which had job offers more than what we have(这句话好像没主语）. However, the author has no sufficient evidences to recommend that in three respects.

Fist of all, the author assumes that Green Mountain College’s 90 percent graduating seniors had job offer is due to the college has more business courses and more job counselors than what(that of) Mira Vista college. However, this is not necessarily the case. We should consider that whether Green Mountain students are resourceful and outstandingly to begin with and whether the college has more students and larger school than we(应该是Mira Vista College） have so that they has(have) to provide more courses and job counselors than we. We should also consider that perhaps Green Mountain’s trend is to provide business students but we focus on providing science and engineer students. In short, without ruling out other evidence for the different between the two colleges, the author cannot convince me Mira Vista College should add more courses on business and offer more teachers on job-placement.

Moreover, the author provides the statistics comparing job-placement might be distorted in one or more respects. Fist, the author unfairly points out that the two schools’ job-placement rates differ that different time period. The statistics about Green Mountain College’s graduates was based on at lest one year ago, however, the data on Mira Vista College’s students who had job offers was within three months after graduation. Secondly, the author ignores that the information about Mira Vista College’s 70% graduates would seeking employment is by the way which students informed the placement office. This survey fails (to) cover all the possibilities of samples. Perhaps most of graduates hadn’t informed their college whether they received employment offer or not. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the author cannot reasonable rely on these statistics to support the claim that Mira Vista’s job-placement is comparatively poor that to evaluate the employment result in Mira Vista College.

Thirdly, even if the Mira Vista College’s graduation job-placement less than the Green Mountain College’s. The two colleges might not be comparable in several aspects. The Green Mountain has a hundreds years history and famous reputation. Hundreds outstanding person graduated from there. Their well-known reputation cause to a great extent employer would like to hire the college’s graduates. However, the Mira Vista College is a general college. Moreover, the Green Mountain College is a national university, but Mira Vista is just state university. It is entirely possible that the measures in provides more courses and more job counselors would not suffice to ensure similar the result in improve the Mira Vista College’s job-placement.

In conclusion, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must provide more different evidence and details between the two colleges and show that by offered(offering) more courses and job counselors what advantages in fact we would achieve. The author should provide the statistics such as the two college’s graduates more accurate(accurately) and conformance that would be more convinced to me.

文章逻辑清楚，把argument的漏洞明白地说出来，这是最好的~~
语法上LZ需要注意下动词形式的问题，不过只是minor error啦~~

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

3# Narashy

谢谢指出我的错误，有些语法上面真的需要多注意呢~:loveliness:
总体感觉还是ISSUE比较差一些也比较难