【big fish】2月25日Argument238---by Jenius

jenius4869UID: 2659821

The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

In this memorandum, the author recommend the Mire Vista College offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help graduates find employment. To support this proposal, the author also provides the comparison of employment situations of  nearby Green Mountain College and Mira Vista College. However, I find several questionable aspects which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument falsely establish a causal relationship between the fact that there are more business courses and jobs counselors available at Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College and the claim of helping more graduates find employment. Even if graduates from Green Mountain have a higher employment rate compared with Mira Vista College, the author fails to provide any direct evidence that it is attributed to the business coursed and endeavors of jobs conselors. In all likelihood the Mire Vista College has a more well-organized educational system which guarantees its higher quality of education. Therefore, without providing substantial evidence to illustrate the cause-and-effect relationship between these two incidents, the author's advise cannot be taken seriously.

Moreover, another problem with the argument is the vague data cited by the author. When take a deep analyse of these information, it is not hard to find out that the 70 percent graduating seniors from Mira Vista College are only those who had informed placement office in this college. It is entirely possible that there are many other graduates who have found jobs but not reported by placement office. In addition, the author fails to provide more elaborate information about the graduates from these two college. For instance, the total number of the graduates, each major's employment rate and the percentage of Green Mountain College' graduates who did not find the job related to their major. Since we know nothing about these information, we could not draw any conclusion about the real employment rate of these two colleges, let alone compare one with another.

Even assuming the graduates from Green Mountain College did have a better advantage over those from Mira Vista College, offering more courses in business and computer technology and hiring additional job counselors does not necessarily solve the problem. One result could be affected by several factors. In this case, maybe the job counselors did give the students much useful and effective information that could help them find a proper job, but since the situation in different colleges cannot be the same. Just imitate Green Mountain College is not advisable for helping its own graduated being employed.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive for the reasons I discussed above. To better evaluate it, I need to know the actual and detailed information about the employment of these two colleges and design a survey to find out the general elements that make a contribution to the higher employment of Green Mountain College, if it does excel Mira Vista College based on the result of the comparison of the available data.

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

1# jenius4869

In this memorandum, the author recommend the Mire Vista College offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help graduates find employment. To support this proposal, the author also provides the comparison of employment situations of nearby Green Mountain College and Mira Vista College. However, I find several questionable aspects which render it unconvincing.（第一段挺好）

To begin with, the argument falsely establish a causal relationship between the fact that there are more business courses and jobs counselors available at Green Mountain College than Mira Vista College and the claim of helping more graduates find employment. Even if graduates from Green Mountain have a higher employment rate compared with Mira Vista College, the author fails to provide any direct evidence that it is attributed to the business coursed and endeavors of jobs conselors(counselors). In all likelihood the Mire Vista College has a more well-organized educational system which guarantees its higher quality of education. Therefore, without providing substantial evidence to illustrate the cause-and-effect relationship between these two incidents, the author's advise cannot be taken seriously.

Moreover, another problem with the argument is the vague data cited by the author. When take a deep analyse of these information, it is not hard to find out that the 70 percent graduating seniors from Mira Vista College are only those who had informed placement office in this college. It is entirely possible that there are many other graduates who have found jobs but not reported by placement office. In addition, the author fails to provide more elaborate information about the graduates from these two college(colleges). For instance, the total number of the graduates, each major's employment rate and the percentage of Green Mountain College' graduates who did not find the job related to their major(这句话放在word里检查，是有语法问题的，可是究竟是什么问题我也没看出来，应该再研究一下这句话). Since we know nothing about these information, we could not draw any conclusion about the real employment rate of these two colleges, let alone compare one with another.

Even assuming the graduates from Green Mountain College did（?怎么出现了个过去时态） have a better advantage over those from Mira Vista College, offering more courses in business and computer technology and hiring additional job counselors does（和前面的did时态不一致,argu一般都应该使用现在时态吧） not necessarily solve the problem. One result could be affected by several factors. In this case, maybe the job counselors did give the students much useful and effective information that could help them find a proper job, but since the situation in different colleges cannot be the same. Just imitate Green Mountain College is not advisable for helping its own graduated being employed.（这个时态的问题，我也不能特别的把握，可以讨论一下下）

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive for the reasons I discussed above. To better evaluate it, I need to know the actual and detailed information about the employment of these two colleges and design a survey to find out the general elements that make a contribution to the higher employment of Green Mountain College, if it does excel Mira Vista College based on the result of the comparison of the available data.（know/find out这两个词有些基础，可以试着替换一下）

绿色的表示好的词句，红色是错误和需要讨论的地方
总篇Argument逻辑紧密，论证的谬误找的也挺好的。有些词比较基础，可以试着替换一下。时态和语法的问题我也拿不准，所以可以大家讨论一下
这篇ARGU比ISSUE要好很多，加油~