【Big Fish】2月26日Issue48--By Topran

topranUID: 2310216

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
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We are living in a four dimensions world which is composed by space and time ,each of us who ever exist can be marked as a point in this frame of axes . if link all these points together ,it will present a marvelous picture which shows the track of development of human race .As in this masterpiece artwork ,even though some part of it is plain and common , the other part is exiting and colorful , however , without neither of them , the picture won't be as splendid as its now .So as the history , some person do contributed to history hugely which make them worth to be remembered by descendants , but at same time we should not neglect that without the help of groups of people , those significant event and trends will never happen ,so does the history will never be the same.

History is created by people . First , that is people who provide all the fundamental materials for the develop of the society . Without farmer ,there will be no food to support life ; without worker , there will be no production to create wealth ; without business man, there will be no market or malls to transfer goods from producer to consumer. If the material supply is not adequate , there will be no motivation for society to move forward .

Second , that is people who create spiritual wealth for the society . Homer , a legendary ancient Greek epic poet who was used to be known as the author of Homer epic : Iliad and Odyssey . Nowadays , the modern scholar has found that Homer might be just a fictitious or constructed name , one important evidence is that the content of Homer epic is composed by some ancient story which was handed down by ordinary people . Thus, this tremendous spiritual wealth is actually created and preserved by ordinary people .

Third , that is people who is the ultimate power in reform. As time goes by and world developed ,certain contradiction in society will be exposed ,like conflict between slave and slave owner , working class and capitalist class. When the conflict is uncontrollable , reform will take place . No matter is the conflict or the reform does not means one man's war . If only a few of people unsatisfied with situation , the only thing they can do is to give in. But the case will be totally different when the fury comes from a group of people .All the famous reform in history all involve people ,especially common people like in recent history a quite successful reform is done by Chinese called reform and open which totally change the economic system of China , countless business man and small manufacture has find fortune in that reform and benefit for common people is immeasurable too. Without the requirement of majority ,the reform can never be motivated so as the develop of society .

Even though , the above three points do support the importance of common people's role in the history , admittedly , the importance of famous few people who had enormous influence in history should never be neglect too .It is true that a lot of significant events and trends in history were made by the famous few . As opening and reform motioned before , it was been brought forward by an Chinese leader named Deng Xiao Ping , he was a visionary hard working leader , but small in stature . The history should remark this kind of people , not only because their remarkable work , but also the personally and spiritual of them ,which should be learned and pass done.

In the end , history is the common wealth of human beings which is as vast and deep as ocean , it has high tide lead by famous few ,and also has calm time lead by all people together .Each of us are a drop of water , relatively small but together we create the ocean. As a member of human society , we all the creator and reader of history.

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

1# topran

We are living in a four dimensions world which is composed by space and time ,each of us who ever exist can be marked as a point in this frame of axes . if link all these points together ,it will present a marvelous picture which shows the track of development of human race .As in this masterpiece artwork ,even though some part of it is plain and common , the other part is exiting and colorful , however , without neither of them , the picture won't be as splendid as its now .So as the history , (前面写的都很好，可是最好还是开头就说明观点比较好，关键词HISTORY在此时才出现有些晚了。可以把前面那段放在后面说，或者不要。重点应该在前面)some person do contributed to history hugely which make them worth to be remembered by descendants , but at same time we should not neglect that without the help of groups of people , those significant event and trends will never happen ,so does the history will never be the same.（同意题目观点？只是重复了题目）

History is created by people . First , that is people who provide all the fundamental materials for the develop of the society . Without farmer ,there will be no food to support life ; without worker , there will be no production to create wealth ; without business man, there will be no market or malls to transfer goods from producer to consumer. If the material supply is not adequate , there will be no motivation for society to move forward . （例子应该展开一些，深刻一些）

Second , that is people who create spiritual wealth for the society . Homer , a legendary ancient Greek epic poet who was used to be known as the author of Homer epic : Iliad and Odyssey . Nowadays , the modern scholar has found that Homer might be just a fictitious or constructed name , one important evidence is that the content of Homer epic is composed by some ancient story which was handed down by ordinary people . Thus, this tremendous spiritual wealth is actually created and preserved by ordinary people . （Homer的例子很好哦）

Third , that is people who is the ultimate power in reform. As time goes by and world developed ,certain contradiction in society will be exposed ,like conflict between slave and slave owner , working class and capitalist class. When the conflict is uncontrollable , reform will take place . No matter is the conflict or the reform does not means one man's war . If only a few of people unsatisfied with situation , the only thing they can do is to give in. But the case will be totally different when the fury comes from a group of people .All the famous reform in history all involve people ,especially common people like in recent history a quite successful reform is done by Chinese called reform and open which totally change the economic system of China , countless business man and small manufacture has find fortune in that reform and benefit for common people is immeasurable too. Without the requirement of majority ,the reform can never be motivated so as the develop of society .（例子如果能换成美国的就更好了，比如南北战争）

Even though , the above three points do support the importance of common people's role in the history , admittedly , the importance of famous few people who had enormous influence in history should never be neglect too .It is true that a lot of significant events and trends in history were made by the famous few . As opening and reform motioned before , it was been brought forward by an Chinese leader named Deng Xiao Ping , he was a visionary hard working leader , but small in stature . The history should remark this kind of people , not only because their remarkable work , but also the personally and spiritual of them ,which should be learned and pass done.

In the end , history is the common wealth of human beings which is as vast and deep as ocean , it has high tide lead by famous few ,and also has calm time lead by all people together .Each of us are a drop of water , relatively small but together we create the ocean. As a member of human society , we all the creator and reader of history

绿色表示好的词汇，句子。蓝色是建议
你的观点是支持共性，也就是the groups of people，应该把individuals放在firstly,然后转折强调大多数的。这样的表达会比较清晰，还有就是开头的观点不是很明确，感觉是在重复话题，没有自己的观点，虽然你的观点与题目一直，也应该表达一下。恩。。还有就是我上课的时候老师给的提纲，对于这道题的观点是反对共性的，所以不知道你的观点合不合适

你的词和句很好，而且有很多比喻，但是第一段最好不要，第一段最重要的还是叙述观点，减少赘余，中国的例子最好改成美国的比较合适ETS的考官

topranUID: 2310216

1# topran  

We are living in a four dimensions world which is composed by space and time ,each of us who ever exist can be marked as a point in this frame of axes . if link all these points togeth ...
BobbieZZ 发表于 2010-2-27 21:12

谢谢Bobbie ，这篇文我实在写的艰难啊，我是不敢反，一反就没话说了

语法啊 语法 啥时能有些改进呢 愁死我了

jenius4869UID: 2659821

3# topran

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=961473&highlight=
这是一个语法的帖子呢，有空可以看看，我就在看呢 呵呵 谁叫咱基础都没打好呢
出来混的早晚都要还的。。。