Fighting的作文本本

lain0119UID: 2695504

Nowadays, a lot of people complain that the television should be always used to educate, but(去掉but) not to entertain. It has been a heat debate! However, in my opinion, though educational programs are in(of) great importance, entertainment is also needed in TV because all work but no play makes Jack a dull boy(这个用得好啊~让我想到了当年上的新东方的班=w=) and watching TV together(最好说明是看娱乐节目) enhances the relationship of family members as well.
It is crucial for modern people to know how to relax. Television is always our favorable method to enjoy ourselves. As we all know, all work but no play makes Jack a dull boy(这个重复就不太好了吧?!). Balancing the study and relaxation well is a necessary factor for a successful person. According to a recent survey, a human being who manages well in time(应该是想说劳逸结合吧?!但劳逸结合不等于合理安排时间...当然...我也不知道劳逸结合怎么说= =) tends to be much earlier to succeed. For example, after working tediously for a whole day, my parents love lying on the bed and watching TV. So hard do they work(这个倒装句是亮点~) that they usually choose some programs of entertainment expect(except?!) education. For them, it’s the best time of a day. Therefore, entertainment can’t be removed from TV.
What’s more, the relationship of family members can gradually increase(关系倒不是增加,应该是变紧密,become intimate,consolitary之类的~） when watching TV, especially an entertainment program, such as comedy or films. Take my family for instance, all my family like comedy and we often watch it together after lunch or dinner, laughing together or discussing together. I believe the happiest scenery（宾语从句没有主语了） which every family dreams. We did it – only in a simple way. But if there is only educative program in the television, we may even gather together to watch TV as it’s not suitable for every age（这句话有点confusing，我们甚至还是会聚在一起,正如它对每个年龄段的人来说不合适？！关联词用错了吗？！） which definitely influences the communication among my family. So in this way, entertainment is also involved into TV（我觉得这段把185中间的有各题目关联过来挺好的~）
（可以的话还是再有一段理由段吧~）
From what I have concerned above, I do not agree with that the purpose of television should all be educative, not entertain. Watching entertainment program in TV as a best form to relax and rise the relationship of family members should be kept in television with no doubt.（最后一句话是不是杂糅了？！主干是Watching entertainment program in TV should be kept in television with no doubt?!）

我觉得lz的语言很流畅，也有一些用得很恰当的句型，逻辑也没什么可以挑毛病的，难得看到的一篇佳作啊~就是有的句子稍稍有点confusing了一点，还是说我理解能力低下= =

zhangwen08UID: 2713418

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising can tell you a lot about a country.
Do you believe almost everyone in the world has seen an advertisement before?
Oh, yes, we agree with this. Advertising spans every area in our planet. By using different kinds of media, such as board, TV, internet or special salesgirls, the advertisers transfer a lot of information. Meanwhile, it also tells us a lot about a country, especially economy and education.

From various advertisements, we can judge the economic development of a country. None of countries never sale their own products. More often, the advertisements are a display of domestic products. For example, there must be a lot of advertisements about cars in a developed country like American. However, much less similar advertisements can be seen in poor country like Iraq. What’s more, the level of people’s life is close to the country’s economy. Not to mention a car, the people in some districts even cannot afford to buy a mobile phone. So the advertisements are fewer as well. But in American, a car is a necessary object of the daily life.

Furthermore, the education of a country can be manifested in the advertisement. In China, advertising means “let all know”. In this sense, not only does the advertisement sale products, but it includes the ones of public benefit as well.
I clearly remember an advertisement of public benefit which was watched on TV several years ago. When feeling his mother was very tired after work, a three or four year-old boy automatically took a bowl of warm water and helped wish her mother’s foots. What a shocking scene! It indicates that we should always take care of our parents. Even such a young child will do this, why don’t you? In addition, some advertisements appeal us to love the environment, to help others in great need and so on.

From what I have concerned above, watching advertisements is nearly learning a country, especially its economy and education. Besides, culture, custom, technology and even politics will also be showed through advertising.
You see, the patterns of advertising change hugely in different countries and each has its own feature.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

17# zhangwen08

Do you believe almost everyone in the world has seen an advertisement before? Oh, yes, (Again, as I've always said, this kind of expression is more common in spoken English and it might be considered too casual for written works.) we agree with this. Advertising spans every area in our planet. (This sounds like advertising is a physical thing.) By using different kinds of media, such as board? (Do you mean 'billboard'?), TV, the internet or special salesgirls, the advertisers transfer a lot of information. Meanwhile, it also tells us a lot about a country, especially about its economy and education.

From various advertisements, we can judge ('judge' often means to make a conclusion about the moral values of something. Neutral entities such as 'economic development' cannot be 'judged' in this sense. Another example: if you see a teenager wearing a punk outfit and says he's a punk, this is called a 'conclusion'; but if you see a teenager wearing a punk outfit and says he must be a rebellious bad boy, then this is called a 'judgement'. In the case of your writing, I would suggest the word 'measure'.) the economic development of a country. None of countries never sale their own products? (This usage is a very typical phenomenon in African American English, aka 'Black English', called 'negative concord', where all negatable forms are negated if the sentence is expressing a negative idea. Please understand that not all English-speaking people use Standard English, and this kind of expression is definitely not Standard Engish. This is also why I keep saying that your expressions sometimes are too casual for written essays.). More often, the advertisements are a display of domestic products. For example, there must be a lot of advertisements about cars in a developed country like American ('America' can refer to both North and South America. It's not a country in itself. The country is called the United States.). However, much less fewer similar advertisements can be seen in a poor country like Iraq. What’s more, the level of people’s life is close to the country’s economy. Not to mention a car, the people in some districts? even cannot afford to buy a mobile phone. So the advertisements are fewer as well. But in American, a car is a necessary object of the daily life.

Furthermore, the education of a country can be manifested in the advertisement (A very weird expression. After I've read this paragraph though, I think your topic sentence should be something like 'advertisements can be educational and embody social values of a country'.). In China, advertising means “to let all know”. In this sense, not only does the advertisement sale promotes products, but it includes the ones of public benefit? (公益广告 doesn't translate like this. They are more often called 'public service announcements'.) as well. I clearly remember an advertisement of public benefit which was I watched on TV several years ago. When feeling his mother was very tired after work, a three or four year-old boy automatically (This word has a sense of acting 'unconciously', as if controlled by a machine. I doubt this would be the idea you want to get across. In your example's context, the word is more likely to be 'voluntarily'.) took a bowl of warm water and helped wash her mother’s foots feet (=.= Be alert of such errors. They are considered fundamental and lethal.). What a shocking ('shock' is more negative than positive..so you should pick a more positive word like 'heart-warming'.) scene! It indicates that we should always take care of our parents. Even such a young child will do this, why don’t you? In addition, some advertisements appeal us to love the environment, to help others in great need and so on. (Yes, this is all good, but what does this tell you about a 'country'? The question is not asking about the benefits of advertisements.)

From what I have concerned discussed above, watching advertisements is nearly the same as learning about a country, especially about its economy and education. Besides, cultures, customs, technologies and even politics will also be shown through advertising. You see (Again, a very casual and intimate expression in spoken English..perhaps too intimate.), the patterns of advertising change hugely in different countries and each has its own feature.

总结：

这位童鞋你的用词要注意一下。。你有很多很好的想法但是你对词汇的选择很多时候会失当，表达方面会使用口语化的或者不标准的用法，所以经常造成表达出来的意思很奇怪。

论述上依然存在的问题就是第一个论点很好，第二个论点就写偏了。随时要注意论证和题目的关系紧密。