【Big Fish】3月4日Issue51-By Light

jjooyyUID: 2704028

To reach the effectiveness in education, the speaker asserts, teaching is designed specific, and students are taught according to their own interests. In this way, one can learn the knowledge that he or she truly care about, and therefore proceed efficiently towards personal goals.

First, if the definition of effective education is based on individuals, then undoubtedly, education that focuses on the practicality would provide individuals effectiveness. Saying has it, interest is the best teacher. It is widely accepted that one could learn faster and progress more rapidly insofar as what one learn is his or her interest. With proper teaching methods and devoted time, how could learning what one desire to learn is not effective, in comparison with those big classes and boring subjects? One great illustration is that a myriad of famous scientists, writers, and painters who did not perform well in school. They however exhibit their talents later, when it come to spending their time to develop their interests into careers.

Second, when the core value is upon society, the conclusion nevertheless alters to the other. Considering the results as a whole, for schools and teachers, it is not efficient to teaching based on students, one by one, as it takes too much time and even resources for an average student. Instead of in charge of several courses in a few classes, one tutor can only successfully teach a limited number of students, when education concentrates on personal needs. For ordinary people to grasp basic common sense, studying in a bigger class with dozens of people would be practical and preferable, let along the convenience of evaluation teachers and students in a standard system.

In sum, whether the effectiveness of education is realized by teaching according to individuals is decided by the standpoint. To evaluate through personal achievements, learning about one’s interests is optimal. On the other hand, regarding society effect, it is more efficient teaching in big classes to transmit basic information.

汗 第一次写 真的是少了很多
我也真的不知道该加进去什么，希望拍的同学 指点一下～～

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

To reach the effectiveness in education, the speaker asserts, teaching is designed specific, and students are taught according to their own interests. （第一句读起来有点奇怪）In this way, one can learn the knowledge that he or she truly care about, and therefore proceed（therefor 后面可以直接接动词的么?) efficiently towards personal goals.（ 开头貌似没有清楚阐明你的立场 更没有提示你以下将如何论证）

irst, if the definition of effective education is based on individuals, then undoubtedly, education that focuses on the practicality would provide individuals (with)effectiveness. Saying has it, interest is the best teacher. It is widely accepted that one could learn faster and progress more rapidly insofar as what one learn is his or her interest. With proper teaching methods and devoted time, how could learning what one desire to learn is not effective, in comparison with those big classes and boring subjects?（你并没有论证为什么兴趣就一定让人学得好，这样一个反问，有点一厢情愿） One great illustration is that a myriad of famous scientists, writers, and painters who did not perform well in school. They however exhibit their talents later, when it come to spending their time to develop their interests into careers. （这个例子还是不错的，不过，你可以具体举一个或两个有代表性的人物，会更生动一点，一是增加文章容量，另一方面也体现你积累的知识素材是比较丰富的。）

关于第一段，主要是论证，个性化教育可以激发学生的兴趣，这个点很好。可是第一句话，没有提出这一点。反而为什么说，这种教育会为学生提供实用性呢？ ）

econd, when the core value is upon society（这个条件实在没看出来和结论有什么逻辑关系，或者说需要你进一步分析）, the conclusion nevertheless alters to the other. Considering the results as a whole, for schools and teachers, it is not efficient to teaching based on students, one by one, as it takes too much time and even resources for an average student. Instead of in charge of several courses in a few classes, one tutor can only successfully teach a limited number of students, when education concentrates on personal needs. For ordinary people to grasp basic common sense, studying in a bigger class with dozens of people would be practical and preferable, let along the convenience of evaluation （evaluating) students in a standard system. （好像缺乏有效的例证）

In sum, whether the effectiveness of education is realized by teaching according to individuals is decided by the standpoint. To evaluate through personal achievements, learning about one’s interests is optimal. On the other hand, regarding society effect, it is more efficient teaching in big classes to transmit basic information.



本文用对照论证的方法，大体结构没有问题。但是，对自己的论点没有进行有效的论证，大多只是掠过而矣。
另外，语法用词上，我想，对于这种非母语的作品，我们还是尽量不要自己随便造，学一个句型再用一个句型。否则，看起来会很奇怪呀。