issue70 请狠拍

qisaimanUID: 2703629

ISSUE70 qisaiman- "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."
WORDS: 469
TIME: 00:45:00

DATE: 2010-3-6 20:16:19

I do not think new leadership is the surest path to success for any enterprise, yet I do agree that in any profession, those in power should step down after a regular interval- a time longer enough to perform the policy or strategy effectively, and short enough to avoid the forming of interests groups.

Success can have different meaning varying from body to body. And In commerce, success means not only gaining profit but also commitment to social responsibility, including tax, protecting environment and so forth. Corporation should follow their own way when dealing with the transfer of power. There are many family enterprises which operate successfully under the leadership of an individual for a long time. Huawei is an apt example for my points. Being a start-up in the field of telecommunication, Huawei has gain a leading position in global market, and meanwhile the President Mr Ren has taken in office since the beginning of it. If following the suggestion of stepping down after five years, perhaps Huawei will step out of our sight long ago. Therefore, those in power will not have to transfer their power to guarantee the success of enterprise.

While in the field of education, the situation is somewhat different. A position like the president of college should choose those who behave morally and ethically. Since the flourish of college, to a large extent, lies in the academic healthy atmosphere rather than market competition. A recent event about the president of Harvard illustrates my points. The former president made a such ill-considered comments, which reads like that (and I paraphrase): female researchers have obtained much less achievements then male did, that he had to left the position as a result. Were it otherwise, he probably could finish the tenure. Hence, we can see in the realm of education, it is the moral code that matters much.

However, when it comes to the politics, the leader should be reelected after a fixed time interval. This is because the politics is all about choosing a way of public life and it will influence nearly all aspects of our lives, from the income tax to the fundamental rights as human being. Actually, how to change the leader to a great degree determines what stage the nation stand in, a dictatorship or a democracy or something else. In light of this, it is how to choose a leader that determines whether the path to success--that is the well-fare of public-- can be available. North Korea is a counterexample which demonstrates that tyranny is the worst political choice.

In conclusion, the leader plays a vital role in attaining the right way to success. It is how to elect a leader and how to supervise the power that guarantee the basic condition on which the public welfare depends.

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

I do not think new leadership is the surest path to success for any enterprise, yet I do agree that in any profession, those in power should step down after a regular interval- a time longer（long) enough to perform the policy or strategy effectively, and short enough to avoid the forming of interests groups. (开门见山，清晰简洁）

Success can have different meaning varying from body to body（body to body这里这个用法不知道楼主在哪儿见过的？）. And In commerce, success means not only gaining profit but also commitment to social responsibility, including tax, protecting environment and so forth. Corporation should follow their own way when dealing with the transfer of power. There are many family enterprises which operate successfully under the leadership of an individual for a long time. Huawei is an apt example for my points. Being a start-up in the field of telecommunication, Huawei has gain（gained) a leading position in global market, and meanwhile the President Mr Ren has taken in office since the beginning of it. If following the suggestion of stepping down after five years, perhaps Huawei will step out of our sight long ago. Therefore, those in power will not have to transfer their power to guarantee the success of enterprise(用复数吧？）. （ 本段，开头提主的是成功的概念，并且解释了成功的概念对各主体不同，对商业公司来说成功不仅是获得利益，同时要担负社会责任。 可是这个和论证商业公司的领导换届关系大么？ 而华为的例子对于企业论证“一个领导长期执政也可以获得成功”是很有效的。但是各前面提到的社会责任啊，成功什么的，关系也不太大。除非，你把这种关系再阐述一下。）

While in the field of education, the situation is somewhat different. A position like the president of college should choose those who behave morally and ethically. Since the flourish of college, to a large extent, lies in the academic （academicly)healthy atmosphere rather than market competition. A recent event about the president of Harvard illustrates my points. The former president made a such ill-considered comments, which reads like that (and I paraphrase): female researchers have obtained much less achievements then(than) male did, that he had to left(leave) the position as a result. Were it otherwise, he probably could finish the tenure. Hence, we can see in the realm of education, it is the moral code that matters much. (本段在论述，关于教育领域的领导者，最应该看重的应该是他们的道德水准。并且举例说，道德问题造成的哈佛校长的离开。  仔细想想，你觉得有没有偏题呢？）

However, when it comes to the politics, the leader（leaders) should be reelected after a fixed time interval. This is because the politics is all about choosing a way of public life and it will influence nearly all aspects of our lives, from the income tax to the fundamental rights as human being. Actually, how to change the leader to a great degree determines what stage the nation stand in, a dictatorship or a democracy or something else. In light of this, it is how to choose a leader that determines whether the path to success--that is the well-fare (welfare还是什么？没懂)of public-- can be available. North Korea is a counterexample which demonstrates that tyranny is the worst political choice(这个例子还可以发挥一下，阐述它是怎样专政而从不退位，并且导致了国家的衰败。光提到暴政是不够的，我觉得）.

In conclusion, the leader plays a vital role in attaining the right way to success. It is how to elect a leader and how to supervise the power that guarantee the basic condition on which the public welfare depends.


总的来说，本文词语，句型都不错，我学习了不少，谢谢你！！
只是总体思路，看起来不是很清晰，总论点各分论点关系不明确。分论点的论证也不够强。如果在剖析事例上有更多的作为的话，字数也不会成问题了。

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

拍我一下，谢谢咯！！


https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1070075&highlight=