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[活动] 3.8作文 第一次发,求拍,多谢! [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-3-8 13:28:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

One of the best ways for parents to help their teenage

children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take

the part-time job.

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Somesuggested that taking the part-time job is one of the best ways for parents tohelp their teenage children prepare for adult life. From my point of view,taking part-time job is a good choice to educate the teenage children, but itis not the only one option. There are many good ways for teenage children towell-prepared for their adult life.

Admittedly, takingpart-time job is good for the teenage children to prepare for adult life inadvanced. There is an old saying that live experience is one of the best teachersin our life. Encourage teenage children to take the part-time job definitelywill bring them some different kind of experience from school. From thepart-time job, they would learn hands on experience, and learn how to communicatewith their customers, how to communicate with their boss, how to be a good teammember and so on. I believe that all of these skills like communication would benefitthe teenage children when they grow up. What is more, taking part-time job mayhelp teenage children find out there truly interest. Undoubtedly, taking part-timejob is a good measure to help teenage children for their adult life.

However,taking part-time job is not the only one and best way to preparing for adultlife. In order to well-armed for grow-up life, parents could also ask theirchildren read more books. Teenagers can gain a lot of useful thing from book.For example, teenagers can experience somebody's life when they go through the author'sbiography. When they confront some difficult issue, maybe they can find out thesolution from the book.
Reading bookis an important way to help them broaden their eyesight in several aspects,like history, world-value, and culture. All of the knowledge will help teenagebetter prepared for their adult life.

To sum up, encourageteenagers to take part time job is a good way for helping them better equippedfor adult life. But, it is not the only one and the best way.



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发表于 2010-3-9 12:38:39 |只看该作者
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板凳
发表于 2010-3-9 21:37:14 |只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways for parents to help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take the part-time job.


Somesuggested that taking the part-time job is one of the best ways for parents tohelp their teenage children prepare for adult life. From my point of view(这个表达有问题,from my point/view/perspective 就可以了),taking part-time job is a good choice to educate the teenage children, but itis not the only one option. There are many good ways for teenage children towell-prepared for their adult life. 审题有点问题啊,题目已经说了其中之一了。。应该论战的是在best上,是做兼职好不好。

Admittedly, taking(a)part-time job is good for the teenage children to prepare for adult life inadvanced(in advance). There is an old saying that live(life) experience is one of the best teachers(?不恰当啊,把experience比作school,education,都好啊,怎么是老师呢。。。。)in our life. Encourage teenage children to take the part-time job definitelywill bring them some different kind of experience from school(?带给他们不同的就不好了?请作者说明理由). From thepart-time job, they would learn hands on experience(what's on earth the meaning of "learn hands", it is extremely horrible~), and learn how to communicatewith their customers(?前文没有铺垫,为什么一定就是customers?), how to communicate with their boss, how to be a good teammember and so on. I believe that all of these skills like communication would benefitthe teenage children when they grow up. What is more, taking part-time job mayhelp teenage children find out there truly interest. Undoubtedly, taking part-timejob is a good measure to help teenage children for their adult life.6 O2 l/ H: K% T$ k3 l: G6 P5 V

2 q7 p% p4 C* j, Z7 l* tHowever,taking part-time job is not the only one and best way to preparing for adultlife这一转折是从哪里转向哪里呢?前面的态度是disagree,后面应该让步到 some kind of aggreable. In order to well-armed?奇怪的表达 for grow-up life, parents could also ask theirchildren read more books. Teenagers can gain a lot of useful thing from book.For example, teenagers can experience somebody's life when they go through the author'sbiography. When they confront some difficult issue, maybe they can find out thesolution from the book. ( o5 M; g' t$ s% y5 t
Reading bookis an important way to help them broaden their eyesight in several aspects,like history, world-value, and culture. All of the knowledge will help teenagebetter prepared for their adult life.8 A. t! E, C2 p, j& t$ f; p7 O3 i
总得来说,本文真的是第一次写,中式英语非常明显,逻辑也比较中式,很多观点想表达,又不知如何表达,缺少要求的细节、例证。不过,加以时日的系统训练会有很大提高的。二楼小白同学的文章写得很好,可以借鉴,在不断的比较修改之中我们也就提高了。
6 o. v# k  z' A/ rTo sum up, encourageteenagers to take part time job is a good way for helping them better equippedfor adult life. But, it is not the only one and the best way.7 X' I& Y+ r3 i0 z(

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RE: 3.8作文 第一次发,求拍,多谢! [修改]

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3.8作文 第一次发,求拍,多谢!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1068552-1-1.html
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