本人的第一篇arguement，请各位大侠点评下

紫川UID: 2778025

我的词汇量不大，花了两个多小时才写出来的第一篇作文，请高手们指点一下。
题目：ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
字数：472          用时：02:07:51          日期：2010/3/10 20:35:29
In this argument conclude that Omega university should now terminate student  evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. To support his conclusion, the arguer provides the evidence that since Omgea University implemented that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors, they have begun to assign higher grades in their classes and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30%. In addtion, the arguer points out that potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated, which lead to Omgea graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. This arguments suffers from several critical fallacies.
Firstly ,the arguer commits a fallcacy of hasty generation. The arguer think the students evluating professor is the only reason why students grades become so high, however, he fails take other reasons into account such as perhaps the hard studying of student or the test in Omega may become more and more easy. In addtion, the arguer discovered that overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30%,what he get is 'average', he, however, fails to provide any information of actual amount of each branch and subject, respectively, such as math only, chemical only, geograph only, etc.
Secondly, the arguer think that potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated, which is excessive sure. Perhaps the employers do not know the procedure in Omega University and Omega graduates themselves may not tell the employers the truth about their high grades. Furthermore, what a company values the graduates not only by their scores but also their working ability and coorpratitive conscious. so we can not
draw the conclusion that potential employers apparetly believe the grades at Omega are inflated.
Finally, the arguer also consider that Omega graduates high grades as the only reason for Omega graduates not being successful as Alpha at getting jobs. As we all know, lots of factor have impacts on ones getting job, maybe that students in Alpha get a better education rather than in Omega, by the way, the aguer do not define what is 'be succefull at getting job':ones who can earn much money, ones who are interested in his job, or ones who can show themseleves in what they do.  
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the
analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maitains. To strengthen the arguement, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the higher graduates is indeed the bad result of evaluate the teaching effectiveness of professors. To better evaluate the arguement, we would need more information about what is the principle of employ by now employers and the difference of Omega and Alpha in a lot of aspects such as educational method and subject.