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发表于 2010-3-16 15:39:53
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Are tradition and modernization incompatible? Let's start this topic with such a case. With modernized technology, people in nowadays can hold an conference on line ,can by(buy?) almost everything on-line ,and even can date on line. But no matter how modernized this romanse begin, if it is getting serious and flowering to marriage , the groom will always want to held bride's hand and make an oath in tradition way, so does the bride who will always want to wear an traditional wedding veil(dress更好些) no matter what the latest fashion is. Thus, it seems that tradition and modernization are not completely distinct like ice and fire, they all take a place in our life, what bother us most is to balance the weight between these two which will be more complicated than choose one between them.首段还加了例子,可以分成两段写
One of the main function of tradition is to show the common value of community which has already pass the test of time.有点chinglish As individual we have our own values and characteristics but we do share some of common views . Take festivals as an example, when it's(正式文体少用缩写,最好不用) time for Christmas in western world or Spring festival in eastern(China), people will try their best to be with family and do some tradition activity. Even though we all know that Santa Claus is plaid by the actor and red color can not actually bring us good luck , we still enjoy all these festival atmosphere. And we all treasure these tradition , if we lose them, the world will never be same(?) and we will never be who we are. So some traditions are precise and we can not afford to lose them. 传统体现共性?传统不好?
However, there do exist a lot of cases to show that tradition can be obstacle during development, but come through obstacle always lead an mind breaking(brainstorm) revolution for mankind. So it seems that these depraved(是不是说的太严重了) tradition turns to be reference object, without which we will never know where to go (少用never), what to fight, and how to move forward. In eastern world(似乎有点奇怪) , there used to be an horrible(也偏严重了,而且西方也有这样的观点哦) view that males will be more capable than female in any way , according to this , the whole society turns to discriminate female which leads to sick and terrible circumstance to happen(搭配不当), such as to kill a baby if it's a girl. After hundreds years' fight , this kind of traditional view has been subverted.With the same social standard and equal right, females offer their huge Telnet (?), wisdom, capacity to the world. Countless Asia female appeared on the stage of Olympic game(the Olympic Games) with gold metals . Numerous eastern female scientists has(have) offer their great research result to the world(是不是还是有点chinglish?) . Let alone artist and literature. So some transitions do need us to break down (?) . 传统是障碍
Modernization is such a powerful thing which is unable to hinder, for the most of time new thing so have it special merits(?) , we must keep cautions in this super speed race of time . One can not deny that modernization do offer better life for mankind on some level , but at same time , on the other hand (两个连词选一个吧), the cost of modernization dose not come cheap. Like with urbanization , the gap between wealth and poverty has been enlarge(wide) . And the unfair distribution of soft resource like education and medical treatment turns to be headache problems in every(绝对了。。) area . With industrialization , environment seems can not tolerant human destruction any more , such as nuclear power release(可以吗?) , warm house effect(greenhouse effect) and so on . No one deny that modernization is attractive but how to control it and make it on the right track ,(?) such question should be answered carefully. (现代化好?)
Recall that romantic case we used to begin our topic. In this fast speed world , a traditional handwriting love letter is as rare as an alien, if we keep tradition , no one gets chance to know each other and new technology does offer us an efficient way to communicate , but we can not rely thin net line or wireless signal too much , after all what we need is reality . As time goes by , modernization will be tested and selected , some of it will be wiped out , the rest which is wildly accepted by us will be the new tradition someday.
1.有点离题,能够大致体会你想表达什么,但看看我在后面概括的大意,没有讲到应该怎么选择或者平衡,只是说他们的好/不好
2.语言有点Chinglish, 典型的是warm house effect,不限时的练习作文可以查字典解决啊
3.issue是要客观一些的,少用never,之类的,也不要追求好词而用的程度过了。。如,horrible
4.请在贴上之前用word一遍,减少批改人的劳动量!
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