3.13日 独立写作作业

疯狂GREUID: 2437783

Today,our society is becoming more and more complex. As the society develops, morejobs in different fields have been created. Attractions from new jobs on thecareer market aiming young people can be easily found in each corner. The unemploymentrate in the world grows higher recently, and that imposes new pressures foryoung people to obtain a career which can help them survive as quick aspossible. Consequently, young people tend to employ more randomly than everbefore. This phenomenon naturally creates a sequence of career development foryoung people today, which is trying different jobs before they obtain apermanent job. I seriously degree this statement and I have numerous reasons toexplain.

First,young people need a long time to try different jobs. The time span usuallyvaries across several years. Young people whom are very succeeded in careerdevelopment usually take few years to achieve their goal. Their success alsoimplies that if a young person working on the same career since their firstjob, he or she can be more recognize and present strong competence compare tothose who change their careers and goals across time. Oppositely, tryingdifferent jobs will not only cost time, it will also let a person lose theirfocus on career development. For example, I started to help companies solvingcomputer hardware problems since I was a high school freshman. After severalyears of working on the same field, I obtained numerous certificates fromdifferent computer technology firms. However, some of my high school classmatesfocus on different areas, ranging from software to signal processing. Theyworked for lots of companies but none of them recognize them as an expert in aspecific field.

Secondly,company usually rising employee’s annual income based on the amount of time heor she had been working for. For example, wal-mart employee’s annual incomerise 5% each year. However, if a person chooses to change jobs, he or she willlose the income bonus each year.

Thirdly,people working in a specific field for a long time must have a lot of friends.Friends can offer helps to expand business networks together, hence people caneasily succeeded in their career by cooperating with other friends. Benefitsfrom friendships cannot be obtained if people choose to switch jobs betweendifferent companies or change career goal to another one.

To sumup all of them above, people should stay focused on career development, andexpand their own friendship networks in order to get succeeded on their owncareer. Hence people should not try different jobs at any time.

433个词，本人第一次在这里发帖~ 写得不太好，尽请谅解。

tony_yinUID: 2761086

Today,our society is becoming more and more complex.(complex仅意为复杂， 用在这里不妥) As the society develops, more jobs in different fields have been created. Attractions from new jobs on the career market aiming young people can be easily found in each corner.(不明白这句话) The unemployment rate in the world grows higher recently, and that imposes new pressures for young people to obtain a career which can help them survive as quick as possible. Consequently, young people tend to employ more randomly than ever before(不明白这句话). This phenomenon naturally creates a sequence of career development for young people today, which is trying different jobs before they obtain a permanent job. I seriously degree (disagree with)this statement and I have numerous reasons to explain.

Frist,young people need a long time to try different jobs. The time span usually varies across several years.(the period usually last several years) Young people whom are very succeeded in career development usually take few years to achieve their goal. (Normally, if a person focus  )Their success also implies that if a young person working on the same career since their first job, he or she can be more recognize and present strong competence compare to those who change their careers and goals across time. Oppositely, trying different jobs will not only cost time, it will also let a person lose their focus on career development. For example, I started to help (some)companies solving computer hardware problems(help sb do sth) since I was a high school freshman(since i was a freshman, high school意为中学). After several years of working on the same field, I obtained numerous certificates from different computer technology firms. However, some of my high school classmates focus on different areas(), ranging from software to signal processing. They worked for lots of companies but none of them recognize them as an expert in a specific field.* |( v! l5 W& I: x: B$ W6 q0 N8 m9 [
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Secondly,company usually rising employee’s annual income based on the amount of time he or she had been working for. For example, wal-mart employee’s annual income rise 5% each year. However, if a person chooses to change jobs(if a person always changes his/her job), he or she will lose the income bonus each year.
Thirdly,people working in a specific field for a long time must have a lot of friends.Friends can offer helps to expand business networks together, hence people can easily succeeded in their career by cooperating with other friends. Benefits from friendships cannot be obtained if people choose to switch jobs between different companies or change career goal to another one.
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To sum up all of them above, people should stay focused on career development, and expand their own friendship networks in order to get succeeded on their own career. Hence people should not try different jobs at any time.

论点很好，展开得也很充分
只是你的长句过多， 很多地方让我看不明白， 也很难作出修改， 建议以后尽量使用简洁的短句。
另外请注意字与字之间的空格， 并在开头写上文章的标题