issue48 拍死我吧....

lzhoootUID: 2511394

There is always a debate on whether those key individuals should deseve too much emphasis. Views are different according to different people with different beliefs or in different positions. In my view, it is such a shallow view of past if our history just consists of some individuals, which always excluded entire groups of people from being part of history. It is like a tree without leaves unless we put those groups of people under the limelight.
Sometimes, these individuals are remembered for their suprior leadership or their political position. For instance, it is the chairman Mao, the first president of new China, layed a solid foundation for new China. It is he that leaded the Chinese people to protect their homeland from Japanese invaders. However, should all the flowers be given to him? I do not think so. China could not defend itself without the secrifices of soldiers on the battle field. The battle of China would never be won without the daring plans made by those sevice chiefs. Yet, those people who are behind the scences never find any mention in history. Maybe the reason why historians put too much attention on those individuals is the significance of those individuals is much more overweight than that of groups of people. Those people considered all the situations and the decisions they made may change the history. Thus, they deserve to be immortalized by history.
However, admittedly, the most significant events in history were made by groups of people. Thus, it is unfair to give all the credit to the famous few. The effort of one man are not sufficient to cause a paradigm shift in the well-being of humanity. It is the cumulative efforts of all the members of groups that have sparked revolutions. For instance, the famous Great Wall in China, was built nearly 2000 years ago, in Qin Dynasty. I do not believe this miracle can be finished without tens of thousands of groups of people. Also the same with pyramid in Egypt, the outcome of those miracles are mostly arribute to the effort of countless of groups of people. Hence, they also deserve to be remembered in history books.
Sometimes, it is worthwhile to mention exceptions wherein one person did indeed deserve all credit. Against all odds, these people achieved their goals. For example, Si MaQian, being considered as the most brilliant historian in Chinese history, wrote the famous ShiJi. He, once offending his emperor, was castrated and sentenced to jail. Those days were the most tough ones in the man's life. But he never gave up and devoted himself on wrting the book. Finally, the ShiJi is considered the most history work in Chinese history.
So, though some individuals are immorialized, the significance of groups of people cannot be ignored. They also deserve memory. Yet, there are some exceptions.

cooltozeroUID: 2705603

There is always a debate on whether those key individuals should deseve too much emphasis. Views are different according to different people with different beliefs or in different positions. In my view, it is such a shallow view of past if our history just consists of some individuals, which always excluded entire groups(不理解这个） of people from being part of history. It is like a tree without leaves unless we put those groups of people under the limelight.


Sometimes, these individuals are remembered for their suprior leadership or their political position. For instance, it is the chairman Mao, the first president of new China, layed a solid foundation for new China. It is he that leaded the Chinese people to protect their homeland from Japanese invaders（两个it is~~~that ,为什么不合成一句呢）. However, should all the flowers be given to him? I do not think so. China could not defend itself without the secrifices of soldiers on the battle field. The battle of China would never be won without the daring plans made by those sevice chiefs. Yet, those people who are behind the scences never find any mention in history. Maybe the reason why historians put too much attention on those individuals is the significance of those individuals is much more overweight than that of groups of people. Those people considered all the situations and the decisions they made may change the history. Thus, they deserve to be immortalized by history.（本段的中心是论证个人的重要作用吧，但是里面又加入了， “The battle of China would never be won without the daring plans made by those sevice chiefs. Yet, those people who are behind the scences never find any mention in history” 这样，有削弱本段论证的嫌疑呀）


However, admittedly(“诚然”是一种让步关系，用在这里来引入你的主题句，感觉有点奇怪呀）, the most significant events in history were made by groups of people. Thus, it is unfair to give all the credit to the famous few. The effort of one man are not sufficient to cause a paradigm shift in the well-being of humanity. It is the cumulative efforts of all the members of groups that have sparked revolutions. For instance, the famous Great Wall in China, was built nearly 2000 years ago, in Qin Dynasty. I do not believe this miracle can be finished without tens of thousands of groups of people. Also the same with pyramid in Egypt, the outcome of those miracles are mostly arribute（attributed) to the effort of countless of groups of people. Hence, they also deserve to be remembered in history books.


Sometimes, it is worthwhile to mention exceptions wherein one person did indeed deserve all credit. Against all odds, these people achieved their goals. For example, Si MaQian, being considered as the most brilliant historian in Chinese history, wrote the famous ShiJi. He, once offending his emperor, was castrated and sentenced to jail. Those days were the most tough ones in the man's life. But he never gave up and devoted himself on wrting the book. Finally, the ShiJi is considered the most history work in Chinese history.（哪怕是司马迁写了那本书，但是这本书的功劳也有后面那群看不见的人的呀。那么多的资料他从哪儿来的？）

So, though some individuals are immorialized, the significance of groups of people cannot be ignored. They also deserve memory. Yet, there are some exceptions


本文的语言很出色啊，特别是比喻的运用，是如此地生动。
对于结构上
题目包括两个部分，一个是，The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals；另一个是The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
后一个是前一个的原因。 本文更多清晰地回应了后一个，而对前一个，解释非常模糊。


一些浅见。。 谢谢你呀！！

lzhoootUID: 2511394

2# cooltozero 感谢感谢啊！！这是我第一篇成型文字...非常感谢！！！有作文需要批改就加我Q吧：705313715。 我是6G 作文有点晚 4.22号 前阵子考完托福了

lzhoootUID: 2511394

OK， 下次一定改正！ 3# Bela1229