[Big Fish]03月16日Argument1--By rokre2tt

rokre2ttUID: 2714355

In this argument, the author concludes that the new store in Plainsville will be profitable based on their previous experience and a report about Plainsville merchants. It seems a rational conclusion, but after a deep analysis, there are some serious logical flaws in this argument.

First of all, the at-all time high sales of athletic shoes and clothing can't represent the local residents are interested in exercising. They may just like such shoes and clothing because they are more comfortable than ordinary ones. We know the running shoes are soft and full of elasticity, so that many people prefer them after work. The author doesn't indicate why the Plainsville residents prefer such shoes and clothing, so we can't judge if they are really interested in exercising.

Secondly, even the local people really like exercising, without sufficient evidences, we can't conclude they like health food and other health-related products. Maybe they only like exercising in the health club, or taking exercise in the nature place, but after that, they eat the common food. Perhaps they only see exercise as a life style, and don't like to pursue the health intentionally.

Thirdly, there are some other factors which will influence the profit of the new store in Plainsville, but they are ignored by the author. Such as the cost of building a new store in Plainsville. Perhaps they will devote too much money in the new store because some potential elements and the investment can’t be paid off in future. Another is the sales net, if there are not integral sales net in Plainsville, so building such a net will cost excess money, which can’t be afforded to Nature’s Way.

Fourthly, the author ignores there may be other stores which are the competitors to Nature’s Way. If they sale the same health food and other health-related food, so we can’t judge that the new store in Plainsville will profit. Further more, the author doesn’t refer that Nature’s Way’s products are more popular in Plainsville than others’. If the local existing stores’ products are popular, now a new store take part in such a competition, without particular advantage we can’t imagine the new store can win the market, even the new store of Nature’s Way will have a deficit in future. As the author doesn’t supply the relevant messages, we can’t make a accurate predict to the new store’s profit prospect.

The last but not the least, the author concludes that there will be a new generation of customers in future, based on such a fact that Plainsville’s students should take part in a program called ‘fitness for life’. It maybe incredible, for albeit they are enforced to join in such a program, they could exercise only, but no one can guarantee that they choose the Nature’s Way’s products. If they purchase other stores’ products or even they don’t buy anything at all, the new store of Nature’s Way can’t profit from these schoolchildren.


All in all, there are not sufficient evidences to support the author’s conclusion. To substantiate it, we should know more relevant messages. They may include whether the local residents in Plainsville prefer exercise, whether they are interested in health food or other health-related products especially Nature’s Way’s, other factors which may influence profit, and the really need of the local schoolchildren. Such messages all need a more comprehensive market investigation.

隐雾UID: 2776185

In this argument, the author concludes that the new store in Plainsville will be profitable based on their previous experience and a report about Plainsville merchants. It seems a rational conclusion, but after a deep analysis, there are some serious logical flaws in this argument.
不错的开头！

First of all, the at-all time high sales of athletic shoes and clothing can't represent the local residents are interested in exercising. They may just like such shoes and clothing because they are more comfortable than ordinary ones. We know the running shoes are soft and full of elasticity, so that many people prefer them after work. The author doesn't indicate why the Plainsville residents prefer such shoes and clothing, so we can't judge if they are really interested in exercising.
有理有据，论证很严密

Secondly, even the local people really like exercising, without sufficient evidences,(evidence不可数) we can't conclude they like health food and other health-related products. Maybe they only like exercising in the health club, or taking exercise in the nature place, but after that, they eat the common food. Perhaps they only see exercise as a life style, and don't like to pursue the health intentionally.
(建议举出反例来论证喜健身者未必关注健康，本段说服力不强)

Thirdly, there are some other factors which will influence the profit of the new store in Plainsville, but they are ignored by the author. Such as the cost of building a new store in Plainsville. Perhaps they will devote too much money in the new store because
(for) some potential elements and the investment can’t be paid off in the future. Another is the sales net, if there are not integral sales net in Plainsville, so building such a net will cost excess money, which can’t be afforded to Nature’s Way.
Nature’s Way might not afford
这一段中第二个点最好说点别的，比如把下一段的同行竞争写到这里，因为成本和竞争都可以算是other factors，并列两种形式的cost说服力不强。而且合并两段在结构上更紧凑，也可以适当减少字数，话说LZ写这么多，佩服佩服~

Fourthly, the author ignores there may be other stores which are the competitors to Nature’s Way. If they sale sell the same products
health food and other health-related food, so we can’t judge that the new store in Plainsville will profit. Further more
After all, the author doesn’t refer that Nature’s Way’s products are more popular in Plainsville than others’. If the local existing stores’ products are popular, now a new store take part in such a competition, without particular advantage we can’t imagine the new store can win the market, even the new store of Nature’s Way will have a deficit in future.(这句话很Chinglish，而且和前一句语义重复，LZ可考虑改之或删之) As the author doesn’t supply the relevant messages, we can’t make a accurate predict to the new store’s profit prospect.
建议见上一段

The last but not the least, the author concludes that there will be a new generation of customers in the future, based on such a fact that Plainsville’s students should take part in a program called ‘fitness for life’. It maybe
may be incredible, for albeit they are enforced to join in such a program, they could exercise only, but no one can guarantee that they choose the Nature’s Way’s products. If they purchase other stores’ products or even they don’t buy anything at all, the new store of Nature’s Way can’t profit from these schoolchildren.

All in all, there are not sufficient evidences to support the author’s conclusion. To substantiate it, we should know more relevant messages. They may
，include
including whether the local residents in Plainsville prefer exercise, whether they are interested in health food or other health-related products especially Nature’s Way’s, other factors which may influence profit, and the really need of the local schoolchildren. Such messages all need ask for a more comprehensive market investigation.

全文结构清晰，论证和逻辑都很严密，但语言比较单调。
我发现LZ很喜欢一个句式：
The author (verb)….. 缺少主被动的替换，虽然语言很明朗，却吸引力不足。
加油~~

rokre2ttUID: 2714355

谢谢楼上，语言对我来说确实要加强