Issue43 Rank5 第4次求拍

shohoku11wrjUID: 2731579

TOPIC: ISSUE43 - "To be an effective leader(对后面的a public official而言的，不定式表目的。
这句话不是双层概念，就一个概念。), a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
WORDS: 438
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-3-20 21:46:05

提纲
其他特质也可以；即使道德是一个好方法，但往往未必是最高的
1. authority can be effective
1) authority in technology
Research team
2) powerful and decisive
Army
2. tact in relationship
The art of management
Concluded in many master of business administration(MBA) courses
3. ethical and moral is a good way
ethical and moral standards are inner restrictions and impulses to adherents追随者
Eg:
1) Abraham Lincoln is best remembered for leading the Union through the Civil War and freeing Confederate slaves with the 1863 Emancipation Proclamation.
4. always not the highest
1) everyone has one’s own ethical and moral standards, so it is no use to force others’ followed the lead’s; what is (far) worse, to compel the concordance of moral standards would cause the reaction and antipathy.
2) even if the ethical and moral standards are concordant, the execution would not: the underlings would refuse to comply it by one’s own sake.
Eg: business, for profit
in today’s society, some businessmen make profits through bribery行贿 and deception in name of loyalty to their company, although a higher standard tells her or him the behavior is unfair and immoral. Are often made to feel guilty by doing so.
The strict observance遵守(observation观察;意见) of discipline


正文

The statement in the issue that a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards if he or she want to be an effective leader is radical偏激的(rigid 可作严格的解释,这里不适合) to most extent, although I concede that having a high ethical and moral standards does help the leaders.

First of all, tThere are many other important features for being an effective leader. Firstly, being authority is generally an indispensable characteristic (n./a.) of an effective and efficient leader. In a commerical commercial working team, the leader usually is the one who has the best professional knowledge or skills in the group; in a army, the general must build up his or her authority to make the solidiers comply with the orders; and in a public office, the official leader would be supported by the underlings with an authority. An effective leader usually is equally thought as a man with authority in people's common senses, or even sometimes(这个用法有不对的地方吗？我想表达
甚至有些时候这个意思), a team member who is respected by most others would be mistaken as the team leader in a stranger's eye.

Moreover, having a good relationship with others is an important skill to be a good/excellent leader. Nowadays, the relationship has been accepted and put in a high level in the popular sense, especially in the business. Many instructions about how to build up good relations with underlings have been selected in the Master of Business Administration(MBA) courses and the students are glad at exchanging(还有什么表达交流这个意思的?) their experiences in this area. And, it is obvious that the relationship skill has been(这里改用is还是has been?) an long-lasting (ancient不好) knowledge since the society appeared.

Admittedly, maintaining high ethical and moral standards is essential for a leader. Commonsense tells people that most great leaders have great virtues. For example, Abraham Lincoln, best remembered as the great leader of the Union in the Civil War, had an stable belief on the civil right and persistence in the emancipation of Confederate slaves. Without Lincoln's leadership and his great virtues, the Civil War would have been more difficult to the Union.

However, the requirement of highest standards in moral and ethics is over-emphasized. One reason comes to my mind is the standard of moral or ethics usually differ among various people. In the business, someone thinks the most important is the benefits of the company itself while another one may insist on the benefits of most employees in the company; in the public office, this similar contradiction would exist between the benefits of different groups of people in the society. So, the highest standard is not easy to be defined. Another reason is the fact that although the highest standard might exist, people usually cannot comply with it for the sake of their own reasons, such as a business makes profits through bribery and deception in name of loyalty to their company; and to public officials, the same situations would happen: they usually have to approve some pieces of acts/bills/proposed laws 法案 which are in order to exaggerate the profits of some groups of people when the politician need the support from these strong powers. Therefore, a highest standard in ethics and moral may be impossible/unaccessible/unavailable in most circumstances.

To sum up, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, I concede/confess the truth that having high standards of ethics and moral is essential to be a effective leader, and there exist several other virtues for a leader, but the highest standards required for a public official maybe unnecessary.

57mins, 558words

zylpascalUID: 2710054

The statement in the issue that a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards if he or she want to be an effective leader is slightly(加个程度词
委婉一点)
radical偏激的(rigid 可作严格的解释,这里不适合) to most extent, although I concede that having a high ethical and moral standards does help the leaders.
First of all（To begin with 你下面又来个First）, tThere are many other important features for being an effective leader. Firstly, being authority is generally an indispensable
characteristic (n./a.) of an effective and efficient leader. In a commerical commercial working team, the leader usually is the one who has the best professional knowledge or skills in the group; in a army, the general must build up his or her authority to make the solidiers（soldiers） comply with the orders; and in a public office, the official leader would be supported by the underlings with an authority. An effective leader usually is equally thought as a man with authority in people's common senses（people‘s 去掉
重复累赘 common sense 不就是大众的吗
呵呵）, or even sometimes(这个用法有不对的地方吗？我想表达（there are even on some occasions where）
甚至有些时候这个意思), a team member who is respected by most others（most去掉） would be mistaken as the team leader in a stranger's eye.

Moreover, having（keeping取代having 动词意象性更强） a good relationship with others is an important（上段用过一个imoportant，这里改为significant） skill（qualification 如何） to be a good/excellent leader. Nowadays, the （加一个interpersonal） relationship has been accepted and put in a high level in the popular sense, especially in the business area. Many instructions about how to build up good relations with underlings have been selected in the Master of Business Administration(MBA) courses and the students are glad at exchanging(还有什么表达交流这个意思的?communicate ) their experiences in this area. And, it is obvious that the relationship skill has been(这里改用is还是has been?显然完成时) an long-lasting (ancient不好) knowledge since the society appeared（formed）.
Admittedly, maintaining high ethical and moral standards is essential for a leader. Commonsense（这个词是adj ~~） tells people that most great leaders have great virtues. For example, Abraham Lincoln, best remembered as the great leader of the Union in the Civil War, had an stable belief on the civil right and persistence in the emancipation of Confederate slaves. Without Lincoln's leadership and his great virtues, the Civil War would have been more difficult to the Union.
However, the requirement of highest standards in moral and ethics is over-emphasized. One reason comes to my mind is that （加一个，句子结构清晰点）the standard of moral or ethics usually differs among various people. In the business, someone thinks the most important thing is the benefits of the company itself while another one（删掉another足以） may insist on the benefits of most employees in the company; in the public office, this similar contradiction would exist between the benefits of different groups of people in the society. So, the highest standard is not easy to be defined. Another reason is the fact that although the highest standard might exist, people usually cannot comply with it for the sake of their own reasons, such as a business makes profits through bribery and deception in name of loyalty to their company; and to public officials, the same situations would happen: they usually have to approve some pieces of acts/bills/proposed laws 法案 which are in order to exaggerate the profits of some groups of people when the politician need the support from these strong powers. Therefore, a highest standard in ethics and moral may be impossible/unaccessible（这个用得好
比较学术性的词藻
）/unavailable in most circumstances.
To sum up, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, I concede/confess the truth that having high standards of ethics and moral is essential to be a effective leader, and there exists several other virtues for a leader, but the highest standards required for a public official in ehics and moral maybe unnecessary.


1，
整体结构实现反
反
然后正
再反
，
其实我倒建议Admittedly 放最开始
先让步（你一定会笑我仿照范文的体例对吧
但老美就喜欢这样）当
然
你这样写是否也是一种创新
也难说
2，
词汇运用越来越彪悍了
呵呵
多音节词越来越多
行文也相对流畅许多

3 你现在可以尝试限时了 找临场感