issue48~~第一次严格限时，基本成功~~有拍必回

ella_dylUID: 2595060

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 559       TIME: 00:45:00     DATE: 2010-3-25 上午 10:47:15

I consider what the statement suggests is somewhat arbitrary. We have to admit that the long-term sociological trends and significant historic event were made by the masses, the famous few always provided the initial spark for those trends and events. Since they always remain in limelight, it is not strange the memories of them are written down in the history. Therefore, great individuals and the mass people are both of great significance. However, it is the limitation of history record that results in the emphasis on individuals.

Admittedly, the masses played a vital role in history, making the most significant events and trends in history. In the world's history, every great revolution always has the mass people as a concrete foundation. After China finally won its total independence in 1949, just a few famous names was left in the history. However, we never forget those unknown people who also made contributions to the final success. In Beijing, the capital of China, there's a statue built for memorizing these unknown heroes at Tiananmen Square. Nowadays, millions of tourists come to Beijing and this statue is one of the indispensible destinations in their itinerary. From this aspect we can see that the contributions made by groups of people are not forgotten. Also, the history's greatest architectural and engineering miracles, such as the Great Wall in China and the pyramids in Egypt, are typical examples of the greatness of the mass people. Today, when visiting Egypt, no one can stay calm before the pyramids. We are all astonished by the wage and courage of the ancient Egyptian people. Thus, without the mass people, nothing magnificent can be achieved in history.

However, contributions of the famous few can not be ignored. It was always the egos or ideas of the famous few that provide the driving force behind the accomplishments. Just as the butterfly effect says, in the initial condition of the system, small variations caused by the famous few might bring out large variations in the long term behavior of the history system. Consider Czar Peter, the preeminent Czar in the Russian History. His revolution policy, which influences several realms like politics, science, customs, had made Russia to be one of the world's most powerful countries at that time. Therefore, the key individual who provided the necessary impetus for the development of history deserved to be memorized by history.

Furthermore, because the famous few individuals had superior leadership skills, and got a huge share of limelight, they were easy to be immortalized by history, while these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history. When we read Shiji, which is regarded as the most comprehensive history record of ancient China, we can find a few depictions about common people if we are careful enough. Yet, the majorities are still about the famous individuals. Actually, it is natural, for historian to do so, or from another aspect, they have to.

From the analysis above, we can conclude that the mass people play a crucial role in the history. At the same time, the famous individuals are also indispensible to the development of the society for they are the impetus for the history. The emphasis on individuals does not imply that we forgot the contributions made by the mass people. It is just because of the limitation of history records.

plukaUID: 2721764

I consider what the statement suggests is somewhat arbitrary. We have to admit that the long-term sociological trends and significant historic event were（一般现在时态） made by the masses, （两个完整分句之间+连接词）the famous few always provided the initial spark for those trends and events. Since they always remain in limelight, it is not strange the memories of them are written down in the history. Therefore（这个therefore的意思应该是接在上上句后面，但是被since句隔开，意思有些跳跃。不妨把since句化为从句与上句合并，或者将其移到therefore句之后）, great individuals and the mass people are both of great significance. However（把since句放到这里吧，比较顺）, it is the limitation of history record that results in the emphasis on individuals.（从这个开头看，下文要adress两个问题：其一，个人与大众的贡献是相当的，即一个balance式的观点；其二，历史记录的局限性让个人更受关注。）

Admittedly,（既然要说个人与大众都很重要，这里就不要让步了，平行观点就好） the masses（the mass） played a vital role in history, making the most significant events and trends in history. In the world's history, every great revolution always has the mass people（people可删） as a concrete foundation.（例子出现得有些突兀，来点信号词？） After China finally won its total independence in 1949, just a few famous names was left in the history. However, we never forget those unknown people who also made contributions to the final success. In Beijing, the capital of China, there's a statue built for memorizing these unknown heroes at Tiananmen Square. Nowadays, millions of tourists come to Beijing and this statue is one of the indispensible destinations in their itinerary. From this aspect we can see that the contributions made by groups of people are not forgotten.（到这一句，暴露出偏离TS的倾向。首先，TS是要论证群众的力量，怎么就转到说无名英雄永垂不朽了捏？其次，“被人记住”与“贡献大”有联系，但是间接了一点。表旁敲侧击，直接上论证吧） Also, the history's greatest architectural and engineering miracles, such as the Great Wall in China and the pyramids in Egypt, are typical examples of the greatness of the mass people. Today, when visiting Egypt, no one can stay calm before the pyramids. We are all astonished by the wage and courage of the ancient Egyptian people. Thus, without the mass people, nothing magnificent can be achieved in history（由于前文论证不够犀利，这里的thus也不太叫人满意，尤其是当此thus跟着的是一个如此绝对的论述（nothing）时。证必要性，个人习惯的套路是看他的作用、没有他会如何、能否被替代之类，上例子分析）.（段落中间有点小偏，后面拉回来了，总体上感觉弱了一点。可以试试加几句分析说理）

However, contributions of the famous few can not be ignored. It was always the egos or ideas of the famous few that provide the driving force behind the accomplishments. Just as the butterfly effect（蝴蝶效应有种复杂而无法掌控的感觉，不确定是否此处情境） says, in the initial condition of the system, small variations caused by the famous few might bring out large variations in the long term behavior of the history system. Consider Czar Peter, the preeminent Czar in the Russian History. His revolution policy, which influences several realms like politics, science, customs, had made Russia to be one of the world's most powerful countries at that time. Therefore, the key individual who provided the necessary impetus for the development of history deserved to be memorized by history.（例子可。就是觉得单薄了些。建议是如果想更深入，不妨分析一下为何big names可以如此influential。比如他们掌握更多权力，更有见解，能领导甚至创造趋势等）

Furthermore, because the famous few individuals had superior leadership skills, and got a huge share of limelight, they were easy to be immortalized by history, while these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history.（时态问题，不一致） When we read Shiji, which is regarded as the most comprehensive history record of ancient China, we can find a few depictions about common people if we are careful enough. Yet, the majorities are still about the famous individuals. Actually, it is natural, for historian to do so, or from another aspect, they have to.（it is natural for historian to do so已经是完整的一句，中间无需逗号隔开。or from another aspect以后句意不明确，缺解释。） （大概是限时的缘故？本段内容貌似没有写完。actually句让人期待后文给出解释或发展，比如大人物留下的资料更多，更有戏剧性吸引人眼球云云因此历史学家关注大人物。另，诗经的例子稍微晦涩了点。个人以为那个不算很正统的历史而是风俗记录= = 中国例子用多了太有地域性，试试用老美自己的呗）

From the analysis above, we can conclude that the mass people play a crucial role in the history. At the same time, the famous individuals are also indispensible to the development of the society for they are the impetus for the history. The emphasis on individuals does not imply that we forgot the contributions made by the mass people. It is just because of the limitation of history records.（结尾清晰）（正文方面，平行观点的阐述还可以连接的更紧密，即，把“百姓的贡献”与“大人物的重要性”联系起来。这是个挺容易被忽略的问题，不少TX（包括我）都能很好地分述，但整体感不强。一个解决这个的简便方法是用相通的例子分侧面阐述。比如彼得大帝改革，既可以用于在B2论述大人物的力量，也可以在B1阐述民众的力量（支持改革云云），论述同一事情的不同侧面，顺理成章推出名人和大众缺一不可。）（对了，俺记得彼得的改革因为过于专横残酷，在他死后就被废止了……）
限时是很需要练习的~第一次能写到五百五很不错啦！加油~

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