Argument235 求拍 谢谢 马上上机了

fchtiancaiUID: 2696347

题目：ARGUMENT 235 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the general manager of KNOW radio station.
"Several factors indicate that radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. Consider, for example, the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically, while the total number of our listeners has recently declined. Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music. Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful, and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citizens are interested in becoming better informed about politics."

In the argument ,the authoe presents that radio station KNOW should shift its paogramming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format.To support the conclusion,the author make a comparsion with the neighboring cities,which have been very successful,and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citzens are interested in becoming better informed about politics.At the first glance,the conclusion seems to be somewhat logical and convincing ,but after a further detailed consideration,I cannot agree with the argument in the following reasons.
The first reason I cannot agree with the argument is that the author did't assert other information about the radio station.The fact that the number of our listeners has recently declined and the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically,cannot assert that we must shift our program.
At the same time ,music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music.The arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between this and shifting its program.The argument is unacceptable unless there is compeling evidence to support the connection between these two events.
In addition,even assuming that the decreased sales due to the shifting its program,the author fails to consider possbile differences between our area and the neiguboring cities that might help to bring different result for our area.Only if the arguer can provide more substantiated information can this argument be fully accept.
Last but not the least,the memo provides no evidence that the number of respondents is statistically significant or that the repondents were representative of all in general.Lacking information abount the randomness and size of the survey's sample,the author cannot make a convincing argument based on that survey.All these factors should be taken into account before come to the final conclusion ,nevertheless,the author neglect nearly all of them.
To sum up,the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the argument does not lend powerfull support to what the author maintains.To make the memo more convincing,the author should provide more detailed information about the area and radio station.

sunflower_irisUID: 2720580

In the argument ,the authoe(author) presents that radio station KNOW should shift its paogramming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format.To support the conclusion,the author make a comparsion(comparison) with the neighboring cities,which have been very successful,and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citzens(citizens) are interested in becoming better informed about politics.At the first glance,the conclusion seems to be somewhat logical and convincing ,but after a further detailed consideration,I cannot agree with the argument in the following reasons.
The first reason I cannot agree with the argument is that the author did't assert other information about the radio station.The fact that the number of our listeners has recently declined and the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically,cannot assert that we must shift our program.(需要详细说明why，没有提供信息怎么样了呢？导致了什么推论错误呢？这个错误又是如何产生的呢？)
At the same time ,music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music.The arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between this and shifting its program.The argument is unacceptable unless there is compeling evidence to support the connection between these two events.（同样的问题，有论点但是无法展开，一句带过。你可以继续说商店里录音带滞销不一定就代表人们不喜欢音乐，也不代表人们不收听音乐节目。卖的不好可能是商店的原因，比如……）
In addition,even assuming that the decreased sales due to the shifting its program,the author fails to consider possbile differences between our area and the neiguboring cities that might help to bring different result for our area.Only if the arguer can provide more substantiated information can this argument be fully accept.
Last but not the least,the memo provides no evidence that the number of respondents is statistically significant or that the repondents were representative of all in general.Lacking information abount the randomness and size of the survey's sample,the author cannot make a convincing argument based on that survey.All these factors should be taken into account before come to the final conclusion ,nevertheless,the author neglect nearly all of them.
To sum up,the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the argument does not lend powerfull support to what the author maintains.To make the memo more convincing,the author should provide more detailed information about the area and radio station.

文章里问题还是很多的，第一，你虽然知道从哪几点去攻击，能够找出逻辑错误，但是没有一点进行详细说明和展开，只有一句话带过，你只说出哪里错误了，但没有说明为什么错误。如果缺少信息缺少证据，你需要说明缺少什么信息，什么证据，为什么。如果说还有其他可能性没被考虑进去，你要说出比如还有什么可能性会导致这一结果等等。这样没有发展性的行文方式会让你大失分，因为在A作文要求中明确指出，要表明自己立场与观点，这点你做到了，但是更重要的是如何用理由和例证去support你的观点，继而develop。
第二，写英语作文的基本格式没有完成，不知道是不是因为贴子不清楚还是什么，但是有必要提醒你，标点符号后面空一格，每段结束空一行，这个是基本的。
第三，错别字不少，虽然你的行文还算流畅，但错别字让你的语言失色不少。虽然偶尔的错别字可以理解为时间仓促不小心为之，但太多就说不过去了。建议你写完放到word上去检查下，把错别字改正。特别是像author, about，powerful这样的词不应该错的。
整体给我的感觉是模板痕迹重，每段的论述好像硬背的逻辑错误理由，一句话结束，没有任何分析，这点特别要注意。因为AW就是分析性写作，没有分析哪来行文？
可能话说的重了点，知道你也一定很努力地看了许多资料，但以上几点问题一定要改，哪怕不写那么全，抓住一点两点分析透彻了也比每点点一下就过好。你的基本思路是有的，接下来就是多思考怎样充实观点。加油吧。

fchtiancaiUID: 2696347

2# sunflower_iris
非常感谢 我会努力改正的 ~~~