Hello, 开始写作文罗！多多关照！

canoe03UID: 2786666

谢谢楼上二位 这篇写得实在是太烂了 。。。

canoe03UID: 2786666

5.9 WRITING
We can say that we now have stepped into information society. Our daily life mostly depend on datas transfer on Internet, by which we finish our works, shopping, browse news etc., they are all done on the website. Governments spare no effort to the construction of network to edge their nation into advanced IT counties. By contrast, the public transportations, which play an important role in history and nowadays, are obviously becoming less important and many people believe that more money should be placed on accessing Internet rather than public transportation. We should pay attention to several aspects while solve this problem.

For those developed countries, the public transportation systems are well-found and advanced. Under this circumstance, money could be spent on maintaining the transportations, if not, it is a waste of money and resources because most of the cities are well-equipped. U.S. is in possession of the longest highway of the world—88,000 kilometers, is adequate for Americans. Thus, more money are invested in the attempt to network construction, which turns U.S. into an information society of which the economy is attached to business based on Internet. Many millionaires operate IT or referred industry enterprises, such as Sergey Brin, one of the owners of Google, one of the richest man in America, created an economic empire by the web.

However, the undeveloped or developing countries, who are not wealthy enough to provide sufficient public transportation to their citizens. A suitable way for them is to put the money into public facilities and other welfares. China is one of the biggest developing countries in the world, some remote areas are sorely lack of roads for local inhabitants, who may take hours of walking to cities. Especially for those kids, they have to make long trips to schools. Thus, government official should make a policy to balance the investing proportion between accessing Internet or public transportation.

As already stated, I am convinced that inclination to Internet or public facilities relies on the economic condition of the country. For less developed countries, solve the urgent problem benefit their civilizations.

macaoUID: 2404395

词汇方面我可提不出什么意见，非常抱歉，主要谈谈结构啊We can say that we now have stepped into information society(kind of strange how about use "era" or"time"). Our daily life mostly depends on datas transfer on Internet, by which we finish our works, shopping, browse news etc., they are all done on the website. Governments spare no effort to the construction of network, in order to edge their nation into advanced IT counties. By contrast, the public transportations, which play an important role in history and nowadays, are obviously becoming less important and many people believe that more money should be placed on accessing Internet rather than public transportation. We should pay attention to several aspects while solve this problem.-  开头我觉得挺好的，没用模板，不像我- -

For those developed countries, the public transportation systems are well-found and advanced. Under this circumstance, money could be spent on maintaining the transportations, if not, it is a waste of money and resources because most of the cities are well-equipped. U.S. is in possession of the longest highway of the world—88,000 kilometers, is adequate for Americans. Thus, more money are invested in the attempt to network construction, which turns U.S. into an information society of which the economy is attached to business based on Internet. Many millionaires operate IT or referred industry enterprises, such as Sergey Brin, one of the owners of Google, one of the richest man in America, created an economic empire by the web你开始说的挺好的啊，交通的建设已经够了，那后面就应该说所以钱应该放到网络建设上，但我觉得Brin这个例子不太切题

However, the undeveloped or developing countries, who are not wealthy enough to provide sufficient public transportation to their citizens. A suitable way for them is to put the money into public facilities and other welfares. China is one of the biggest developing countries in the world, some remote areas are sorely lack of roads for local inhabitants, who may take hours of walking to cities. Especially for those kids, they have to make long trips to schools. Thus, government official should make a policy to balance the investing proportion between accessing Internet or public transportation.对观点支撑力度不够

As already stated, I am convinced that inclination to Internet or public facilities relies on the economic condition of the country. For less developed countries, solve the urgent problem benefit their civilizations.如有让lz不同意的地方，也望谅解。老实说，这篇文章有虎头蛇尾的感觉，你基本上是个中立的态度，whether spend money on internet or transportation depends on the level of development. 但我觉得t的作文还是有个明确支持哪一方观点的好，而且也会比较好写。lz语言运用比我好多了，但结构还望加强，加油。

canoe03UID: 2786666

谢谢楼上指正！

canoe03UID: 2786666

Education is part of civilization of a country. Its influence arranges from an individual to a nation because it conduct a person’s thought, knowledge, morality or even behaviors, ultimately impact on many aspects of a country. I can illustrate why improving school is the most factor in successful development of country.

Nowadays people have to stay in schools for many years to learn enough skills or knowledge to be competent in work after graduation. They learn basic language or science knowledge in elementary schools and then learn more about communicating with others, how to solve problem in their lives. During the development of a person, it is the primary school provide him/her a environments to meet with strangers—classmates and teachers, basic abilities of reading, writing, listening, speaking as well as getting along with others. A kind of intrinsic ethics, responsibilities and proper actions are formed during the process. Laterly, the high school students prepare qualifications for college admissions with knowledge and some social experience which is referred to those social activities such as volunteer work or investigations of a subject they learned or interested in. These helps them better understand the world or book knowledge.

After people enter a college or university, they step further and deeper on studying specialty knowledge. The colleges or universities, where have the best power brain, cultural elites and science genius. Because of the independence of college or universities, students and teachers could thinks and create freely. The profound thoughts usually origins from colleges or universities, scholars are also from there. Emmanuel Kant, David Hilbert, Albert Einstein etc., who are famous for their attribution of their profession for humankind, have a position in universities which provide them free academia. At the same time, it is a prime aim of the University to equip students not only with professional competency but also the ability of independent thinking, good communication skills and a global outlook. Those students often become the upper-class of society and devote their intelligence and abilities for the advancement of our world.

Developing a country relies on the wisdom of people, whose potentials are exploited and personality are shaped, always by the school lives. Thus, a crucial task of a nation is to improve its schools.

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

Education is part of civilization of a country. Its influence arranges from an individual to a nation because it conduct a person’s thought, knowledge, morality or even behaviors, ultimately impact on many aspects of a country. I can illustrate why improving school is the most factor in successful development of (a)country.- W' F+ y% T, V3 \

Nowadays people have to stay in schools for many years to learn enough skills or knowledge to be competent in work after graduation. They learn basic language or science knowledge in elementary schools and then learn more about communicating with others, how to solve problem in their lives. During the development of a person, it is the primary school provide him/her a environments(单数) to meet with strangers—classmates and teachers, basic abilities of reading, writing, listening, speaking as well as getting along with others. A kind of intrinsic ethics, responsibilities and proper actions are formed during the process. Laterly(这个词不对), the high school students prepare qualifications for college admissions with knowledge and some social experience which is referred to those social activities such as volunteer work or investigations of a subject they learned or interested in. These helps(help) them better understand the world or book knowledge. 0 ?0 b7 U# f8 V& O

After people enter a college or university, they step further and deeper on studying specialty knowledge. The colleges or universities, where(去掉) have the best power brain, cultural elites and science genius. Because of the independence of college or universities, students and teachers could thinks and create freely. The profound thoughts usually origins from colleges or universities, scholars are also from there. Emmanuel Kant, David Hilbert, Albert Einstein etc., who are famous for their attribution of their profession for humankind, have a position in universities which provide them free academia. At the same time, it is a prime aim of the University to equip students not only with professional competency but also the ability of independent thinking, good communication skills and a global outlook. Those students often become the upper-class of society and devote their intelligence and abilities for the advancement of our world.
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Developing a country relies on the wisdom of people, whose potentials are exploited and personality are shaped, always by the school lives. Thus, a crucial task of a nation is to improve its schools.
有些句子读起来不顺畅，有问题，但我也不知道怎么改。
文章写的挺长的，这点挺好的，有东西写。

canoe03UID: 2786666

写了那么多套路之后，决定写个两段的，让拍砖来的更猛烈些吧。。。。

As the development of society and civilization, occupations are divided into smaller discipline and more specialized. With increasing population and fierce competition all over the world, it is more difficult for a man to get a position in the job market. Generally, many people have to do different jobs during the job-hopping, especially when they were young. It has been long discussed that whether engaged in various jobs are favorable for youth before they decide which job or career they will do in the long run. As for me, it is a good method for the young men who are still hesitating about which job is most desirable.

In fact young men can easily become wearied with doing the same working in months or a few years, he/she would find fixedly working on his/she position use up enthusiasm and curiosity and lead to losing enterprise. 90% of my college schoolmates changed their jobs after graduation; some of them get higher paid during job-hopping because of the experience accumulated in the former jobs. Sometimes young people don’t know which job or career is best for them or the most wanted jobs for them are unavailable. Taking up diverse work makes people realize their advantages and shortcomings, then they will adjust themselves or learn more skills to be better adapted and competent in future work which may be the best wanted. In other cases, going in for varied working broadens our horizon, incents our mind being more creative, releasing us from stress of work or life and even provides material for our long term occupations. Richard Feynman, one of the most brilliant physicists in the world, won the Nobel Prize in 1965 and played the bongo well, had done some biologic research and took part in the manufacture of atomic bomb before he took the physics professor lifelong. He said he enjoy himself when doing those works which are helpful for him. To the writers or film directors, years of different working as teachers, police, waiters, workers, drivers etc. offer them life experience when they are creating writing works or films. As I have mentioned on various occasions, I am convinced that young people should be encouraged to take up in different jobs especially those could benefit them. I think it is the diverse undergoing, makes our lives be more colorful and valuable.

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

As(with) the development of society and civilization, occupations are divided into smaller discipline(disciplined) and more specialized. With increasing population and fierce competition all over the world, it is more difficult for a man to get a position in the job market. Generally, many people have to do different jobs during the job-hopping, especially when they were young. It has been long discussed that whether engaged in various jobs are favorable for youth before they decide which job or career they will do in the long run. As for me, it is a good method for the young men who are still hesitating about which job is most desirable(少了半句话，young men后面没有谓语和宾语)
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In fact young men can easily become wearied with doing the same working in months or a few years, he/she(they) would find fixedly working on his/she(their) position use up enthusiasm and curiosity and lead to losing enterprise(这句话不顺畅). 90% of my college schoolmates changed their jobs after graduation; some of them get higher paid （salary）during job-hopping because of the experience accumulated in the former jobs. Sometimes young people don’t know which job or career is best for them or the most wanted jobs for them are unavailable. Taking up diverse work makes people realize their advantages and shortcomings, then they will adjust themselves or learn more skills to be better adapted and competent in future work which may be the best wanted. In other cases, going in(去掉) for varied working broadens our horizon, incents our mind being more creative, releasing us from stress of work or life and even provides material for our long term occupations. Richard Feynman, one of the most brilliant physicists in the world, won the Nobel Prize in 1965 and played the bongo well, had done some biologic research and took part in the manufacture of atomic bomb before he took the physics professor lifelong. He said he enjoy himself when doing those works which are helpful for him. To the writers or film directors, years of different working as teachers, police, waiters, workers, drivers etc. offer them life experience when they are creating writing works or films. As I have mentioned on various occasions, I am convinced that young people should be encouraged to take up in different jobs especially those could benefit them. I think it is the diverse undergoing, makes our lives be more colorful and valuable.

有一些语法错误
还是要分一下段，你这样两大段，看的太累，读者很难很快的抓住你的points。

canoe03UID: 2786666

不得不承认 又是难写的一篇

Professional athletes, such as football and basket ball players always have a higher salary than those who are in other works. Some of the athletes are even millionaires, leads to fierce discussion of whether they deserve the high income. For myself, I don't agree with it for the following reasons.

Above all, we can see from the dictionary that salary is defined as fixed compensation paid regularly for services, such chefs are paid for cooking or teachers are paid for educating students.
In the same way, professional athletes such as football or basketball players earn money by playing games. There is no denying their talents on their professions, however, when we turn to the people who take a position in other works, we will find some more important jobs to humankind offer a less salaries. According to a annual survey of American Association of University Professors (AAUP), after adjusting the cost of living, the highest yearly salary of the college professor is about 109800 dollars of University of Chicago. By contrast, the famous golf player Tiger Woods, whose yearly income reaches as high as 97,000,000 dollars. Without those kinds of sports matches played by stars, we can go our lives as usual. But when there is not a expert in a certain field, we cannot imagine humans' lives will be. Without Albert Einstein, we may know nothing about the formation of universe and nuclear power is not available for us. Thus, the income of the professional athletes is not proportional to their contribution to the society.

Another factor comes from the so-called "star power", which means those distinguished athletes's income results from their popularity to society. People are fond of the masterly skill of playing games such as football and basketball, therefore they are willing to spend lots of money to watch those games in which their idols take part. After the revenue of the athlete's club increasing, the salary of the athlete would be elevated. But this doesn't mean that the income of a athlete represents the actually devotion deserve the corresponding salary.

As I have mentioned above, those sport stars are highly paid, but they don't deserve so much. In fact, some measures such as taxation are performed to restrain the high income of the athletes.

yixin5690UID: 2790180

40# canoe03

canoe03UID: 2786666

5.17 writing thanks a lot!
Sometimes we are annoyed by the intervened advertisements on TV when we are attracted by an interesting TV program. Not only the advertisements present on TV, people could see them everywhere—on newspapers, websites, roadsides, outside of buildings, windows of buses and so on. Repeatedly emergence of various of advertisements are imposed on people who become more and more wearied with them for they disturb people’s lives. Thus some people argue that advertisements are a waste of company’s money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy. However, I fiercely doubt the point of view.

First of all, the ultimate goal of a company is to earn money or save money as more as possible. The money or energy invested on advertising are by no means useless. According to the psychology of advertising, continuously repeating and affirming the advantages of products can stimulate people’s memory, by which people may someday subliminally choose the product. Just so, companies are willing to spend a great deal of money and energy on advertising and make them to present everywhere.

Furthermore, famous people such as movie stars or sport stars are highly paid by the companies whose products are endorsed by them. The products might be thought to be well-known and with better quality by those who deem that the companies, who are able to pay lots on advertising, are competent to manufacture qualified products. My landlady used to recommend some daily commodities to me. When I asked her why I should select them, she told me the commodities might have a higher quality for their commercials are carried out by stars.

Another essential reason is that I don’t think people always know which product to buy. People may be familiar with the goods they often use, however, they would have no idea on selecting the things they are unfamiliar with. Take our laboratory as an example, all of the lab members are insensible of choosing HPLC (High Performance Liquid Chromatography). We have to gather information about the instrument by other’s recommendations or advertisements on Internet.

Take all the reasons I mentioned above, we may conclude it is a common decision for a company putting money and energy on advertising and on a certain degree, people benefit form them.

yixin5690UID: 2790180

42# canoe03

Sometimes we are annoyed by the intervened advertisements on TV when we are attracted by an interesting TV program. Not only the advertisements present on TV(not only后面应该要跟but also吧）, people could see them everywhere—on newspapers, websites, roadsides, outside of buildings, windows of buses and so on. Repeatedly emergence of various of advertisements are imposed on people who become more and more wearied with them for they disturb people’s lives（people become more and more wearied with those advertisement imposed on them for it has already disturb people's lives,不应该是出现emergence强加在人们身上吧）. Thus some people argue that advertisements are a waste of company’s money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy. However, I fiercely doubt the point of view.(thus 之前的背景介绍和后面转接有点唐突，前面没提任何有关买东西的事情）
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First of all, the ultimate goal of a company is to earn money or save money as more as possible（as much as possible). The money or energy invested on advertising are by no means useless. According to the psychology of advertising, continuously repeating and affirming the advantages of products can stimulate people’s memory, by(according to ) which people may someday subliminally choose the product. Just so, companies are willing to spend a great deal of money and energy on advertising and make them to present everywhere. 很好，很到位I, @% ?6 V

. G* \5 j; v4 U$ ^Furthermore, famous people such as movie stars or sport stars are highly paid by the companies whose products are endorsed by them. The products might be thought to be well-known and with better quality by those who deem that the companies, who are able to pay lots on advertising, are competent to manufacture qualified products（真绕，建议分开，并且如果those是指后面landlady这类人的话，那个定语从句应该改下，不然就感觉你又把前面又重复了一遍）. My landlady used to recommend some daily commodities to me. When I asked her why I should select them, she told me the commodities might have a higher quality for their commercials are carried out by stars.不懂为什么要写第一句明星高工资
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0 ~5 p, ?1 M, g" E* G0 U& tAnother essential reason is that I don’t think people always know which product to buy. People may be familiar with the goods they often use, however, they would have no idea on selecting the things they are unfamiliar with. Take our laboratory as an example, all of the lab members are insensible of choosing HPLC (High Performance Liquid Chromatography)牛B的例子. We have to gather information about the instrument by other’s recommendations or advertisements on Internet.（what we do is just following other people's recommendations or advertisements on internet用have to 好像没有表达出那个意思来，不知对不对)
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# Z1 f$ a- y* s: o' fTake all the reasons I mentioned above, we may conclude it is a common decision for a company putting money and energy on advertising and on a certain degree, people benefit form them.

1.非常感谢你的鼓励和建议，非常受用:)   
2.那个diverse的问题我要说下，它本身就是个形容词啊

yixin5690UID: 2790180

43# yixin5690
diverse 是修饰experience的， 多个形容词修饰一个名词，例如：a small round table.:D

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

Sometimes we are annoyed by the intervened advertisements on TV when we are attracted (immersed沉浸) by （in） an interesting TV (去掉)program. Not only the advertisements present（去掉） on TV（这里应该和后面的everywhere对应）, people could see them （advertisements） everywhere—on newspapers, websites, roadsides, outside of buildings, windows of buses
（bus panels） and so on. Repeatedly（修饰名词用Repeated？） emergence of various of advertisements are imposed on people who become more and more wearied with(of貌似更常用些,by也行) them(,) for they disturb people’s (normal？) lives(life生活不可数,但看到518的题目，有点小晕，可数不可数貌似都可以). Thus some people argue that advertisements are a waste of company’s money and energy because consumers know what they want to buy. However, I fiercely doubt the(that更明确些？) point of view.


First of all, the ultimate goal of a company is to earn money or save money as more（much） as possible. The money or energy invested on advertising are（前面是or所以这里is，Word说的） by no means useless. According to the psychology of advertising, continuously repeating and affirming the advantages of products can stimulate people’s (brains in the) memory (part), by which people may someday subliminally choose the product. Just so (For this reason), companies are willing to spend a great deal of money and energy on advertising (advertisements可以和后面的them相对应) and make them to present everywhere.


Furthermore, famous people such as movie stars or sport（个人倾向于sports） stars are highly paid by the companies whose products are endorsed by them. The products might be thought to be (as避免be重复) well-known and with better quality by those who deem that the companies, who are able to pay lots (a lot) on advertising, are competent to manufacture qualified products. My landlady used to recommend some daily commodities to me. When I asked her why I should select
(choose) them, she told me the commodities might have a higher quality
(be superior in quality,) for their commercials are carried out by stars.


Another essential reason is that I don’t think people always know which product to buy. People may be familiar with the goods they often use, (;) however, they would have no idea on (as to) selecting the things they are unfamiliar with. Take our (my) laboratory as an example, all of the lab members are insensible of (have no sense on) choosing (the) HPLC (High Performance Liquid Chromatography). We have to gather (collect) information about the instrument by other’s (others’) recommendations or (and) advertisements on (the) Internet.


Take (Consider) all the reasons I mentioned above, we may conclude it is a common (wise) decision for a company putting (to put) money and energy on advertising and on a certain (to some) degree, people (both the consumers and the merchants could) benefit form (from) them.


思路条理都很清晰，商家顾客全照顾到了，值得学习。第一段观点陡转，一开始有点小跟不上；第二段从广告心理学分析很好；第三段有点小头晕，明星，钱，如果一开始说大价钱请大明星，大明星做好产品会好些（虽然个人表示强烈怀疑）？第四段从顾客角度写广告是需要的。这是修改的第一篇文章，重点改了下语法或者自己认为的错误，不足之处请多多指教！谢谢！
在Sheldon面前说话好惴惴不过还是蛮激动的。