Hello, 开始写作文罗！多多关照！

canoe03UID：2786666

The influence from classmates is more important than that fromthe parents.

There is no denying that other people play an essential role inour lives, we communicate or share lives with them, and we love them or hatethem. And because of other people, we learn the courses about the essence ofthe world and ourselves. But if there is some one asks me that, the influencefrom classmates or parents, whose is more important. I have to say, as for me,the classmates are prone to cause more impacts. It has several reasons.

Above all, parents do really give the first the class for ourlive, they teach us to speak, walk, listen, think or deal with others. Parentsalways accompany with until they leave the world and our lives. A kind of keenaffection is built between us and our parents. Although the influence fromparents last long times, it is limited to certain extent in our lives. Duringwhole process of our lives, not only the affection but also other emotions suchas friendship or fellowship even hostilities affect us from many aspects, whichmake our lives colorful.

Secondly, school is the first place where we stay for a longtime and we learn the most important knowledge in our lives since we leave homewhen we are small. We try to get along with others well during the schooltimes. Take myself as an example, I have stayed in school for about 19 years. Iused to play games with the elementary classmates, study with the high schoolclassmates and discuss the academic problems with college classmates. Greater opennessto others,to new ideas, and to life is gained from school times when I get on with myclassmates. And also, we ourselves dissolve varied problems during the processof we conflicting with others.

To sum up the above arguments, we may say that parents influenceus persistently, however, the impact is restricted in a small part of ourlives. Moreover, it is the diverse characteristic of our classmates, who stay ashorter time in our lives, teach us more about the world and lives.

chrysoidineUID：2731906

The influence from classmates is more important than that from the parents.

There is no denying that other people play an essential role in our lives, we communicate or share lives with them, and we love them or hate them. And because of other people, we learn the courses about the essence of the world and ourselves. But if there is some one (someone) asks(ask) me that, the influence from classmates or parents, whose(which) is more important. I have to say, as for me,the classmates are prone to cause more impacts. It has several reasons.

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Above all(一般用于总结First of all), parents do really give the first the class for our live（lives）, they teach us to speak, walk, listen, think or deal with others. Parents always accompany with (us) until they leave the world and our lives. A kind of keen affection is built between us and our parents. Although the influence from parents last(lasts) long times, it is limited to certain extent in our lives. During (the) whole process of our lives, not only the affection but also other emotions such as friendship or fellowship even hostilities affect us from many aspects, which make our lives colorful.5 g2 `; Z! s1 r

Secondly, school is the first place(可能不是哦) where we stay for a longtime and we learn the most important knowledge in our lives since we leave home when we are small. We try to get along with others well during the schooltimes. Take myself as an example, I have stayed in school for about 19 years. Iused to play games with the elementary classmates, study with the high school classmates and discuss the academic problems with college classmates. Greater openness to others, to new ideas, and to life is gained from school times when I get on with my classmates. And also, we ourselves dissolve varied（various） problems during the process of we conflicting with others.3 c2 k! G) n1 T: B$ L/ Y% |

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To sum up the above arguments, we may say that parents influence us persistently, however, the impact is restricted in a small part of our lives. Moreover, it is the diverse characteristic of our classmates, who stay a shorter time in our lives,(and) teach us more about the world and lives.

楼主应该是计时写的吧。中间有一些而错误，可能是这个题目的缘故，楼主展开的内容较少，第一个可能也需要一个例子，其实身边的例子也可以，否则觉得论据有些弱，还是建议写成5段式，这样会更有说服力些。曾经被某简小跳同学狠批过，后来注意了一些问题，本来也打算说些很“一针见血”的评论，但是限于水平就闭口了，不管怎样，楼主加油啊！我很想统计一下这篇文章里面的our lives，貌似很多，注意变化~

chrysoidineUID：2731906

it is the diverse characteristic of our classmates, who stay a shorter time in our lives,(and) teach us more about the world and lives.
这句应该是强调句，强调同学多种多样的个性，建议：
it is the diverse characteristics of our classmates passing our lives quickly  that teach us more about the world and life.

canoe03UID：2786666

Do you think successis important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when youfail?


During the whole process o flive, people have to affront various events which may make them happy or miserable. Generally speaking, successful achievement could bring happiness to human; however, we ourselves could not decide whether we will be successful in the future when we are trying to finish something. Does the success really determine our happiness? There is a heat discussion on which is more important:success or remaining happy and optimistic when someone fails. As for me, the latter triumphs the former. There are several reasons.

Firstly, successful achievements do really brings people welfare which means reputation, money, power or many other things makes your life better. Nevertheless, people would be used and wearied with the success and its by-products before long. Fo rpeople’s heart are always hunting for newer appetites which could bring fresh excitement for them. Just as the famous philosopher Arthur Schopenhauersays that our lives are full of miseries and sufferings, material pleasures or those reputations or positions will never satisfy our souls or spirits.

Another factor is people would not be always successful in what they are doing. Indeed go further, most of times we are losers, it is the successful man who are well-know and impress us that success is better than losing. Now that oftentimes we must face the failure which causes us feeling frustrated or discouraged. Our mental attitude must be adjusted to be positive and optimistic or we would never rise again. The positive outlook is conducive to happiness and everlastingly energetic for our lives no matter what predicament we face.

Since people need long term happiness and at the same time there are not always success for them. The right thing to do is to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude when we are facingfailures. So that is why people’s point of views are more essential than the facts.

canoe03UID：2786666

it is the diverse characteristic of our classmates, who stay a shorter time in our lives,(and) teach us more about the world and lives.
这句应该是强调句，强调同学多种多样的个性，建议：
it is the div ...
chrysoidine 发表于 2010-6-20 21:13

多谢了！我的语法是比较乱的，经常是张口就来。:D

canoe03UID：2786666

Sometimes, if you can not say anything nice to someone, you should say nothing at all.

Conversations happen every day in our lives. We talk with others with different attitudes. Sometimes we get along with others with courtesy for they are strangers or having higher status than us. When there is conflict or controversy happens between us with others, we tend to be rude or even criticize other people. Thus there is suggestion says that people should say nothing if he could not say anything nice to others. I don’t think this is the proper attitude when we communicate with others for the following reasons.

Primarily, saying something nice would make others feel delighted, furthermore, children are always encouraged by the praise from adults which promote them for more success. However, good words don’t mean benefits for others at all times. When we turn to the case of adolescents who happen to do something wrong by accident, the right way of educating them by no means say nice things, but their parents or teachers should point out the false parts of the deeds done by the younger and help them to correct. Hence we can infer from this circumstance that say nothing would harms the children.

Secondly, in most of the cases we should have a neutral or objective manner to solve the problems during our daily lives or in our jobs. While we have to argue with others to figure out something, we should insist those right points and oppose the false ones from others, rather than speak good words or say nothing.

Another factor is that keeping silence sometimes is unfavorable to communities or even society. There is a short passage says, “First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.” It is the responsibility of intellectual to speak out the darkness and foulness of human and society, and keeping silence will humiliate them.

To sum up, we should rightly speak to others but not only say nice things or say nothing.

小羽暮雪UID：2837865

Do you think successis important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when youfail?
During the whole process of live, people have to affront（confront？） various events which may make them happy or miserable. Generally speaking, successful achievement could bring happiness to human; however, we ourselves could not decide whether we will be successful in the future when we are trying to finish something. Does the success really determine our happiness? There is a heat discussion on which is more important:success or remaining happy and optimistic when someone fails. As for me, the latter triumphs the former. There are several reasons.% D3 w# V+ U- D5 {5 R6 c
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Firstly, successful achievements do really brings people welfare which means reputation, money, power or many other things makes your life better. Nevertheless, people would be used and wearied with the success and its by-products before long. Fo rpeople’s heart are always hunting for newer appetites （这句不太理解，是说追求新的欲望么）which could bring fresh excitement for them. Just as the famous philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer （哈哈这个人名不好记）says that our lives are full of miseries and sufferings, material pleasures or those reputations or positions will never satisfy our souls or spirits.（这一段引言有点迷惑读者，是想表达成功没那么重要的意思么，也许可以写的更明晰一点）! n3 r, ]7 `3 z) C3 S

Another factor is people would not be always successful in what they are doing. Indeed go further, most of times we are losers, it is the successful man who are well-known and impress us that success is better than losing.（感觉单复数有点小问题） Now that oftentimes we must face the failure which causes us feeling frustrated or discouraged. Our mental attitude must be adjusted to be positive and optimistic or we would never rise again. The positive outlook is conducive to happiness and everlastingly energetic for our lives no matter what predicament we face.（这一段如果能举点具体的例子就更好了）
Since people need long-term happiness and at the same time there are not always success for them. The right thing to do is to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude when we are facing failures. So that is why people’s point of views are more essential than the facts.（最后一段如能点题更明确点就好了）
用词和短语以及句式都不错，但是感觉有的地方好像是为了使用某些句子而写，可能无形中反而对文章本身想要论述的观点有所削弱，加油加油！

missoulmateUID：2537459

改完咯。

鸡蛋里挑了些骨头，再就是你的一个例子我认为并不是很贴切。详情见附件吧

PS：绿色是改的部分   黄色是我学习到的   红色的字体是不敢保证的。

小羽暮雪UID：2837865

Sometimes, if you can not say anything nice to someone, you should say nothing at all.
Conversations happen every day in our lives. We talk with others with different attitudes. Sometimes we get along with others with courtesy for they are strangers or having higher status than us（可删去）. When there is conflict or controversy happens between us with others, we tend to be rude or even criticize other people（them）. Thus there is a suggestion says that people should say nothing if he could not say anything nice to others. I don’t think this is the proper attitude when we communicate with others for the following reasons.
第一段点出论点：用沉默应对并非正确的态度。9 s: ]& J6 W) i
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Primarily, saying something nice would make others feel delighted, furthermore, children are always encouraged by the praise from adults which promote them for more success. However, good words don’t mean benefits for others at all times. When we turn to the case of adolescents who happen to do something wrong by accident, the right way of educating them by no means say nice things, but their parents or teachers should point out the false （wrong）parts of the deeds done by the younger and help them to correct it. Hence we can infer from this circumstance that say nothing would harms the children.
第二段分论点：对孩子做错事情，采取沉默是不对的。
Secondly, in most of the cases we should have a neutral or objective manner(remain neutral or objective) to solve the problems during our daily lives or in our jobs. While we have to argue with others to figure out something, we should insist those right points and oppose the false ones from others, rather than speak good words or say nothing.

Another factor is that keeping silence sometimes is unfavorable to communities or even society. There is a short passage says, “First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.” It is the responsibility of intellectual to speak out the darkness and foulness of humanity and society, and keeping silence will humiliate them.
第三段分论点：不是很明确，最好在段首提出分论点，你的意思是：应该保持中立或客观而不是说好话或者什么都不说。论点本身没有问题。也许把第二句提前放在句首更好。
第四段分论点：有时候保持沉默对集体或者社会不好。

To sum up, we should rightly speak to others but not only say nice things or say nothing.
总体而言，还是不错的，论证具体，第三段的分论点有点不明确，如果能和第二段，第四段保持一致更好，从孩子方面，从社会角度阐述，也可以从政治角度等等角度来写。加油加油！

canoe03UID：2786666

非常谢谢楼上的小宇和missoulmate同学，你们改的很认真，受益颇多！一起加油吧！

canoe03UID：2786666

Successfulpeople take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've donewell

Meritof success is fiercely advocated today for it could bring fame or many otherthings to people. However, what the right thing should be done for us to becomesuccessful? There are ways of taking new things and risks or taking the thingwhich has been well done. From my perspective, I’ll take for the former as anessential factor to succeed.

Firstof all, no more new ideas or ways could be learned from taking the thing whichhas already done well. Because during the process of people solving the problems,they have already adopted various methods or have made use of their experienceor abilities. People won’t gain anything new unless problems come forth. My colleaguesoften complain that they are wearied with operating the analytical instrumentsfor the work is repeated done which could not bring them freshness, although atthe beginning of engaging the work they are interested in operating theinstruments which are novel for them.

Secondly,difficulties or problems would appear while people take the new things.Especially taking risks, people may encounter challenges they’ve never meetbefore. Those new problems will greatly boost people’s mood for inspiration andseeking new settlements. Sometimes it is the failing experience leads tosuccess. Sir Isaac Newton conclusively established the law of gravity while hetried to figure out why an apple fell on the earth rather than on the sky.Similarly, because of people no longer believing the classical physics, theyturn to new theories to explain the motion of micro particles. Albert Einstein formulatedthe special theory of relativity and general theory of relativity eventually.We can infer from the two cases that new things stimulate us to search for solutionswhich lead to success.

In conclusion, the well done things are full of ourlife, which are sterile for us. However, if we want to obtain the fresh thingsand succeed, we may focus on the new problems or tasks and figure them out.

FFFMZJBUID：2479141

73# canoe03

Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well

Merit of success is fiercely advocated today for it could bring fame or many other things to people. However, what the right thing should be done for us to become successful (我觉得用to achieve success更直接更有效一些，你觉得呢？变得成功？取得成功？)? There are ways of taking new things and risks or taking the thing which has been well done. From my perspective, I’ll (I will，之前考托福的时候有人跟我说过这种正式的文章不要用缩写，所以从此以后我就改过来了，当然也没有官方的说法) take for the former as an essential factor to succeed.

First of all, no more new ideas or ways could be learned from taking the thing which has already done well. Because during the process of people (我建议去掉) solving the problems, they (people) have already adopted various methods or have made (+good)use of their experience or abilities. People won’t gain anything new unless problems come forth. My colleagues often complain that they are wearied with operating the analytical instruments for the work is repeated done which could not bring them freshness, although at the beginning of engaging the work they are interested in operating the instruments which are novel for them.

Secondly, difficulties or problems would appear while people take the new things. Especially taking risks, people may encounter challenges they’ve never meet (met) before. Those new problems will greatly boost people’s mood for inspiration (好表达，学习了) and seeking new settlements. Sometimes it is the failing experience leads to success. Sir Isaac Newton conclusively established the law of gravity while he tried to figure out why an apple fell on the earth rather than on the sky. Similarly, because of people no longer believing the classical physics, they turn to new theories to explain the motion of micro particles. Albert Einstein formulated the special theory of relativity and general theory of relativity eventually. We can infer from the two cases that new things stimulate us to search for solutions which lead to success. (很好的两个例子，我是写的爱迪生)

In conclusion, the well done things are full of our life, which are sterile for us. However, if we want to obtain the fresh things and succeed, we may focus on the new problems or tasks and figure them out.

1、
俺水平不高，我在我的能力范围内帮你修改了一版，你看看，希望可以得到更多的讨论，共同进步。
2、
我把你的文章复制到WORD里面以后，一大堆红色报错的地方，不是单词拼写错误，是单词和标点符号之间空格的问题，相信你肯定知道。
3、
关于是否缩写的问题我也不是很清楚，我给自己定的规则就是不用缩写。

Vicky26UID：2780450

Merit of success is fiercely advocated today for it could bring fame or many other things to people. However, what the right thing should be done for us to become successful(直接可以用 to success)? There are ways of taking new things and risks or taking the thing which has been well done. From my perspective, I’ll take for the former（我认为 这儿的former最好把关键些出来 即 take new things and take risks）as an essential factor to succeed.
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First of all, no more new ideas or ways could be learned from taking the thing which has already done well. Because during the process of people solving the problems, they have already adopted various methods or have（have 可省）made use of their experience or abilities. People won’t gain anything new unless problems come forth. My colleagues often complain that they are wearied with operating the analytical instruments for the work is repeated done which could not bring them freshness（ 这里的从句用得有点累赘）, although at the beginning of engaging the work they are interested in operating the instruments （which are 去掉） 直接用being novel for them. / c/ C! N4 s5 l2 u6 w3 l

Secondly, difficulties or problems would appear while people take the new things. Especially taking risks, people may encounter challenges they’ve never meet before. Those new problems will greatly boost people’s mood for inspiration 漂亮 and seeking new settlements. Sometimes it is the failing experience leads to success. Sir Isaac Newton conclusively established the law of gravity while he tried to figure out why an apple fell on the earth rather than on the sky. Similarly, because of （due to 文中because出现几次 可以采用换词）people no longer believing the classical physics, they turn to new theories to explain the motion of micro particles. Albert Einstein formulated the special theory of relativity and general theory of relativity eventually. We can infer from the two cases that new things stimulate us to search for solutions which lead to success.

In conclusion, the well done things are full of our life, which are sterile for us. However, if we want to obtain the fresh things and succeed（success）, we may focus on the new problems or tasks and figure them out.

1.        在写作中不能用缩写， 如： can’t = can not
2.        有些地方的从句 感觉太重复  我觉得可以用 现在分词作定语来代替从句
我的语法有限 如果有指出错误的地方 请包涵 大家一起进步！！ 嘿嘿