1010G【fish】issue130

azure9UID: 2789030

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."



请于5月17日晚23点前提交作业。并把作业word文档发给互改的组员
1--->2指，1帮2改，2的作文给1改

第一次互改顺序：
1--->3
3--->5
5--->6
6--->7
7--->8
8--->9
9--->10
10--->11
11--->1

第一次自改文上交的时间是：5月18日晚23点

第二次互改的顺序：
1--->11
3--->1
5--->3
6--->5
7--->6
8--->7
9--->8
10--->9
11--->10

第二次自改文的上交时间是：5月20日晚23点

这次有同学没有交，因为是第一次，所以原谅，扣1分。从下次周三正式作业开始，到第二天6点都还没有交就不用交了，互改不参加，一次扣5分。为什么是5分呢？没交扣1分，不能参加互改，所以2次都没有帮别人改，一次是1.5分，2次是3分。2次交不了自己改的，1次是0.5分，2次是1分。所以加起來是5分。

azure9UID: 2789030

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not built up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply determined by how children are socialized.
The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. To say that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population produce the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a dismay season. All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happed in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue which as the statement claim that the socialization of children.
There is no such stander for a so called better society for it is defined in different ways according to different interests. Though, in today's world, there would be wars, diseases and nature catastrophes. And it also contains love, mercy and hope. People are living their lives today. Some loss their job, some find their mate. Some are going through a sorrowful losing, while some are enjoying their happy meal. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in a objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better or worse? We all know the world never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and the way to get there.
The way we raise children is base on the reality of today's society. We rule them with today's rules and we can not predict future.
We can teach them about how society is developing today. They grow up in the condition of contemporary. They are touch to adapt to social needs and uses. That's how children are socialized. That's the way we rise children. And every generation is shaped by their time. And the needs or uses change in times. What we can do is teach them today's rules and how to adapt the change of the future.
Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. What we do is best for them.




大偏題...

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改一：
The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not build up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.
The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. The claim that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a dismay season. All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue claim that the socialization of children.
There is no such stander for a so called better society for it is defined in different ways according to different interests. Though, in today's world, there would be wars, diseases and nature catastrophes. And it also contains love, mercy and hope. People are living their lives today. Some loss their job, some find their mate. Some are going through a sorrowful losing, while some are enjoying their happy meal. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better or worse? We all know the world never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and the way to get there.
Though there are still some flaws in our education system, the way we raise children is base on the reality of today's society. We rule them with today's rules and we can not predict future.
We can teach them about how society is developing and how to adapt to today’s social needs and uses which changes in times. That's the way we make children integrate into society. Every generation is shaped by their time. They grow up in the condition of contemporary culture. What we can do is teach them today's rules and how to adapt the change of the future. Only when this is done will students cease to “adapt to the word as it is” and become “transformers of that world”.
Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. We just do what we have to.

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改二，谢谢agnes帮我改文，你的意见很受用，后面的部分用了一些例子充实，论述的语句也有调整，感觉好一点了。再次感谢！
The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not build up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.

The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. The claim that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence that gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism that created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a depressed season. All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue claim thatit is depends on the socialization of children.

There is no such criterion for a so called better society, for good or bed is defined in different ways according to different interests. As the developing of the society in the world shows that there is no such good developing model. The expo in Shanghai lit up the China model for the entire world to admire. However it was competed bu the west capitalists few years ago. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better? World never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and how to achieve it?

Though there are still some flaws in our education system, the way we raise children is base on the reality of today's society. Every generation is shaped by their time. In ancient civilization, the mainly part of education is survival skills. While during the Early Middle Ages in Europe, the theme of education is preserving the Church's selection from Latin learning and maintaining the art of writing. The education now, however, is emphasis on innovation, reation and cooperation. We rule young generation with today's rules of social needs and uses. They grow up in the condition of contemporary culture which could make sure that they can intergrate into society. Only when this is done will students cease to “adapt to the word as it is” and become “transformers of that world”.

Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. We just do what we have to do.

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改三，謝謝agnes百忙之中抽空再幫我改了一變，發覺到自己很多細節上，和語句銜接上的不足，謝謝！

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not build up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.
The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. The claim that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence that gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism that created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a depressed season. All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue claim that it is depends on the socialization of children.
There is no such criterion for a so called better society, for the definition of good is explained in different ways according to different interests. The expo in Shanghai lit up the China model for the entire world to admire. However it was queried by the west capitalists few years ago. What we can tell is that the developing of the society in the world shows that there is no such perfect developing model. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better? World never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and how to achieve it?
Though there are still some flaws in our education system, the way we raise children is base on the reality of today's society. Every generation is shaped by their time. In ancient civilization, the main part of education is survival skills. While during the Early Middle Ages in Europe, the theme of education is preserving the Church's selection from Latin learning and maintaining the art of writing.
The education now, however, emphasizes innovation, creation and cooperation. We rule young generation with today's rules of social needs and uses. They grow up in the condition of contemporary culture which could ensure that they can integrate into society. Only when this is done will students cease to “adapt to the word as it is” and become “transformers of that world”.
Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. We just do what we have to do.

azure9UID: 2789030

As the Chinese saying goes, "The youth are full of vigor and vitality, like the sun in the early morning; Children are the future of our country." The world's number of population has become bigger and bigger in this decade. Education is one of the most significant and difficult issues for parents and the government which has paid much more money for the bill of education expenditure. Both parents and the government all(多余了） have anticipation that children will become a real man who is able to put everything on their shoulders.（这句结构有点问题) Therefore, children living in the modern society should be responsible for the future of the community.
开头段没有开门见山，没有和题目联系。

To begin with, based on the speaker's assertion that the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized, it is clear that whether children can integrate into society well do have an effect on the development of society. With the iPad released on May, children will have one more handset to play. Nowadays, computer games, social networks, and handset apps play important roles in early education of children. A huge amount of boys love to play Undercover Race with their father's iPhone, and the Easy Piano app is one of the favourite for the girls. The emerging computer and internet technology has eliminated children's desire for being a part of the real world, and the new-born iPad beats the new-born generation completely. To cure the addiction to the internet games,（这里有点问题，iPhone或是iPad的出现大方面来说是改变的传统传播媒介的规则，提供了非纸质媒体的传播平台，另外对于人们的沟通方式也提出了新的可能。但是把他们用来证明小孩对于internet games的興趣就有點偏。） China and some other countries in the world have taken some effective measures, such as restraining the online game duration by three hours, teaching them to use the healthy browsers to surf on the internet without porn and dirty pictures, and giving some helpful pills and speech made by some professor full of experience about the therapy for the addiction to the children in order to cure him or her in both physical and psychological ways.

这段用iPad引出并且例证，说现在的小孩沉迷电脑游戏的问题，同时给出了一些国家的解决措施。段首提出 it is clear that whether children can integrate into society well do have an effect on the development of society.可是內容卻在說电脑游戏的问题，也没有谈到电脑游戏如何对小孩的生活产生影响，或者如何使小孩适应社会。有点整体偏离主题

However, clearly, how children are socialized is not the only factor contribute to the destiny of society. Basically, child is a small group in the whole population. Whether they are well-educated or well-socialized could not make the final decision which way the community will follow, renascence or self-destruction. Besides, the development of science and technology, the amount of natural resource, and people's quality and quantity are all meaningful and indispensable factors for community. Mao changed China, bringing the light to Chinese people living in the corner of dark street at that hard time; Obama changed USA, proposing new medical reform plan which may improve medical system and cost American less to see a doctor.
这段段尾差个总结。或者把例子放在中间的位置会比较好一点。

Talking about the grown-ups, we may think about this topic sometimes: what kind of society we will hand it over to our child, beautiful one filled with love, patience and contribution, or ugly one where prejudice, racism, violence all around. It is undeniable that the world we live in are(is) not that blue and peaceful as the picture which is taken by Hubble Telescope (shows多余), but a place we are fight for living by pretending smiling to strange people coming across the street, making a fake financial statement intentionally to pay less tax, and being unconcerned with the war or a natural disaster happened in the other side of the world. All of these are absolutely helpless and unnecessary for us to educate our own child. We, adults, should spend more time to rethink about what on earth is our final goal for life and what should we teach our young babies the skills and abilities by which they could learn to live in the unknown and uncertain future.
这段论述不够深入，就是感觉点到了一点点又没有深说下去。

To sum up, both children and adults have their own problem to deal with, but adults should be more responsible, and enlighten children by setting an example themselves. Thus, if we educate our next generation well, build a healthy community and lead young to the right way, probably children will determine the destiny of society.

文章主要部分三段陈述的观点不够清晰。结尾总结没有力度，整篇文章结果偏散，没有一条主线。


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改凝羽欲翔

Children are the future of the country. Before they step into society, most of them only have the experience of school life, which is unsophisticated and well-protected when compared to the real world. Many people worry about how children integrate into community. Due to the importance of children to society, some of them even hold the opinion that children’s socialization determines the destiny of society.
However, in the eyes of mine, it doesn’t count that much.

Society are the consequence of many factors, such as the development of science and technology, the moral vogue and culture that people cherish, the nourish(學習了) of the younger generation, the communication with other countries that make us aware of how far we are left behind, etc. Looking back to the history of our nation, many dynasties’ decline was not the result of children’s poor ability to melt into society.(观点提出的好，逻辑衔接强，但不要只局限在中国。可以试试看查一点资料，写the history of the world.) Qin dynasty, the first one to reunify China, soon faded from history by the deposit might rules. Tang dynasty, once the icon of Chinese feudalism, finally broke down for its bureaucratic corruption. Qing dynasty, experienced the ever most prosperous period and even scared the foreign countries, cracked because of close door policy. Even in the recent decades, such as the Republic of China era, the period of Cultural Revolution, the evolution of society was dragged down by the leaders’ wrong policy and the decay of people’s world value.
这段论述过程很清晰，语言流程。但还是要说最好不要只局限在中国。能“放眼全世界”就很棒了。

Though the development of society is affected by many factors, it doesn’t mean that children’ socialization weight little in the pace of ongoing history.(段间衔接得非常棒！) Just think about the situation that all children face problems(这个词是不是多余了) when they step into society. They are confused when dealing with the difference between school life and the social life; they find the stress from work, from family, are too heavy for them to bear; they have no idea of how to communicate with others; the situation is much worse when the population is mainly composed of the old. It could drive the nation mass, or worse, cause sluggish grows. (这段都学习了！论证的非常有条理)

To lead society to a better future, people care most about the cultivation of children. However, there is some feeling that after so many years, we still get little experience about the means to nourish children to be useful men to society. But for me, instead, I hold the opinion that adults’ behavior makes a bigger part. (观点句)

Children are the shadow of parents. Our behavior will impact children growth slowly every day, in every simple action, in every simple word. Children, with their intuitive curiosity of the world and good ability of imitation, absorb everything even though they are inconspicuous. Compared to instruction in fixed time with limited educational effect, people’s behavior covers every minute, every side, thus having a deep influence on children’s character shaping. People always put emphasis on finding the best teachers for their children, sending them to the best schools, to let children grow to be the one to benefit society. But do all of the students from the best school live up to people’ expectation? No, even some of them commit crime, harming the society and people. What affects them most may be the surrounding, mostly, the people they meet.
(這段說大人的行為對小孩的影響，但沒有提出具體的例證，論證就有點弱.这段对于主要观点的支撑也有一点问题。题里面说：we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.这段我理解你是想讨论怎么样才是 good way to raise children的问题。但是并没有强调出来，会有点不知道想要说什么)

In conclusion, the determination of the destiny of society is like jigsaws which integrate with many factors dynamically, not just children’s capability of socialization. Moreover, to let children grow to be more useful to society, it’s not so important of the way to raise children, but the means we behave, the inner things expressed through our common actions.



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改 謙行天下 改2

Since socialization does keep harmony and continual cultural of a nation, I agree with the opinion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, education is not the mayor agent of socialization; we are responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society. Raising children who can help bring about a better society needs efforts from all the factors. From my point of view, we are always trying our best to educate children who can help bring about a better society.(开门见山的提出观点很好)

To make this point clear, an introduction of what is socialization is necessary. A society itself is based on shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization is the process of inheriting norms, customs(跟前面有點重複，可以想想換個詞，不過语言的部分到後面就應該能慢慢練起來了吧) and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. How children are socialized has an effect to the harmony of a society and it could determine the destiny of a society. If children are not socialized, they could have different views to the destiny to society and change it. Although in history revolutions could not lead by children, children will grow up and become the ones who change society. For example, when society is sick, many people will stand up to against the dark things. It is the children who are easily influenced, and obey the rules of society. It is the young generation who could rock the boat.（我猜这句是你本段的核心观点，但放在这个位置很容易就被忽略掉了，导致整段的论述失去重心） Many great leaders who lead a revolution are influenced when they are young. We could always find the causes of a historic person to do this kind of things in their childhood.（求真相，给个具体例子吧）

这段的推理有点弱，而又没有给出具体的例子。所以无法有力的支持论点。本段又在说socilaizion是怎么会事，有同时讨论了儿童是如何影响社会的。其实可以分成两段来写，会比较明了一点。

This is only part of the explanation, if children are well socialized, they could make sure society move forth in a forecasted manner which considered being a good direction.（这里观点提出的位置就比较好了）【 Socialization helps people live comfortable in society and helps keeping a continual cultural. Based on people are socialized, society could become better and better.】 On the one hand,(后面没有提出新的见解的，只是进一步的说明，用in another word会不会好一点) socialization prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, offering him the social accepted habits, faiths, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. On the other hand,(这边是因果关系吧，用个so之類的是不是要好一點？) by communicating culture from one generation to the other, socialization keeps culture persistence and continuity. In China, children are educated to follow the route of social democracy to ensure the stabilization of society. In US, once children accepted the priority point in their society, they will make a better society in presumed manner in the future, like prosperous economy, science and so forth. Therefore, if children are better socialized, they could make a better society.

这段的逻辑关系有点混乱。你的主观点，我理解是if children are well socialized, they could make sure society move forth in a forecasted manner which considered being  a good direction. 然而中間的论述并没有很有力的去支持这一点。总是围绕在一点上说，很多句子表达的都是一个平行的意思，没有一步步深入下去。


Last, we are trying our best to make children more socialized and we could raise children who could bring a better society. However, there are several people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior. Religions play a major role in socialization which although is not true in China but in other countries in the world, such as the United States, India and so on.(如果不是很了解，還是不要寫的好，或者多查一點資料在寫) The family is responsible for the youth and, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward religion and establishing career goals. Education teaches young people in particular skills and values in society. Besides, peers, work place, public institutions, the mass media could also affect children’s socialization. Our nation is supervising every factor to make it good for children. For example, people have freedom to choose which religion they will to follow. Our country helps family do take care and influence youth. Our schools teach children advanced knowledge in the world. And we are supervising the mass media and so on. If we could not raise children who could not bring a better society, how could the society continue?

為什麽會用religion的例子來說呢？這樣說得不夠透徹還容易使人留下不好的印象。宗教问题是很复杂的。如果不是很了解最好就不要写。否则效果是反的。既不能支撑好自己的观点，还给文章摸黑。

In conclusion, socialization is tightly connected with social and cultural continuity, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, there are many aspects influence how children are socialized; we are making effort from many aspects and maximize the improvement children could make. The truth is we could raise the children who could bring a better society.

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改agnes2
I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on(学习了) how children are socialized today, while I believe this may not be the case. However, I concede that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better(继续学习) our society, especially in their integration into society.

Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in it can meet the social need and work as an effective part of it. So socialization is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects.(这句话在表达上好像有点问题，说社会化是达到一个光明社会的不可或缺的条件，我觉得socializetion后面差个of来界定。个人观点，谨供参考) Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class.

Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so unilateral that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievement, are always found to be unsociable. Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and even treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other key factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration.
这段的论述非常棒，例子很好的支撑了自己的观点，赞一个！

Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China, and both schools and families fail to teach children in accordance with their aptitude.  Not only teachers but also parents lay more attention to exam-oriented education,  while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often neglected or even turned a blind eye to. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on their children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of responsibility. What’s more, under such circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed.
依然棒，条理很清晰！

In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society depends on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should attach more importance to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.

文章思路非常有条理！整篇都在大学习！基本挑不出毛病

agnes2010UID: 2794922

Issue 130
Written by Agnes
2010-5-17

I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while I believe it is not totally true. However, I concede the claim that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better our society, especially in their integration into society.

Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in this society meets the social need and works as an effective part of it. So socialization is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects. Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class.

Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so ex parte that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievement, are always found to be unsociable. Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other crucial factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration.

Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China and fails to teach children in accordance with their aptitude. Both schools and parents pay more attention to exam-oriented education while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often turned a blind eye to. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on the children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of accountability. What’s more, under the circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed.

In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society hinges on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should pay more attention to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.

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second：2010-5-18

首先要谢谢在4号没有出现的情况下~talent帮我改了作文~你的意见很中肯~谢谢鼓励

I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while I believe this may not be the case. However, I concede that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better our society, especially in their integration into society. Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in it can meet the social need and work as an effective part of it. So socialization is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects. Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class. Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so unilateral that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievement, are always found to be unsociable. Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and even treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other key factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration. Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China, and both schools and families fail to teach children in accordance with their aptitude.  Not only teachers but also parents lay more attention to exam-oriented education,  while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often neglected or even turned a blind eye to. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on their children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of responsibility. What’s more, under such circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed. In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society depends on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should attach more importance to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.

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third：2010-5-20

谢谢小C的修改和鼓励~

I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while I believe this may not be the case. However, I concede that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better our society, especially in their integration into society.

Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in it can meet the social need and work as an effective part of it. So the socialization of people is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects. Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class.

Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so unilateral that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievements, are always found to be unsociable. Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and even treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other key factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration.

Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China, and both schools and families fail to teach children in accordance with their aptitude.
Not only teachers but also parents lay more attention to exam-oriented education,
while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often neglected or even turned a blind eye to. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on their children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of responsibility. What’s more, under such circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed.

In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society depends on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should attach more importance to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.

我的第一篇ISSUE！完成~:loveliness:

agnes2010UID: 2794922

改Annie


“Never too old to learn”, the repeated saying known to all, is now seemingly being replaced by a more innovative new one—never too young to learn. It is by no means uncommon to find pre-school education has been put way 投入early even before the birth, with various new technologies applied to convince parents that education is bound to 一定要be early and what time is better choice than 这句话是否有语法错误？baby’s still in the belly? Given the circumstance that it is becoming highly competitive the world has ever seen, this extreme method seems totally understandable. The reason why education is now given great emphasis is because it is a universally shared opinion that children are the future of a nation.
第一段：点明教育的重要意义。

For one thing, some claim that the destiny of a society is wholly hinged on how its children are socialized. Japan, as a good case in point, was total in chaos after World War Two, but the next few decades has witnessed its rapid rise into one of the most prosperous and advanced Asian countries. The secret lies in Japan’s postwar policy that focuses on the rise of next generation. （日本的例子值得学习~）Undoubtedly, a nation cannot accomplish far-reaching achievements unless some deep transformation occurs in its younger generation. However, this notion is also challenged by its opponents, who argue that how nation’s other citizens behave also matters. If the younger generation can be compared to the future tense, then how can a nation afford to ignore those who are the present tense? （我不太清楚这里的tense用法是否地道，若不是地道用法的话，感觉有点chi-english）That is to say, due weight should also be attached to adults who are in charge of the current society. They, after all, are the decision-makers of which path our society is to choose. Besides, as known to all, children are good at imitating what their parents do; as a result, parents are those who can set an example for the children. Consequently, the society cannot be blind to the nurture and cultivation of righteous morality among adults.
第二段：指出除了年轻一代，其他市民也是不可忽视的重要部分，对影响年青一代的作为，以及社会的发展有着重要的作用。
For another, some are convinced that we are still at sea concerning how to raise the children who are capable of constructing a better society. This claim seems partly true when we constantly notice the campus is full of spoiled children who are treated like prince or princess at home. According to a recent survey, conducted by China’s leading polling agency, the number of core families in China has soared to 2500000 by 2008, increased by 45% compared with that （这里需要加吗？）a decade ago. Due to China’s birth control policy, more and more Chinese families are turning into the “4+2+1” pattern, which means four grandparents and two parents are now committed to raising this one apple in the eye（这个是专门的表达吗？）. Unsurprisingly, children are becoming selfish and arrogant. "We are the future" now becomes a perfect line for them to ask for whatever suits their mind. It is not too hard to assume what those over-loved children are turning into and what kind of society they are about to bring to the world. Disaster, I’m afraid. Luckily, this may not be the case. Affluent families take up only a fraction of the total number in China, with great amount of aspiring youth coming from destitute families.（好句子~） Even so, we cannot rely on those struggling poverty-stricken children to change the world and let those overindulged ones go unchecked, letting them to eat the vicious fruit later in their lives.
第三段：论述现在的年轻一代不能过分溺爱，否则会有恶果。

Society consists of every member, young or old, who are all responsible for its wellbeing. Since every child is unique and marvelous indeed, the utmost we can do is to give that to full play and see what happens.
第四段：简要概括总结全文内容，精炼明确。

总结：Annie的文字好好啊，很多都是值得学习的范例，在辞藻上也避免了重复，比如溺爱的-spoiled over-loved overindulged，在全文中几乎找不到重复的用词，不想我经常会遇到词穷重复用词的情况。全文简明扼要，条理清晰，值得学习！
我不太会改作文~Annie对不起啦~你写的太好了~ 我就是使劲挖了些错误，不知道说的正确与否~如果说错了，请谅解啦~


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改小C：

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not build up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.
文章开门见山 观点清晰

The orientation of society（学习啦~） is determined by many complex factors. The claim that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence that（强调句型吧 it is……that，下面就对了~这里可能是粗心遗漏了） gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for （学习了）a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism that （c，是我记错了吗？你在这里都没有加that...是你粗心还是我不了解状况啊~）created the property bubbles which collapsed（资产泡沫暴跌？这离得collapse需斟酌） in 2008 and bring（brought） the whole world into a dismay season（dismay不做形容词用哦~建议可用depressed 更有经济萧条的含义）. 这一组强调句的排比好棒！很清晰，语句也很漂亮！大学习！All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue claim that the socialization of children.（这里that后面应跟句子吧）
这一段很棒！强调句的排比是亮点中的亮点~
论证了社会的命运取决于各方面的因素

There is no such stander for （这部分没有看懂）a so called better society for it is defined in different ways according to different interests. Though, in today's world, there would be wars, diseases and nature catastrophes. And it also contains love, mercy and hope. People are living their lives today. Some loss（lose） their job, some find their mate. Some are going through a sorrowful losing, while some are enjoying their happy meal. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better or worse? We all know the world never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and the way to get there.

论证好的社会的定义有多种，我们不能明确定义它，也就无法清楚地了解如何培养我们的孩子。感觉观点很新颖~没有想到过~

Though there are still some flaws in our education system, the way we raise children is based on the reality of today's society. We rule them with today's rules and we can not predict future.
We can teach them about how society is developing and how to adapt to today’s social needs and uses which changes in times？. That's the way we make children integrate into society. Every generation is shaped by their time. They grow up in the condition of contemporary culture. What we can do is teach them today's rules and how to adapt the change of the future. Only when this is done will students cease to “adapt to the word as it is” and become “transformers of that world”.
论证对孩子教育的方式和内容是以当代文化为基本的，如何适应未来如何更好地建设社会是他们将来自己摸索的。

Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. We just do what we have to do(我觉得这里还应该再加一个do）.

总结：
文章的前半部分感觉很棒！尤其是第二段的文字和论述方式~值得好好学习！
不过看到后面感觉越来越low了...看的有点累，感觉论述方式的有力度减弱了，而且都停留在分析上，有些抒情有些绕弯子，我也不知道怎么说...最好能举出一些例证什么的加以补充吧~
本篇的用词很值得学习~有些感觉非常地道 不过还是出现了一些小错误~以后注意咯~
如果有什么说的不对的地方~请谅解哦~


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改小C again

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not build up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.

The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. The claim that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence that gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism that created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a depressed season. All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue claim that it is depends on the socialization of children.

There is no such criterion for a so called better society, for good or bed is defined in different ways according to different interests.（这里感觉很不合适，good and bad是形容词，不可以这样用吧。可以改为：for whether it is good or bad should be defined by different ways according...... [As the developing of the society in the world shows that there is no such good developing model. （感觉这句话和后面不能连贯起来）The expo in Shanghai lit up the China model for the entire world to admire. However it was competed (我觉得这里用queried更好，质疑）by the west capitalists few years ago. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better? World never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and how to achieve it?

Though there are still some flaws in our education system, the way we raise children is based on the reality of today's society. Every generation is shaped by their time. In ancient civilization, the mainlymain part of education is survival skills. While during the Early Middle Ages in Europe, the theme of education is preserving the Church's selection from Latin learning and maintaining the art of writing.
The education now, however, is emphasis on  （emphasises） innovation, creation and cooperation. We rule young generation with today's rules of social needs and uses. They grow up in the condition of contemporary culture which could make sure （不知道这个的用法 ensure更合适吧）that they can integrate into society. Only when this is done will students cease to “adapt to the word as it is” and become “transformers of that world”.

Society flow in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. We just do what we have to do.

总结：
加了许多例证~感觉充实了很多~赞一个！
就是还有一些细节上的问题~C要多注意语法和词性哦~好像一不小心就会有小错误发生~

talentliuyangUID: 2752741

这篇早就写好，今天先传上来，大家先拍吧。

As the Chinese saying goes, "The youth are full of vigor and vitality, like the sun in the early morning; Children are the future of our country." The world's number of population has become bigger and bigger in this decade. Education is one of the most significant and difficult issues for parents and the government which has paid much more money for the bill of education expenditure. Both parents and the government all have anticipation that children will become a real man who is able to put everything on their shoulders. Therefore, children living in the modern society should be responsible for the future of the community.
To begin with, based on the speaker's assertion that the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized, it is clear that whether children can integrate into society well do have an effect on the development of society. With the iPad released on May, children will have one more handset to play. Nowadays, computer games, social networks, and handset apps play important roles in early education of children. A huge amount of boys love to play Undercover Race with their father's iPhone, and the Easy Piano app is one of the favourite for the girls. The emerging computer and internet technology has eliminated children's desire for being a part of the real world, and the new-born iPad beats the new-born generation completely. To cure the addiction to the internet games, China and some other countries in the world have taken some effective measures, such as restraining the online game duration by three hours, teaching them to use the healthy browsers to surf on the internet without porn and dirty pictures, and giving some helpful pills and speech made by some professor full of experience about the therapy for the addiction to the children in order to cure him or her in both physical and psychological ways.
However, clearly, how children are socialized is not the only factor contribute to the destiny of society. Basically, child is a small group in the whole population. Whether they are well-educated or well-socialized could not make the final decision which way the community will follow, renascence or self-destruction. Besides, the development of science and technology, the amount of natural resource, and people's quality and quantity are all meaningful and indispensable factors for community. Mao changed China, bringing the light to Chinese people living in the corner of dark street at that hard time; Obama changed USA, proposing new medical reform plan which may improve medical system and cost American less to see a doctor.
Talking about the grown-ups, we may think about this topic sometimes: what kind of society we will hand it over to our child, beautiful one filled with love, patience and contribution, or ugly one where prejudice, racism, violence all around. It is undeniable that the world we live in are not that blue and peaceful as the picture which is taken by Hubble Telescope shows, but a place we are fight for living by pretending smiling to strange people coming across the street, making a fake financial statement intentionally to pay less tax, and being unconcerned with the war or a natural disaster happened in the other side of the world. All of these are absolutely helpless and unnecessary for us to educate our own child. We, adults, should spend more time to rethink about what on earth is our final goal for life and what should we teach our young babies the skills and abilities by which they could learn to live in the unknown and uncertain future.
To sum up, both children and adults have their own problem to deal with, but adults should be more responsible, and enlighten children by setting an example themselves. Thus, if we educate our next generation well, build a healthy community and lead young to the right way, probably children will determine the destiny of society.

annie-dollUID: 2706282

占楼

annie-dollUID: 2706282

发文。
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

“Never too old to learn”, the repeated saying known to all, is now seemingly being replaced by a more innovative new one—never too young to learn. It is by no means uncommon to find pre-school education has been put way early even before the birth, with various new technologies applied to convince parents that education is bound to be early and what time is better choice than baby’s still in the belly? Given the circumstance that it is becoming highly competitive the world has ever seen, this extreme method seems totally understandable. The reason why education is now given great emphasis is because it is a universally shared opinion that children are the future of a nation.

For one thing, some claim that the destiny of a society is wholly hinged on how its children are socialized. Japan, as a good case in point, was total chaos after World War Two, but the next few decades has witness its rapid rise into one of the most prosperous and advanced Asian countries. The secret lies in Japan’s postwar policy that focuses on the rise of next generation. Undoubtedly, a nation cannot accomplish far-reaching achievements unless some deep transformation occurs in its younger generation. However, this notion is also challenged by its opponents, who argue that how nation’s other citizens behave also matters. If the younger generation can be compared to the future tense, then how can a nation afford to ignore those who are the present tense? That is to say, due weight should also be attached to adults who are in charge of the current society. They, after all, are the decision-makers of which path our society is to choose. Besides, as known to all, children are good at imitating what their parents do; as a result, parents are those who can set an example for the children. Consequently, the society cannot be blind to the nurture and cultivation of righteous morality among adults.

For another, some are convinced that we are still at sea concerning how to raise the children who are capable of constructing a better society. This claim seems partly true when we constantly notice the campus is full of spoiled children who are treated like prince or princess at home. According to a recent survey, conducted by China’s leading polling agency, the number of core families in China has soared to 2500000 by 2008, increased by 45% compared with a decade ago. Due to China’s birth control policy, more and more Chinese families are turning into the “4+2+1” pattern, which means four grandparents and two parents are now committed to raising this one apple in the eye. Unsurprisingly, children are becoming selfish and arrogant. "We are the future" now becomes a perfect line for them to ask for whatever suits their mind. It is not too hard to assume what those over-loved children are turning into and what kind of society they are about to bring to the world. Disaster, I’m afraid. Luckily, this may not be the case. Affluent families take up only a fraction of the total number in China, with great amount of aspiring youth coming from destitute families. Even so, we cannot rely on those struggling poverty-stricken children to change the world and let those overindulged ones go unchecked, letting them to eat the vicious fruit later in their lives.

Society consists of every member, young or old, who are all responsible for its wellbeing. Since every child is unique and marvelous indeed, the utmost we can do is to give that to full play and see what happens.

lty900301UID: 2715509

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Undeniably, children are our future and society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized. We should put emphasize on not only how to let children get knowledge from books, but also how to make children socialized including cooperation, abilities of self-study, abilities of solving problems, etc., which can raise children to help bring about a better society in the future.

Without good education, a society can survive, but never thrive. Obviously, education especially primary education is playing a key role in the modern society, which means people have realized that good education can not only make children more sociable, but also brought them lots of knowledge, so that when children become adults, they can devote their knowledge to help society's development.

Unfortunately, today's schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating their abilities of cooperation and communication. Teachers prefer hardworking students with a good performing on grades rather than those who have good people skills and do well in team work. However without abilities of cooperation and communication, people can no longer meet the demands of today's society which require for teamwork sprits. Even if a student knows a great deal of knowledge, without abilities of cooperation, it is hard for him to make important contributions to the development of the society in an isolated condition. The fact that Nobel Prizes have been more frequently given to scientists as groups in recent years can prove that. There is an old saying in China (and I paraphrased), "You can break one single chopstick, but you can never break ten chopsticks together," which illustrate that we should put more emphasis on teamwork and cooperation between students.

On the other hand, we should also emphasis on children's self-study abilities. "Every person has two education, one which he receives from others, and one, more important, which he gives himself." said by Edward Gibbon, British historian. It is essential for us to tell children that we can only offer very little life experience compared to their whole life, so that they can explore their lifetime by their own, which will make them more adaptable to society when they grow up. Furthermore, there is always a limitation in education area that we can never get well ideas of every child's interest and their own target, which makes self-study become more and more necessary, and with self-study abilities children can learn more that teacher will never teach them.

"Failure is the mother of success." It is an old saying in China, which is to say that you can never succeed without frustration. Nowadays, most children are polished by their parents and the whole society, which make them lice a life like prince or princess. It is counterproductive to over-protect children, because eventually children will get into society, but when they realize there are so many difficulties, they will become confused. Thereupon, we should try to let them face all kinds of problems and difficulties, from which they can learn how to solve problems and how to suffer from pressure. Thus they can deal with difficulties that they will be faced with after they step into the real world.

Such as a tadpole cannot to grow up without water and when they become a frog , they devote to environment to make the environment better by eating harmful insects. Children cannot grow up properly without good education and independent spirits, and when they become adults, they devote to society to make education better.

========================================华丽飘过=============================================
改1

Undeniably, children are our future and society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized, thus, how to raise children becomes one of the most significant issue to bring about a better society. We should put emphasize on not only how to let children get knowledge from books, but also how to make children socialized including cooperation, abilities of self-study, abilities of solving problems, etc., which can raise children to help bring about a better society in the future.

Without good education, a society can survive, but never thrive. Obviously, education especially primary education is playing a key role in the modern society, which means people have realized that good education can not only offer them knowledge, but also brought them lots of abilities, which can make them more sociable, so that when children become adults, they can devote themselves to help society's development. Unfortunately, though we have learned the importance of education, we still have no idea of the way how we should raise children.

"Failure is the mother of success." It is an old saying in China, which is to say that you can never succeed without frustration. However, nowadays, most children are polished by their parents and the whole society, which make them live a life like prince or princess. It is counterproductive to over-protect children, because eventually children will get into society, but when they realize there are so many difficulties, they will become confused. Thereupon, we should try to let them deal with all kinds of difficulties themselves, from which they can learn how to solve problems and how to suffer from pressure. Then, when they step into society, they can easily get out from troubles.

Still, there exist some other problems with the current education. In one way, today's schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating their abilities of cooperation and communication. Teachers prefer hardworking students with a good performing on grades rather than those who have good people skills and do well in team work. However without abilities of cooperation and communication, people can no longer meet the demands of today's society which require for teamwork sprits. Even if a student knows a great deal of knowledge, without abilities of cooperation, it is hard for him to make important contributions to the development of the society in an isolated condition. The fact that Nobel Prizes have been more frequently given to scientists as groups in recent years can prove that. There is an old saying in China (and I paraphrased), "You can break one single chopstick, but you can never break ten chopsticks together," which illustrate that we should put more emphasis on teamwork and cooperation between students.

On the other side, we should also place emphasis on children's self-study abilities. "Every person has two education, one which he receives from others, and one, more important, which he gives himself." said by Edward Gibbon, British historian. It is essential for us to tell children that we can only offer very little life experience compared to their whole life, so that they can explore their lifetime by their own, which will make them more adaptable to society when they grow up. Furthermore, there is always a limitation in education area that we can never get well ideas of every child's interest and their own target, which makes self-study become more and more necessary, and with self-study abilities children can learn more that teacher will never teach them.

Such as a tadpole cannot to grow up without water and when they become a frog , they devote to environment to make the environment better by eating harmful insects. Children cannot grow up properly without good education and independent spirits, and when they become adults, they devote themselves to society to make education better.

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改2

Undeniably, children are our future and society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized, thus, how to raise children becomes one of the most significant issue to bring about a better society. We should put emphasize on not only how to let children get knowledge from books, but also how to socialize children including cooperation, abilities of self-study, abilities of solving problems, etc., which can raise children to help
better society in the future.

Without good education, a society can survive, but never thrive. Obviously, education especially primary education is playing a key role in the modern society, which means people have realized that good education can not only offer them knowledge, but also bring them lots of abilities, which can make them more sociable, so that when children become adults, they can devote themselves to developing society. Unfortunately, though we have learned the importance of education, we still have no idea of the way how we should raise children.

"Failure is the mother of success." It is an old saying in China, which is to say that you can never succeed without frustration. However, nowadays, most children are polished by their parents and the whole society, which make them live a life like prince or princess. It is counterproductive
to dote on children, because eventually children will get into society, but when they realize there are so many difficulties, they will become confused. On the contrary, we should try to let them deal with all kinds of difficulties themselves, from which they can learn how to solve problems and how to suffer from pressure. Then, when they step into society, they can get away from troubles easier.

Still, there exist some other problems with the current education. In one way, today's schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating their abilities of cooperation and communication. Teachers prefer hardworking students with a good performing on grades rather than those who have good people skills and do well in team work. However without abilities of cooperation and communication, people can no longer meet the demands of today's society which require teamwork sprits. Even if a student knows a great deal of knowledge, without abilities of cooperation, it is hard for him to make important contributions to the development of the society in an isolated condition. The fact that Nobel Prizes have been more frequently given to scientists as groups in recent years can prove that. There is an old saying in China (and I paraphrased), "You can break one single chopstick, but you can never break ten chopsticks together," which illustrate that we should put more emphasis on teamwork and cooperation between children.

On the other side, we should also pay attention to children's self-study abilities. "Every person has two education, one which he receives from others, and one, more important, which he gives himself." said by Edward Gibbon, British historian. It is essential for us to tell children that we can only offer very little life experience compared to their whole life, so that they should explore their lifetime by their own, which can make them more adaptable to society when they grow up. Furthermore, there is always a limitation in education area that we can never get well ideas of every child's interest and their own targets, which makes self-study become more and more necessary, and with self-study abilities children can learn more which teacher will never teach them.

Such as a tadpole cannot grow up without water and when they become a frog , they devote to making the environment better by eating harmful insects. Children cannot grow up properly without good education and independent spirits, and when they become adults, they will devote themselves to society to make education better.

polosongruiUID: 2595436

各位高手，辛苦你们了，报我改改吧！

130  " How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


According to the title statement, we have not raised children in a proper way that they can adapt to the society and help make it better. To tell the truth, there indeed exist some serious problems in our education system that hinders the construction of a better society in the future.

As is known to us, children are the future of our society and how we educate them today determines the orientation of society. Children get education that we give them and then form their own perspective of the world and values of life. When they grow up and become the leader of the society, they will deal with problems in such a way that has been much influenced by us. If they have the sense of cooperation, they will get together and take advantage of the power of union to solve problems. If they have the sense of creativity, they will use their imagination to find a creative and better way. On the contrary, if they lack of these qualifications, they may be trapped in a dilemma and cannot get on well with others and fail to solve problems. So it is important to give them the reasonable education.

Unfortunately, today’s schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating creativity. Almost all the teachers and students focus their whole attention on scores of examinations. Scores seems to be the god who could decide anything. Teachers always require students to remember the boring concepts, axiom and even the so called standard answers. Besides, they will offer students numerous skills of examination. However, they hardly instruct students to be creative to discover what they are curious about. As a result, students are just professional in examinations and proficient in memorizing the dead facts and given answers. They are just involved in the sea of test questions and isolated from nature and society. When it comes to creative activities, they seldom have their own ideas and abilities to discover and solve problems which are strange to them.  

To make matters worse, children are often encouraged to win in whatever competitions rather than to cooperate with others for the common good of the society. Many parents often force their children to learn playing piano, drawing pictures at an early age and compel them to take part in endless competitions. What is more, they are required to beat others and get awards. In the process, children would become excessively competitive and have no opportunities to cooperate with others. When they go to school, they are also compared with others on grades and ranks. The one who has higher grade and better rank will receive recognitions and the lower one will receive blames. When I was in high school, everything would be ok if I got a higher grade than anyone else and I did not need to think about cooperation with others. But when I came in the university, I found that many problems could not be solved by only one person and I needed to cooperate with others. With lack of the experience and sense of cooperation, I often got troubled when I had disagreement with others. I failed to express my idea and often quarrel with others in the beginning. Then I was rejected by the group, which made me very depressed. After that, I learned the importance of cooperation.

In summary, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion. But the reasons I have analyzed so far should at least make us aware of the complexities of the issue. There is no doubt that we have to contemplate the current way of educating children and then find a proper way to solve the issue.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Since socialization does keep harmony and continual cultural of a nation, I agree with the opinion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, education is not the mayor agent of socialization; we are responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society. Raising children who can help bring about a better society needs efforts from all the factors.

To make this point clear, an introduction of what is socialization is necessary. A society itself is formed through a plurality of shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization refers to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. Hence, socialization is ‘the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained’.

The famous socialist Ely Chinoy, in a 1960s standard textbook, says that socialization serves two major functions: On the one hand, it prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, providing him with the necessary repertoire of habits, beliefs, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. On the other hand, by communicating the contents of culture from one generation to the other, it provides for its persistence and continuity. Socialization helps people live comfortable in society and helps keeping a continual cultural. Therefore, how children are socialized has an effect to the harmony of a society and it could determine the destiny of a society. If children are not socialized, they could have different views to the destiny to society and change it.

There are several the people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior and who is the agent of socialization. Religions play a major role in socialization which although is not true in China but in other countries in the world, such as the United States, India and so on. The family is responsible for the youth and, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward religion and establishing career goals. Education teaches young people in particular skills and values in society. Besides, peers, work Place, public institutions, the mass media could also affect children’s socialization.

In conclusion, socialization tightly connected with social and cultural continuity, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, there are many aspects influence how children are socialized; we could not raise socialized children simply from one aspect. We need make effort from many aspects and maximize the improvement children could make.

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第一次自改文
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Since socialization does keep harmony and continual cultural of a nation, I agree with the opinion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, education is not the mayor agent of socialization; we are responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society. Raising children who can help bring about a better society needs efforts from all the factors. From my point of view, we are always trying our best to educate children who can help bring about a better society.

To make this point clear, an introduction of what is socialization is necessary. A society itself is based on shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization is the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. How children are socialized has an effect to the harmony of a society and it could determine the destiny of a society. If children are not socialized, they could have different views to the destiny to society and change it. Although in history revolutions could not lead by children, children will grow up and become the ones who change society. For example, when society is sick, many people will stand up to against the dark things. It is the children who are easily influenced, and obey the rules of society. It is the young generation who could rock the boat. Many great leaders who lead a revolution are influenced when they are young. We could always find the causes of a historic person to do this kind of things in their childhood.

This is only part of the explanation, if children are well socialized, they could make sure society move forth in a forecasted manner which considered being a good direction. Socialization helps people live comfortable in society and helps keeping a continual cultural. Based on people are socialized, society could become better and better. On the one hand, socialization prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, offering him the social accepted habits, faiths, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. On the other hand, by communicating culture from one generation to the other, socialization keeps culture persistence and continuity. In China, children are educated to follow the route of social democracy to ensure the stabilization of society. In US, once children accepted the priority point in their society, they will make a better society in presumed manner in the future, like prosperous economy, science and so forth. Therefore, if children are better socialized, they could make a better society.

Last, we are trying our best to make children more socialized and we could raise children who could bring a better society. However, there are several people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior. Religions play a major role in socialization which although is not true in China but in other countries in the world, such as the United States, India and so on. The family is responsible for the youth and, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward religion and establishing career goals. Education teaches young people in particular skills and values in society. Besides, peers, work place, public institutions, the mass media could also affect children’s socialization. Our nation is supervising every factor to make it good for children. For example, people have freedom to choose which religion they will to follow. Our country helps family do take care and influence youth. Our schools teach children advanced knowledge in the world. And we are supervising the mass media and so on. If we could not raise children who could not bring a better society, how could the society continue?

In conclusion, socialization is tightly connected with social and cultural continuity, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, there are many aspects influence how children are socialized; we are making effort from many aspects and maximize the improvement children could make. The truth is we could raise the children who could bring a better society.

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第二次自改文，多谢小c的建议，辛苦辛苦！
第一段正文分成了两段，并给第一个论点加入希特勒的例子
第二段删了那些重复的部分
第三段把宗教删掉了
Since socialization does keep harmony and continual cultural of a nation, I agree with the opinion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, education is not the mayor agent of socialization; we are responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society. Raising children who can help bring about a better society needs efforts from all the factors. From my point of view, we are always trying our best to educate children who can help bring about a better society.

To make this point clear, an introduction of what is socialization is necessary. A society itself is based on shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization is the process of inheriting norms, traditions and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society.

How children are socialized has an effect to the harmony of a society and it could determine the destiny of a society. It is the children who are easily influenced, and obey the rules of society. It is the young generation who could rock the boat. If children are not socialized, they could have different views to the destiny of society and change it. Although in history revolutions could not lead by children, children will grow up and become the ones who change society. For example, when society is sick, many people will stand up to against the dark things. Many great leaders who lead a revolution are influenced when they are young. In psychologists’ opinion, we could always find some clues to adults’ behavior. Take Adolf Hitler for example; when he was a child, he became more and more enthusiastic about war after he found a picture book about war in his father’s things. If it not for the book that he fascinated in, he might not be the director of the Nazi Party.


This is only part of the explanation, if children are well socialized, they could make sure society move forth in a forecasted manner which considered being a good direction. Socialization prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, offering him the social accepted habits, faiths, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. Therefore, by communicating culture from one generation to the other, socialization keeps culture persistence and continuity. In China, children are educated to follow the route of social democracy to ensure the developing of society. In US, once children accepted the priority in their society, they will make a better society in presumed manner in the future, like perusing prosperous economy, advanced science and so forth. Hence, if children are better socialized, they could make a better society.

Last, we are trying our best to make children more socialized and we could raise children who could bring a better society. However, there are several people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior. The family is responsible for the youth and, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward religion and establishing career goals. Education teaches young people in particular skills and values in society. Besides, peers, work place, public institutions, the mass media could also affect children’s socialization. Our nation is supervising every factor to make them good for children. For example, our nation helps family to take care and influence youth. Our schools teach children advanced knowledge in the world. And we are supervising the mass media and so on. If we could not raise children who could not bring a better society, how could the society continue?

In conclusion, socialization is tightly connected with social and cultural continuity, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, there are many aspects influence how children are socialized; we are making effort from many aspects and maximize the improvement children could make. The truth is we could raise the children who could bring a better society.

谦行天下UID: 2797557

改【1】小c

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not built up a great society tomorrow. That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.

The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. To say that the destiny of society is hinged upon how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population produce the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a dismay season.(赞这段排比) All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happed in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue which as the statement claim that the socialization of children.

There is no such standard for a so called better society for it is defined in different ways according to different interests. Though, in today's world, there would be wars, diseases and nature catastrophes. And it also contains love, mercy and hope. People are living their lives today. Some loss their jobs, while some find their mates. Some are going through a sorrowful losing, while some are enjoying their happy meal. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in an objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better or worse? We all know the world never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and the way to get there.

The way we raise children is based on the reality of today's society. We rule them with today's rules and we can not predict future. We can teach them about how society is developing today. They grow up in the condition of contemporary. They are touch to adapt to social needs and uses. That's how children are socialized. That's the way we rise(raising) children. Besides, every generation is shaped by their time, and the needs or uses change in times. What we can do is teaching them today's rules and how to adapt the change of the future.

Society flows in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determin(ed)s their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. What we do is best for them.

如果能更多的使用逻辑连接词，可以使你的文章更具逻辑性。小c学文的是不？

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改 梦想在路上   第一次自改文

According to the statement, the speaker claims that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized and we have not known how to foster children who can help bring about a better society. Although it has merit from a normative standpoint, I still cannot totally agree with the speaker’s such extreme position. In my view, socialization is not the only one determinant of society’s destiny and the present education about how to build a better society is not as negative as the speaker considers.

To begin with, it is quite compelling that socialization of children plays a vital important role in the process of social development in the future, as the term socialization is used by sociologist, social psychologists and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it, in two respects. For the individual, socialization trains basic capabilities of children to act and participate within their society, including basics, skills, ability of self-care, leadership, communication and cooperation and so on, which are especially important in social development. For example, in the trend of globalization today, effective communication skill and good teamwork spirit occupy increasingly important positions in various realm, such as in the fields of scientific research, environmental protection, public health and disease control, economic and trade. Lacking of these capabilities will affect the direction and speed of the social development process. For the country, socialization, inducing all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles, language and symbols, is the means by which social and culture continuity are attained. On the contrary, the improper socialization led anti-social behavior, such as terrorism, drug trafficking, robbery and violence, [and] 【不然是不是有两个谓语了呀？】would seriously harm the healthy development of society. Therefore, the whole society, especially sociologists, educators and parents, should pay attention to children's socialization education training.
第一段从个人和国家的角度说children socialization的重要性，但是，是不是应该表明你对children socialization 和destiny of sociaty 的看法呢？是说前者很important,能从一定程度上影响destiny of sociaty，这点在你的文中并不明确呢。

However, the socialization of children is only one of the factors that determine the development of society, and it is even not the most important one. There are other important factors, such as innovation, scientific and technological level, sound laws and regulations and so forth. Consider Mahatma Gandhi who has contributed profoundly to a better society. The prominent leader’s contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, whose social and physical development were both stunted by life-threatening physical infirmities during his childhood. In spite of his isolation, odd manner and aloofness throughout his early life, Roosevelt ascended to a social-activist presidency by means of his will to overcome physical infirmities, his voracious appetite for knowledge, and his raw intellect.

此段讲其他影响destiny of society的factor，但是这些例子，是不是在说明他们拥有其他的能力的同时指出他们在一定程度上change the destiny of society会更好呢？【仅是我的意见，供你参考】

Finally, what is the most important, consider[ing] the item “better society” as equality, prosperity, stabilization, [then][删掉可不可以？] we do have experienced great improvement and progress during the last decades. We have obtained a lot of means and methods in nurturing children of socialization [as well as educating them with other important abilities], which is substantiated by the fact that the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better life. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.

In sum, I concede that socialization is one of the most important factors[这里似乎又与前面你的论点不太一致呢，前面是one of, but even not the most important] influencing the destiny of society. Nonetheless, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of socialization. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that it is not necessary for the speaker to hold such pessimistic attitude about the existing education system.

小v，你写得真好。。。挑错不容易啊。。。

梦想在路上UID: 2812986

According to the statement, the speaker claims that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized and we have not known how to foster children who can help bring about a better society。It has merit from a normative standpoint, beyond this concession, however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint. In my view, socialization is not the only one determinant of society’s destiny and we have really done well on educating children about how to build a better society.

First, it is quite compelling that socialization of children plays a vital important role in the process of social development in the future, as the term socialization is used by sociologist, social psychologists and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it, in two respects. For the individual, socialization cultivates children with basic capabilities acting and participating within their society, concluding basics, skills, abilities of self-care, leading, communication and cooperation, and so like, which are especially important in social development. For example, in the trend of globalization today, effective communication and cooperation capacity occupies an increasingly important position, such as in the field of scientific research, environmental protection cooperation, public health and disease control cooperation, economic and trade cooperation. Lacking of these capabilities will affect the speed and direction of the social development process. For the country, inducing all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles，language and symbols is the means by which social and culture continuity are attained. To the contrary, the improper socialization led anti-social behavior, such as terrorism, drug trafficking, robbery, and violence, would seriously harm the healthy development of society. Therefore, the whole society, especially sociologists, educators, schools and parents, should pay attention to children's socialization education training.

However, the socialization of children is only one of the factors that determine the development of children, and it is even not the most important one. There are other important factors, such as innovation, scientific and technological level, sound laws and regulations and so forth. Consider Mahatma Gandhi who have contributed profoundly to a better society. The prominent leader’s contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, whose social and physical development were both stunted by life-threatening physical infirmities during his childhood. In spite of his isolation, odd manner and aloofness throughout his early life, Roosevelt ascended to a social-activist presidency by means of his will to overcome physical infirmities, his voracious appetite for knowledge, and his raw intellect.


Finally, What is the most important, consider the item “better society” as equality, prosperity, stabilization, then we do have experienced great improvement and progress during the last decades. On the one hand, we have obtained a lot of means and methods in nurturing children of socialization, which is substantiated by the fact that the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better life. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on. On the other hand, it may be a spontaneous process of socialization, children need to grow up in frustration.

In sum, I concede that socialization is one of the most important factors influencing the destiny of society。Nonetheless, in a sense the speaker begs the question, by overrating the importance of socialization. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that it is not necessary for the speaker to hold such pessimistic attitude about the existing education system.

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自改第一次
According to the statement, the speaker claims
that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized and we have not known how to foster children who can help bring about a better society. Although it has merit from a normative standpoint, I still cannot totally agree with the speaker’s such extreme position. In my view, socialization is not the only one determinant of society’s destiny and the present education about how to build a better society is not as negative as the speaker considers.

To begin with, it is quite compelling that socialization of children plays a vital important role in the process of social development in the future, as the term socialization is used by sociologist, social psychologists and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it, in two respects. For the individual, socialization trains basic capabilities of children to act and participate within their society, including basics, skills, ability of self-care, leadership, communication and cooperation and so on, which are especially important in social development. For example, in the trend of globalization today, effective communication skill and good teamwork spirit occupy increasingly important positions in various realm, such as in the fields of scientific research, environmental protection, public health and disease control, economic and trade. Lacking of these capabilities will affect the direction and speed of the social development process. For the country, socialization, inducing all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles, language and symbols, is the means by which social and culture continuity are attained. On the contrary, the improper socialization led anti-social behavior, such as terrorism, drug trafficking, robbery and violence, would seriously harm the healthy development of society. Therefore, the whole society, especially sociologists, educators and parents, should pay attention to children's socialization education training.

However, the socialization of children is only one of the factors that determine the development of society, and it is even not the most important one. There are other important factors, such as innovation, scientific and technological level, sound laws and regulations and so forth. Consider Mahatma Gandhi who has contributed profoundly to a better society. The prominent leader’s contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, whose social and physical development were both stunted by life-threatening physical infirmities during his childhood. In spite of his isolation, odd manner and aloofness throughout his early life, Roosevelt ascended to a social-activist presidency by means of his will to overcome physical infirmities, his voracious appetite for knowledge, and his raw intellect.
To polo童鞋: 客气了，谢谢你提出来的不同看法，我觉也很有道理。其实对于例子问题一直很纠结，不知道关于反对社会化重要性还什么好例子，大家呢？


Finally, what is the most important, consider the item “better society” as equality, prosperity, stabilization, then we do have experienced great improvement and progress during the last decades. We have obtained a lot of means and methods in nurturing children of socialization, which is substantiated by the fact that the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better life. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.
To polo童鞋：谢谢你点出的关于教育干预社会化的问题。其实第二点自己写的时候就没想好，勉强写了一句没有展开。与其画蛇添足还是删了。

In sum, I concede that socialization is one of the most important factors influencing the destiny of society. Nonetheless, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of socialization. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that it is not necessary for the speaker to hold such pessimistic attitude about the existing education system.

PS：辛苦polo童鞋了，改的很认真，非常感谢！期待学习你的作业。

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自改二
According to the statement, the speaker claims that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized and we have not known how to foster children who can help bring about a better society. Although it has merit from a normative standpoint, I still cannot totally agree with the speaker’s such extreme position. In my view, socialization is not the only one determinant of society’s destiny and the present education about how to build a better society is not as negative as the speaker considers.

To begin with, it is quite compelling that socialization of children plays a vital important role in the process of social development in the future, as the term socialization is used by sociologist, social psychologists and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it, in two respects. For the individual, socialization trains basic capabilities of children to act and participate within their society, including basics, skills, ability of self-care, leadership, communication and cooperation and so on, which are especially important in social development. For example, in the trend of globalization today, effective communication skills and good teamwork spirit occupy increasingly important positions in various realms, such as in the fields of scientific research, environmental protection, public health and disease control, economic and trade. Lacking of these capabilities will affect the direction and speed of the social development process. For the country, socialization, inducing all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles, language and symbols, is the means by which social and culture continuity are attained. On the contrary, the improper socialization can lead to anti-social behaviors, such as terrorism, drug trafficking, robbery and violence, which would seriously harm the healthy development of society. Therefore, the whole society, especially sociologists, educators and parents, should pay attention to children's socialization education training.

However, the socialization of children is only one of the factors that determine the development of society, and it is even not the most important one. There are other important factors, such as innovation, scientific and technological level, sound laws and regulations and so forth. Take the realm of politics for example. The leaders’ providence and persistence are pivotal for the political achievement. A remarkable modern example was Franklin Roosevelt, thanks to his provident visions and strategic maneuvers, successfully redeemed the destiny of the United States twice during his tenure, both in the America’s Great Depression and in the World War Two. Also consider Mahatma Gandhi who has contributed profoundly to a better society. The prominent leader’s contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society.


Finally, what is the most important, considering the item “better society” as equality, prosperity, stabilization, we do have experienced great improvement and progress during the last decades. We have obtained a lot of means and methods in nurturing children of socialization as well as other indispensable capabilities, which are substantiated by the fact that the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better life. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on.

In sum, I concede that socialization is one of the most important factors influencing the destiny of society. Nonetheless, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of socialization. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that it is not necessary for the speaker to hold such pessimistic attitude about the existing education system.

谢谢小谦同学的修改，你的建议很到位哦，其实我自己在写的时候有些点还没想透，包括举例子的问题。现在暂时还苦于没有特别好的想法，容我再积累积累，O(∩_∩)O

梦想在路上UID: 2812986

改 11谦行天下
Since socialization does keep harmony and continual cultural of a nation, I agree with the opinion that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, education is not the mayor agent of socialization; we are
responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society. Raising children who can help bring about a better society needs efforts from all the factors.

To make this point clear, an introduction of what is socialization is necessary. A society itself is formed through a plurality of shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Socialization refers to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. Hence, socialization is ‘the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained’. 【解释什么是社会化的内容有点多，不需要独立一段】

The famous socialist Ely Chinoy, in a 1960s standard textbook, says that socialization serves two major functions: On the one hand, it prepares the individual for the roles he is to play, providing him with the necessary repertoire of habits, beliefs, and values, the appropriate patterns of emotional response and the modes of perception, the requisite skills and knowledge. On the other hand, by communicating the contents of culture from one generation to the other, it provides for its persistence and continuity. Socialization helps people live comfortable in society and helps keeping a continual cultural. Therefore, how children are socialized has an effect to the harmony of a society and it could determine the destiny of a society. If children are not socialized, they could have different views to the destiny to society and change it.【建议把这两句放在段的开头，开门见山使条理更清晰】【这段缺少例子说明哦】

There are several the【去掉】 people and groups that influence our self-concept, emotions, attitudes, and behavior and who is the agent of socialization. Religions play a major role in socialization which although is not true in China but in other countries in the world, such as the United States, India and so on. The family is responsible for the youth and, among other things, determining one's attitudes toward religion and establishing career goals. Education teaches young people in particular skills and values in society. Besides, peers, work Place, public institutions, the mass media could also affect children’s socialization.【这段感觉有点偏题，影响社会化和如何培养社会化是两个概念喏】

In conclusion, socialization tightly connected【时态前后不一致】 with social and cultural continuity, how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. However, there are many aspects influence how children are socialized; we could not raise socialized children simply from one aspect. We need make effort from many aspects and maximize the improvement children could make.

总体觉得我们在第二句话的理解上有点不同，有一个还是多个方面能影响儿童的社会化不能支持或是反驳作者认为的我们还不知如何培养儿童。说错了别见怪哦O(∩_∩)O~

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改 09 polo
130
" How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益。

According to the title statement, we have not raised children in a proper way that they can adapt to the society and help make it better. To tell the truth, there indeed exist some serious problems in our education system that hinders the construction of a better society in the future.

As is known to us, children are the future of our society and how we educate them today determines the orientation of society. Children get education that we give them and then form their own perspective of the world and values of life. When they grow up and become the leaders of the society, they will deal with problems in such a way that has been much influenced by us.【个人觉得这个不太具有说服力，毕竟能成leader的是少数，那可以理解为对大多数来说没什么影响了】If they have the sense of cooperation, they will get together and take advantage of the power of union to solve problems. If they have the sense of creativity, they will use their imagination to find a creative and better way. On the contrary, if they lack of these qualifications, they may be trapped in a dilemma【干嘛要两难？！他们没必要纠结呀，他们没觉得需要创新和合作嘛，因为我们没教啊】 and cannot get on well with others and fail to solve problems. So it is important to give them the reasonable education.
//本段大意我们怎么教，儿童怎么学，然后就怎么做。举例合作和创新

Unfortunately, today’s schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating creativity. Almost all the teachers and students focus their whole attention on scores of examinations. Scores seems to be the god who could decide anything. Teachers always require students to remember the boring concepts, axiom and even the so called standard answers. Besides, they will offer students numerous skills of examination. However, they hardly instruct students to be creative to discover what they are curious about. As a result, students are just professional in examinations and proficient in memorizing the dead facts and given answers. They are just involved in the sea of test questions and isolated from nature and society. When it comes to creative activities, they seldom have their own ideas and abilities to discover and solve problems which are strange to them.

//本段大意学校只注重死记不重视创新。

To make matters worse, children are often encouraged to win in whatever competitions rather than to cooperate with others for the common good of the society. Many parents often force their children to learn playing piano, drawing pictures at an early age and compel them to take part in endless competitions. What is more, they are required to beat others and get awards. In the process, children would become excessively competitive and have no opportunities to cooperate with others. When they go to school, they are also compared with others on grades and ranks. The one who has higher grade and better rank will receive recognitions and the lower one will receive blames.【举考试竞争的事体现不出合作的重要啊，只能说明学校过于注重分数不好】
When I was in high school, everything would be ok if I got a higher grade than anyone else and I did not need to think about cooperation with others. But when I came in the university, I found that many problems could not be solved by only one person and I needed to cooperate with others. With lack of the experience and sense of cooperation, I often got troubled when I had disagreement with others. I failed to express my idea and often quarrel with others in the beginning. Then I was rejected by the group, which made me very depressed. After that, I learned the importance of cooperation.【你自己的例子，最后你还是学会了合作啊，只是高中里没教，大学里教了啊，总之我们的教育还是教了的呀。可能教育他用心良苦就在这里呢，顺下去我可以这样理解哦，呵呵】
//本段大意学生只竞争不合作。

In summary, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion. But the reasons I have analyzed so far should at least make us aware of the complexities of the issue. There is no doubt that we have to contemplate the current way of educating children and then find a proper way to solve the issue.



总体来说，Polo你的词汇语言运用能力很( ^_^ )不错呢，没挑出虾米问题来，向你学习了。主要是观点说明和例子方面提了点个人看法，仅供参考，说错别见怪哦

凝羽欲翔UID: 2733350

Children are the future of the country. Before they step into society, most of them only have the experience of school life, which is unsophisticated and well-protected when compared to the real world. Many people worry about how children integrate into community. Due to the importance of children to society, some of them even hold the opinion that children’s socialization determines the destiny of society. However, in the eyes of mine, it doesn’t count that much.
Society are the consequence of many factors, such as the development of science and technology, the moral vogue and culture that people cherish, the nourish of the younger generation, the communication with other countries that make us aware of how far we are left behind, etc. Looking back to the history of our nation, many dynasties’ decline was not the result of children’s poor ability to melt into society. Qin dynasty, the first one to reunify China, soon faded from history by the deposit might rules. Tang dynasty, once the icon of Chinese feudalism, finally broke down for its bureaucratic corruption. Qing dynasty, experienced the ever most prosperous period and even scared the foreign countries, cracked because of close door policy. Even in the recent decades, such as the Republic of China era, the period of Cultural Revolution, the evolution of society was dragged down by the leaders’ wrong policy and the decay of people’s world value.
Though the development of society is affected by many factors, it doesn’t mean that children’ socialization weight little in the pace of ongoing history. Just think about the situation that all children face problems when they step into society. They are confused when dealing with the difference between school life and the social life; they find the stress from work, from family, are too heavy for them to bear; they have no idea of how to communicate with others; the situation is much worse when the population is mainly composed of the old. It could drive the nation mass, or worse, cause sluggish grows.
To lead society to a better future, people care most about the cultivation of children. However, there is some feeling that after so many years, we still get little experience about the means to nourish children to be useful men to society. But for me, instead, I hold the opinion that adults’ behavior makes a bigger part.
Children are the shadow of parents. Our behavior will impact children growth slowly every day, in every simple action, in every simple word. Children, with their intuitive curiosity of the world and good ability of imitation, absorb everything even though they are inconspicuous. Compared to instruction in fixed time with limited educational effect, people’s behavior covers every minute, every side, thus having a deep influence on children’s character shaping. People always put emphasis on finding the best teachers for their children, sending them to the best schools, to let children grow to be the one to benefit society. But do all of the students from the best school live up to people’ expectation? No, even some of them commit crime, harming the society and people. What affects them most may be the surrounding, mostly, the people they meet.
In conclusion, the determination of the destiny of society is like jigsaws which integrate with many factors dynamically, not just children’s capability of socialization. Moreover, to let children grow to be more useful to society, it’s not so important of the way to raise children, but the means we behave, the inner things expressed through our common actions.

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一改

Children are the future of the country. Before they step into society, most of them only have the experience of school life, which is unsophisticated and well-protected when compared to the real world. Many people worry about how children integrate into community. Due to the importance of children to society, some of them even hold the opinion that children’s socialization determines the destiny of society. However, in the eyes of mine, it doesn’t count that much.

Society are the consequence of many factors, such as the development of science and technology, the moral vogue and culture that people cherish, the nourish of the younger generation, the communication with other countries that make us aware of how far we are left behind, etc. Looking back to the history of our nation, many dynasties’ decline was not the result of children’s poor ability to melt into society. Qin dynasty, the first one to reunify China, soon faded from history by the deposit might rules. Tang dynasty, once the icon of Chinese feudalism, finally broke down for its bureaucratic corruption. Qing dynasty, experienced the ever most prosperous period and even scared the foreign countries, cracked because of close door policy. Even in the recent decades, such as the Republic of China era, the period of Cultural Revolution, the evolution of society was dragged down by the leaders’ wrong policy and the decay of people’s world value.

Though the development of society is affected by many factors, it doesn’t mean that children’ socialization weight little in the pace of ongoing history. Just think about the situation that all children face problems when they step into society. They are confused when dealing with the difference between school life and the social life; they find the stress from work, from family, are too heavy for them to bear; they have no idea of how to communicate with others; the situation is much worse when the population is mainly composed of the old. It could drive the nation mass, or worse, cause sluggish grows.

To lead society to a better future, people care most about the cultivation of children. However, there is some feeling that after so many years, we still get little experience about the means to nourish children to be useful men to society. But for me, instead, I hold the opinion that adults’ behavior makes a bigger part.

In fact, it’s not the way we raise children that we should put most emphasis on, but the behavior and standard that we keep in our daily life. Children are the shadow of parents. Our behavior will impact children growth slowly every day, in every simple action, in every simple word. Children, with their intuitive curiosity of the world and good ability of imitation, absorb everything even though they are inconspicuous. Compared to instruction in fixed time with limited educational effect, people’s behavior covers every minute, every side, thus having a deep influence on children’s character shaping. People always put emphasis on finding the best teachers for their children, sending them to the best schools, to let children grow to be the one to benefit society. But do all of the students from the best school live up to people’ expectation? No, even some of them commit crime, harming the society and people. What affects them most may be the surrounding, mostly, the people they meet. It’s not hard to see that many parents try their best to seek for good teachers, or ramble about good merits to create good factors in their children’s grown up, but just in vain. Why? May be their daily behavior has violated what they want to transfer, thus the children, who still have no idea of how to accept the good and reject the bad intake all of it.

In conclusion, the determination of the destiny of society is like jigsaws which integrate with many factors dynamically, not just children’s capability of socialization. Moreover, to let children grow to be more useful to society, it’s not so important of the way to raise children, but the means we behave, the inner things expressed through our common actions.

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二改

Children are the future of the country. Before they step into society, most of them only have the experience of school life, which is unsophisticated and well-protected when compared to the real world. Many people worry about how children integrate into community. Due to the importance of children to society, some of them even hold the opinion that children’s socialization determines the destiny of society. However, in the eyes of mine, it doesn’t count that much.

Society are the consequence of many factors, such as the development of science and technology, the moral vogue and culture that people cherish, the nourish of the younger generation, the communication with other countries that make us aware of how far we are left behind, etc. Looking back to the human history, not all of strives or decays relate to children’s ability to melt into society. Industry revolution, which opened a new page for human’s society, is the result of Queen Victorian and Prince Albert’s enlightened government and unflagging support of the arts and sciences. While Tang dynasty, once the icon of Chinese feudalism, finally broke down for its bureaucratic corruption. The Mayan civilization of Central America, the most advanced in relation to time-science knowledge, decayed due to its apparently ceaseless conflicts. Not to mention several great historical retrogressions that caused by economic crisis, world war or fell plague.

Though the development of society is affected by many factors, it doesn’t mean that children’ socialization weight little in the pace of ongoing history. Just think about the situation that all children face problems when they step into society. They are confused when dealing with the difference between school life and the social life; they find the stress from work, from family, are too heavy for them to bear; they have no idea of how to communicate with others; the situation is much worse when the population is mainly composed of the old. It could drive the nation mass, or worse, cause sluggish grows.

To lead society to a better future, people care most about the cultivation of children. However, there is some feeling that after so many years, we still get little experience about the means to nourish children to be useful men to society. But for me, instead, I hold the opinion that adults’ behavior makes a bigger part.

In fact, it’s not the way we raise children that we should put most emphasis on, but the behavior and standard that we keep in our daily life. Children are the shadow of parents. Our behavior will impact children growth slowly every day, in every simple action, in every simple word. Children, with their intuitive curiosity of the world and good ability of imitation, absorb everything even though they are inconspicuous. Compared to instruction in fixed time with limited educational effect, people’s behavior covers every minute, every side, thus having a deep influence on children’s character shaping. People always put emphasis on finding the best teachers for their children, sending them to the best schools, to let children grow to be the one to benefit society. But do all of the students from the best school live up to people’ expectation? No, even some of them commit crime, harming the society and people. What affects them most may be the surrounding, mostly, the people they meet. It’s not hard to see that many parents try their best to seek for good teachers, or ramble about good merits to create good factors in their children’s grown up, but just in vain. Why? May be their daily behavior has violated what they want to transfer, thus the children, who still have no idea of how to accept the good and reject the bad intake all of it.

In conclusion, the determination of the destiny of society is like jigsaws which integrate with many factors dynamically, not just children’s capability of socialization. Moreover, to let children grow to be more useful to society, it’s not so important of the way to raise children, but the means we behave, the inner things expressed through our common actions.