1010G【fish】issue130

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

Topics about children often arousecontroversy and attract much attention in the society. The speaker asserts thathow children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and we havenot yet learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.However, I tend to partially agree with this statement. In my point of view,the degree of children's socialization acts as an important but not the onlyfactor that influences the future of our society. Besides, we indeed have nounderstanding of how to better raise the children.

Firstly, it goes without any doubt that howchildren are socialized has important effects on the society's future. On theone hand, as “children are the flowers of our country”, they are destined to bethe masters of our society in the future. Thus, the way today’s children thinkand behave is an important indication of how the future society goes. On theother hand, the long history of human beings’ civilization is continuous due tothe inheritance of properties and ideologies from generation to generation. Theculture tradition is the basis for the development of our future society,without which the next generation would work like a constructional engineeringon a building with unstable foundations that may probably go collapse one day.The socialization of children is actually the process of inheritance fromtraditional culture which has been commonly accepted by the current society.

Secondly, the destiny of society is notcompletely determined by the socialization of today's children. Admittedly itis true that the socialization of children plays an important role in thedevelopment of social advancement, there are a lot of other factors that canalso make influences on the future society, such as scientific investigationand economic situations. In other words, the destiny of human beings is alsoconstrained by our living environment and by our ability to promote our society.Advanced scientific researches would help the society in various aspectsincluding the industrial production, the promotion of living qualities and theability to tackle natural disasters. Good economic situation may raise thequality of living, while a society with disappointing economics would sufferfrom many difficulties in city construction, scientific funding, etc. In aword, socialization is only an inheritance of culture, which only takes onepart in the complexity of social development.

Finally, I have to concede that we still donot have any good understanding of how to better raise the children. Althoughsocialization of children is important, but it does not indicate that ourchildren should be educated to obey the rules strictly. Actually in most of thefamilies, parents want children to always follow old ideas or thoughts. Thisstyle of education should not be encouraged. It is true that the conventionplays a basic role, but nobody can make sure that the tradition is alwaysright. Our society is always stepping forward, in which the rules andregulations are verified and revised again and again. If all of the people keepthe conventional ideologies in mind, who will stand out to provide an oppositesuggestion? If all of the scientists endorse the Newton’s classical mechanics,how would Einstein come up with the celebrated theory of relativity.

To conclude, how to socialize the childrenis an important but not the only factor that plays a role in the development offuture society. However, to fully socialize the children is not reasonable, butit is unfortunately adopted by most families.

talentliuyangUID: 2752741

改Agnes

I found that the speaker’s dual claim is ex parte（学习了） to a certain extent. The claim emphasis that the destiny of society is contingent on（学习了） how children are socialized today, while I believe it is not totally true. However, I concede the claim（删掉吧） that we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can better our society, especially in their integration into society.

Socialization, defined as the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, makes it possible that every member in this society meets the social need and works as an effective part of it. So socialization is an essential prerequisite to the brightness of our society’s future prospects. Labeled as the mainstay of our society in the future, children will inevitably undergo the process of socialization in spite of the fact that the approach to socialization can not be easily got in class.
第一段，介绍socialization的意义，指出children不可避免的要经历社会化，即使这些技能很难再课堂上学到，尾句点题，不错。

Nevertheless, considering the speaker’s assertion that the destiny of society hinges on how children are socialized, I believe that it is so ex parte（好词只出现一次是亮点，出现两次就给考官的印象是你的词汇量不够了，建议更换为其他词，skeptical等，不一定中文意为片面） that other crucial factors are neglected by the speaker. In my observation, socialization is the most important but not the only factor influencing the extent to which an individual will contribute to better the society. For example, a large number of scientists or artists, leaving the world great masterpieces and achievement, are always found to be unsociable. （nice point）Baron Cohen, a British scientist, recently found that Newton suffered from melancholia when he was alive. Baron pointed out that although making stunning achievements, Newton was a selfish, narrow and bellicose person who hardly communicated with others and treated his friends with indifference. So it seems that whether an individual are socialized well or not can not determine his or her contribution to the society while other crucial factors such as one’s innovation and imagination should also be taken into consideration.
第二段，论证socialization不是唯一影响个人对社会做出贡献的因素。并举了牛顿的例子，不错，值得借鉴，行文很清楚。

Education, as a way for us to cultivate children, becomes more modular today in China and fails to teach children in accordance with their aptitude（and 前后主语不一致，否则就是 education teach children，感觉不通，应该是 we teach children。应在 and 前面加逗号， fails前面加 we）. Both schools and parents pay more attention to exam-oriented education while quality-oriented education such as encouraging children to take part in practical social activities is often turned a blind eye to（这句学习了，但是不知道这样用符合美语的意思吗，可能中文翻译过来中国人能理解，但并不是education对实践活动熟视无睹，而是忽视，根本没有重视，没有相关措施。这个地方值得推敲）. For instance, since most parents in China hold high hopes for their children’s future, they will impose their wish on the children and send them to different training classes. Some school boys and girls in grade three may never have Sundays because all of their leisure time has been filled with endless lessons and homework, and little time is left for them to play and communicate with others, not to mention other meaningful practical social activities. As a result, socialization can hardly be achieved during their early development, which may leads to a lot of problems such as the lack in spirit of teamwork and sense of accountability（为啥不用responsibility，这个语意更强而且常用，个人感觉有些词不能简单的中文意思替换，很多用法细节不一样）. What’s more, under the circumstances, the ability of putting things into practice and blazing new trails can never be showed（永远得不到创新，学习了）.
第三段，说明了中国教育问题，和孩子在这个教育体系下的生存现状和存在的社交方面、实践创新方面的问题。指出，如果不在儿童早教期间对其进行社会化教育，其势必会缺乏相关的能力。

In sum, the destiny of the whole society is held in the hand of the rising generation. Whether they will contribute to better the society hinges on several crucial factors including socialization, school education, parental influence, surrounding environment and so forth. When educating children, parents and teachers should pay more attention to the process of their learning other than the result-scores. When less pressure and more leisure time is given to children, they will be more likely to have the opportunities to learn how to integrate into a group and how to communicate with others, which may be useful for them when they step into the society one day in the future.
最后，总结的也很好。

我的总结：这篇文章比我写的好，层次分明，语言有节奏，词汇量丰富，虽然我提出了一些意见，但是这都是细节问题，瑕不掩瑜。是一篇值得学习的范文。

azure9UID: 2789030

12# 谦行天下
呃...其實我高中是學理的...
謝謝，我再改改吧~~~

凝羽欲翔UID: 2733350

The author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. My understanding of this perspective is that our way to raise children today can not built（build） up a great society tomorrow(没弄明白这句话是什么意思). That's not true. From my point of view, society has its own way to go and its destiny can not simply be determined by how children are socialized.
The orientation of society is determined by many complex factors. To say that（我觉得to say 可以删掉） the destiny of society is hinged upon(随。。而定，好句) how children are socialized is overstated. It is the prevailing cultural conditions in Florence gave birth to the Renaissance which profoundly affected European intellectual life in the early modern society. It is the explosion of population that produces the environmental chaos which is heading for a climate disaster. It is the huge appetite of capitalism created the property bubbles which collapsed in 2008 and bring the whole world into a dismay season(前面的例子好赞). All this together bring about the world we live. And also push the world to go forward. We have no idea what would happen in the future. The war, the science, the art, the education, each of them has their own power to turn the world into another direction. That's how the destiny of the society is determined. It's not just as simple as the issue which as the statement claim that the socialization of children（这个句子我觉得有点问题，that后面应该跟的是句子，而不是phrase）.
There is no such stander for a so called better society for it is defined in different ways according to different interests. Though, in today's world, there would be wars, diseases and nature catastrophes. And it also contains love, mercy and hope. People are living their lives today. Some loss their job, some find their mate. Some are going through a sorrowful losing, while some are enjoying their happy meal. We judge the world with the word "reasonable" in a objective way, not simply good or bad. Then how can we say time today is bad and time in the future will be better or worse? We all know the world never be the way we want it to. Therefore, how can we say that we educate our children in a wrong way which can't bring about a better society since no one knows what a better society is and the way to get there.（这里论证不是很强，社会每个时代都会有love 、catastrophes、diseases的呀，但为什么还不断有人进行科研、搞发明创造呢？因为他们希望将来会过得更好，我觉得社会好，这是一个希望的问题，而不是如何定义的问题，就好像，父母怎么都希望自己的小孩将来过上好日子，什么是好日子呢？估计能具体回答的人不多）
The way we raise children is based on the reality of today's society. We rule them with today's rules and we can not predict future.
We can teach them about how society is developing today. They grow up in the condition of contemporary. They are touch to adapt to social needs and uses. That's how children are socialized. That's the way we rise（raise） children. And every generation is shaped by their time. And the needs or uses change in times. What we can do is to teach them today's rules and how to adapt the change of the future.
Society flows(好词) in a way that no one can predict. How children are socialized today determined（determine） their own future. There is no question about the fact that there are some flaws in our education system（这里，前面都没有提到教育系统哪里不好哦，在结尾才提到这点，会不会有点突兀？）, but we can not say that we raise children in a wrong way. What we do is best for them（这句话不是很懂什么意思）.

polosongruiUID: 2595436

修改“梦想在路上”
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

According to the statement, the speaker claims
that society's destiny depends on how children are socialized and we have not known how to foster children who can help bring about a better society. It has merit from a normative standpoint, beyond this concession, (这个位置我没看懂)however, I find the speaker's contention indefensible from both an empirical and a normative standpoint. In my view, socialization is not the only one determinant of society’s destiny and we have really done well on educating children about how to build a better society.
//很喜欢你的开头，很明确的表明了自己的观点，但就是觉得最后那个说的太绝对了吧，我们只能说是在some cases做好了吧！

First,（这个first有点凸，我觉得用as is known to us） it is quite compelling that socialization of children plays a vital important role in the process of social development in the future, as the term socialization is used by sociologist, social psychologists and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it, in two respects. For the individual, socialization cultivates children with basic capabilities of acting and participating(我觉得是加of吧，我没有查到cultivate sb doing sth) within their society, concluding（including） basics, skills, abilities of self-care, leading(我觉得用leadership比较好), communication and cooperation, and so like, which are especially important in social development. For example, in the trend of globalization today, effective communication and cooperation capacity occupies（觉得还是用occupy吧，communication和cooperation不能看做整体吧） an increasingly important position, such as in the field of scientific research, environmental protection cooperation, public health and disease control cooperation, economic and trade cooperation（cooperation太多了，挑几个重要的吧，不过貌似几个都挺重要的）. Lacking of these capabilities will affect the speed and direction（觉得先direction再speed吧） of the social development process. For the country, inducing all individual members into its moral norms, attitudes, values, motives, social roles，language and symbols is the means by which social and culture continuity are attained.（这句没看懂，我找了半天也没找到主语，但好像知道你要表达的是社会和文化的延续都是靠这些东西支撑着） To the contrary, the improper socialization led anti-social behavior, such as terrorism, drug trafficking, robbery, and violence, would seriously harm the healthy development of society. Therefore, the whole society, especially sociologists, educators, schools and parents, should pay attention to children's socialization education training.
//这段很精彩，剖析了socialization和它的重要性

However, the socialization of children is only one of the factors that determine the development of children, and it is even not the most important one. There are other important factors, such as innovation, scientific and technological level, sound laws and regulations and so forth. Consider Mahatma Gandhi who have contributed profoundly to a better society. The prominent leader’s contributions sprang primarily from the courage of his inner convictions, in spite of his proper socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, whose social and physical development were both stunted by life-threatening physical infirmities during his childhood. In spite of his isolation, odd manner and aloofness throughout his early life, Roosevelt ascended to a social-activist presidency by means of his will to overcome physical infirmities, his voracious appetite for knowledge, and his raw intellect.
//真的要感谢你的这段，我才认识这两个人，不过我觉得第一个例子有点牵强，或者你应该更深入点，我觉得socialization among genteel Indian society and, as a law student, among British society和他的contribution并无矛盾的地方啊，甚至觉得他是因为这样的socialization才有了他后来的contribution，我不是很熟悉他，只是查了一下，说的不对，你别见怪啊！
Finally, What is the most important, consider the item “better society” as equality, prosperity, stabilization, and then we do have experienced great improvement and progress during the last decades. On the one hand, we have obtained a lot of means and methods in nurturing children of socialization, which is substantiated by the fact that the young people of the most recent half century are creating a better life. We have seen increasing sensitivity in our society toward ensuring public health by policing the food and drug industries and by protecting our natural environment. We can view these young people as being more sensitive to and respectful of the rights of women, various ethnic and racial groups, homosexuals and so on. On the other hand, it may be a spontaneous process of socialization, and children need to grow up in frustration.
//on the one hand还好，觉得on the other hand就有点多余了，socialization本=本身是一个自然的过程，但这个过程是有好有坏的，而我们想要得到好就需要education来干预，这样的干预不代表不让他们经历frustration


In sum, I concede that socialization is one of the most important factors influencing the destiny of society。Nonetheless, in a sense the speaker begs the question,（怎么觉得beg the question在这里怪怪的，作者没有回避什么问题啊，） by overrating the importance of socialization. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that it is not necessary for the speaker to hold such pessimistic attitude about the existing education system.
//结尾不错，整篇文章观点明确，就是在细节上做一修正吧！我的水平很菜，改的不合适的地方，还请你多多见谅啊！

HYPS2011UID: 2618437

To polo:

According to the title statement, we have not raised children in a proper way that they can adapt to the society and help make it better(and 后面需要改一下，结构。我的建议We have not yet successfully learned how to raise children who can easily adapt to the society and in turn make the society better). To tell the truth, there indeed exist some serious problems in our education system that hinders the construction of a better society in the future.

As is known to us, children are the future of our society and how we educate them today determines(has much to do with 可以替代determines) the orientation of society. Children get education that we give them and then form their own perspectives of the world and values of life. When they grow up and become the leader of the society, they will deal with problems in such(可以不用such的此处) a way that has been much influenced by us. If they have the sense of cooperation, they will get together and take advantage of the power of union to solve problems. If they have the sense of creativity, they will use their imaginations to find a creative and better way. On the contrary, if they lack of these qualifications, they may be trapped in a dilemma and cannot get on well with others and (finally) fail to solve problems. So it is important to give them the reasonable education.

Unfortunately, today’s schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts (我不知道可不可以这样表达，以前没见过。equations)rather than cultivating(their creativities) creativity. Almost all the teachers and students focus their whole attention (可以删掉的)on scores of examinations. Scores seems to be the god who could decide anything. Teachers always require students to remember the boring concepts, axiom and even the so called standard answers. Besides, they will offer students numerous skills of examination. However, they hardly instruct students to be creative to discover what they are curious about. As a result, students are just professionals in examinations and proficient in memorizing the dead facts and given(时态哈) answers. They are just involved in the sea of test questions and isolated from nature and society. When it comes to creative activities, they seldom have their own ideas and abilities to discover and solve problems which are strange to them.  

To make matters worse, children are often encouraged to win in whatever competitions rather than to cooperate with others for the common good of the society. Many parents often force their children to learn playing piano, drawing (pictures美术不用pictures) at an early age and compel them to take part in endless competitions. What is(what’s) more, they are required to beat others and (then they will get awards) get awards. In the process, children would become excessively competitive and have no opportunities to cooperate with others. When they go to school, they are also compared(为什么是被动呢？不是很明白) with others on grades and ranks. The one who has higher grade and better rank will receive recognitions and the lower one will receive blames. When I was in high school, everything would be ok if I got a higher grade than anyone else and I did not need to think about cooperation with others. But when I came in（into） the university, I found that many problems could not be solved by only one person and I needed to cooperate with others. With(去掉) lack （lacking）of the(such) experience and(the) sense of cooperation, I often got troubled when I had disagreement with others. I failed to express my ideas and often quarreled with others in the beginning. (at the starting point )Then I was rejected by the group, which made me very depressed. After that, I learned the importance of cooperation.

In summary, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion. But the reasons I have analyzed so far should at least make us aware of the complexities of the issue. There is no doubt that we have to contemplate the current way of educating children and then find a proper way to solve the issue.           
注意表达方式和语法，有些逻辑上不是很清楚。只是我的看法哈 加油哈！  

lty900301UID: 2715509

第一次改的8号HY的。

Topics about children often arouse controversy and attract much attention in the society. The speaker asserts that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and we have not yet learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.However,I tend to partially agree with this statement. In my point of view,the degree of children's socialization acts as an important but not the only factor(act as a factor?这种用法我第一次看到，望指教) that influences the future of our society. Besides, we indeed have no understanding of how to better raise the（这里不应该用限定词the） children.

Firstly, it goes without any doubt that(少一个how) howchildren are socialized has important effects on the society's future. On the one hand, as “children are the flowers of our country”, they are destined to be the masters of our society in the future. Thus, the way today’s children think and behave is an important indication of how the future society goes. On theother hand, the long history of human beings’ civilization is continuous due to the inheritance of properties and ideologies from generation to generation. The culture tradition is the basis for the development of our future society,without which the next generation would work like a constructional engineering on a building with unstable foundations that may probably go collapse one day.The socialization of children is actually the process of inheritance from traditional culture which has been commonly accepted by the current society.

Secondly, the destiny of society is not completely determined by the socialization of today's children. Admittedly it is true that the socialization of children plays an important role in the development of social advancement,（这里缺少连接词，前面的Admittedly只是一个副词，不能连接两个句子） there are a lot of other factors that can also make influences on the future society, such as scientific investigation and economic situations（situation是一个现在的情况，我不认为会影响到future society，所以可以换为 development）. In other words（这里用的不合适，因为你后面描述的与你前面描述的科学研究和经济发展是完全两回事）, the destiny of human beings（这里讨论的是社会命运） is also constrained by our living environment and by our ability to promote our society.Advanced scientific researches would help the society in various aspects including the industrial production, the promotion of living qualities and the ability to tackle natural disasters. Good economic situation may raise the quality of living, while a society with disappointing economics would suffer from many difficulties in city construction, scientific funding（你想说scientific founding?）, etc. In a word, socialization is only an inheritance of culture(这里我不太理解适应社会的能力只是一个文化遗产？), which only takes one part in the complexity of social development.
//这一段的论证有点乱，提到了很多可能会影响社会发张的因素，但是论证的不够具体，没有具体到如何去决定了社会的命运。

Finally, I have to concede that we still do not have any good understanding of how to better raise the children. Although socialization of children is important, but it does not indicate that our children should be educated to obey the rules strictly. Actually in most of the families, parents want children to always follow old ideas or thoughts. This style of education should not be encouraged. It is true that the convention plays a basic role, but nobody can make sure that the tradition is always right. Our society is always stepping forward, in which the rules and regulations are verified and revised again and again. If all of the people keep the conventional ideologies in mind, who will stand out to provide an opposit esuggestion? If all of the scientists endorse the Newton’s classical mechanics,how would Einstein come up with the celebrated theory of relativity.
//这一段的例子用的不太好，并不是大部分家庭都鼓励孩子尊奉传统的，即使是鼓励遵奉传统也是在生活等方面，在思想上，只要是受过教育的孩子都会与时俱进的。你可以写家长的教育忽略了孩子们创新意识的教育。

To conclude, how to socialize the children is an important but not the only factor that plays a role in the development of future society.（有点重复第一段的语句） However, to fully socialize the children is not reasonable, but it is unfortunately adopted by most families.


整篇文章结构较为清晰，但是论点的提出，以及论据的使用等方面还是有待提高的。。至于语言的多样化，可以在将来再做改进。

=======================================华丽分割线===============================================
第二次改的2号小凝的。

Children are the future of the country. Before they step into society, most of them only have the experience of school life, which is unsophisticated（这个词我喜欢） and well-protected when compared to the real world. Many people worry about how children integrate into community. Due to the importance of children to society, some of them even hold the opinion that children’s socialization determines the destiny of society. However, in the eyes of mine, it doesn’t count that much.

Society are the consequence of many factors, such as the development of science and technology, the moral vogue and culture that people cherish, the nourish of the younger generation, the communication with other countries that make us aware of how far we are left behind, etc. Looking back to the history of our nation, many dynasties’ decline was not the result of children’s poor ability to melt into society. Qin dynasty, the first one to reunify China, soon faded from history by the deposit might rules. Tang dynasty, once the icon of Chinese feudalism, finally broke down for its bureaucratic corruption. Qing dynasty, experienced the ever most prosperous period and even scared the foreign countries, cracked because of close door policy. Even in the recent decades, such as（我认为这里用such as有些欠妥） the Republic of China era, the period of Cultural Revolution, the evolution of society was dragged down by the leaders’ wrong policy and the decay of people’s world value.
//这一段学习到了。很好，有效的论证了影响社会的因素多种多样。但是论证中论据都阐述了社会是怎么样灭亡的，我觉得如果能够加一部分，有其它使社会变好的例子也不光光是因为孩子适应社会带来的就更完美了。。另一方面，正如小C说的，最好能有一些国际化的例子。毕竟qin qing会把阅卷人弄晕的，不容易产生共鸣。

Though the development of society is affected by many factors, it doesn’t mean that children’ socialization weight little in the pace of ongoing history. Just think about the situation that all children face problems when they step into society. They are confused when dealing with the difference between school life and the social life; they find the stress from work, from family, are too heavy for them to bear; they have no idea of how to communicate with others; the situation is much worse when the population is mainly composed of the old. It could drive the nation mass, or worse, cause sluggish grows.

To lead society to a better future, people care most about the cultivation of children. However, there is some feeling that after so many years, we still get little experience about the means to nourish children to be useful men to society. But for me, instead, I hold the opinion that adults’ behavior makes a bigger part.
//很漂亮的转折段落
In fact, it’s not the way we raise children that we should put most emphasis on, but the behavior and standard that we keep in our daily life. Children are the shadow of parents. Our behavior will impact children growth slowly every day, in every simple action, in every simple word. Children, with their intuitive curiosity of the world and good ability of imitation, absorb everything even though they are inconspicuous. Compared to instruction in fixed time with limited educational effect, people’s behavior covers every minute, every side, thus having a deep influence on children’s character shaping. People always put emphasis on finding the best teachers for their children, sending them to the best schools, to let children grow to be the one to benefit society. But do all of the students from the best school live up to people’ expectation? No, even some of them commit crime, harming the society and people.（这一句自问自答很喜欢） What affects them most may be the surrounding, mostly, the people they meet. It’s not hard to see that many parents try their best to seek for good teachers, or ramble about good merits to create good factors in their children’s grown up, but just in vain. Why? May be their daily behavior has violated what they want to transfer, thus the children, who still have no idea of how to accept the good and reject the bad intake all of it.

In conclusion, the determination of the destiny of society is like jigsaws which integrate with many factors dynamically（这个类比很好的映照了作者的观点）, not just children’s capability of socialization. Moreover, to let children grow to be more useful to society, it’s not so important of the way to raise children, but the means we behave, the inner things expressed through our common actions.

    改小凝（这里这样称呼不要介意）的文章让我受益匪浅，这篇文章的论点我第一次见到，很新颖，写出了自己的风格。其次，在论证的逻辑性和语言的表达，过渡段的使用上也非常好。。在我看来，这就是我将来所要奋斗的目标。。小凝也顺便给我加油吧！！以后有问题请教你，可别跑喔。。

polosongruiUID: 2595436

自改第一次
According to the title statement, the author points that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and expresses regrets that we have not yet successfully learned how to raise children who can easily adapt to the society and in turn make the society better. To tell the truth, there indeed exist some serious problems in our education system that hinder the construction of a better society in the future.
As is known to us, children are the future of our society and how we educate them today determines the orientation of society. Children get education from us and then form their own perspectives of the world and values of life. If we instruct them to develop the abilities of communication, cooperation, leadership, and some other qualifications, which the socialization refers to, they will meet request for qualified personals in modern society and do a good job in several fields. Today globalization has been the main trend and several fields, such as scientific research, environmental protection and economics, need cooperations. To the contrary, if we do not give the children proper instruction, they may get influenced by anti-social behaviours, such as terrorism, robbery, violence and so forth. When they grow up, they will bring bad effect on our society.
Unfortunately, today’s schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating creativity. Most teachers and students focus their attention on scores of examinations.   As a result, students are just professional in examinations and proficient in memorizing the dead facts and given answers. Teachers neglect to foster the students' sense of creativity and cooperation and seldom organize activities to promote their ability of communication. Homeschool, which is preferred by some parents, also obstruct children's socialization in terms of communication and cooperation.
To make matters worse, children are often encouraged to win in whatever competitions rather than to cooperate with others for the common good of the society. Some parents often force their children to learn playing piano, drawing at an early age and compel them to take part in endless competitions. What is more, they are required to beat others and then they will get awards. In the process, children would become excessively competitive. Great pressure would enable them to be unfriendly with others and even do harm to them both physically and mentally.
In summary, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion. But the reasons I have analyzed so far should at least make us aware of the complexities of the issue. There is no doubt that we have to contemplate the current way of educating children and then find a proper way to solve the issue.

凝羽欲翔UID: 2733350

改lty900301

Undeniably, children are our future and society's destiny hinges on（靠..转动，依据..而转移，好词） how children are socialized, thus, how to raise children becomes one of the most significant issue to bring about a better society. We should put emphasize on not only how to let children get knowledge from books, but also how to make children socialized（make sb done? are you sure？） including cooperation, abilities of self-study, abilities of solving problems, etc., which can raise children to help bring about a better society（前面已经有一个bring about a better society了, 这里可否换一个词?） in the future.

Without good education, a society can survive, but never thrive（好句）. Obviously, education especially primary education is playing a key role in the modern society, which means people have realized that good education can not only offer them knowledge, but also brought(bring应该与offer并行吧，那应该为一般现在时) them lots of abilities, which can make them more sociable, so that when children become adults, they can devote themselves to help（devote to sth/doing sth） society's development. Unfortunately, though we have learned the importance of education, we still have no idea of the way how we should raise children.

"Failure is the mother of success." It is an old saying in China, which is to say that（感觉这样写有点中国话，改为means that如何？） you can never succeed without frustration. However, nowadays, most children are polished by their parents and the whole society, which make them live a life like prince or princess. It is counterproductive to over-protect children, because eventually children will get into society, but when they realize there are so many difficulties, they will become confused. Thereupon, we should try to let them deal with all kinds of difficulties themselves, from which they can learn how to solve problems and how to suffer from pressure. Then, when they step into society, they can easily（感觉这样说不是很好，因为，不能说接受的磨练多了，就很容易get out from troubles, 而是easier than 没有接受磨练的时候） get out from troubles.

Still, there exist some other problems with the current education. In one way, today's schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating their abilities of cooperation and communication. Teachers prefer hardworking students with a good performing on grades rather than those who have good people skills and do well in team work. However without abilities of cooperation and communication, people can no longer meet the demands of today's society which require for（require sth or require for sth?我好像只查到require sth） teamwork sprits. Even if a student knows a great deal of knowledge, without abilities of cooperation, it is hard for him to make important contributions to the development of the society in an isolated condition. The fact that Nobel Prizes have been more frequently given to scientists as groups in recent years can prove that. There is an old saying in China (and I paraphrased), "You can break one single chopstick, but you can never break ten chopsticks together," which illustrate that we should put more emphasis on teamwork and cooperation between students.

On the other side, we should also place emphasis on children's self-study abilities. "Every person has two education, one which he receives from others, and one, more important, which he gives himself." said by Edward Gibbon(学习了，呵呵~), British historian. It is essential for us to tell children that we can only offer very little life experience compared to their whole life, so that they can explore their lifetime by their own, which will make them more adaptable to society when they grow up. Furthermore, there is always a limitation in education area that we can never get well ideas of every child's interest and their own target, which makes self-study become more and more necessary, and with self-study abilities children can learn more that teacher will never teach them.

Such as a tadpole cannot to（删掉？） grow up without water and when they become a frog , they devote to environment to make the environment better by eating harmful insects（比喻好！）. Children cannot grow up properly without good education and independent spirits, and when they become adults, they devote themselves to society to make education better.

凝羽欲翔UID: 2733350

22# lty900301
嘿嘿~过奖了~~就叫我小凝吧，跟我名字也比较像呵~

azure9UID: 2789030

今天要交第二次自己修改好的文章，請大家按時交！

polosongruiUID: 2595436

第二次修改
According to the title statement, the author points that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society and expresses regrets that we have not yet successfully learned how to raise children who can easily adapt to the society and in turn make the society better. To tell the truth, there indeed exist some serious problems in our education system that hinder the construction of a better society in the future.
As is known to us, children are the future of our society and how we educate them today determines the orientation of society. Children get education from us and then form their own perspectives of the world and values of life. If we instruct them to develop the abilities of communication, cooperation, leadership, and some other qualifications, which the socialization refers to, they will meet requests for qualified personals in modern society and do a good job in several fields. Today globalization has been the main trend and several fields, such as scientific research, environmental protection and economics, need cooperations. To the contrary, if we do not give the children proper instruction, they may get influenced by anti-social behaviours, such as terrorism, robbery, violence and so forth. When they grow up, they will bring bad effect on our society.
Unfortunately, today’s schools put too much emphasis on memorizing dead facts rather than cultivating creativity. Most teachers and students focus their attention on scores of examinations.   As a result, students are just professional in examinations and proficient in memorizing the dead facts and given answers. Teachers neglect to foster the students' sense of creativity and cooperation and seldom organize activities to promote their ability of communication. Homeschool, a kind of educationis in contrast to education in an institution such as a public or parochial school. which is preferred by some parents.They wish to provide their children with a custom or more complete education, which they feel is unattainable in most private schools or the government's public schools. But this kind of education indeed obstruct children's socialization in terms of communication and cooperation.
To make matters worse, children are often encouraged to win in whatever competitions rather than to cooperate with others for the common good of the society. Some parents often force their children to learn playing piano, drawing at an early age and compel them to take part in endless competitions. What is more, they are required to beat others and then they will get awards. In the process, children would become excessively competitive. Great pressure would enable them to be unfriendly with others and even do harm to them both physically and mentally.
In summary, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion. But the reasons I have analyzed so far should at least make us aware of the complexities of the issue. There is no doubt that we have to contemplate the current way of educating children and then find a proper way to solve the issue.