远远在笑的作文贴~

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.3 In order to solve the problems of the present and future, it is necessary to understand the past.

SilviaZhoUID: 2236948

不好意思发完了:)

                 Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.
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People always face dilemmas. Each time they hesitate, they should make decisions. Most people like to ask others' ideas and turn to make decisions under their influences for the reason that their minds seem to be objective.But, in my opinion, I totally disagree with it and insist that people should make decisions themselves.7 t1 V- E8 X5 r8 Z* C; d1 b

First, I think that the person who knows his or her situation most is himself or herself. Think about it, will others know exactly what you are thinking of or realize your thought deep in your heart?Never will this happen because you are the one who knows you since the day you were born. So, when in diffculties,others may give you suggestions, but they just give them in their ways and never know what is really wanted in your mind.You are the one who know clearly what your goal(s) and your interest are,so it's you who make the decision.5 F  }. R2 K  m* q- h+ d, e! }  k
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Second,one can only be responsible for oneself. One's way must be held tight in one's own hands. If it's a wrong way, nobody else will be responsible for it because it has nothing to do with their lives. So one should take one's decision carefully and regardless of the influence made by others. (“One”重复太多，尤其在一个句子里。可替换，也可省略。比如"So one should take decision carefully....) 3 z+ A9 c2 `0 `! f; H

Last but not (t)he least,if one get used to letting others make decisions for oneself, finally one will lose one's(建议用his or her) own mind as well as the ability to live independently.Since one starts to let people make decisions for oneself,he or she will rely on others more and more gradually.As a consequence, if one day he or she wants to make a decision on his or her own, he or she will find it hard without the help of others.

So,all in all,I think that people should make decisions themselves rather than letting others make the decisions for them.文章思路不错，但语言不够连贯，一个句子中因为部分连词或插入语打断太多。尽量少出现"so,""but,"等，通常不要有带两个分句以上的句子，全文出现一两次没问题，如果每个分句都很长也可以。关键是最好要有一气呵成的感觉:)。
另外，开头句比较漂亮，但结论句太简单，虎头蛇尾了。

空空仔UID: 2792743

7/3
People always have problems. Most people pay great attention on (to) using different kinds of subjects to solve them, but seldom succeed. In my opinion, the reason why they can't work out the problems of the present and future is that they just concentrate on what they do when facing problems but ignore the importance of realizing the past.

To begin with, the past things may still have some influence on what you are doing now. People may think that things that happened long time ago must be meaningless to what are being doing (done) at present, but the truth is that they do affect things later on. For instance, when I was in high school, I didn't take my chemical classes seriously and perform so-so in exams. When I enter college, I think that I can open a new chapter in studying. But (若严谨一些，but和and 不能单独引导句子，除非加逗号、首字母变小写) consequently （应去掉，否则语句不通顺） things turned out in the opposite way. I had a hard job to learn my environmental science lessons well, and it seemed that no matter how hard I worked on the books, I got little effort？（progress或者achievement吧？！）. After turning to the teacher for help, I realized that problem can be solved if I learned my high school classes well. So I restudied my high school books and now I am doing better than before., So, correcting the wrong doings that had been done before can help solving the problems. （可就这个例子再多加一两句分析，使更具说服力~）

In addition, learning from the past can also gain people（去掉）lots of experience, which can be significant when you face the problems later. We may have succeeded or failed many times in the past. Whatever the result was, the process left people countless knowledge, which can't be evaluated for its role played in solving current issues. You will understand what should be done and what shouldn't in the way to conquer difficulties, and you can fulfill your goal much easier.

Past things are essential, for the influence they have on present and the experience they left to people. (不确定for能否作为连接短语的连词，我印象中只能连接句子，觉得去comma用because of较适宜) So, in conclusion, understanding the past is necessary in order to solve the problems of the present and the future.

注意一些用词；使行文流畅些~
第一次批作文，多多包涵呐~

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.10

layla1989UID: 2832481

Nowadays, ore and more people are quarreling（用词不当） if daily homework is necessary for students. Some students complain that daily homework occupies much of their after-school time and parents worry that whether（删除whether 或 that） their children are having too much burden. But in my opinion, I insist that daily homework is significant to both the students and the adults.（adult不如直接用teachers，这里students与adult没有明确的对立students也可以是adult）

First of all, having daily homework everyday can help the students review what they have learned in school in time. Students are so young that they don’t usually have enough self-control and they can’t arrange their time properly. Without homework, leaving school becomes the beginning of playing time and the knowledge learned in class is left behind. Thus the students can’t digest the knowledge effectively. With the help of everyday homework, students are led to go over what they learned once more in time so that they can build a strong foundation in study.

Additionally, homework can also be helpful to the adults. From （by checking 更形象 ）the work that have been done by students everyday, teachers can easily know the weak aspect of the student in mastering the knowledge and help him or her improve it to the point（不明白）. Also, parents can know the students’ learning condition from the homework so that they can help the children adjust themselves in order to learn things well.

We must admit that daily homework may burden (用作动词，意为 使某人负担 所以其后要加人)the students’ working load, which may let the students have few time to do what they want. But, considering that it can bring more benefits such as enhancing the students’ knowledge and reflecting their states to the adults（表意不明）, it is still essential to the students.
文章语法错误不算多，但是用词不当比较严重。语句不是很流畅，多多练习应该就会改善。

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.17

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

Nowadays, students are getting into a situation that even if they are not major in scientific subjects, they are required to take basic science classes. Many people think it is a good way to let students learn more about common things (common things? Maybe popular science knowledge) while others object it for its unnecessity(好像么有这个词啊). For me, I totally disagree with this action for the flowing reasons.

To start with, if students are required to take science classes which are not their major subjects, their time for learning their major will be decreased. Since the students are forced to spend more time on things which are not related to their own major, they have to allocate more time on things（感觉换成works比较好） other than their majors. Besides, because most of the students who don’t choose to study science have little interest in studying it, it may take them more time to accomplish science assignments than other students. So it is a waste of time to require them to learn science classes.(最后一句的总结和这段意思不连贯，前面一直在说take science会减少学生学他们专业的时间，这句突然又说是浪费时间？占用他们学习major时间的同时也有可能使他们受益，因此我感觉这一段前面不能给最后一句形成很好的论证)

In addition, since most of the students are not willing to study science classes, forcing them to obtain knowledge they don’t want to know may have(has) little effects. It is true that most of the students may pass the exam at the end of the class but will （换成may比较好，will语气太肯定了，还是会有很大一部分人会记得他们所学的东西）not remember them in their later life. Passing the exam is not the purpose,. If the students can’t get real knowledge that will benefit them in their lifetime, it is better （for?）them to abandon science classes.

We must admit that it’s better for students to know some scientific knowledge so that they could deal with daily things more fluently(这句话逻辑不太好，scientific knowledge只会对生活中的一小部分事情有所帮助，大部分事还是不会变的more fluently的，’some of the daily things’ could be better). But they can learn the knowledge in their lives, and taking basic science classes are definitely useless（why?）. So, as a conclusion, I insist that students shouldn’t be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.（这句感觉逻辑不太对，学生们不应该被要求上科学课程即使他们不学这个专业？ 你只把题目的前半句否定了，这样逻辑就不通了。）
本人第一次改别人作文，不足之处请指出呐，谢谢。：）

layla1989UID: 2832481

7.17

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by the desire of money.

温柔的我UID: 2857587

多多包涵

longxue26UID: 2687755

同学辛苦

maskirryUID: 2855304

39# 远远在笑

我不清楚怎么回事，不能上传附件，很头疼。。。。。。
Businessmen are only motivated by the desire of money.

People always say that businessmen are greedy. In the eyes of most people, businessmen do business only for the sake of money. But in my own opinion, I totally disagree with this statement. Businessmen have many motivations to do business other than the desire of money.

Some businessmen are motivated by the desire to keep an old tradition. In many cities of China, especially some small ones, there have been some shops which have been open for over a hundred years. They do their business not only for the desire of money, more importantly for the continuation（Tip：换成consistency or coherence 可好？continuation是“延续，续篇”的意思，换成一个有“连贯性”意思的词怎样？小小建议哈）
of the traditional goods and skills. So money is not the only factor that encourages businessmen with their commercial activities.

There are also some businessmen who are
（删去可以使句子简洁）motivated by
①the desire of fulfilling their dreams and
②spreading their concepts. There is a businessman in my city that runs a small grange.(如果真的很想用定语从句，不妨把in my city 提前，将city 和that分开，即先行词businessman直接与that挨着) Since most of the vegetables in China are contaminated with excess farm chemical, he insists to cultivate the plants without chemicals. （Tip：For instance , in my city, there is a farm businessman who insists on cultivating vegetables without chemicals , even though an overwhelming majority of edible plants with excessive fertilizers have been suffused with markets .） As a result, he gets less products than other farmers but still sell them at the same price as others. The reason is that he wants to spread the concept of green agriculture. So spreading one’s ideas can be the motivation of businessmen as well.

Of course, we should admit that businessmen actually earn money from their business activities. But, in modern society, we need money to live. Although they make profits during the trades, they have something more important than money that motivates them to continue their business, something that can’t be evaluated by money and may not be known by most people.

So, as a conclusion, I insist that there are things like the will other than money that motivate businessmen to continue a tradition and the desire to spread one’s dreams.


楼主您好，斗胆为您的作文做出修改以及点评，如有不妥，请您见谅。
ETS给出的评分标准分为三部分：Development，Organization，and Language use.
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Language Use：这一部分比较容易给出建议，所以先说这部分。语言运用中分为“词”和“句”。Raters will judge your essay based on the quality and complexity of your vocabulary.整体来看，文章高级词汇出现的频率不是很高，rater评分时，这可能会影响您得高分。写作时应适当避免词汇重复，在第三段中，chemical在一句话中前后出现两次，何不将其中之一替换成fertilizer？各别地方注意单复数问题。句子的评分标准是“a variety of sentence structures and complexity of sentence structures. ”句子基本没有严重明显的语法错误，各别地方句子结构不是十分清晰，比如最后一句话。句子的structure稍显单一，出现了大量“主+谓+宾”结构，比如，读上去有很多“there be sth, that ……”的结构。为何不尝试一下多一点被动语态，多一些高级动词的运用，丰富一下句式结构，加两个反问句?
◇
Development:我对ETS给出的解释理解的不是很透彻，没怎么搞明白，所以简单说说。对于给出的题目，您有solid ideas。在阐述观点时，您给出了例子和原因。另外ETS在这一部分似乎还比较看重details，这个我不清楚什么样的尺度算是detail，还希望我们共同研究呀。
◇
Organization：个人认为文章应稍加注意的是主题原因段和结尾段。主题原因段希望您能再做推敲。首先要肯定的是，您给出的三个理由真的让在下佩服，非常好。第一个“延续家族传统”还是很有说服力的。第二段实际上您给出的是两个原因（文章中已标号），但作解释时只解释了“传播观念”这一点，读起来让人困惑。建议您合并最后两段（这两段有些重复），扩加对“实现个人理想”的阐述。

远远在笑UID: 2742022

42# maskirry
谢谢你给我这么仔细的修改！
首先，我的词汇量的确需要很大程度的扩充！鄙人从小到大学英语就不太注重词汇的学习，每每看到像您写的这些辞藻优美的文章总是佩服不已。但是过两天就要考试了，我想扩充词汇也来不及了，若有好的方法望不吝赐教。
另外，我的语句结构也是需要一些复杂句子来增色，被动语态的使用着实是一个好建议！在这谢过了！
最后，愿与您共同进步，若需二战，还来向您继续讨教。

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.22 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not
写得不好，多多指点！

siehahaUID: 2668909

44# 远远在笑

略作修改  仅供参考  呵呵！ 我们这一组的高小鱼同学没有看见他的贴呀   谁改谁的  你要上线碰见了他再协调下哈