argument53 限时,第二次作业!请教!谢谢!

hedengboUID: 2797857

Argument53
Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
时间: 30min
提纲: 1.研究可能不科学
         2.没有直接证据表明是这种激素的作用
         3.数年以后的调查可能存在问题而且忽略了其他因素
词数:504
The author concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth will cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. The conclusion is based on a survey among 25 infants and the following study after some years. To explain the phenomena, the author cites that the infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when melatonin would increase in response to decreased daylight. However, close scrutiny reveal that the conclusion, although sounds reasonable, are weak to some extant.

To begin with, the author claims that a survey of 25 infants shows that they are mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.However, I am wondering how the author make the conclusion that they were more distress than other infants without comparison, or at least the author doesn’t mention that at all. As we know, almost all the infants will be a little nervous when exposed to some stimuli, it is quite possible that other infants will react more violent than these 25 ones. What’s more, 25 infants are too few that can hardly lead to the conclusion that could apply to all the infants.

What’s more, even that these infants are more distress, it is unsubstantiated to state that that’s because they are born in autumn, a season when more melatonin will be produced as the result of more sunlight. In fact, on one hand an infant will be conceived for about ten months—a long period which will include almost four seasons. How could the author make the conclusion that they will be influenced more if they are conceived in autumn? On the other hand, without direct evidences to prove that it is the melatonin that influence the nature of the infants, there can be many other factors, although some of them are unproved directly either, that might have the similar effects such as the music the mother hears when they are pregnant, the diet of them and even the genes.

Finally, the author cites that a following study shows that these infants response that they are with more signs of distress identified by themselves. Yet, as we know, people might express or understand themselves well; the result of the study which is based on their own responses might just be unwarranted. Further more, common sense tell us that the nature of a person might be more influenced by the environment they are growing as is proved by the totally different temperaments of twins who are separated right after they are born. The author doesn’t compare the environment they are growing which could affect the result of study a lot.

In sum, although the article makes a conclusion based on some deductions which seem logical, the author fails to convince me that the conclusion is right. To strength it, more infants should be studied and a more scientific method of study with comparison should be used. To better convince me, the author will have to make sure that the growing environments of these infants are similar.

coco3263UID: 16360

文章挺好的。
提出一些意见啊，不要介意。
先说，ARG主要是考你的论点逻辑性强不强，考思路。语法、文字不重要。但是我看到一些，就顺便提出来了。

看完我觉得你的论点不够清晰，而且理由的反驳力度还不够强，似乎还有一些原因，更充分地反驳，比如近日的shyness不表示他出生的时候也是，没有证据显示近日的shyness是从婴儿期持续至今的。这个逻辑链条接不上。

而关于那个荷尔蒙与婴儿抑郁的联系，也没有充分必要条件的吻合。即使在秋季怀孕，也有别的原因，不一定是荷尔蒙。 这里的逻辑漏洞还有很多思考的空间。



Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
时间: 30min
提纲: 1.研究可能不科学
         2.没有直接证据表明是这种激素的作用————在具体化一些就好了，你可以举几个反例。
         3.数年以后的调查可能存在问题而且忽略了其他因素 ————挺好的观点
词数:504
The author concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth will cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. The conclusion is based on a survey among 25 infants and the following study after some years. To explain the phenomena, the author cites that the infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when melatonin would increase in response to decreased daylight. However, close scrutiny reveals that the conclusion, although sounds reasonable, are (is) weak to some extant.

提到the author的论点的时候我觉得应该用过去时转述。时态问题。
To begin with, the author claims that a survey of 25 infants shows that they are mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.However, I am wondering how the author make the conclusion that they were more distress than other infants without comparison, or at least the author doesn’t mention that at all. As we know, almost all the infants will be a little nervous when exposed to some stimuli, it is quite possible that other infants will （would）应该是虚拟吧 react more violent than these 25 ones. What’s more, 25 infants are too few that can hardly lead to the conclusion that could apply to all the infants.

What’s more, even that these infants are more distress, it is unsubstantiated to state that that’s because they are born in autumn, a season when more melatonin will be produced as the result of more sunlight. In fact, on one hand an infant will be conceived 这个词是受孕的意思，是一个短暂的受孕那个时间点，不是持续十个月的，所以这个论点有点问题。 for about ten months—a long period which will include almost four seasons. How could the author make the conclusion that they will be influenced more if they are conceived in autumn?
On the other hand, without direct evidences to prove that it is the melatonin that influence the nature of the infants, there can be many other factors, although some of them are unproved directly either, that might have the similar effects such as the music the mother hears when they are pregnant, the diet of them and even the genes.

Finally, the author cites that a following study shows that these infants response that they are with more signs of distress identified by themselves. Yet, as we know, people might express or understand themselves well; the result of the study which is based on their own responses might just be unwarranted. Further more, common sense tell us that the nature of a person might be more influenced by the environment they are growing as is proved by the totally different temperaments of twins who are separated right after they are born. The author doesn’t compare the environment they are growing which could affect the result of study a lot.

In sum, although the article makes a conclusion based on some deductions which seem logical, the author fails to convince me that the conclusion is right. To strength it, more infants should be studied and a more scientific method of study with comparison should be used. To better convince me, the author will have to make sure that the growing environments of these infants are similar.

hedengboUID: 2797857

2# coco3263
很谢谢你的意见!
关于提到作者的论点是否应当使用过去时我看了一下北美范文,似乎他们用的都是现在时,这点我也想具体考证.
关于论证的反驳充分性的问题,我现在感觉限时的情况下本来在准备提纲时候想好的论点,因为时间的因素难以完全表达;另外,这些逻辑方面的反驳对比其他文章,感觉有些理由确实不足,本人现在也在想办法提高.
关于CONCEIVED这个词的问题,查了一下,改为a infants will be carried by its mother for ten months. 论点的意思是一个人的孕育期是10个月左右,因此一般会经历四个季节,而文中为何只提到秋天受孕对激素的影响.
其他词汇,语法方面的问题谢谢指出!
总的来说谢谢指教!本人继续努力!:)