issue70&argument153----1010G欢迎拍文作文修改小组6月23日作业帖

fchenyanUID: 2804020

issue70
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"In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."
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argument153
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The following is from an editorial in the Midvale Observer, a local newspaper.
"Ever since the 1950's, when television sets began to appear in the average home, the rate of crimes committed by teenagers in the country of Alta has steadily increased. This increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. According to several national studies, even very young children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. Furthermore, in a survey conducted by the Observer, over 90 percent of the respondents were parents who indicated that prime-time television-programs that are shown between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.-should show less violence. Therefore, in order to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, television viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time."
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fchenyanUID: 2804020

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."
WORDS: 418         TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2010-06-23 19:34:57

I agree with the statement that we should introduce rejuvenescence into any profession but letting those in power to step down after the time limitation is simplified and not a method completely meet our starting point. Furthermore, the surest path to success for any enterprise is essentially revitalization but not only that through new leadership.

Power always means not only a position but also a platform and stabilization, sometimes, also obstruction which make it necessary to be break down. Power is a double-edged sword, and so it is to the people in power. As a newcomer of my field-mathematics, I hope that masters can give me suggestions and also occasions to grow up, at the same time I am afraid that there is some day that they become my bafflement. But it is obvious that no expert can master all information and knowledge, moreover, nobody can be the strongest person all the time. So we should introduce competition and crisis awareness into appointment and removal of leadership.

However, letting those in power to step down after five years is also an inflexible provision. The origin of methods we take like term limiting is elevating constraints and promoting the development, but sometimes it is our measure that evolves into constraint. The president's term of office is five years, and the president also enjoys immunity for five years, that means five years' time to make mistakes. On the other side, it is a pity to terminate the holding of office of a president who has a big wise plan that cannot be accomplished in his five years. So five years may turn out to be a too long or too short time for a person in power.

Furthermore, the revitalization through new leadership of no matter enterprise or any profession like business, politics, education, government is not always toward the direction of progress. That result from the new leadership’s old methods and ways of leading, like selling the same medicine with different titles. What we want is the essential regenerations. During the era of Newton, scientists comply with classical mechanics take the reins by turns but actually hindered the development of physics. At the time that religion occupied the position of ruling, the alternation of leadership impeded the steps of the society to getting ahead.

In summary, the limitation of time in position in any profession and the revitalization through new leadership of any enterprise are simplified methods to accomplish our goals to eliminate obstacles of development and promote progression.

宅族心慌慌UID: 2840055

很有帮助，thanks for sharing

clover213UID: 2807466

I agree with the statement that we should introduce rejuvenescence into any profession but letting those in power to step down after the time limitation is simplified and not a method completely meet our starting point. Furthermore, the surest path to success for any enterprise is essentially revitalization but not only that through new leadership.

Power always means not only a position but also a platform and stabilization, sometimes, also obstruction which make it necessary to be break down. Power is a double-edged sword(不错哈）, and so it is to the people in power. As a newcomer of my field-mathematics, I hope that masters can give me suggestions and also occasions to grow up, at the same time I am afraid that there is some day that they become my bafflement(这句有点不懂。。）. But it is obvious that no expert can master all information and knowledge, moreover, nobody can be the strongest person all the time. So we should introduce competition and crisis awareness into appointment and removal（alteration） of leadership.（这段的例子感觉不是很好）

However, letting those in power to step down after five years is also an inflexible provision. The origin of methods we take like term limiting is elevating constraints and promoting the development, but sometimes it is our measure that evolves into constraint. The president's term of office is five years, and the president also enjoys immunity for five years, that means five years' time to make mistakes. On the other side, it is a pity to terminate the holding of office of a president who has a big wise plan that cannot be accomplished in his five years. So five years may turn out to be a too long or too short time for a person in power.（这段论点不错~）

Furthermore, the revitalization through new leadership of no matter enterprise or any profession like business, politics, education, government is not always toward the direction of progress. That result from the new leadership’s old methods and ways of leading, like selling the same medicine with different titles（可是往往new leader就会带来new methods 啊，第一句话的revitalization through new leadership就是这个意思啊 ）. What we want is the essential regenerations. During the era of Newton, scientists comply with classical mechanics take the reins by turns but actually hindered the development of physics. At the time that religion occupied the position of ruling, the alternation of leadership impeded the steps of the society to getting ahead.(感觉这段的论点是 仅仅是换领导是不足以让团队进步的。可是后面的例子讲的是 换领导阻碍了进步。 我觉得如果换成后面叙述想获得团队成功还应怎样怎样做比较好， 比较照应论点）

In summary, the limitation of time in position in any profession and the revitalization through new leadership of any enterprise are simplified methods to accomplish our goals to eliminate obstacles of development and promote progression.

作者遣词造句比较灵活，但有些论点还需要再提炼一下~
这次的文章结构比起原来要丰富多了~看得出在进步啊~
ps 加粗的是我觉得好的词

斑马慢蓝黑乱UID: 2788017

I agree with the statement that we should introduce rejuvenescence into any profession but letting those in power to step down after the time limitation is simplified and not a method completely meet our starting point. Furthermore, the surest path to success for any enterprise is essentially revitalization but not only that through new leadership.

Power always means not only a position but also a platform and stabilization（一份纲领和稳定？）, sometimes, also obstruction which make it necessary to be break (broken) down. Power is a double-edged sword, and so it is to the people in power. As a newcomer of my field-mathematics, I hope that masters can give me suggestions and also（also删去） occasions to grow up, at the same time I am afraid that there is some day that they become my bafflement.(后面半句没大明白，是担心教授利用他们的权力抑制你发展吗？而且这个例子似乎不大妥当) But（此处不是转折关系） it is obvious that no expert can master all information and knowledge, moreover, nobody can be the strongest person all the time. So we should introduce competition and crisis awareness into appointment and removal of leadership.（第一层意思权力会带来阻碍）

However, letting those in power to step down after five years is also an inflexible provision. The origin of methods we take like term limiting is （be doing 改为be to do更好）elevating constraints and promoting the development, but sometimes it is our measure that evolves into constraint（此处用强调句不合适）. The president's term of office is five years, and the president also enjoys immunity for five years, that means five years' time to make mistakes. On the other side, it is a pity to terminate the holding of office of a president who has a big wise plan that cannot be accomplished in his five years. So five years may turn out to be a too long or too short time for a person in power.（第二层意思根据领导能力与品质的不同任期也应该不同）

Furthermore, the revitalization through new leadership（将leadership改为leader，下同：new leadership本身就有新的领导方式的意思，而作者意思是领导者换了，领导方式却没变） of no matter enterprise or any profession like business, politics, education, government is not always toward the direction of progress. That result from the new leadership’s old methods and ways of leading, like selling the same medicine with different titles. What we want is the essential regenerations. During the era of Newton, scientists comply with classical mechanics take the reins（？ 是reign么？） by turns but actually hindered the development of physics（应该说是对其没有帮助而不是阻碍更确切）. （加一个承接前后语义的连词更好）At the time that（that删去） religion occupied the position of ruling, the alternation of leadership impeded the steps of the society to getting ahead.（第三层意思如果领导思想不变那么领导的更迭是换汤不换药）

In summary, the limitation of time in position in any profession and the revitalization through new leadership of any enterprise are simplified methods to accomplish our goals to eliminate obstacles of development and promote progression.

个人觉得这中间一些观点对表达文章中心思想没有帮助，作者不妨换一两个论点，更能支持自己的观点。加油！

2# fchenyan

fchenyanUID: 2804020

首先感谢你的评判，但是个人认为你和我的理解有很大偏差，希望能以平和心态接受一下一段文字：
1:platform用意是平台
2：第一层是想说double-edge
3： 第二层是想说五年之期太过死板
4：再就是leadership用的是领导层的意思
5：take the reins by turns我想用的是一种比喻,rein有缰绳的意思，轮流掌控缰绳就是轮流掌权，是我想太多还是你想太少？
6：在科学的世界里就是阻碍

yogurt4UID: 198389

不错不错  最近组长同志干劲很大